A Podcast for Your Children and Summer Saints! (And the Winner Is….)

Here is a video for your children where I talk to them about the virtue of obedience….

Summer Saints….and Some are Not

I was poking around Mary Reed Newland’s book, The Year and Our Children, to explore ways of celebrating our Catholic Saints and Feasts this summer and ran across the following ideas. I couldn’t keep it to myself so I am sharing it with you.

Make the liturgy come alive in your home! Don’t forget to use your holy water, wear your scapulars and say the rosary. Maybe say a part of the Divine Office with them each day. Read to them. Don’t get bogged down, but DO SOMETHING positive each day with your children in light of our Catholic Faith. It is a daily fight to keep ourselves and our children climbing UP the ladder! It is easy to slide down…..

Question Parents Ask About Their Children – Teenagers, Spanking, etc.

Should a father or a mother be the one to say yes or no to where the children go and how late they stay out?  

Why not a decision based on consultation between both parents? The direction will come with more authority if it is backed by an agreement of both parents.

America tends to give parental authority more and more to the mother. Yet often enough it is the father who most probably knows more about the situation and can judge it more objectively and more realistically.

I suggest that the parents talk the decision over together. Then when they give their decision, it will stand without the kind of division between father and mother that can result in a child’s confusion, delusion, and inevitable insubordination.

So many modern children seem to be vandals. They recklessly destroy property or deface it. What is to be done about this?  

There again I’d ask: Are the children so much different from their elders? We have done a lot of wholesale destroying in the past few years. The war was a masterpiece of destruction accomplished with scientific thoroughness.

But in general . . . . have you noticed how supposedly grown-up people deal with the property of others? Their careless use of books from the public library? The way they set wet glasses on the top of your apartment grand piano? Their destruction of hotel property when the party gets a little loud?

The way apparently adult men act at, let’s say, some of the American Legion conventions, ex-servicemen’s associations or on New Year’s Eve?

Their wholesale theft of silver, linen, knickknacks from hotels and restaurants? Their utter thoughtlessness in the way they put their feet on the seats of public conveyances? Their use of linen towels in train washrooms to wipe their shoes?

We should give a lot of thought to that phase of the seventh commandment that regards proper care for the belongings of others . . . . including, I might add, the property we share together in parks and public buildings . . . . , and the property of large corporations, who according to some people have no rights at all.

The approach to youth — here as always — is first of all good adult example.   I then suggest a re-teaching of that seventh commandment and a stressing of its importance for the whole of decent living.

Manners have a great bearing on conduct of this kind. Children who from infancy are taught not to handle things that do not belong to them are likely to develop respect for the property of others.

A quite justified if slightly selfish convenience may be appealed to: We in turn have to use things that are used by others. If a boy vandal cuts up a chair in the movie house, it may be our bad luck to sit on it afterward. If the washbowl is clogged up because someone carelessly tossed a towel down the drain, we may not be able to use the washbowl.

Vandalism hurts everybody. Everybody pays tribute in annoyance to the vandal.   Example and education — use both in your teaching.   And of course this is all tied in with God’s basic commands, which remain sound common sense and good pedagogy.

Do you believe that children should be spanked? Or should parents reason with their children?  

I find it hard to see how even the most skillful parent could reason with a child under the age of three. He would have to be a child prodigy.   Reasoning is, almost by definition, possible only when the child has reached the age of reason.

A swift little spank on the sector that nature seems to have designed for that purpose — a nerve center padded against any real harm to nerves or muscles — is often the one convincing argument.

Irresponsible spankings are of course usually the sign of an inadequate, nervous, or already beaten parent. A swift little crack (“Not on the head, Morris!”) need not be a manifestation of parental petulance or of the failure of parental psychology. It may be the most reasonable thing in the world.

The baby hand continues to grab after the parent has spoken; a swift little slap on the hand serves as a deterrent to the baby. He would have had the same lesson from a fire into which he might have thrust his hand — without however the saving fact that the pain of the slap is soon over (the pain of the burn would have been of longer duration).

Spankings should be very rare . . . . though there are situations in which spankings are emphatically called for.   Spankings should not be the common form of discipline. They should not be so recurrent that the child begins to regard his parents as tireless whipping machines. They should be almost a last resort.

Some children can early be shown what is right and what is wrong, and they accept reasonably parental commands.   Some children need the fear of a sharp but not lingering physical pain to hold them back from evil and harm to themselves.

But if the right discipline is given early, the spanking can later disappear completely from the discipline.

It is very bad to spank adolescent children, who dread the pain not nearly as much as they hate the humiliation and resent the fact that there is no way for them to strike back.

How should a parent deal with teenage impertinence?

Head it off  before the children reach their teens. The correct training in good manners, self-control, and morals during the formative days of infancy and childhood will mean few outbursts of temper or temperament in adolescence.

Parents and elders in general must be sure that what they regard as impertinence really is impertinence.

Boys of adolescent age often have voices that slip strangely out of control. So they become embarrassed, and do and say strange things. They are crude with their hands and clumsy with their feet. Since they deal all day long with boys of their own gangling and juvenile age, they find it hard to change completely to good manners at the family dinner table.   Besides they are often preoccupied with temptation and troubled by physical problems to such an extent that they are snappish and short and rude. Such seeming impertinence rises sometimes to answer a fierce struggle that is raging in their own natures. A wise parent is aware of this and not too quick to be resentful of it.

Then too all young people tend to develop a language of their own. It sounds flip, crisp, cryptic, sometimes a little vulgar, and frequently quite unintelligible to their elders.

If they use the language around the house, it is because like most human beings they follow the fashion of their peers. Yet slang is not always impertinence, and the cryptic jive talk of youngsters may indicate merely that they are demonstrating that they are in the know.

When, however, a teenager first shows signs of real impertinence, he or she should be clipped immediately. Once more: No scenes and emotional displays. None of this appeal to parental dignity and rights — “How dare you talk like that to your mother?”

Rather the quiet and final answer: “I consider that distinctly impertinent and the sort of thing that is not to happen around here again — ever.”

If elders take such a stand early — the stand based on a well-planned course of childhood and early-youth training in good manners and right conduct — the single reproof may be enough.

