Raising Girls…My Story

A Thursday Throwback….

How did you raise such wonderful girls?

I’ve been asked that a few times. I can tell you that I sometimes am as surprised as the people who ask me. 🙂 It’s like I just woke up one day and said, “Wow we’ve done okay! How did we do that?”

It’s not that our training wasn’t purposeful…it was. But with human weakness so apparent in our parenting, with imperfect circumstances, etc., it was hard to know the outcome.

And, things are not picture-perfect (it looks so good online, doesn’t it?) My girls are human and have many faults, like all those born under Eve’s lineage.

Also, life is not done yet and I have children at home. Dynamics are different than they used to be so I don’t know the outcome. At this point, though, I am very grateful for how things have transpired.

I’ve tried here to pinpoint along the way some of the things that we did… to actually be able to put them into words….and I do feel I have a few things I can share with you.

It is not to discourage you, though, because some of us have taken up the torch midstream. I was fortunate that I became serious about my faith BEFORE I got married. This is, in many circumstances, not the case. God takes us where we are at and can create a beautiful tapestry of a grace-filled life wherever we begin! He meets us where we are at on our own personal journey and is not outdone in generosity! It is imperative we remember that.

That being said, the following are a few things I think were very important on our own journey. (This is my own list. Hubby would have his own list, too. His contribution in many of these points are unspoken but always there.)

#1. We were blessed to have started off on the right foot. We both worked at a Catholic Shrine so our courtship was truly amazing! We said the Rosary every day, we went to Mass every day, we went to Benediction every day and a lot of our courtship was during Lent so we were reading the Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ together.

This is obviously not possible for most people but the effort put into our courtship and even before we meet that special someone, the effort meaning: Gaining as much graces as possible through daily Mass, etc. will help to get started on the right foot. So many marriages begin on the wrong foot, stained with serious sin, and I do believe this has a negative impact on the relationship in general.

Once again, if that has been your own experience (not getting started on the right foot), with God’s grace the pieces can be picked up…yes, they can! ❤

#2. My discipline was not as consistent as it could have been. Like you, I was tired, etc. If I was nursing a baby or whatever and the child’s behavior needed tending to, it was a temptation to overlook things….and I did at times. For the most part, though, I did not let my children outright disobey me or say no to me. They never struck me. If they ever tried such things they were swiftly punished.

#3. I taught them to respect their dad. I tried to only talk highly of him to them. Even though I did not always agree with my husband’s ways, my disagreements were kept in check, as much as possible, around the children. I knew it was important to hold a united front  together. The only reason I knew to do that was through the books I had been reading. I didn’t have any experience with this sort of thing in my own young, rather rocky and independent life. If you don’t teach your children to respect their dad, believe me, it will come back to bite you! They will also disrespect you as the years go by. This is not easy, and I failed many times, but I dusted myself off, knew where my mistake was, and began again.

#4. We homeschooled. This was always a challenge and I felt inadequate. But I kept trying and the bond that I formed with my children was irreplaceable. We struggled together each day.  Once again, I do not think it is for everyone. I am just telling you the things that I feel contributed to the girls I have today.

#5. We had joy in our family. We played lots of games. The TV was not the center of our recreation (we didn’t have a TV for the first 15 years of our marriage). My husband and I played volleyball with our kids right up until a couple years ago. Here and there we still get out there with them.  We make movie time (now that we have a TV) a family fun event!

Disclaimer here…Yes, we had joy. But I had my off days, even my off years! One year I got very sick and it was a slow climb out. Was I joyful? No! Days when you are so weary, days when you feel blah, etc. Joy?? You kidding??!

This is the amazing thing….even though I struggled with many things (my melancholic nature is not nice to me at times), the kids don’t remember those off times if you try to keep the tone positive in between times (and hopefully there are many in-between times)!

I knew it was important, that our kids would not want what we have if we didn’t have joy, so joy was fought for. I thought I was failing, I woke up one day to find out I hadn’t failed. Like I said, God meets us more than halfway!

#6. (I had my girls read my list and they wanted me to mention these “Don’ts” that we “Do”).  Our kids didn’t go out of the home for their social time. It was brought to us. When we did go somewhere for a good time, for the most part, it was as a family. They also didn’t spend much time in their rooms…those were for sleeping not for spending time with their friends or hanging out by themselves.

Which brings me to another rule we had…No Sleepovers. It’s easier to make a rule with no exceptions (cousins traveling and spending the night is different…though it was closely monitored, too), than to pick and choose which sleepover events they can take part in. Sleepovers are dangerous times and ones that parents are oblivious to as they are in their beds sawing logs while the girls are chatting away….

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we see sin at every corner. We don’t. But we also avoid particular situations that make it easy on the kids to break rules….whether talking about subjects they shouldn’t divulge in with their friends…..Or maybe even worse.

#7. Some Do’s! I worked very hard at trying to make the Faith come alive in our home. We did Saint Nicholas stockings, Lenten practices, Advent practices, we sang hymns at the end of the rosary, we did novenas together, we did little processions, we did special things on Feast Days. We supplied the magic and the charm to our Catholic heritage.

