On Marrying a Relative, Reading Books About Sex, etc. – Questions Young People Ask, Fr. Donald Miller, C.SS.R

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On Marrying a Relativea0a6a429eac5039fcfe8d330ed68558a

Problem:

Several years ago I fell in love with my second cousin. We had planned to be married by my parish priest (with a dispensation), but my mother was so violently opposed to the idea that I could not even talk to her about it.

Finally I called off the engagement. Several months ago I met a young man in the armed forces, and we started going together until he was sent overseas. I am very fond of him and we correspond regularly.

Meanwhile I see my cousin now and then and I know he is still in love with me. I feel guilty about having hurt him. Do you think I am still in love with him, or did I do the right thing in breaking off our engagement?

Solution:

It is always good to escape from a situation in which you have to apply for a dispensation from the general laws governing marriage. There are serious reasons behind the law that prohibits relatives (second cousins or closer) to marry.

A wedding between cousins is not quite a normal wedding, and though the Church does grant a dispensation for such in exceptional cases and for grave reasons, she does so with reluctance, preferring to see her children marry without seeking exceptions to the natural and ecclesiastical law.

Things have turned out so well for you that you have reason to be grateful that obstacles prevented your marriage to a cousin. Your feeling for the latter is now more one of sympathy and pity than of real love.

You should not accept any dates with him, because that would only make things difficult both for him and you. You are bound to see him when there is a gathering of relatives, but on such occasions you should avoid as much as possible, tete-a-tetes and sad reminiscences.

You need have no fear that his life will be ruined as a result of your broken engagement. Just as you have been fortunate enough to find anew boy friend, so he, in time, will find someone whom he can love and will want to marry. Neither of you will then have to go through life with the thought that you broke through the barriers that nature has set up to prevent close relatives from marrying each other.

Choice of Loves

Problem:

I am in love. The man I love is wonderful. I have never met anybody like him. Other men with whom I have gone out have almost invariably made indecent advances; this man never has. He respects my religion and would do nothing to lessen my regard for it. He even says he would like to become a Catholic.

There is only one drawback to my happiness. He was married before in the Protestant Church in which he was baptized. I promised to marry him because surely God will not condemn us when we need each other so badly.

Solution:

It is good that you have written to me so that I can answer shortly before Christmas. You say you have already made your decision. This means that Christmas is not for you. You have renounced it and rejected it, and none of its beauty or joy can have any meaning for your soul.

You say that “God will not condemn you because you need each other so badly.”

Despite your feelings, God has already condemned you. He who left heaven and gave up warm houses, soft clothing, even honor and respectability, and ultimately His life, to save you for heaven, has already pronounced sentence on a decision like yours.

He called marriages such as the one you have promised to attempt” adulterous”. And He said that there will be no unrepentant adulterer in heaven.

Therefore, take, if you will, the benefits of this attractive invalid marriage. But know what you are taking. You will never, so long as you live with this forbidden partner, be able to go to confession and receive God’s forgiveness for this or any other sin. You will never be permitted to kneel at the altar railing and receive the Son of God into your heart. You will never be able to look at a crucifix and say:” He died for me; therefore I will love Him and He will save me,” because you are rejecting Him by your bad marriage.

And there will be no “good tidings of great joy” for you on any Christmas, because what Christ came to give to those of good will, you will have exchanged for a home in which God cannot dwell.

It is not worth it, child. I know it is hard for a girl to give up a man whom she loves greatly. But so was the stable hard, and the manger and the cross. You don’t need any particular man in all the world. You do need God–the God-Man–and you will need Him forever. Don’t give Him up for any love.

On Reading Books about Sex

Problem:

Is it lawful or advisable for engaged couples to read one or the other of the many books that are published about sex and the details of married life before they are married? My boy friend and I have heard our non-Catholic friends talking about such books, and have even been offered one by a friend.

He thinks we should read it because so much is said nowadays about the harm done by ignorance in the married. I have held off because I had my doubts about such books, and wanted first to ask you to discuss the matter in your column.

Solution:

This much can be said as certain: It would be exceedingly dangerous, so much so as to be wrong, for an engaged couple to read any books on sex that might be offered to them by a friend.

On no type of writing must more caution and discrimination be exercised than on books dealing with matters of sex. There are too many bad books of this kind, books that teach immoral practices, books that stress the importance of the physical aspects of sex far out of proportion to their real place and purpose in human lives, to make it lawful for even engaged couples to pick up and read any book about sex.

Another thing that is certain: There should be no thought of any sort of special study, or reading or discussion of sex science until very shortly before actual marriage. This is assuming that a young man and woman have the ordinary, general knowledge of the purpose of sex and of sex morality that is a part of any decent education.

If, as happens once in a while, that much is lacking, a general briefing on the subject should be sought from a priest.

But to read detailed, or so-called “scientific” books before marriage would be foolhardy and wrong.

It is not wrong, but rather reasonable and even necessary, for an engaged couple to seek clear knowledge of the privileges and duties, the rights and wrongs, of married life, shortly before their marriage.

The priest who prepares them for marriage has an obligation to impart such instruction. If he fails to offer it, a couple should ask for it, or go to another priest to receive it. He may direct them to sound and good reading matter that will supplement the instruction he gives and help to prepare them for happy married life.

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Simply Amazing C!

The powerful curative uses of Vitamin C

By Anne Ross Kootzindex

I am not a health professional. Just a Concerned Mother with an interest in chemistry. Before using large doses of Vitamin C, please discuss your situation with a qualified health professional.

Would you believe an ad for a new ‘broad spectrum’ drug that claimed “antibiotic, anti fungal, anti-inflammatory, anti-oxidant, even anti-cancer?”(1) Has virtually no side effects?(2) Is extremely inexpensive and available in every grocery store? Unbelievable?