“Many times God allows it to be hard to pray, simply to school us in applying our wills, to teach us that the value of prayer does not depend on the amount of emotion we can whip up. Many times the saints had trouble getting excited about prayers, but they said them, because prayers were due and their value had nothing to do with how eagerly they went about saying them.” -Mary Reed Newland, http://amzn.to/2snNxN7 (afflink)

All 5 Maglets! Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet, Catholic Wife’s Maglet, Sunshiny Disposition, True Womanhood and Advent/Christmas Package of 5!

Finer Femininity is a small publication compiled to inspire Catholic women in their vocations. It consists of uplifting articles from authors with traditional values, with many of them from priests, written over 50 years ago. These anecdotes are timeless but, with the fast-paced “progress “of today’s world, the pearls within the articles are rarely meditated upon. This little magazine offers Catholic womankind support and inspiration as they travel that oftentimes lonely trail….the narrow road to heaven. The thoughts within the pages will enlighten us to regard the frequently monotonous path of our “daily duties” as the beautiful road to sanctity. Feminine souls need this kind of information to continue to “fight the good fight” in a world that has opposing values and seldom offers any kind of support to these courageous women. Inside the pages you will find inspiration for your roles as single women, as wives and as mothers. In between the thought-provoking articles, the pages are sprinkled with pictures, quotes and maybe even a recipe or two.

Available here.

 

 

 

Questions/My Answers & A Gallery

I have had some ladies ask me questions that I have not had the time to answer. So I thought I would take this time to answer them here. Please forgive me for not getting right back to some of the questions. There are too many things to do and not enough time.…

Question:

I would like to ask for advice…. because my family also believes that daughters stay at home until marriage. Would postponing a career still be wise if you’re still single after your twenties, yet feel that God is not calling you to religious life? Also, what if you are the youngest or one of few siblings, how would you keep yourself busy at home without young brothers and sisters?

Answer:

I think one question to ask is…Does your daughter WANT a career instead of marriage? When you say a career, do you mean the time and money put into a college degree in order to pursue a particular field? Or do you mean a job for “something to do” or to earn some income until she finds Mr. Right?

We encourage our girls to find many things to keep them busy….in a more organic atmosphere. Helping the parish, volunteering (or being paid) at our little school, working for their siblings with the nieces and nephews all fall into the category of “organic”. They have also had jobs in our town close by, and this is a good chance for them to learn responsibility and how to handle the world…mind you, we are picky where they work. Once they get of age, though, this is their decision, but hopefully they will listen to our advice.

I do believe it is important, if they have a job, that they still live at home. They need our support….and I don’t think it is a valuable thing to live on their own (or with a friend) unless needed….(and there may be times when it is.) Too much independence is not necessarily a good thing. The world and its maxims pull and pull….

So back to your question…no, I don’t think college and a career are an answer to filling in time. There are so many fulfilling things that can help a young lady grow…spiritually and mentally….that she does not have to seek her fulfillment in a “career”.

As far as keeping busy at home….your daughter can learn a craft….and sell her wares. This is always exciting (well, not all the time…but when it’s not, then it’s called “character-building”). But to make something beautiful is therapy…and to sell it is satisfying!

Every girl has skills and talents that can be tapped into in order to fulfill her own life and bring joy to others. This must be cultivated! And then pray that the flowering of her vocation comes to fruition!

Charity is huge for the fulfillment of a young lady still at home. If she makes herself busy at the service for others, her inner happiness will grow. In turn, she will “turn heads” and Mr. Right may be just around the corner!

A beautiful balance of prayer, outside activity (whatever it may be…going to a community function, babysitting or cleaning house for someone, etc.), home chores, self-improvement (books, online classes, learning home-skills), and a fulfilling craft can fill up each day. When offered to God in the morning, it will serve her tremendously better than seeking a career.

On a side note – Yes, we need good nurses and good teachers. If your daughter wishes to pursue these noble careers, she should also be ready to leave it aside to raise her own children, should she get married.

Here’s a post to peruse that I wrote a while back.

If You Want to Find the Right Person…..You Must BE the Right Person

 

Question:

You mentioned in your second point (in the post, Raising Girls) that if the kids ever said no or struck you they would be swiftly punished. Can you elaborate on that?

Answer:

I am not against spanking used with discretion, balance and without anger. So…if my child said no to me or struck me they could see, first off, through my expression, that I was horrified…this was no little thing, it is not acceptable, I am your mom and you DO NOT step over the line!

Then I would spank their hand or their leg. Nothing terrible. If they began to cry and kept it up, they were sent to the office (right off the kitchen) to calm down. When they were done, they could come out. For the most part, this lasted 1 – 5 minutes. I was always checking on them….and never left them in there too long…though I found that generally wasn’t a problem.

Consistency is important. I know there are strong-willed children out there that are difficult. Keep it up….your own consistency will pay off.

Remember….this consistency is not all about spanking.

There are other areas to be consistent. Are you letting them get away with being controlling and pushy throughout each day? If you have a child that gets very angry when he doesn’t get his way, take away the object that is desired….or some other consequence. This won’t be perfect with so many littles but keep trying. (Believe me, my consistency wasn’t perfect!)

It is important, too, that you are surrounding them with joy and love in between times. Then they won’t want to break friendship with you and will want to get over the “bump” in order to have that mutual bond. This doesn’t mean you have to be continually saying encouraging things, doing stuff with them, etc.. No. Just a general atmosphere of love and joy. Not easy. Not perfect. But something to strive for.

Pray for guidance from the Holy Ghost…and strength from Our Lady who sees it all.

Question:

In your post of Raising Daughters you did not mention about boys. Any tips?

Answer:

Boys need men. When my boys were able to help their dad on his construction work, they were encouraged to work with him, in between schooling. In my estimation, the work becomes more important. Sitting in a desk for long periods of time as the boys hit puberty is not necessarily bad but they had better be wearing off some of that testosterone with some good, sweaty, self-fulfilling work!

Mom oftentimes has to take second fiddle as the boys learn to work. In other words, we begin to encourage them to take flight (in controlled circumstances) and don’t get personally offended when the men are their idols. They still love us, but they are learning to be men. And we have to let go of that control that we used to have, to a certain extent. Not that they don’t have to listen to us and do their daily duties, but it may become harder for them to listen to Mom. Insist on it, but don’t think that isn’t normal.