Once again I learned this from the books that I share with you each day. I did not have any experience with this beforehand. And I was not perfect at it. Often it was one week into Advent before I got the wreath out, etc. Or life was so hectic, things were put on the back burner. As the kids got older, though, this consistency became more “on” than “off”.

It paid off. I see my married kids doing the same with their children. They are even more solicitous than I was. It warms the cockles of my heart.

#8. We were open to the friends of my children. We were picky, but we were open. They came over often and took part in our home life. We fed them, they often stopped by the store and picked things up for us for dinner. It was a give-give situation.

I never went to bed until I knew everyone was either gone, or my oldest son at home was left in charge. No one went off to form little groups, everything was done together. We played games with the kids, sang songs, had bonfires.

If any of our girls were of courting age, this is how we got to know the potential suitor and how they got to know us. And believe me, true personalities came out during games!!

#9. We have a strict dress code in our family but we have fun with it. Some of the girls sew, we love pretty colors and flowy, feminine things. The girls make the ribbon flowers to embellish their clothes and hair. We wear colors for the seasons and just enjoy dressing well.

Their clothing is not thought of as a negative thing…what they can’t wear. It’s about the amazing choices and colors and materials we CAN use! And my daughters know they are respected, as women, for the way they dress. In general, they don’t give it too much thought (that we are so different in that aspect from the world), it is just a way of life and always has been.

#10. Our technology is very closely monitored. Only my husband and I know the password to our computer and my phone is always locked. The older girls can look at recipes or something they want to buy on Amazon but it is not in a private place and it is not for long periods of time (which they don’t desire anyway…it is a means to an end for them).

They can ask to look at my phone, my Facebook account, if they wish, it is an open book and I don’t mind. But for the most part, they don’t use the internet much. They are all pretty good typists, though, and they know the basics.

The older girls have flip-phones and texting is not opened up until they are courting. They don’t have smart phones.

Don’t ever think your kids are above looking at stuff they shouldn’t. No, they are curious…especially boys, but girls, too. Be solicitous! We’ve slipped up here and there and I was given a reality check….that the devil is waiting to pounce on my own kids, too!!

#11. The Rosary has been our mainstay throughout the years. When it was forgotten, it wasn’t intentional. See the post My Little Story About the Rosary.

We also went to daily Mass as much as we could. There were many days, months, years, when hubby was working lots of hours, I was nursing or pregnant and homeschooling and it was too much to go to Mass every day. I would go in spurts or try to make it at least one more time a week besides Sunday. We are now back at it but it is easier because I don’t have lots of little people at home.

A couple of years back I was scratching my head wondering how the last half of our kids were going to turn out. Truly, the dynamics have changed around here (not in a bad way…just changed) and I was nervous how this was going to affect the next batch of kids.

As I was digging around for a solution, I came up with one…..Get back to daily Mass! So I have given that quandary (my kids and how they will turn out) right back to Our Lord and I am going to let Him figure it out. He’s doing pretty good! 😀

#12. Our girls have realized right from the get-go what an incredible and awesome “career choice” is Wifehood and Motherhood! They don’t see it as a “dumbing-down”, they see it as a privilege. They are open to life and they look forward to the day their vocation, as a religious sister or a mother, is shown to them so they can dig in! They know their purpose in life.

Therefore, and this is a big THEREFORE,… they are not antsy for college or a career. Their lives are so full, either helping us with our busy lifestyle, at our parish, or, recently, helping with nieces and nephews, etc., that the farthest thing from their mind is to seek a career outside the home!

They stay home until they are married. Life is full…no need to look elsewhere!

My husband and I have tried to show them, and I think we have succeeded, what an awesome thing Catholic Family Life is! It takes work, you need to be counter-cultural, but it all comes with so many blessings!

And my girls see it. They look around at what other girls their age and of the world are doing and they don’t want it. They feel very blessed!

An aside here….This next batch of girls coming up have seen a lot of the struggles of married life and motherhood from their older siblings. They look at it with a little more trepidation….hehe…than my first children. But they will be ready when the time comes, I am confident of that.

Well, there you have the list. Remember….in between each of those numbers should be another part….the part that says we were inadequate and didn’t do it all perfectly or with always the right attitude.

Once again, that should encourage all of us that it can be done….even with our weak humanness!

And, of course, I am not saying our way is THE way. You can pick and choose those things that may help you in your own family.

AND if you have lots of pieces to pick up….look up! God is not wanting in miracles! Miracles that change lives!

We are called to be great Apostles of Love in our ordinary, daily life. We are Christ’s Hands and Feet as we wipe noses, feed hungry little ones and change diapers with an attitude of service and love. When we are cheerful to those we rub shoulders with each day, when we kindly open our door to those who enter into our home, we are taking part in Christ’s Apostolic Work. “Jesus was an Apostle in the stable of Bethlehem, in the shop of St. Joseph, in His anguish in Gethsemane and on Calvary no less than when He was going through Palestine, teaching the multitudes or disputing with the doctors of the law.” – Divine Intimacy, Painting by Morgan Weistling http://amzn.to/2p0dxg8 (afflink)

A beautiful Easter CD sung by a beautiful Benedictine Order of Nuns…Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles.