These qualities are precisely what we have in *therapeutic* doses of our humble old friend, vitamin C. Already, in the first half of the 20th century, pioneering physicians were using massive doses of vitamin C (ascorbic acid and its salt, the ascorbates), to treat everything from kidney stones(2) to polio.(3) Research by Linus Pauling (PhD, 2x Nobel Prize winner), et al, in the 1970s and beyond, confirmed these earlier case studies. Pauling himself, from age 67 to his death at 93, supplemented with massive doses of vitamin C on a daily basis.(2)

Macronutrient?

Vitamin C is one of the most important nutrients. Ascorbic acid (and the ascorbate ion) is essential to many body processes. Even a healthy body benefits from quantities much greater than we can reasonably obtain through diet alone. Furthermore, an ill body needs far more vitamin C than the healthy one to overcome illness.(1) In fact, calling ascorbate a ‘vitamin’ is misleading;(2) it might be more appropriately called the ‘fourth macronutrient’ when during illness the body needs as much ascorbate as protein.

Among other things, Vitamin C is a powerful antioxidant, repairing oxidative damage to cells, enzymes and other proteins.(2) It also reacts in some circumstances as an *oxidant* to disarm toxins and viruses. In the case of cancer, ascorbate inhibits the ability of cancerous cells to push through to surrounding tissues. Ascorbate is directly involved in the formation of collagen, the cement that holds healthy cells together, like the mortar for bricks.(2) It is even shown that ascorbate, in its prooxidant role, is selectively toxic to tumors, while leaving healthy cells unharmed.(1),(2),(6) So, can’t we get enough ascorbate from food? Why do we need to supplement with vitamin C?

While most animals, and virtually all plants are able to make their own vitamin C as needed from the very similar molecule, glucose, human beings do not. God designed us without this capability. It is possible the human body, created in that perfect environment, the Garden of Eden, did not need more C than Adam and Eve could easily consume in the local fruits. Then sin and its consequences led to their expulsion. Since then, the human race has faced illnesses of all kinds.
Personal Experience

In my family we have used therapeutic doses of Vitamin C to cut short a cold,(5) reduce airborne allergy symptoms, treat insect bites, and dissolve worrisome skin growths. I made a salve of glycerine, Vitamin E and Vitamin C to treat a deep finger wound that was healing very slowly. With this treatment, it showed marked improvement overnight, every time. But this pales to my son’s experience.

My eldest son has struggled with cancer over the last 5 years, enduring four months of chemotherapy and two surgeries. A scan this spring revealed at least three sizable new tumors. The initial prognosis, per his oncologist, was very grim. My son immediately applied our recent understanding of nutritional therapy(4) and began supplementing with therapeutic doses of ascorbate.

The US government’s DRI for Vitamin C for males, 19-30 years, is 63 mg/day.+ Karl supplements instead with about 20,000-40,000 mg per day – roughly 500 times the conventional recommendation.

What are the side effects? If he takes too much, he gets mild diarrhea. Most days this does not occur – instead, his only side effects are feeling better and static – even shrinking – tumors. (Please continue to pray for him!)

Therapeutic Dose

What is a therapeutic dose? For vitamin C, this is based on body mass.* The usual recommendation is as follows (converted from kg to lb.): 160-320 mg per lb. of body mass, per day in divided doses.(1),(2),(3),(6) Vitamin C, like the B vitamins, is water soluble. In order to maintain a higher serum level of C, one must spread the dosage out over the day. So, for example, a 140 lb. adult, feeling ill with a cold or flu, might start with about 2500 mg (a rounded *1/2* tsp of ascorbic acid powder) dissolved in water or juice every 2 waking hours during an illness. One might increase the initial dose to 8000 mg(2) to see faster results, and/or increase the frequency to hourly, or the ongoing dosage up to 5000 mg. My family has found we can beat a wintertime head cold in about
one day with this regimen.

Take Enough

The most important thing to remember – take enough!(1),(3) The usual trouble with ascorbate therapy in conventional medical research is insufficient quantity.(6) There seems to be a threshold of effectiveness for benefit, which varies with the individual, the illness and the state of general health. So, if one is not seeing results, then increase the dose! But at what cost?

Cost Comparison

Vitamin C powder costs about $13 a pound on Amazon. A single therapeutic dose for a 140 lb. adult costs about 8 cents, or 64.4 cents to $1.29 per head cold.* The calculation for DayQuil/ NyQuil, which only masks symptoms, and would likely be needed for about 4-5 days for symptomatic relief, comes to at least $18.67 per head cold. And the comparison only gets better.

The price difference between Vitamin C and chemotherapy drugs is unimaginable. Chemotherapy costs thousands of dollars for each infusion. Even with health insurance, co-pays can become enormous. My son’s bill for four rounds of chemo several years ago, not including hospital stays, was over $30,000. In addition, chemo made him too sick to hold a job. Now, Karl’s daily ~40,000 mg of Vitamin C is about a tenth of a pound, or $1.30 per day – and he feels well enough to work. Over approximately 4 months now, his ascorbate therapy adds up to about $156** based on oral consumption of the powder or tablet version.

Forms of C

Vitamin C is available in many forms. Crystals, buffered, chewable, tablets, capsules, liposomal, esterified, and IV are all options, each with its own advantages and disadvantages. Fruit flavored 500 mg chewables work well for my grandson, and the various crystals/powdered forms for adultsized doses. The therapeutically active part of Vitamin C is the ascorbate ion (ascorbic acid minus two hydrogen ions.) So, ascorbic acid, sodium ascorbate, calcium ascorbate, and even ascorbyl palmitate (Ester-C®) are options. According to one of my sources, ascorbic acid is more powerful than the salts, because it has two electrons available as anti-oxidants, as opposed to one such electron for the salts.(2) All of these options also differ in ease of administration.