Encourage them in their hobbies…even if it means a mess. Oh boy! How many times have my boys made a mess in the yard working on something! It was irritating…but oh! so valuable!

Don’t let them spend time in their rooms besides sleeping and getting dressed. Technology? Well….pretty much nil! Boys are better off without it…unless highly monitored. Right now, my Angelo is working on painting a picture on the counter….watching a Bob Ross Youtube. But he is right here where we can see everything. He looks for airsoft guns on Amazon….but right in front of us. Never let them have at it with technology!

The hardest thing for me with my boys was letting go. As a homeschooling mom I had much control. With the girls, they still stuck pretty close by and listened, for the most part. The boys were much more independent and it was hard. Our oldest son was pretty much on his own by 17 years old and was building a wall for the monks in Wyoming by 18. He met his future wife there and ….well, that was it! Ouch! but it is what we have raised them, for, right?

So, my point in this is, encourage healthy and wholesome independence….not without respect for Mom and Dad, but just knowing that, when done the right way, it is a very good thing!

I know there is much more….purity (which is huge for a boy), work ethic, etc. It would make a long post and I am hoping that you are tuned in to this website because I do have lots of posts on this type of stuff. Look in the different categories (especially parenting) or put it in the search bar.

And now for the gallery that I wanted to put before you so you can see some progress in the Lenten Activities (and other stuff)….

 

Haha! Huckleberry (the dog) is making sure Ethan can’t go anywhere!

I just had to laugh when Z sent me this photo! What precious, pooped little people! haha

Grandpa and Toby…

Rosie has had a couple of better weeks. She has taken a downspin the last week but we are hoping it is very temporary.

Painting her trunk.

Mom lives in an apartment attached to our home. What a blessing she is to us! 💖Here is the little gazebo that Vincent built for her this year using an old picket fence. It is so quaint and pretty and will look beautiful once the vines start growing up the sides and all the flowers are in full array!!

Rosie is blocking and starching new doilies!

Rosie and Agnes happened to have the same pattern on their dresses!

Rosie and Margy…

Lots of new baby kids at Colin and Z’s.

New puppies over here!

Cottage cheese pancakes are one of our favorites! And you don’t feel all carbed out afterwards! 1 1/2 c. oats, ground in blender, 4 or 5 eggs, 1 tsp. vanilla and 1 1/2 cups cottage cheese.

Put in blender and you have batter for some lovely and delicious pancakes.

Slather with good butter (Kerry Gold) and organic 100% maple syrup. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Mike and Jeanette’s littles!

Helping in the garden…

Kansas is not Kansas without spring prairie fires.

It can be very beautiful.

Our neighbor farmers burning their field out our front door.

Lovely!

Unfortunately, during a burn, our son-in-law, Vinnie got badly burned.

The unfamiliar four-wheeler he was driving stalled amid the flames.

Here he is ….healing up.

Laetare Sunday…with Rosie’s lovely doily underneath the Infant of Prague.

Passion Sunday, the Infant of Prague is donned with the purple of Lent once again. And a purple doily created by Rosie.

Agnes is working on her Lenten pathway to the cross.

Our own Crown of Thorns is being filled up with the flowers of sacrifices.

Theresa’s Crown of Thorns is getting filled with flowers, too!

Agnes has her Resurrection Garden prepared!

Just had to share. Here men are kneeling in Poland, praying the Rosary, led by the priest.

Raising Girls…My Story

A Thursday Throwback….

How did you raise such wonderful girls?

I’ve been asked that a few times. I can tell you that I sometimes am as surprised as the people who ask me. 🙂 It’s like I just woke up one day and said, “Wow we’ve done okay! How did we do that?”

It’s not that our training wasn’t purposeful…it was. But with human weakness so apparent in our parenting, with imperfect circumstances, etc., it was hard to know the outcome.

And, things are not picture-perfect (it looks so good online, doesn’t it?) My girls are human and have many faults, like all those born under Eve’s lineage.

Also, life is not done yet and I have children at home. Dynamics are different than they used to be so I don’t know the outcome. At this point, though, I am very grateful for how things have transpired.

I’ve tried here to pinpoint along the way some of the things that we did… to actually be able to put them into words….and I do feel I have a few things I can share with you.

Building a Happy Home

I remember my dear aunt (God rest her soul) say to my mom, “It’s very hard, Beulah, to be a good Catholic.”

I’ve given that a few thoughts through the years and my own thoughts are, “It’s very hard NOT being a good Catholic!”

All mothers struggle. But I can’t imagine being a mom without the Faith.

There are many of these moms who are juggling careers and motherhood and spinning their wheels.

They feel they are wasting their degrees if they are staying home and just changing diapers, and at the same time they feel inadequate as a mom, not knowing where to turn.

It’s a confusing and empty life without our Faith to guide us.

We, as Catholic mothers, struggle. But we have all the helps, all the guidelines, the Sacramental grace at our fingertips. We must count ourselves very fortunate.

That being said, it is a good thing to listen to the commonsense advice of veteran moms.

Charlotte Siems is a mother of twelve and has learned some lessons along the way! Thank you to her for this lovely post that should give you some inspiration in your own journey!

Before having children, many women worry about what kind of mother they will be. Nothing unusual about that, but a difficult childhood instilled in me a fear that I wouldn’t know how to have a normal family home life. I worried about how I would handle discipline or how I would treat possible future children. On the other hand, that same childhood experience made me determined to create a marriage and home that was stable, warm and peaceful.

Early in my mothering career I attended a parenting conference and heard Dr. Herbert Ratner make the following statement: “The 20 years between 20 and 40 (years of age) are just as long as the 20 years between 40 and 60. What you do in the first 20 years determines how happy you will be in the second 20 years.” That idea stuck with me. I determined to live life with the end in mind.

Not knowing how to have a happy home, I set out to learn how. Here are a few things I figured out:

Books don’t magically solve problems. Sometimes we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re doing something because we read about it and agree with it. Close the book and do what it says.

Surround yourself with what is true and lovely. Protect yourself from ugly input. Don’t live in a bleak, cluttered environment. Bring beauty, warmth, and neatness to all of your life. Be very careful what you allow to enter your mind and eyes. Constant exposure to beautiful ideas and noble goals will transform your thought life.