Available here.

💖💙This Maglet is for you, lovely wives, who have dedicated your life to your faith and to your husband.

If it is in God’s providence you bring children into the world, your goal is to raise a wholesome, dedicated Catholic family…in an ungodly world. This is a seemingly insurmountable task considering the obstacles before us.

Our first line of defense is the bond we must have with our husband. Besides our spiritual life, which gives us the grace to do so, we must put our relationship with our husband first. It is something we work on each day.

How do we do this? Many times it is just by a tweaking of the attitude, seeing things from a different perspective. It is by practicing the virtues….self-sacrifice, submission, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.

The articles in this maglet will help you with these things. They are written by authors that are solid Catholics, as well as authors with old-fashioned values.

Take this information to heart and your life will be filled with many blessings!

Available here.

Package Deal available here.

Let Mrs. Newland show you how to introduce even your littlest ones to God and develop in your growing children virtues such as:
The habit of regular prayer
Genuine love of the Rosary
A sense of the dignity of work
Devotion to Mary and the saints
A proper love for the things of this world and for the things of Heaven
Attentiveness at Mass
Love for the Eucharist
An understanding and love of purity
The ability to make good confessions
And dozens of other skills, habits, and virtues that every good Catholic child needs

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My Little Story About the Rosary….

A repost for the month of the Holy Rosary:

Here is my little story of the Rosary…..

I’m a slow learner.

Sometimes it just takes me a long time to “get” some things.

At the tender age of twenty, the Rosary and the Consecration to Our Lady (St. Louis de Montfort style) was what set my feet on solid ground in a world that spun around me with all sorts of “answers” to life’s problems. And I wanted answers.

My friends were leaving the Catholic Church that was rocked by liberalism and they were going to greener pastures. It was all beckoning to me. The Catholic Church I attended didn’t seem to hold out any answers. I had attended a Catholic School and went to Mass every Sunday all my growing up years. I was involved in youth groups and church choirs. And yet I didn’t know about the True Presence until I was almost 20 years old! There was an emptiness…. but I didn’t know what the problem was.

Then something happened. I went to a few classes on St. Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion to Mary. I didn’t like them but I stepped out in faith and began by saying a decade of the rosary each day (while my thoughts traveled to those naysayers saying  “repetition of words are useless…dumb”….they also said…”IDOLATRY…you can’t pray to Mary”) but I persevered…..And then I consecrated myself to Our Lady…(once again, the horrible doubts and misgivings…) I did it anyway. It was not very comfortable.

I met hubby. We began our courtship and our marriage with the rosary…daily. It was a commitment. It wasn’t wonderful…or beautiful…. It was a commitment.

We had children. Many children. We said the rosary. So often, it seemed fruitless. Life was so distracted, so wrought with the everyday little crosses and duties…but it was a commitment and we stuck to it.

I knew it was a good thing. I knew Our Lady asked for the Family Rosary at Fatima:“I am the Lady of the Rosary. Continue to always pray the Rosary every day.” I believed. I was committed. Hubby was always committed. 🙂

I see now the fruits. I look around at a very crazy world and thank God through tears for what He has given to us…through no merit of our own.

I know that we could have really messed up. We were two people coming from very different backgrounds….both very strong-willed. We made our mistakes…..but we had the Rosary. And we stuck with it, day in and day out, year after year.

A family that prays together, stays together. I know that is not everything. If we have an open heart, the Rosary gives us the graces to make the necessary changes as we need them.

The Daily Family Rosary. Steady, Constant. Amid the crosses of daily life with many children, the misunderstandings between husband and wife, the financial burdens…we had the rosary.

When the kids got hurt or sick, when I was very ill, when hubby was in the hospital and we had no money to pay, through tragedies, accidents and fires, when I didn’t understand why God was letting things happen to us…. we were saying the Rosary.

Steady and constant, we prayed it every day, amid slouching kids, tired husband, cranky, pregnant wife.

Thank God for that Rosary. I know my life is not done yet. We still have children at home, children who can….and will….make a lot of mistakes. But for the record, they all (married ones, too) put their Faith first, amid their own struggles. They say the daily Rosary and it will be what holds them together through thick and thin.

If you have troubles, say the Rosary. If, amid your noisy and boisterous family, you are suffering loneliness, say the Rosary. Do you have fears and worries? Say the Rosary. Are your rosaries dry and distracted?…Keep saying it.

Truly, who knows better than Our Lady, Our Mother, our humanness, our failings, how small we are, how distracted we are. She will help. Persevere. Don’t give up.

It is just now that I am beginning more to understand the beauty, the mystery, the  deep, interior, spiritual growth that can take place through the Rosary. Like I said, I am a slow learner.