Ascorbic acid has a marked vinegary taste, sodium ascorbate is mildly salty, and calcium ascorbate has a bitter taste and does not dissolve easily in cold water. Liposomal C tastes like raw egg yolk – but even my 3 yo grandson will slug it down “like a cowboy drinking whiskey.” The chewables and tablets go down easily, but at high doses one may be consuming too much of the tableting ingredients. Claims for Ester-C® include greater effectiveness than other oral forms, and it is also more expensive. Liposomal C is very effective, and is quite a bit more expensive.(2),# Intravenous (IV) C would normally require the direct services of a doctor or nurse.** The oral (except liposomal) sources will produce an intestinal effect as you approach your body’s maximum absorption.
How Much is Enough?

The term “bowel tolerance” is used to describe the body’s vitamin C saturation point for oral intake. This quantity is different for each person and state of health. Bowel tolerance means the beginning of mild diarrhea. Once an individual experiences loose stools, he would cut the vitamin C dose in half, and continue dosing at the sublaxitive level until he is feeling better. There is the possibility of a rebound effect(3) so it’s best to taper off high doses over several days, according to bowel tolerance.

Orthomolecular Medicine

Literature research and personal experience has shown therapeutic use of vitamin C can be an optimal treatment for many illnesses. There are also therapeutic uses for other vitamins. Linus Pauling coined the term “Orthomolecular Medicine”(1) for the use of high doses of vitamin and other nutrients to treat illness. Perhaps, in his mercy, God gives us these natural tools to manage at least some of the physical consequences of original sin. Now you know; knowledge is power. The books listed below greatly expand on the concise information here. Some of the authors are also enthusiastic supporters of macro-evolution, which has never been scientifically observed. It’s possible to be an expert on therapeutic nutrition while being naive about evolution. It may be best to skip these references and just enjoy learning and applying nutritional remedies for your family. Do some investigation of your own, consult your health professional, and consider supplementing with the humble, simple, amazingly powerful Vitamin C!

Footnotes & References

Dietary Reference Intakes (DRIs): Estimated Average Requirements
Food and Nutrition Board, Institute of Medicine, National Academies

* The math:

Vitamin C:
$13.00/lvC x lbC/100.5 tspC x tspC/4500 mgC x 140 lbPrs x 160 mgC/lbPrs x 1/day 64.4 c – $1.28 per day, treatment for one 24 hour day only.

NyQuil/ DayQuil:
$14.00/24 ozNQ X 2 ozNQ/dose X 4 dose/day X 4 days = $18.67 per head cold treatment of 4 days.
** Karl has just recently started receiving IV vitamin C several times a week, which costs more, and requires a prescription.
Approximate cost for IV C, from the University of Kansas Hospital website:
“Vitamin C infusions range in price from $125.00 to $160.“
See more at: http://www.kumed.com/medical-services/integrative-medicine/faq/iv-vitamin-c-faq#sthash.smrzgp8Z.dpuf

# Liposomal Vitamin C can be made inexpensively at home, using lecithin, sodium ascorbate, and an ultrasonic jewelry cleaner. However, I have not yet found any reliable information on the effectiveness of the process, so I can’t confidently recommend home-made liposomal C at this time. However, I do use it myself, in the hopes of the approximately 60-70” encapsulating efficiency claimed in various internet publications. Just last weekend I conducted an experiment, based on Brooks Bradley’s method, and did find a distinct difference in the sonicated version vs. the control solution, in both appearance and reactivity. I plan to repeat the experiment in a couple of weeks, with better equipment, to measure the difference between the two solutions.

The Books

(a few to get you started – all linked directly to amazon.com.)
Each has its own extensive bibliography, including peer-reviewed publications of original research in professional journals.

1. Orthomolecular Medicine for Everyone by Abram Hoffer, MD, PhD, and Andrew Saul, PhD
(2008 – This book is an excellent first resource for therapeutic nutrition in general.)
(Also on kindle.)

2. Vitamin C: The Real Story by Steve Hickey, PhD and Andrew Saul, PhD
(2008 – very informative!)
(Also on kindle.)

3. Vitamin C, Infectious Diseases & Toxins by Thomas E. Levy, MD, JD
(2002)
(Also on kindle.)

4. Cancer and Vitamin C by Linus Pauling, PhD and Ewan Cameron
(1979, 1993)
(Also on kindle.)

5. Vitamin C, the Common Cold, and the Flu by Linus Carl Pauling
(1970 & 1976 paperback & hardcover only)
(I haven’t read this one yet – but I just ordered a used paperback with happy anticipation.)

6. Doctor Yourself: Natural Healing that Works by Andrew W. Saul, PhD.
(2001, 2012)
(Also on kindle.)

Sympathetic Understanding

From Fascinating Womanhood

Disclaimer

When reading this article, remember the saying, “What goes around, comes around”.  “Make him your king, he will make you his queen”. Unselfish love and walking in another man’s shoes is a difficult thing especially when you are rubbing shoulders with that person day in and day out. If we can incorporate these attitudes and tweak our own oftentimes selfish viewpoint, I think we will be amazed at how our husband responds.

From Douay Rheims, Luke 6:38:  “Give, and it shall be given to you: good measure and pressed down and shaken together and running over shall they give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you shall mete withal, it shall be measured to you again.”

The Unsympathetic Wife
Women who lack sympathetic understanding show it in a number of ways. If you are one of these you have most likely complained when your husband was late for dinner, went off to be alone, didn’t measure up with the children, didn’t get the yard work done, neglected repair jobs, was strict with the money, or put in long hours at work away from home. You have failed to take into account his long hours of labor in your behalf.