We all know that thoughts determine actions, don’t we?

Do the things you don’t want to do. Do them cheerfully and well. Edith Schaeffer wrote, “Somebody has to get up early, stay up late, do more than the others, if the human garden is to be a thing of beauty.” At first glance it doesn’t seem fair, but there are hidden and precious rewards for dying to self and serving. Stomping and self-pity cancel the reward points.

Choose your hard things. Do your laundry and put it away. That’s hard. Get ready to go somewhere and realize no one has clean clothes to wear. That’s hard. You pick.

Take the time. Yes, I know you’re busy. Throw a meal on the table and get on to the next thing. No time for a tablecloth and candles and flowers. You’ll do that when you have time. But before you know it, the weeks, the months and the years pass, and the children leave home and you never had time.

Lest you think I’ve sailed through life with clean laundry and beautiful meal tables, I assure you these lessons were hard earned. Many times I felt inadequate to the task. It was like trying to pour water from a dry bucket. Giving your children what you didn’t have as a child is not easy. Creating a happy home life from scratch will take everything you’ve got and even that won’t be enough…

That’s why I’m so glad for the strength Jesus gives me. His favor and loving-kindness supply what I don’t have. He will gladly do that for you, too, for He knows all about love and building beautiful homes…

It turns out that giving your family what you didn’t receive, gives it back to you.

This is the time of year that you should be able to get some Epiphany Water in your home! It is very powerful (and who doesn’t need some good power going on in their homes)! The blessing of Epiphany water has special exorcism prayers that no other holy water has. Use it often….teach your children the value of it and get them used to blessing themselves with it.

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A lovely gift! Beautiful aprons made by Gin! Fully lined, hand-embroidered, quality material, made with care and detail! Available here.

Make a statement with these lovely and graceful handcrafted aprons! Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity!

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

 

A Podcast for Your Children and Summer Saints!

Here is a video for your children where I talk to them about the virtue of obedience….

Summer Saints….and Some are Not

I was poking around Mary Reed Newland’s book, The Year and Our Children, to explore ways of celebrating our Catholic Saints and Feasts this summer and ran across the following ideas. I couldn’t keep it to myself so I am sharing it with you.

Make the liturgy come alive in your home! Don’t forget to use your holy water, wear your scapulars and say the rosary. Maybe say a part of the Divine Office with them each day. Read to them. Don’t get bogged down, but DO SOMETHING positive each day with your children in light of our Catholic Faith. It is a daily fight to keep ourselves and our children climbing UP the ladder! It is easy to slide down…..

Teach them to love the Faith, with all its solemnities, all its beauty!

End of rant (meant for myself, too). 🙂

Here is a “sweet” and simple way to celebrate the feasts of the saints coming up this summer….

Apostle Cookies

Any good gingerbread cookie dough will do, and any good gingerbread-boy cookie cutter will make a gingerbread Apostle (or you may cut them freehand with a knife). The twist is in the decoration.

We decorated each one with his own symbols, tied a ribbon through a hole pierced (before baking) in the top of each cookie, served them on a tray, covered, with only the ribbons showing; you got your dessert by choosing a ribbon, finding the cookie, and identifying it.

This is an excellent way to learn all the Apostles. The combination of head and stomach is hard to beat. The frosting is a confectioner’s sugar recipe tinted with vegetable colors.

The symbols may be made with stiff frosting squirted through a decorator tube, if you have one, or may be cut from foil, paper, or made of any materials that suggest themselves.

Here is how we decorated the cookies.

St. Peter (June 29). Red frosting because he was a martyr.

Symbols: two keys, a cock crowing, an upside-down cross, a fish, a sword.

The keys remind us that Jesus gave him the keys of the Kingdom; the cock recalls his denial of our Lord; the cross tells that he is supposed to have been martyred head down; the fish – he was a fisher of men; the sword tells of his temper on the night he cut off Malchus’s ear.

Our Peter cut a silver-foil fish for this cookie and stuck it in the frosting. You could do the keys and sword of foil also, with the cross of melted chocolate. The cock can be drawn or cut from a picture and stuck on.
St. James the Great (July 25)

He is called great because he was the tall James. He was the son of Zebedee and the brother of St. John the Evangelist. Our Lord called these two the Sons of Thunder: partly, we are told, for their vehement defense of Christ and His teaching, and partly because cause they wanted Him to burn up the Samaritans inside their houses with fire from Heaven, like the three little pigs, because they wouldn’t welcome them into their village.

Our Lord rebuked them for it. He said that He came to give life, not destroy it – which teaches a good lesson in resisting the temptation to “get even.” This was certainly the opposite of the meekness He said would “inherit the earth.”
This James was the first Apostle to die for Christ, beheaded in Jerusalem by Herod Agrippa. His symbols – the pilgrim’s cloak, staff, hat, purse, and scallop shell (always the symbol of pilgrims) – signify that he went on long missionary journeys. A tiny shell stuck to the frosting on this cookie was the clue we used.
St. Bartholomew (August 24)

The mystery man. His name, Bar-Tolmai, indicates that he is the son of Tolmai.

He is an old friend of St. Philip and is often mentioned with him. It is supposed that he is the Nathanael to whom Philip made his announcement under the fig tree. Nathanael was skeptical that this Man was really the Messiah, and our Lord commended his skepticism because Israel was often thick with self-appointed messiahs.

“Behold a true Israelite, in whom there is no guile,” said our Lord, as Nathanael came toward Him down the road.

Then to Nathanael: “Before Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee!” Then didn’t Nathaniel believe! He lost his heart that moment. “Rabbi thou art the Son of God! Thou art King of Israel!”

St. Bartholomew’s symbols are about as grisly as you’ll find: flaying knives, a cross, an axe, and such, because his was a wild and bloody death; and then there is our pet symbol for him – a branch of the fig tree. Make this with melted chocolate and green candy leaves meant for cake-decorating.

Check out my Spring Maglet (magazine/booklet) at Meadows of Grace. Tidbits  and bunches of inspiration and encouragement!

You can get all three volumes of the Maglets here …

Note: This post contains affiliate links–thanks for your support!