I am glad that God is very, very patient.

He has given us a very special gift. Don’t take it for granted and don’t go a day without saying it!

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The Annunciation “Hail, Full of Grace”

Another day had begun in the little home of Nazareth – a quiet, cool March day. Mary would spend it as she had spent countless others, quietly working about the house.

An ordinary girl, Mary, as the world judges; ordinary like the rest of the villagers, like Joseph…

Suddenly an angel was by her side: “Hail, full of grace!“

An ordinary person would be rather disturbed by such a visitor, and by such a greeting. And Mary was! “She was troubled at his word.“

The angel had implied that Mary loved God with all her heart, soul, mind, strength; that she loved God enough to become His Mother.
Loving God wholeheartedly – like Mary, I was created to do just that – and being “ordinary“ puts no barriers in my way!

“It is difficult for a child to be better than his home environment or for a nation to be superior to the level of its home life. In fulfilling its double purpose – the generation and formation of children – the home becomes a little world in itself, self-sufficient even in its youngest years. It is vital that you, as a mother or father, make of your home a training ground in character-building for your children, who will inherit the world’s problems. Home is a place in which the young grow in harmony with all that is good and noble, where hardship, happiness, and work are shared.” – Father Lawrence G. Lovasik

Need some book suggestions? Visit…

My Book List

Book List for Catholic Men

Book List for the Youth

Advent Package Special! The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal & Celine’s Advent

 Available here.

Available individually here.

Details

The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal:
Advent is such a special season! And you are about to make it more meaningful than you ever have!
This Advent journal is for busy moms who need a little help making this season special within the home. It will help you stay on track and be consistent with the customs you have decided to incorporate within your four walls.
I have broken it down into bite-sized tidbits that, when laid out for you, will be easy to accomplish. As you check each item off you will get a sense of fulfillment knowing you are getting done what is truly important in this expectant season! The other things will get done….but first things first!
At midnight, on Christmas Eve, when Baby Jesus arrives, you and your family will look back upon your Advent and sigh with satisfaction, knowing you truly have celebrated with the Church, that you have put your best foot forward in making this a spiritual, enchanting, holy time for all!
The first few pages of this book will have a run-down of the special Advent customs and activities that will be on your checklist each day. They are simple, they are doable.
I hope this Advent is more special than ever as we walk hand-in-hand making the Liturgy come alive in our homes!

Celine’s Advent:
Take a walk through Advent as Celine and her family prepare for the coming of the Baby Jesus at Christmas! You will enjoy celebrating the beauty of the season with Celine as she helps her mom with the special traditions and activities that make the liturgy come alive in their home! Her “peanut gallery” consists of a mouse named Percy and some charming and delightful Christmas Angels! They are sure to capture your heart!

Sav

Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.

You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.

This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

My Rule of Life

Before I begin this little excerpt about my own Rule of Life, I would like to say that I have one maxim I go by, reminding myself of it often. It is: “People are more important than things…and schedules, and accomplishments, etc.”

That being said, my thoughts on a Rule of Life:

I never heard of this term before until I picked up the book A Mother’s Rule of Life several years ago. I lived it, to a certain extent, but didn’t know what it was called.
One thing I so appreciated from that book was the part on the Spiritual Life…she talked about tithing your time to God.
She suggested a certain amount of time, 10% of your waking hours, that you dedicate to God …which I thought was pretty neat. It gave me something to go by and some kind of a goal.
It was then that I began to “journal” or write down my list on the spiritual things I wanted to accomplish throughout each day. And I would check them off as I went along. I was hung up on the numbers for awhile (making sure I got my “tithing” in) and then eventually that part fell by the wayside.
This began a habit in me that I have practiced for many years now…the writing down of what I wanted to accomplish spiritually each day. And this list-making reached out into other aspects of my life.
I firmly believe the spiritual duties we do each day are the foundation of any Rule of Life. It is at the top of my page each day in my Journal.

Here’s what mine looks like:
Morning Prayers (private)
Daily Mass, if possible (with children)
Mercy Chaplet (with children)
Family Rosary (with family)
Night Prayers (private)

In order to accomplish our spiritual things and the other things we need to do each day, we need to take care of our body.
How will we say our 15 minutes of Morning Prayer (if that’s what we have committed to) if we don’t get to sleep at a decent hour? It is valuable to put a time for rising on our list and sticking to it as much as we can. This will be difficult if the time for going to bed is ignored.
In the evening, there may be extenuating circumstances in raising a family…but we have to admit, a lot of the time we bring our fatigue on ourselves (talking to myself here). We lollygag at night, putting off going to bed for whatever reason and then, guess what?? We are too tired the next morning to get up and start the day right, with the first thing on our list….Morning Prayers. And then it goes downhill from there….Blah. So, remember, your accomplishments during the day and how well the day turns out begin the evening before!

This is what my “bodily” or “health” section looks like. It’s simple and doable:
Exercise (T-Tapp, a walk, tread milling, etc.)
Take supplements
Water (half a person’s body weight in ounces)

(You can add what time to bed, what time for rising and anything else that is important to you in this category)
Check them off as you do them!