 

The Sympathetic Wife
Let’s get a picture of the woman who understands her husband and his world of work. When he comes home grouchy she doesn’t take it personally and tries to put into perspective his pressures in the work world. Her sympathy helps her to overlook his bad behavior. It he is late for dinner, she realizes she is not the only one who would like to be sitting at the table with a hot meal. When he doesn’t play with the children she realizes that they are not neglected since he has spent the entire day laboring for them. Instead of her husband coming home to nagging, complaining and more problems, he comes home to a haven of rest.7219d0fe44e842534542eda9e3b8c7ef
He is greeted at the door with a warm smile.  She will even take off his shoes and fluff his pillows. She is working to protect him in the same way that he protects and shelters her.
She weighs the significance of repair jobs and remodeling to the heavy responsibility of earning the income. She also realizes he must regain some strength and peace of mind to be able to face the next strenuous day. Patience is a trait of the sympathetic wife.
Dinner out and social events may seem important to her since she has been home all day, but she understands if he would rather skip some of these diversions.
She does not pressure him for things they cannot afford. Her husband’s happiness comes before these items. She cooperates with his plans to save money. She stands behind him when he decides to invest money. She understands his desire to get ahead.
It is a challenging problem when the husband is away from home a great deal. Wives and children can feel neglected or unloved. It may appear to some that he is unconcerned for his family. The sympathetic wife does not see it this way. She comprehends his motives and sees they are out of concern and love for his family.
A woman with a sympathetic attitude will not feel neglected or put upon and neither will her children. Children tend to adopt the attitude of their mother. When she feels good about her husband and appreciates his efforts, they will, too.
If she feels they are well taken care of and not neglected, they will, too. This fosters a healthy atmosphere in the home – one in which children can blossom. When a man is met with sympathetic understanding you can count on him being home whenever possible. This is the way to get him there, not by nagging or coercing.
There are times when a man will spend extra time away from home for a different reason. His time will be spent in sports activities, pleasures and pastimes, or with his buddies instead of working for the welfare of his family. It may seem in this case to be justified in feeling neglected.
A sympathetic wife will not condemn her husband, but will look at herself for the answer to her problem. Has she had an unsympathetic attitude in the past that may have caused him to seek the company of others away from home? The only way to gain ground is to offer sympathetic understanding and hope he realizes his greatest pleasure in life is within his own four walls at home.

 

Special Situations
Some situations can really try your patience. Read these suggestions below for some ways to handle difficult situations.
• When He Lets Down at Home
Have you ever made the complaint that your husband treats total strangers better than he does his family members? They can become cross or touchy when they have lots of burdens and pressures from work. It seems they want to relax and let lose and can actually be seen at their worst.
Women sometimes must forego seeing their better side, and accept seeing their lesser side. Just realize the greater man is there. With your constant sympathetic understanding you just may see the greater man the rest of the world sees.
• When He is Discouraged
This is a common tendency among men – and their station in life has little to do with it. In fact, the more learned, talented and aggressive men seem to be affected with a more intense suffering in this area. But no matter the intensity, all men need sympathetic understanding in this area.
It’s easy to understand where these feelings come from. Just take a look at today’s world. It’s high pressure with little stability. When faced with the responsibility of family, home, money, their jobs, and their future, it’s little wonder they become depressed.
• When He Faces Failure
There may be no more important time to give sympathetic understanding than when a man faces failure. The humiliation, rather than the failure itself, can be a source of extreme agony. His protective feelings for his family and how to provide for them is utmost in his mind. His status is at stake with the world and with his wife.
The woman who can rise to the occasion and meet less than desirable circumstances will be a prize to a man that nothing in this world can equal. A good wife will learn how to deal with these gloomy moods and turn them around. Remember, one of the functions of the loving wife is to cast joy upon dark days. Read on to learn what to do and what not to do in this area.

 

How To Give True Sympathy
1. Suffer With Him
Try to put yourself in his shoes and understand what he is going through. Share in his feelings and suffer with him. Please note: it is not necessary to understand what caused the problem, don’t press him for all the details, but do try to understand his suffering and pain. Express sympathy and try to express hope for a better day ahead.
2. Build Him
It doesn’t matter in what situation you find yourself and him, have an unshakable faith in his bigger and better self. You can express admiration and appreciation for his true worth.
3. Don’t Minimize His Problems
Don’t tell him there is nothing to worry about, or that it is all in his head, or he is making more of it than he should. These types of statements do not show true sympathy and make him feel you are stronger than he or that if he were stronger he could handle it better. Likewise, don’t tell him to count his blessings or look on the bright side. This makes him feel more discouraged.
4. Don’t Offer Help To Solve His Problems
When he first confides in you don’t give suggestions or advice on how to solve the problem. He isn’t wanting your help, he is wanting your sympathy.
5. Don’t Let His Gloom Rub Off On You
This is a hard one, but don’t let his downcast spirit discourage you. Try to keep a cheerful attitude, but don’t be too high-spirited. Allow him time to get over his mood and resist the temptation to take it personally. If you keep a cheerful attitude and just go about your business chances are your husband will come around. If you snap back or get offended, chances are you are going to build a whole new fire and add some fuel to it.

Remember, a man is not looking for your advice, help or guidance, he is wanting your sympathy, comfort and a renewal of his confidence.
Don’t miss your opportunities to show sympathetic understanding. A woman who can shine with a noble character, and render such support will find her husband loves her beyond what she ever dreamed.

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Do You Choose Your Words Wisely?

This is an excellent reminder of the tremendous…and somewhat terrifying…impact our words can make.30891b2e7931a71d08996dd1b4780953

The Power of a Woman’s Words

Listen do you hear them? Open your front door and step out into the world, they swarm around and surround us on every side. Small ones with tremendous impact. Large ones looming and misunderstood. Swirling. Churning. Spinning. Burning. Listen, do you hear them? One of the mightiest forces in all creation……Words. When God created the world and all it contains, He did so with words. He said, “Let there be,” and there was.

Amazingly, when God created man in His own image, He gave us that same powerful tool. With a simple word we can create a smile on a discouraged child’s face, lighten the heart of a husband loaded down with burdens, fan into flame the dying embers of a friend’s smoldering dreams, cheer brothers and sisters in Christ to run the race with endurance, and bring the message of hope and healing of Jesus Christ to a wounded world.

Words are one of the most powerful forces in the universe and amazingly, God has entrusted them to you and me. How will we use this priceless gift? The Bible tells us, “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21) and we don’t have to go any further than our front door to see the difference our words can make. Let’s look at two areas where we have incredible impact.