 

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Building a Happy Home

I remember my dear aunt (God rest her soul) say to my mom, “It’s very hard, Beulah, to be a good Catholic.”

I’ve given that a few thoughts through the years and my own thoughts are, “It’s very hard NOT being a good Catholic!”

All mothers struggle. But I can’t imagine being a mom without the Faith.

There are many of these moms who are juggling careers and motherhood and spinning their wheels.

They feel they are wasting their degrees if they are staying home and just changing diapers, and at the same time they feel inadequate as a mom, not knowing where to turn.

It’s a confusing and empty life without our Faith to guide us.

We. as Catholic mothers, struggle. But we have all the helps, all the guidelines, the Sacramental grace at our fingertips. We must count ourselves very fortunate.

That being said, it is a good thing to listen to the commonsense advice of veteran moms.

Charlotte Siems is a mother of twelve and has learned some lessons along the way! Thank you to her for this lovely post that should give you some inspiration in your own journey!

 

Before having children, many women worry about what kind of mother they will be. Nothing unusual about that, but a difficult childhood instilled in me a fear that I wouldn’t know how to have a normal family home life. I worried about how I would handle discipline or how I would treat possible future children. On the other hand, that same childhood experience made me determined to create a marriage and home that was stable, warm and peaceful.

Early in my mothering career I attended a parenting conference and heard Dr. Herbert Ratner make the following statement: “The 20 years between 20 and 40 (years of age) are just as long as the 20 years between 40 and 60. What you do in the first 20 years determines how happy you will be in the second 20 years.” That idea stuck with me. I determined to live life with the end in mind.

Not knowing how to have a happy home, I set out to learn how. Here are a few things I figured out:

Books don’t magically solve problems. Sometimes we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re doing something because we read about it and agree with it. Close the book and do what it says.

Surround yourself with what is true and lovely. Protect yourself from ugly input. Don’t live in a bleak, cluttered environment. Bring beauty, warmth, and neatness to all of your life. Be very careful what you allow to enter your mind and eyes. Constant exposure to beautiful ideas and noble goals will transform your thought life.

We all know that thoughts determine actions, don’t we?

Do the things you don’t want to do. Do them cheerfully and well. Edith Schaeffer wrote, “Somebody has to get up early, stay up late, do more than the others, if the human garden is to be a thing of beauty.” At first glance it doesn’t seem fair, but there are hidden and precious rewards for dying to self and serving. Stomping and self-pity cancel the reward points.

Choose your hard things. Do your laundry and put it away. That’s hard. Get ready to go somewhere and realize no one has clean clothes to wear. That’s hard. You pick.

Take the time. Yes, I know you’re busy. Throw a meal on the table and get on to the next thing. No time for a tablecloth and candles and flowers. You’ll do that when you have time. But before you know it, the weeks, the months and the years pass, and the children leave home and you never had time.

Lest you think I’ve sailed through life with clean laundry and beautiful meal tables, I assure you these lessons were hard earned. Many times I felt inadequate to the task. It was like trying to pour water from a dry bucket. Giving your children what you didn’t have as a child is not easy. Creating a happy home life from scratch will take everything you’ve got and even that won’t be enough…

That’s why I’m so glad for the strength Jesus gives me. His favor and loving-kindness supply what I don’t have. He will gladly do that for you, too, for He knows all about love and building beautiful homes. ..

It turns out that giving your family what you didn’t receive, gives it back to you.

This is the time of year that you should be able to get some Epiphany Water in your home! It is very powerful (and who doesn’t need some good power going on in their homes)! The blessing of Epiphany water has special exorcism prayers that no other holy water has. Use it often….teach your children the value of it and get them used to blessing themselves with it.

Reviews on Gin’s Aprons:
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A lovely gift! Beautiful aprons made by Gin! Fully lined, hand-embroidered, quality material, made with care and detail! Available here.

Make a statement with these lovely and graceful handcrafted aprons! Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity!

 

How Did You Raise Such Wonderful Girls?

I’ve been asked that a few times. I can tell you that I sometimes am as surprised as the people who ask me. 🙂 It’s like I just woke up one day and said, “Wow we’ve done good! How did we do that?”

It’s not that our training wasn’t purposeful…it was. But with human weakness so apparent in our parenting, with imperfect circumstances, etc., it was hard to know the outcome.

And, things are not picture-perfect (it looks so good online, doesn’t it?) My girls are human and have many faults, like all those born under Eve’s lineage.

Also, life is not done yet and I have children at home. Dynamics are different than they used to be so I don’t know the outcome. At this point, though, I am very grateful for how things have transpired.

I’ve tried here to pinpoint along the way some of the things that we did… to actually be able to put them into words….and I do feel I have a few things I can share with you.

It is not to discourage you, though, because some of us have taken up the torch midstream. I was fortunate that I became serious about my faith BEFORE I got married. This is, in many circumstances, not the case. God takes us where we are at and can create a beautiful tapestry of a grace-filled life wherever we begin! He meets us where we are at on our own personal journey and is not outdone in generosity! It is imperative we remember that.

That being said, the following are a few things I think were very important on our own journey. (This is my own list. Hubby would have his own list, too. His contribution in many of these points are unspoken but always there.)

#1. We were blessed to have started off on the right foot. We both worked at a Catholic Shrine so our courtship was truly amazing! We said the Rosary every day, we went to Mass every day, we went to Benediction every day and a lot of our courtship was during Lent so we were reading the Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ together.

This is obviously not possible for most people but the effort put into our courtship and even before we meet that special someone, the effort meaning: Gaining as much graces as possible through daily Mass, etc. will help to get started on the right foot. So many marriages begin on the wrong foot, stained with serious sin, and I do believe this has a negative impact on the relationship in general.

Once again, if that has been your own experience (not getting started on the right foot), with God’s grace the pieces can be picked up…yes, they can! ❤

#2. My discipline was not as consistent as it could have been. Like you, I was tired, etc. If I was nursing a baby or whatever and the child’s behavior needed tending to, it was a temptation to overlook things….and I did at times. For the most part, though, I did not let my children outright disobey me or say no to me. They never struck me. If they ever tried such things they were swiftly punished.