Next is your household duties. The important stuff…and write it down. Mine probably looks different than yours does because I have girls who take over some of the big things. Here’s an example of what yours can begin with:

1.Meals
2. School
3.Laundry
(Add to this section of your list as you see fit but just the important things…the MUST-DO’S.)

Keep things picked up in between time…maybe plan a 20 minute hoopla with the kids as everyone takes a room. This could be done more than once a day…and added to your list.

And then, added to the bottom of your list….one big thing, like clean fridge. ….but only for 15 minutes!

And do it for 15 minutes each day until it is done! Set the timer. Oftentimes we can’t make it through a whole big job…and we tend to avoid it if it is big. So…break it up into doable slots of time. I am always amazed at how much I get done in 15 minutes and how quickly these big jobs get accomplished. A great feeling, indeed!

I think this is valuable…..Zig Ziglar (who is a big guru in the positive motivational field) said to plan into your schedule time with your family. Yes, I know as busy mothers, we are always with our family, working hard for them each day, rubbing shoulders with them, etc. But maybe we could write down…20 minutes with kids…and spend that time building Lego, reading a story, telling a story, crafting or whatever. Those are the kind of things that, built into your rule of life, you will never regret.
Write.it.down.

So a recap of your categories on your list:
Spiritual Duties
Bodily Health
Most Necessary Housework Things we Can’t NOT Do (always excepting extenuating circumstances)
One Big Thing (for 15 minutes)
Time With Family                                                                                                  Other things you’d like to accomplish                                            

Just a mention…try to get in a little breather for yourself each day, whether it is doing a bit of crocheting or looking up a special website online. It’s important we recharge, too!

All the other little things you have to accomplish each day can revolve around this list. This is your go-to, your foundation. It won’t be perfect. That’s ok. And you can write the little things down, too. It’s great when we can check things off! And if you don’t get them done that day, put them on the next day and try again!

An Example List:

This may not be detailed enough for you. Here is the link to Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life. It has been years since I read it, my daughter-in-law is reading it and loving it!

A quote from My Prayer Book, Father Lasance:
“One of the means,” says a spiritual writer, “of acquiring and perfecting in us the interior life, which raises a man above the merely terrestrial and animal life to the height of the divine life in Jesus Christ consists in adopting and following a rule of life, which does not leave the employment of our time to caprice, but assigns to each moment its own proper duty”
“Let all things be done decently and according to order.” says St. Paul. (1Cor. xiv. 40)
“Where there is no rule there is no order,” says Father Hamon. “We live by caprice and fancies. With a rule of life, on the contrary, all is done in an orderly manner; each duty has its proper time set apart for it; nothing is forgotten; nothing is done in haste or in a careless manner.
Thanks to a rule of life, all is done well; and that which is true in regard to order is equally so in regard to practices of piety.
With a rule of life they are done with exactitude; without a rule they have no fixed hour; we defer them, then we again defer them, and we finish by omitting them entirely.”

Creating a home filled with order and cleanliness (as much as is possible in your state of life and in your unique circumstances 😊)communicates a heart that is ordered and pure. Take a moment today to make your home more simply organized and see how the sweet savor blesses those around you. -Emilie Barnes, Keep It Simple for Busy Women http://amzn.to/2y2JoN3

Beautiful Blessed Mother Wire Wrapped Rosary! Lovely, Durable… Available here.

To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you’ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.

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Chit-Chat with Finer Fem

The following are answers to a few questions that I have received lately…

(The post of Mom’s death is here.)

You mentioned in your post of your mother’s death that she died one hour away from First Saturday? What is the significance of that and what is the Sabbatine Privilege?

The Sabbatine Privilege 

Wearing the Scapular even extends to Purgatory.

The Sabbatine Privilege is based on the Papal Bull issued on March 3, 1322 by Pope John XXII. This Privilege was approved and confirmed by many popes including St. Pius V. It essentially says that those who wear the Scapular and fulfill two other conditions can obtain early liberation from Purgatory, through the special intercession of the Virgin Mary, on the day consecrated to her, Saturday.

The other two conditions are: 1) Observe chastity according to one’s state in life and 2) Recite the Little Office of Our Blessed Mother (the Rosary, with permission from a priest, can be substituted for the office).

Our Lady revealed to Venerable Dominic of Jesus and Mary: “Although many wear my Scapular, only a few fulfill conditions for the Sabbatine Privilege.” We maintain the majority don’t know them. It is an act of charity to make the Sabbatine Privilege known to all.

A soul from Purgatory was asked by a Sister: “What is the average stay of the souls in Purgatory?” The Poor Soul answered: “From thirty to forty years!” Can you see the importance of making Our Lady’s Privilege known – if you consider that the flames are the same as the fires of Hell!

In your post on your mom’s death, you laid your rings on her after she had passed. What was the reason for this?

We laid our rings on her so we could have something that touched her after her death.