Words Have a Big Impact on Little People

The boys lined up on the starting line, waiting for the starting gun to begin the 3.1 mile race through a path in the woods. Parents and fans stood on the sidelines ready to burst into cheers as the herd of young men readied themselves for the State Championship Cross Country meet. My nephew, Stu, was among the runners that day.

As soon as Stu’s foot left the starting position, his mother, Pat, picked up her 36 inch brightly painted megaphone and began to yell. “GO STU!” she cheered, not once but at ten second intervals. When he was out of sight, she ran to another strategic spot along the winding trail where the runners would eventually pass by. And even though the boys were nowhere in sight, Pat continued to cheer, “GO STU!” At one point she yelled, “GO STU!” and a man from across the park yelled, “HE CAN’T HEEEAAAAR YOOOOUUUU!”

“I don’t know if you can hear me or not, ” Pat murmured, “but if there’s a chance he can, I want him to hear my voice cheering him on.”

So for 16 minutes this little dynamo continued to pump confidence and courage into her son’s heart. After the race, I asked Stu…..Read more here.

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Morsels for Meditation from Achieving Peace of Heart – Fr. Narciso Irala

sacred-heart21aThis book is much used in our family! My book review is here.

Achieving Peace of Heart

The following are some “Morsels for Meditation” for your day!

🌹A Fixation – Unpleasant impressions or thoughts tend to engrave themselves and become fixed in our minds by repetition unless we succeed in forgetting or ignoring them. They will be engraved even deeper if we give them importance and fear them.

A case in point would be that of the person who struggles against impure thoughts in a spirit of fear. They would gradually disappear if he despised them (instead of fearing them) and, in practice, went on as if he did not have them.

Worry is a fine thread of fear which traces a path across the life of our spirit. Unless we succeeded in breaking it early, while it is still weak, it will open up into a deep crevasse into which all our attention and thoughts will be channeled.

🌺An obsession – An impure thought or a thought of a present or imminent disaster will not leave us in peace for a moment, unless we busy ourselves with something extremely interesting. It struggles continually to occupy the center of our attention.

A scruple is no more than obsession of fear. The way to conquer it is by giving less importance to the imaginary eternal loss, convincing ourselves that it is an emotional illness which cannot have eternal consequences and by diverting our attention from the thought which produces the emotion.

So we shall refuse to follow that train of thought even for the sake of removing the doubt, in practice treating the thought with disdain.

🌻Exaggeration. – The ills or dangers that beset us will almost always tend to be exaggerated. If we surrender to this tendency to exaggerate, we shall end up terrified or infuriated by trivialities.

If we have caught ourselves in this type of exaggeration, we should learn a lesson to apply to our whole life: “I see that I have a personal tendency to exaggerate and I dread a hundred dangers where there is only one. Therefore, whenever I catch myself worrying a lot in advance, I shall react with a deliberately chosen attitude of joy and smiling peace, because I know that the reason for fear is insignificant.”

🌼If we make family life a haven of love, the negative emotions we may experience in office or factory will be counteracted.

If we have a sincere spiritual life, in it we shall find the best counterweight to daily dissatisfactions and fears.

If in prayer we take account of the fact that we are having an interview with Infinite Wisdom, Goodness and Power, this will give us a great degree of satisfaction.

And if, in the performance of activities we understand that we are fulfilling the will of God – that is, the ideal of Infinite Wisdom or, in other words, that we are doing the noblest and most useful task that anyone could accomplish in the circumstances – we can have hours of emotional fullness to immunize us against many psychosomatic illnesses.

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The Nuptial Liturgy/The Wedding Day – Christ in the Home, Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J.

 

Excerpt from the wonderful book Christ in the Home

The Nuptial LiturgyVirginia's Formal Wedding pics 100

ORDINARILY there is very little recollection manifested at a 
wedding ceremony. It is just as if the congregation had no 
idea of the sanctity of the place or the grandeur of the event.

Yet, all is holy.

The priest begins "In the Name of the Father and of the Son 
and of the Holy Ghost," and prays that God may bless the two 
about to be married so that all may redound to the glory of 
His Name.

Then follows the exchange of consent accompanied by the 
rite of joining hands.

"The Lord be with you," says the priest before blessing the 
ring. . .

And later, "Be unto them, O Lord, a tower of strength." Can 
anything less than this Almighty protection suffice for the 
work of sanctification in their life together?

The Gradual of the Nuptial Mass invokes the blessing of 
fecundity upon the marriage. "Thy wife shall be as a fruitful 
vine on the sides of thy house. Thy children as olive plants 
about thy table."

Marriage is not a union founded on chance or pure caprice; 
reason must control the glow of passion, and the union 
effected by marriage must be of such a nature that death 
alone can break it. 

The Gospel of Saint Matthew gives us Our 
Savior's own words on this subject. In answer to the question, 
"Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause," 
Christ answered very definitely, No, and quoted the Scripture 
text, "They shall be two in one flesh." Then He made it more 
emphatic by adding, "What therefore God hath joined 
together, let no man put asunder."

At the Pater Noster of the Nuptial Mass, the priest does 
something he never does in any other Mass. He interrupts the 
Sacrifice, permits the Body and Blood of Christ to lie upon the 
altar, and turning, calls down a new benediction of God upon 
the bride and the groom. 

He recalls how the Most High God 
has watched over the sacred institution of marriage from the 
beginning of the world, to keep it intact in spite of the frailty 
of humanity. The rest of the prayer besides referring to the 
examples of faithful wives of the Old Testament--Rachel, 
Rebecca, Sarah--implores rich graces for the bride.

"O God, by whom woman is joined to man, and that fellowship 
which
Thou didst ordain from the beginning is endowed with a 
    blessing which alone was not taken away either by the 
    punishment for the first sin or by the sentence of the 
    flood; look in Thy mercy upon this Thy handmaid;
True and chaste let her wed in Christ . . .
Let the father of sin work none of his evil deeds within her... 
Let her be true to one wedlock and preserve inviolable 
    fidelity; 
Let her fortify her weakness by strong discipline;
Let her be grave in demeanor and honored for her modesty. 
Let her be well taught in heavenly love;
Let her be fruitful in offspring."