#3. I taught them to respect their dad. I tried to only talk highly of him to them. Even though I did not always agree with my husband’s ways, my disagreements were kept in check, as much as possible, around the children. I knew it was important to hold a united front  together. The only reason I knew to do that was through the books I had been reading. I didn’t have any experience with this sort of thing in my own young, rather rocky and independent life. If you don’t teach your children to respect their dad, believe me, it will come back to bite you! They will also disrespect you as the years go by. This is not easy, and I failed many times, but I dusted myself off, knew where my mistake was, and began again.

#4. We homeschooled. This was always a challenge and I felt inadequate. But I kept trying and the bond that I formed with my children was irreplaceable. We struggled together each day.  Once again, I do not think it is for everyone. I am just telling you the things that I feel contributed to the girls I have today.

#5. We had joy in our family. We played lots of games. The TV was not the center of our recreation (we didn’t have a TV for the first 15 years of our marriage). My husband and I played volleyball with our kids right up until a couple years ago. Here and there we still get out there with them.  We make movie time (now that we have a TV) a family fun event!

Disclaimer here…Yes, we had joy. But I had my off days, even my off years! One year I got very sick and it was a slow climb out. Was I joyful? No! Days when you are so weary, days when you feel blah, etc. Joy?? You kidding??!

This is the amazing thing….even though I struggled with many things (my melancholic nature is not nice to me at times), the kids don’t remember those off times if you try to keep the tone positive in between times (and hopefully there are many in-between times)!

I knew it was important, that our kids would not want what we have if we didn’t have joy, so joy was fought for. I thought I was failing, I woke up one day to find out I hadn’t failed. Like I said, God meets us more than halfway!

#6. (I had my girls read my list and they wanted me to mention these “Don’ts” that we “Do”).  Our kids didn’t go out of the home for their social time. It was brought to us. When we did go somewhere for a good time, for the most part, it was as a family. They also didn’t spend much time in their rooms…those were for sleeping not for spending time with their friends or hanging out by themselves.

Which brings me to another rule we had…No Sleepovers. It’s easier to make a rule with no exceptions (cousins traveling and spending the night is different…though it was closely monitored, too), than to pick and choose which sleepover events they can take part in. Sleepovers are dangerous times and ones that parents are oblivious to as they are in their beds sawing logs while the girls are chatting away….

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we see sin at every corner. We don’t. But we also avoid particular situations that make it easy on the kids to break rules….whether talking about subjects they shouldn’t divulge in with their friends…..Or maybe even worse.

#7. Some Do’s! I worked very hard at trying to make the Faith come alive in our home. We did Saint Nicholas stockings, Lenten practices, Advent practices, we sang hymns at the end of the rosary, we did novenas together, we did little processions, we did special things on Feast Days. We supplied the magic and the charm to our Catholic heritage.

Once again I learned this from the books that I share with you each day. I did not have any experience with this beforehand. And I was not perfect at it. Often it was one week into Advent before I got the wreath out, etc. Or life was so hectic, things were put on the back burner. As the kids got older, though, this consistency became more “on” than “off”.

It paid off. I see my married kids doing the same with their children. They are even more solicitous than I was. It warms the cockles of my heart.

#8. We were open to the friends of my children. We were picky, but we were open. They came over often and took part in our home life. We fed them, they often stopped by the store and picked things up for us for dinner. It was a give-give situation.

I never went to bed until I knew everyone was either gone, or my oldest son at home was left in charge. No one went off to form little groups, everything was done together. We played games with the kids, sang songs, had bonfires.

If any of our girls were of courting age, this is how we got to know the potential suitor and how they got to know us. And believe me, true personalities came out during games!!

#9. We have a strict dress code in our family but we have fun with it. Some of the girls sew, we love pretty colors and flowy, feminine things. The girls make the ribbon flowers to embellish their clothes and hair. We wear colors for the seasons and just enjoy dressing well.

Their clothing is not thought of as a negative thing…what they can’t wear. It’s about the amazing choices and colors and materials we CAN use! And my daughters know they are respected, as women, for the way they dress. In general, they don’t give it too much thought (that we are so different in that aspect from the world), it is just a way of life and always has been.

#10. Our technology is very closely monitored. Only my husband and I know the password to our computer and my phone is always locked. The older girls can look at recipes or something they want to buy on Amazon but it is not in a private place and it is not for long periods of time (which they don’t desire anyway…it is a means to an end for them).

They can ask to look at my phone, my Facebook account, if they wish, it is an open book and I don’t mind. But for the most part, they don’t use the internet much. They are all pretty good typists, though, and they know the basics.

The older girls have flip-phones and texting is not opened up until they are courting. They don’t have smart phones.

Don’t ever think your kids are above looking at stuff they shouldn’t. No, they are curious…especially boys, but girls, too. Be solicitous! We’ve slipped up here and there and I was given a reality check….that the devil is waiting to pounce on my own kids, too!!

#11. The Rosary has been our mainstay throughout the years. When it was forgotten, it wasn’t intentional. See the post My Little Story About the Rosary.

We also went to daily Mass as much as we could. There were many days, months, years, when hubby was working lots of hours, I was nursing or pregnant and homeschooling and it was too much to go to Mass every day. I would go in spurts or try to make it at least one more time a week besides Sunday. We are now back at it but it is easier because I don’t have lots of little people at home.

A couple of years back I was scratching my head wondering how the last half of our kids were going to turn out. Truly, the dynamics have changed around here (not in a bad way…just changed) and I was nervous how this was going to affect the next batch of kids.

As I was digging around for a solution, I came up with one…..Get back to daily Mass! So I have given that quandary (my kids and how they will turn out) right back to Our Lord and I am going to let Him figure it out. He’s doing pretty good! 😀

#12. Our girls have realized right from the get-go what an incredible and awesome “career choice” is Wifehood and Motherhood! They don’t see it as a “dumbing-down”, they see it as a privilege. They are open to life and they look forward to the day their vocation, as a religious sister or a mother, is shown to them so they can dig in! They know their purpose in life.

Therefore, and this is a big THEREFORE,… they are not antsy for college or a career. Their lives are so full, either helping us with our busy lifestyle, at our parish, or, recently, helping with nieces and nephews, etc., that the farthest thing from their mind is to seek a career outside the home!