Knowing my mom and who she was, what she stood for and the prayers she said, along with the Sabbatine Privilege, we were hopeful that she flew into the arms of Jesus and Mary. Therefore, we wanted something we wore all the time to be touched to her. If she is a saint in heaven, venerating that article brings blessings.

Keep in mind, we are not saying that we believe she is a saint…but we are hopeful. That being said, we will continue to pray for her and are having the Gregorian Masses said for her. (Don’t ever take it for granted that your loved one is in heaven, that’s a mistake you DON’T want to make. Continue to pray for them.)

What are the Gregorian Masses?

Gregorian Masses are a series of Holy Masses traditionally offered on 30 consecutive days as soon as possible after a person’s death. They are offered for an individual soul.

The custom of offering Gregorian Masses for a particular soul recognizes that few people are immediately ready for heaven after death, and that, through the infinite intercessory power of Christ’s sacrifice, made present in Holy Mass, a soul can be continually perfected in grace and enabled to enter finally into the union with the Most Holy Trinity – our God, Who is Love Itself.

History of Gregorian Masses

Gregorian Masses take their name from Saint Gregory the Great, who was sovereign Pontiff from 590 to 604. St. Gregory the Great contributed to the spread of the pious practice of having these Masses celebrated for the deliverance of the souls from purgatory. In his Dialogues, he tells us that he had Masses on thirty consecutive days offered for the repose of the soul of Justus, a monk who had died in the convent of St. Andrew in Rome. At the end of the thirtieth Mass, the deceased appeared to one of his fellow monks and announced that he had been delivered from the flames of Purgatory.

Where do you get them from…the Gregorian Masses?

We get ours from The Universal Living Rosary.

I have a question for you.  My Dad used to say of my Grandpa that he always “saw” him at a certain age no matter how old he got.  Do you have a special picture of your mom that she always looked that way to you?  Does she smile just right?  Do her eyes twinkle a little?  What color were her eyes?   Does she look like she can see exactly what you are thinking?  If you do, would you share it?  Those are the best pictures to show how someone was. 🙂

Here are some pictures of Mom as I remember her. She always struggled to lose weight and made the comment that she would finally lose weight when she was 90 years old and in her coffin. We loved her just the way she was, of course.

And she DID lose a lot of weight this past year…. (Her eyes were blue.)

Was your mom always Catholic? How did she survive the years when the Church became so liberal?

My mom was Catholic and was taught by the nuns. Her mom was a convert, her dad a staunch Catholic, though he did not talk about the Faith much, from what I gathered.

Dad and Mom fell away from the church for close to twenty-five years. When Mom made it back…through searching, because of her suffering…the Church had changed so much it was not recognizable from when her and dad left.

Mom persevered going to church and was ridiculed for receiving on the tongue, kneeling when receiving Communion, fully genuflecting, being reverent, etc.

She finally searched out a Traditional Mass…which was few and far between back then. She traveled far to go there….her family (all of us) thought she was nuts.

Through Mom’s reading of old Catholic books (discarded and bought from garage sales, etc.), spending two hours in prayer each morning (rising at 5am), wearing her scapular, etc., Mom became a solid Pillar of Faith. (Before she came back to the Church, she suffered much from depression, was on medication, and even went through”shock treatments” to try and help her ailments.)

The transformation was real and my brothers and I watched in awe (though not always supportive).

Mom’s faith and perseverance paid off. My dad died a holy death. There were signs and consolations after my two brothers’ deaths that we can have reasonable hope they made it.

My two other brothers in Canada are solid in the Faith. I love the faith and  pray to persevere always. My sister needs prayers but she is a prayerful person and, I believe, her journey will end well.

What greater gift can children have from their mother than the Faith that will lead them through life and past the threshold into Eternity?

Thanks, Mom.

“It follows that in helping your child to satisfy his basic emotional needs to love and be loved, you give something as necessary as food for his full development. So do not be beguiled by aspirations for a worldly career or by the desire to prove yourself as intelligent as men or as capable in affairs of the world as they. You can make your greatest contribution to your family as the heart of your home.” – Rev. George A. Kelly

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The rosary, scapulars, formal prayers and blessings, holy water, incense, altar candles. . . . The sacramentals of the Holy Catholic Church express the supreme beauty and goodness of Almighty God. The words and language of the blessings are beautiful; the form and art of statues and pictures inspire the best in us. The sacramentals of themselves do not save souls, but they are the means for securing heavenly help for those who use them properly. A sacramental is anything set apart or blessed by the Church to excite good thoughts and to help devotion, and thus secure grace and take away venial sin or the temporal punishment due to sin. This beautiful compendium of Catholic sacramentals contains more than 60,000 words and over 50 full color illustrations that make the time-tested sacramental traditions of the Church – many of which have been forgotten since Vatican II – readily available to every believer.

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Rest in Peace, Mom +++

Words fail me as I sit here trying to express the loss we all feel at having Mom/Grandma/Great-Grandma gone.