The priest continues the Mass and receives Holy Communion. 
The bride and groom should also receive the Body and Blood 
of Christ during this Nuptial Mass. The rubrics of the missal 
call for it expressly. The ideal then is to communicate not at 
an earlier Mass but during the Nuptial Mass itself, which 
nothing, not even the early hour of the day, can prevent from 
being solemn.

Before the Last Blessing, the priest speaks once more to the 
newly married couple as if he could not tire of blessing them 
before their great departure:

"May the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of 
Jacob be with you, and may He fulfill His blessing in you: 
that you may see your children's children even to the third 
and fourth generation, and afterwards may you have life 
everlasting, by the grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ: who with 
the Father and the Holy Spirit liveth and reigneth forever."


THE WEDDING DAY
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WHAT a marvel of grandeur and of poetry is the nuptial 
liturgy! The Church, full of solicitude for the two daring 
young souls ready to launch out on the voyage of life, is 
eager to prepare them as seriously and as solidly as possible, 
to put before them essential principles, and to petition God to 
take this holy couple under His especial care, and conduct it 
to the great eternal family after their life of reciprocal love 
and confiding generosity.

Is it any wonder that such a noble and meaningful ceremony 
should bring to mind the First Mass of a newly-ordained 
priest?

Unfortunately, the worldly trappings that often accompany 
the marriage celebration detract considerably from the 
sacred atmosphere of the event. Particularly true is this of the 
banquet which is generally a part of the celebration.

The Church has nothing against wholesome joys, particularly 
family feasts to commemorate an outstanding occasion in 
life; but she certainly does not approve of the carousings for 
which wedding banquets are so frequently the excuse, or the 
tone of certain parties held in connection with weddings. 
Could anyone imagine an ordination to the priesthood 
celebrated in such a fashion?

After the Nuptial Mass, the world takes over, there are the 
congratulations, the general stir to get into the line of march 
in order to see and be seen; there is not a minute for prayer, 
for recollection, for thanksgiving. The world, even during the 
Mass as well as after it, assumes control of the couple and 
their family. 

Events following the marriage ceremony do 
nothing to correct these concessions to the world. Does it not 
seem reasonable that when the fundamental interests of the 
family are impeded by the worldly spirit, the family should 
do everything in its power to escape from it?

There are those who understand this: Sodalists, the Jocists, 
members of Catholic Action groups or similar organizations, 
even previous to the war, wanted to break away from these 
pagan practices. Andrew Harpe - T's Wedding 073

It is not a matter of seeing in the holy place 
only the Church vestibule or the Church lobby. No, no, the 
church is the house of God. Let everything there be holy and 
all that is done there be done holily, the founding of the 
family more than anything else!

Those groups who recognize the sanctity of the marriage 
ceremony have set the example of communicating at their 
Nuptial Mass; they have suppressed boisterous and giddy 
celebrations. 

In the same spirit they decided to delay their 
departure for their honeymoon and postpone the distractions 
it entails; so beneficial is it to remain in prolonged 
recollection during their first days together. They remember 
to make their union of souls predominate. Therefore, together 
they restrain themselves and by mutual accord embrace 
sacrifice.

Saint Paulinus, a renowned lawyer of Bordeaux, who 
renounced a worldly life when he was at the height of 
success, and with his wife retired into the city of Nola in 
Campania, wrote these significant lines:

    Concordes animae casto sociantur amore; 
    Virgo puer Christi, virgo puella Dei.

which mean: "Let these souls who are one heart and soul be 
united in a chaste love; he, a virgin, a son of God; she, a 
virgin, a daughter of God."

Why not secure for these two splendid baptized souls, these 
two virgin souls, whom marriage has united forever, a 
departure worthy of them?
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The Little Things – Alice Von Hildebrand

- by Dr. Alice Von Hildebrand

By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride

Dear Julie,

I’m grateful for your frankness. It makes my duties as your godmother easier to fulfill.

You say that although the analogy of the stained-glass windows is very moving, nonetheless true lovers are concerned with “great things, beautiful things” and should not let themselves be troubled by small things.

Roy wouldn’t agree.il_340x270.596187091_h7nq

He and my friend Evelyn have been married thirty-five years. She’s sloppy and he’s meticulous. During their honeymoon, Roy noticed that she always left the toothpaste tube open. He asked Evelyn to put the cap on, but she laughed at him, claiming he had the habits of an old maid. Time and again, Roy has asked her to change. Nothing doing! After thirty-five years, the cap still remains off and Roy has resigned himself to it.

Compare this to my own husband’s attitude. Early in our marriage, I noticed he would always leave the soap swimming in a small pool of water. It would slowly disintegrate into an unattractive, slimy goo – something I found unappealing. I drew it to his attention. From that day on, he made a point of drying the soap after each use – to such an extent that I couldn’t tell from the “soap testimony” whether he had washed himself or not. (Moreover – and this is typical of him – he too developed a strong dislike for sticky soap.) I was so moved by this, that to this day I feel a wave of loving gratitude for this small but significant gesture of love.

My husband was a great lover. And because he was one, he managed to relate the smallest things to love and was willing to change to please his beloved in all legitimate things. This characteristic is typical of great love.

I’m sure that as your love grows deeper, you, too, will come to see how the greater the love, the more it permeates even the smallest aspects of life.

With love,

Lily

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You Are Your Child’s Best Teacher – Catholic Family Handbook, Rev. George Kelly

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The Catholic Family Handbook
IT CANNOT be repeated too often that you are your child’s most
important teacher. As an adult, he will reflect your influence to a
greater extent than you probably imagine–just as you reflect the
personality of your own mother and father.