They stay home until they are married. Life is full…no need to look elsewhere!

My husband and I have tried to show them, and I think we have succeeded, what an awesome thing Catholic Family Life is! It takes work, you need to be counter-cultural, but it all comes with so many blessings!

And my girls see it. They look around at what other girls their age and of the world are doing and they don’t want it. They feel very blessed!

An aside here….This next batch of girls coming up have seen a lot of the struggles of married life and motherhood from their older siblings. They look at it with a little more trepidation….hehe…than my first children. But they will be ready when the time comes, I am confident of that.

Well, there you have the list. Remember….in between each of those numbers should be another part….the part that says we were inadequate and didn’t do it all perfectly or with always the right attitude.

Once again, that should encourage all of us that it can be done….even with our weak humanness!

And, of course, I am not saying our way is THE way. You can pick and choose those things that may help you in your own family.

AND if you have lots of pieces to pick up….look up! God is not wanting in miracles! Miracles that change lives!

From Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jacques Philippe

Our great drama is this: Man does not have confidence in God. Hence he looks in every possible place to extricate himself by his own resources and renders himself terribly unhappy in the process rather than abandon himself into the tender and saving hands of his Father in heaven. Yet, how unjustified this lack of confidence is!

Isn’t it absurd that a child would thus doubt his Father, when this Father is the best and most powerful Who could exist, when He is the Father in heaven? In spite of that, it is in this absurdity that we most frequently live.

Listen to the gentle reproach that the Lord addressed to us through the mouth of Saint Catherine of Siena:

Why don’t you have confidence in me, your Creator? Why do you rely on yourself? Am I not faithful and loyal to you?

Redeemed and restored to grace by virtue of the blood of my only Son, man can then say that he has experienced my fidelity.

And, nevertheless, he still doubts, it would appear, that I am sufficiently powerful to help him, sufficiently strong to help and defend him against his enemies, sufficiently wise to illuminate the eyes of his intelligence or that I have sufficient clemency to want to give him whatever is necessary for his salvation.

It would appear that I am not sufficiently rich to make his fortune, not beautiful enough to make him beautiful; one might say that he is afraid not to find enough bread in my home to nourish himself, nor clothing with which to cover himself.” (The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena)

We are called to be great Apostles of Love in our ordinary, daily life. We are Christ’s Hands and Feet as we wipe noses, feed hungry little ones and change diapers with an attitude of service and love. When we are cheerful to those we rub shoulders with each day, when we kindly open our door to those who enter into our home, we are taking part in Christ’s Apostolic Work. “Jesus was an Apostle in the stable of Bethlehem, in the shop of St. Joseph, in His anguish in Gethsemane and on Calvary no less than when He was going through Palestine, teaching the multitudes or disputing with the doctors of the law.” – Divine Intimacy, Painting by Morgan Weistling http://amzn.to/2p0dxg8 (afflink)

 

A beautiful Advent CD sung by a beautiful Benedictine Order of Nuns…Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles.

Available here.

Advent is such a special season! And this year, you can make it more meaningful than you ever have!
This Advent journal is for busy moms who need a little help making this season special within the home. It will help you stay on track and be consistent with the customs you have decided to incorporate within your four walls.
I have broken it down into bite-sized tidbits that, when laid out for you, will be easy to accomplish. As you check each item off you will get a sense of fulfillment knowing you are getting done what is truly important in this expectant season! The other things will get done….but first things first!
At midnight, on Christmas Eve, when Baby Jesus arrives, you and your family will look back upon your Advent and sigh with satisfaction, knowing you truly have celebrated with the Church, that you have put your best foot forward in making this a spiritual, enchanting, holy time for all!
The first few pages of this book will have a run-down of the special Advent customs and activities that will be on your checklist each day. They are simple, they are doable.
I hope this Advent is more special than ever as we walk hand-in-hand making the Liturgy come alive in our homes!

Advent Package Special! The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal & Celine’s Advent! Available here.

 

 

 

 

Train Your Child in Good Behavior

From How to Raise Good Catholic Children by Mary Reed Newland

Struggling with behavior problems is like darning socks — or rather, the way darning socks used to be. You’d work and work at it until the holes were finally closed, and then one wearing — and, more holes!

That kept up until finally the sock was more darn than sock and you’d whine a little to yourself, wondering who appreciated it anyway. If only they’d stay darned! But they never did, and you were forever starting all over again.

But because God uses the most trivial things to point out the way to perfection, once in a while in the middle of a whine you’d understand that even if no one else saw how much work you put into it, God did.

And every snip and stitch was holy in His sight, because you were working away at the vocation that, for you, was the way to Heaven.

This could be called “detachment in darning”: to darn socks for the love of God.

We have to develop this same kind of detachment if we are to lead our children to detachment in their behavior. They will learn it and apply it with ease to all the beauty and order and blessedness of nature, but it’s infinitely more difficult, and painfully slow, learning to apply it to themselves.

It means learning the same lessons over and over again.

Modern mothers have been relying on psychology books to interpret child behavior for so long now that if all the psychology books were burned to a crisp, few mothers could relax with the conviction that God’s love, the maternal instinct, and divine grace could take their place.

I’m not minimizing the work of child psychologists. They’ve taught us many new insights into the needs and behavior of our children. But God can teach us even more, because children’s willfulness, their disobedience, and their tantrums speak just as eloquently for their own search for God and perfection as our sins do for ours.

What we all — little or big — want is God; if we do not realize it, however, we choose many ignoble things in His place. And if we want to teach children to be good with a goodness that’s lasting, we must teach them to be good for the love of God.

“The many troubles in your household will tend to your edification, if you strive to bear them all in gentleness, patience, and kindness. Keep this ever before you, and remember constantly that God’s loving eyes are upon you amid all these little worries and vexations, watching whether you take them as He would desire. Offer up all such occasions to Him, and if sometimes you are put out, and give way to impatience, do not be discouraged, but make haste to regain your lost composure.”
― St. Francis de Sales

A Parenting sermon for you today….

 

Two beautiful Christmas Aprons! Fully lined, quality material, made with care! Make a statement this Christmas season!