The last week before her death was extra rough. She was with us at home, in her apartment. We had a nice hospital bed for her from Hospice in her living room. The family was keeping watch, sponging her mouth, giving her water and medication, as needed, being there around the clock. The couples, with all the grandchildren came every night.

By Tuesday I felt for sure she was going to leave this world. Hubby said. “I bet she will wait until Friday…so she will be rewarded with the promise of going to heaven the first Saturday after death”

This is called the Sabbatine Privilege. It is attached to wearing the scapular and has certain conditions (all of which Mom fulfilled in her life).

I couldn’t believe she would hold on that long…but she did. An hour before the First Saturday of the month, 11:00 p.m., Mom passed to the next life amid tears, prayers and songs. We continued to pray and sing until midnight. It was very moving. I will include here her obituary, some photos and a lovely poem by a friend.

One day I will do a Tribute, telling a little more about her life, to the most wonderful woman I know….

Obituary

On September 4, 2020, Beulah Louella Weeres passed away at age 83 after a brief illness.

Beulah was born and raised in Saskatchewan, Canada. She lived on a farm and had eight siblings. It was a hard but good life.

Beulah married in 1957 to Vince Weeres. They had six children. Two sons have preceded her in death, Steven and Paul Weeres, who resided in Canada. Her husband, Vincent, also preceded her. She is survived by four children: Michael Weeres: Kitimat, B.C., Canada, Brent Weeres: Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada, Leane VanderPutten: Rossville, KS and Janice Weeres: Rossville, KS. She is also survived by 28 grandchildren and 43 great-grandchildren.

Beulah lived a very full life…

After her marriage, in her twenties and early thirties, she worked as a Nurse’s Aide for 13 years at the Grey Nun’s Hospital in Regina, Canada. She did not have her driver’s license so she would walk the mile to and from work. They were poor, so the money was needed. She spent the years after she left her career, caring for her growing children.

A few years following their move to the U.S.A. (in 1990), at the age of 62, after studying and working hard, Beulah received a Doctorate in Naturopathy. She used these talents, along with her giving and generous heart, to care deeply for her family and neighbors. She did this not out of obligation or for monetary gain, but because of who she was.

She was always the first to offer help. No matter how ill she felt herself, or what worries she was experiencing, she always ensured that every person who crossed her threshold left feeling safer, healthier, and happier.

Beulah’s Catholic Faith was her driving force in everything she did. It was the foundation of her life and she spread that hope and joy to whoever asked her for advice….and there were many. The daily Rosary and daily Mass was her lifeline.

She arose early in the morning to pray and each day was dotted with conversations with the Blessed Mother and her Beloved Son. Beulah’s faith, perseverance and devotion will echo through her children and grandchildren and the Faith that they also carry in their hearts.

Beulah spent her remaining seven years in an apartment attached to the home of Vince and Leane (her daughter) VanderPutten. Those remaining days she shared her heart and her home to her family and friends and her family took loving care of her.

She was surrounded by her loved ones at home, singing and praying, as she crossed the threshold into the next life….

Rest in peace Mom/Grandma/Great-Grandma. We love you and you will be greatly missed!

I designed the Holy Card….

Front:

Back:

MAMMA’S ROSARY

I remember Mamma’s rosary, it was always in her hands,
With her fingers working quickly across the beaded strands.

With the words of each Hail Mary, her worries fell away,
As she’d go about her housework and sanctify her day.

With trust she’d always grab them when things would go astray,
Mixing rosary beads and tear drops, as silently she’d pray.

She could pull one out of nowhere, and they seemed to multiply.
As she’d pass one out to each of us, we dare not roll our eyes!

It’s funny, how years later, as I sit with her in Mass,
I spy the same old rosary beads she holds upon her lap.

There’s a peaceful look of Heaven as she prays on every bead,
With her total trust in Jesus supplying all her needs.

But when that day shall come I dread, when she is here no more,
I’ll pray those special rosary beads just as she had before.

(©2011 Donna Sue Berry) Thank you, Donna Sue Berry!

Requiescat in pace, Mom.+ Oct. 31, 1936-Sept.4, 2020

Below is a gallery. We were able to livestream the Wake/Rosary, the Funeral High Mass and the Burial for my two brothers who live in Canada so they could take part…

All the family spent time with Mom in her last days…

Sep and Colin help to keep her hydrated

Father came the day before she died and brought a small piece of the Host for Mom

She is surrounded by much love

She could talk to us a little bit through the week

The children brought her flowers.

She is resting on Rosie’s lap. Rosie was faithful night and day helping Grandma

I read the prayers of the dying…

Mom’s hands…so willing to help.

We laid our rings on her so we could have something that touched her after her death.

Gemma got together pictures to display at the wake and the reception.

My brother, Steve, sketched the left picture. Mom’s Doctorate of Naturopathy Certificate was on display.

Our kitchen table centerpiece has lovely flowers, the candle from the funeral home and nice cards on display.

Pallbearers

Blessing of casket afterwards

Son, Angelo was MC and grandson, Brendan, was thurifer.