Even if you refused to exercise your God-given responsibility to train him,you would leave your imprint upon his personality nevertheless.

For instance, a father who deserts his family while his child is still an infant leaves an impression upon the youngster that will never be eradicated; he says, in effect, that parenthood is not worth the trouble and that a father’s obligations are more than a man should carry.

The storekeeper who calls it “good business” when he cheats his customers by selling inferior merchandise teaches his child that honesty is unimportant.

The mother who tells smutty stories need not deliver a speech downgrading purity; her actions, more effectively than words, teach this principle to her child.

And against such influences of the home, it is highly unlikely
that the corrective teaching of church or school can prevail.

You have an awesome responsibility, therefore, but also a challenge–a
challenge to which you will rise magnificently if you realize the
benefits to humanity that can be achieved if you live by true Christian
principles.

As we have noted, your influence as parent will extend not
only to your children but to your children’s children and down to many
other generations yet unborn.

Your simple acts of devoted motherhood or fatherhood
may assist untold numbers to heaven–or your bad example may
be the force which may lead them to hell.
What your child needs.

In order to become an adult who will honor God
and serve his fellow man in the way God intended, your child needs the
sense of security that can come only from your unquestioned love and
kindness.

When a baby is born, he enters a strange environment–one
newer and more different to him than Mars might be to the first space
traveler.

Before birth, your child was sheltered, warmed and fed in an
automatic process. Then his world abruptly changed: he became an
individual thrust from his warm, protecting shelter and forced to
encounter cold, hunger and suffering.

Never again on earth will he enjoy the sense of peace and well-being that he experienced in the womb.

The newborn babe needs food and shelter, of course. But even more, he
needs a substitute for the security he has lost. This need can be
satisfied in a physical way at first–for instance, when he is held
close to his mother’s body. Later, as he develops a sense of physical
freedom as an individual, it must be supplied psychologically through
love.

In his book “Your Child’s World,” Dr. Robert Odenwald, the
psychiatrist, states that your child’s need for security will be the
most important part of your relationship with him.

His behavior in later life will reflect whether you have provided or denied it, and how much maturity he acquires as an adult will depend directly upon how much security you give him in his early years.

“You can best foster a feeling of security in your infant or young child by giving him uniform, sympathetic care,” Dr. Odenwald states.  “Paying loving attention to his needs, like holding him and rocking him, creates a steadfast continuity which makes him feel secure.

One of the first things you will discover about your child is his urgent demand for consistency.

Take him from the crib to which he has become accustomed,
change some characteristic of his feedings, misplace his favorite toy,
get someone new to care for him for a short period, and he may wail for
hours.

Is this an early evidence of perverseness on his part? No. It is
evidence of his desire for security and his deep unhappiness when it is
not provided for him.”

As your child develops, you can make him secure by constantly letting
him know that you are interested in him as a person, and that you want
him and love him.

Few parents would openly admit that they do not love
their child; yet many reject their offspring by their actions.

Some couples find that a young child interferes with their pursuit of
pleasure: they cannot go to many dancing parties or stay out until
early morning when an infant demands their attention around the clock.

Others may subconsciously resent the fact that they no longer can spend
as much as they would like on liquor, clothes or automobiles; they must
tighten their purse strings to support their baby.

Other couples are immature and see the infant as a threat to their hold upon the affections of the partner.

When these resentments exist, the parents may not express them openly;
it is not the “polite” thing to do. But they may develop attitudes
which express their true feelings. One such attitude is perfectionism.

Those who would not dare reject their child in an obvious way–such as
by leaving him upon a doorstep–can set up standards of behavior with
which any human being would find it impossible to comply.

Typical perfectionist parents usually have only one or two children; they often are more concerned about what other people will think of them than about what is truly right, and they tend to be unable to give freely of themselves emotionally.

They upbraid their child for disturbing the sterile neatness of the living room, for shouting or singing in the house, or for returning dirty after playing outdoors.

These parents are really saying that what their child does naturally–and what  any normal child would do–is not suitable behavior. By setting up artificial standards, they do not allow him to develop in a normal way and thus they undermine his confidence in himself as a worth-while individual–the very basis of his security.

Other parents stifle their child through over protectiveness. Such
parents also are saying that their child cannot be trusted to handle by
himself the normal situations of everyday living which others of his
age tackle with their own resources.

Visit a public park on a Sunday and you will see over protectiveness at its most appalling.  A young child wishes to run on the grass, but his mother holds him back because she fears he might fall and hurt himself.

Eight-year-olds playing a game are constantly warned not to throw the ball too far, lest they run out of the parents’ sight and thus risk getting lost.

These are extreme examples–the kind which often bring the child involved into a psychiatrist’s office years later, as an adult, when he lacks the initiative to perform even common tasks on his own.

Fortunately, few parents are guilty of such extreme behavior, yet lesser varieties of overprotectiveness–the kind summed up in the word “Momism”– are more common than most persons suspect.

You are overprotective when you implore your young child to eat his
dinner every night for fear that he will not get proper nourishment.

If you withheld food between meals and let him hunger for a few days if
necessary, he soon would eat what is offered at mealtime.

You are overprotective if you constantly warn him of dangers such as falling which are a normal risk in children’s games.

Likewise, you are overprotective if you repeatedly beseech your teen-ager  to wear his rubbers when it rains; after a few urgings on your part, it would be better for his full development as a self-reliant individual if he contracted a cold as a result of his failure to wear them and thus learned from his own experience.

For by constantly reminding your child to do what is a reasonable responsibility of his age, you indicate that you lack confidence in him and thus undermine his security.

It is obvious that a necessary chore when done for a young child may be
sheer overprotectiveness when done for an older one.

When your two-year-old plays in front of your house, common prudence dictates that you remain close by, because he lacks the experience to know that he must not run into the street and possibly into the path of an oncoming car.

But to sit by for the same reason while your nine-year-old plays
is sheer overprotectiveness.

Thus, to function effectively as a parent, try to understand what may reasonably be expected of your child at various stages of his development.