Available at http://www.meadowsofgrace.com

 

Advent is such a special season! And this year, you can make it more meaningful than you ever have!
This Advent journal is for busy moms who need a little help making this season special within the home. It will help you stay on track and be consistent with the customs you have decided to incorporate within your four walls.
I have broken it down into bite-sized tidbits that, when laid out for you, will be easy to accomplish. As you check each item off you will get a sense of fulfillment knowing you are getting done what is truly important in this expectant season! The other things will get done….but first things first!
At midnight, on Christmas Eve, when Baby Jesus arrives, you and your family will look back upon your Advent and sigh with satisfaction, knowing you truly have celebrated with the Church, that you have put your best foot forward in making this a spiritual, enchanting, holy time for all!
The first few pages of this book will have a run-down of the special Advent customs and activities that will be on your checklist each day. They are simple, they are doable.
I hope this Advent is more special than ever as we walk hand-in-hand making the Liturgy come alive in our homes!

Advent Package Special! The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal & Celine’s Advent! Available here.

 

Single….Unpicked

 

 

Do you feel like you have been forgotten, that your life isn’t what it should be, that, somehow, you are not good enough because you are still single?

Another friend is getting married. You are happy to be picked as bridesmaid, but really…..all you want is to be the one walking up the aisle in that beautiful white gown! In your heart you feel….unpicked.

Remember the story in the Bible where another Apostle had to be chosen because Judas was gone from the Little Band? Do you know the method they used to pick between the two men, Barsabbas and Matthias? A prayer was said and straws were drawn and whoever had the longest straw was the disciple!

Wow! That’s amazing. Such an important job….and a straw is drawn!

“And they gave them lots, and the lot fell upon Matthias, and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.” -Dhouay Rheims

I’m sure Matthias was very happy! But what about Barsabbas? Did God forget about him? Did God not have big plans for him?

Just because Barsabbas was not “picked” in this particular instance did not mean that God loved him less or that he had been overlooked or that He didn’t have wonderful plans laid out for him.

How about you? Do you find it very difficult when the ladies around you are getting “picked” and you are not. Does it make you sad that you have not found that “one and only” yet?

Of course! It is hard to wait on Our Lord when it seems like life is passing quickly!

I remember those single days, in the interim, before I was married. I lived in Canada, really in a spiritual desert. I had quit my “important” job and went to live back with my mom and dad who had moved to a small town and bought a gas station. I pumped gas.

I was reading some very good books at the time and I knew in my heart I wanted the noble and wonderful vocation as wife and mother.

But wife and mother to who? Ah, there lay the rub! The town I lived in had about 400 people. And believe me, serious Catholics were hard to find, even in the big cities!

I remembered what my dear mentor and older friend had said to me. “If you want to be a wife and mother, Leane, start now by learning everything you can about that important vocation. Roll up your sleeves and practice cooking, cleaning, sewing, music, art. Read good books on the subject….on parenting, gardening, ‘good wife’ books, etc.”

This is one reason I had left my job in the big city. To me, it was not helping me get to my final goal. No, it was hindering it. No one could understand why I left and went to pump gas. But I had a goal. And part of that goal was being back home helping Mom and Dad.

Now, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on. But circumstances led me to write a dear priest in the U.S. and I asked him what I should do. He told me to come to his Apostolate, help him by working in the office, and he would help me, mentor me, on my journey.

I did this. I was there for eleven months, serving this dear priest’s apostolate, going to Mass and Benediction each day. It was a time of spiritual growth. I learned so much about my Faith! And I met my husband, who had also come to serve at this Catholic Shrine…..

The point being, if you are downcast about being “unpicked”, don’t be! You have much to learn and it can be very fulfilling! It can also be fun! It really can be!

Get some cookbooks and start planning the meals!

Learn to sew, crochet, arrange flowers, paint, etc.

Join the Legion of Mary, serve others…at home and elsewhere.

Serve the busy mothers with many children….babysit for them, help with their homeschooling.

Be with the children. Read to them, teach them Catechism. There is nothing so beautiful as a young woman who spends herself for the little ones….

Work hard wherever you are at!

But the most important thing is growing spiritually! If you can go to daily Mass, do it! Pray for your future spouse.

Read good spiritual Catholic books. I have two lists you can look at:

My Book List

Book List for the Youth

Learn to be happy, even in trying circumstances. This is the very thing that will carry you through when your vocation is in place and the crosses come.

Life is an adventure! Give, give, give to God and He will more than meet you half way! But be on the lookout for what He is trying to teach you. Have an open heart to His Voice. We do this by grace.

We often don’t recognize His Voice but if you are doing what it takes, He will lead you to what His Will is for you. And ultimately, that is what will make you happy!

In my little fairy tale story above, I have one sentence that is very important and I didn’t expound on: After I moved back home, life did not go all that smoothly from this point on. 

My family life was not great. I met discouragement, I was in tears many times, things could look black. It wasn’t roses. But I kept seeking and praying…and trying to have peace with it all.

God didn’t turn a deaf ear to me. I had to be patient. Patience is one of the hardest things to learn…and it is something that will have to be practiced all through our lives.

God is not turning a deaf ear to you! Are you kidding? He loves you and has something wonderful in mind for you!

You must get through the lonely times, those times when you feel “unpicked” and remember….God sees the bigger picture, you don’t. Keep that in mind and seek for inner happiness, through the grace of God, in the interim. Work towards getting “better” not “bitter”!

You will be blessed! Believe it!

You may also like this post, In Praise of Unmarried Women.

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In spite of all its trials, marriage promises to the young couple happiness in abundance. There is the first happiness of home-making and the supreme joy that comes when they look upon their first-born and know it to be theirs. Strength comes of working out together life’s problems and of “halving sorrow and doubling joy by sharing them.” Pride thrills them as their sons grow strong and their daughters charming. Courage springs from knowing that they do not work nor walk alone. Then, when their work is largely done and their children go off to found their own families or give themselves to God, they feel the calm happiness of turning their faces toward heaven with the sense of a gathered harvest, full granaries, and their Master waiting to bless them for a crowded and useful life. -Fr. Daniel A. Lord

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Blessed Mother “Madonna of Heaven” Apron! Feminine and Beautiful!

Make a statement with this lovely and graceful “Madonna of Heaven” handcrafted apron….fully lined…made with care. Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity!

Available here.

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