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A Beautiful Funeral for a Wonderful Priest…..

 

The funeral for Father Walker was beautiful and I wanted to share some pictures with you. These pictures are used with permission by Tom and Amy Walker, Father’s parents, and they were taken by photographer Mr. Larry Katsbulas. Click on the first picture to view gallery.

 

 

 

From the Child to the Woman

from Beautiful Girlhood- Mabel Hale

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”*IMG_2036

One day I had a great surprise. I had been watching a young girl grow through what had been for her awkward, changing years. She was not pretty, nor was she very attractive, but she had a good, true heart hidden away under her blundering ways, and I loved her. I had not seen her for a few months, so one day I purposed to call upon the family and learn how they were prospering. It was a pleasant spring morning which I chose for this walk, and I tapped lightly on the door. Her mother opened for me and pressed me to stay with them for dinner. While we talked, I heard the sewing machine humming in another room, and presently her mother said, “Clara is doing the spring sewing for the children.” I was surprised to hear that, for I thought of Clara as a girl too unskilled to undertake such a task. But my surprise gave place to wonder when a little later the door opened and Clara came in to greet me. It was Clara’s voice and face indeed, but otherwise I should never have recognized my little friend in this graceful young woman before me. How such a change could have taken place in the few short months of my absence I could not understand. My little Clara had blossomed into a young woman.

Childhood is a wonderful thing. The little baby in its mother’s arms, a tender plant dependent upon mother for all things, holds in its little body, not only the possibility, but the sure promise of manhood or womanhood. The infant mind now so imperfect and undeveloped possesses powers of growth and development that may sometime make it one of the foremost persons of the world. Every name, though ever so great, and every record, though ever so inspiring, can be traced back to an infant’s crib. Even our Savior was once a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger.

Childhood holds untold possibilities and promises. While it is true that many men never reach their childhood’s promise, never become noble characters, but remain mediocre and dull, it is not always because there was in them no possibility of better things. We must admit that circumstances and environment, as well as heredity, have much to do with the nature and development of children, but much more depends upon their individual disposition and effort. God meant that every child should grow into a noble, upright person, and there is in every child that which may be brought to the fullness of manhood or womanhood. Those who fail to be such have somewhere along the way wasted that which God has given them.

Womanhood is a wonderful thing. In womankind we find the mothers of the race. There is no man so great, nor none so low, but once he lay a helpless, innocent babe in a woman’s arms, and was dependent upon her love and care for his existence. It is woman who rocks the cradle of the world and holds the first affections of mankind. She possesses a power beyond that of a king on his throne. There was the ancient Jochebed, who received the infant Moses from the hand of Pharaoh’s daughter, and in a few short years she had taught him so to love his people and the God of his people that when he came to man’s estate he chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the honor of being the grandson of the king. Womanhood stands for all that is pure and clean and noble. She who does not make the world better for having lived in it has failed to be all that a woman should be.

Childhood holds its promises, womanhood its fulfillments, and youth, those golden days of girlhood, the transition. This change is almost too great for us to comprehend. We marvel when we see the tiny, green bud develop into a mature rose of brilliant hue; how much more wonderful is the change from the immaturities of childhood to the beauty and grace of young womanhood! We see this miracle performed before us continually, yet we never cease to wonder at the sweetness, charm, and beauty of every woman newly budded forth.

Wonderful changes take place in the body of a girl in this transition. She takes on a new form and new symmetry. Organs that have been dormant during childhood suddenly wake into life and activity. She becomes, not merely a person, but a woman. And with this change in her physical being comes just as wonderful changes in her nature. She has new emotions, new thoughts, and new aspirations. She has a new view of life and takes a new course of action.

It is as if she were in another world, so completely does she change.

The awakening comes suddenly. Not that she will know the day or the week when the change comes, nor will she be conscious of the miracle in her nature, but the things of childhood will slip away from her. The little girl loses interest in her play world. She who did play whole days with her dolls now leaves them in their little beds weeks at a time. And one day she will say, “Mother, I do not play with these dolls any more, and I have a mind to put them away for they take up so much room.” Then, Marguerite and Rosemary and Hilda May are dressed nicely and, with a last loving pat, are tucked away in a box or old trunk in the attic and left to themselves while their little mother is hurrying away to the land of “grownups.” Mother looks on with dismay as she sees these changes, for she knows that her little girl is getting away from her, and that she must make room in her heart and life for the young woman developing before her eyes. She would put it off a little longer, for she will miss her little daughter, her baby girl; but even mother love cannot stay the hand of time.

Youth cannot stand monotony. So rapid are the changes in those eventful years that nature has tuned the mind and spirit of youth to seek and desire change and variety. Even a few days of sameness become wearisome to the girl. The more full life is of excitement and change, the more happy she is. Life to her is a succession of glad surprises.photo

The child becomes a woman at last. She slipped into girlhood naturally, and just as naturally will she lay off girlish ways and settle into womanhood. Life will take on a more sober look and she will see things more distinctly. Many of the admonitions and reproofs that she received in her girlhood, and which seemed hard and unnecessary at the time, will now appear in their true light, and she will thank her guardians who gave them. Her cheeks will glow with embarrassment when she thinks of some of her girlish escapades, and become redder still when she thinks of some of the things she wanted to do but Mother would not permit. She will talk more quietly and laugh less boisterously. New feelings of responsibility will press in upon her. Life will look more earnest and serious than it used to do. She will wonder how she could ever have been so careless of consequences. Our child is now a woman, and her nature craves something more real and satisfying than the fleeting pleasures of youth.

You, my dear girls, are now in these busy, changing years. I can have no better wish and prayer for you than that you may arrive in due time into the glorious state of womanhood with hearts pure and hands clean. Good women are needed everywhere, and the call for them will never grow faint. There will always be responsible places in life to be filled by women who are true and noble. Their price is above rubies; that is, their worth is more than all the riches of this world.

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