Father and altar servers – mostly our son and grandsons

Procession out

Gin made the beautiful casket spray with Grandma’s favorite flowers….birds of paradise.

Burial…

My Morning and Night Prayers – Sharing With You….

A Throwback Thursday post….

I am going to share with you something close to my heart, rather personal, and that I do every day….

It is my Morning and Night prayers.

Someone wrote to me about a year ago and asked what I say for morning and night prayers and it made me think that not everyone has a guideline for this sort of thing.

Through the years and my own research…good prayer books, wise mentors, etc., I have come up with some basic prayers that I say for morning and night prayers that I think could be helpful to some.

Please know that this is just a guideline….the most important being the Morning Offering (in the morning) and the Examination of Conscience and Act of Contrition (in the evening). Everything else is optional, can be changed, tweaked, etc. Most of you already have your morning and night prayers in place, so you may just want to snag a couple of prayers or ideas….

A Note About the Morning Offering and the Evening Examen of Conscience:

Our Morning and Night Prayers are so important! They are like the Bookends that hold up the rest of the day. There are other prayers I/we as a family say each day, but these Morning and Night prayers are vital.

What about that Morning Offering? Why would you even make your bed or brush your teeth before saying it? Do you realize that when you say that offering you are giving everything you think, say and do in the day and offering it as a prayer and a sacrifice to be used for yours and your loved ones benefit? Next time, think before you decide to delve into your day’s work. Did I say my Morning Offering?? Even if you have to say the rest of your prayers a little later, get that Morning Offering in!

It’s like our priest says, if you write a bunch of 000’s on a board what does it equal? Nothing.

Now….put a 1 in front of them….kind of changes the value, doesn’t it?

And that is just what a Morning Offering does for us! It is the 1 before the 0’s!

What about at night….Do we take a moment to ask God’s forgiveness for those sins we may have committed that day or for things we should have done but didn’t (sins of omission)?

This is very important…it is a tallying up of the day and asking God’s forgiveness so we can gather strength for the next day. It also helps us when it comes time to go to Confession. If we keep up with this, we can think of our sins more clearly.

We also don’t know if we will die in the night. Things happen. We’ve seen it. We want to be prepared, right?

Just lately one of my girls said their night prayers are so loooong. I questioned her. She asks blessings for many people and feels like she has to name them all. Being a sensitive soul, she just can’t leave out ANYONE!

Now, I understand that…and I feel the same way. But I explained to her that she can mention the ones that are most in need at the time and ask Our Lady (who she is consecrated to) to take care of all the rest of her loved ones she cares for. That is what Our Lady does. She knows who to distribute these prayers to…for us! She knows more than we do!

So….the following are the prayers I say in the morning and in the evening.. They are just suggestions. It is important you do not take on too much but say them well. Quantity is not the important thing here.

MORNING PRAYERS

Traditional Morning Offering:

O Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer Thee my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world. I offer them for the intentions of Thy Sacred Heart, the salvation of souls, reparation for sins, and in union of all Christians. I offer them for the intentions of our bishop, the apostleship of prayer and for those recommended by Our Holy Father the Pope for this month.

Prayer to St. Joseph: (over 1900 years old)

Oh St. Joseph whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires. Oh St. Joseph, do assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your Divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, our Lord; so that, having engaged here below your heavenly power, I may offer you my thanksgiving and homage to the most loving of fathers. Oh St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms. I dare not approach Him while He reposes near your heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine Head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath. St. Joseph, patron of departing souls, pray for us.
Amen.

Memorare:

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

Spiritual Communion…Read this post if you want to be inspired about this powerful prayer!

O My Jesus,
I believe that Thou art in the Blessed Sacrament.

I love Thee above all things,
and I long for Thee in my soul.
Since I cannot now receive Thee sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart. As though You have already come, I unite myself entirely to Thee. Never permit me to be separated from Thee.

(Take some time here to meditate. Just a minute or two.)

I add these personal petitions at this time, you could add a short list of your own:

For the gift of loving You above all things, to do Your will in all things, for a spirit of self-sacrifice, to be poor in spirit and detached from the things of this world, to love my husband as the Blessed Mother loved St. Joseph, for patience, humility, charity, faith, purity and final perseverance.

Come Holy Ghost Prayer: (very important, we need His wisdom and guidance throughout the day). Read The Holy Ghost, Our Greatest Friend to help you realize the importance of the Holy Ghost in your life.

Come, Holy Ghost, fill the hearts of Thy faithful and enkindle in them the fire of Thy love. Send forth Thy Spirit and they shall be created. And Thou shalt renew the face of the earth. … O God, Who didst instruct the hearts of Thy faithful by the light of the Holy Ghost,, grant us in the same Spirit to be truly wise, and ever to rejoice in His consolation. Through the same Christ Our Lord. Amen.

Eternal Rest Prayer: (for our dearly departed)

Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon them, May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

3 Hail Mary’s (To learn more about the 3 Hail Mary’s listen to this sermon.)

Now, say your 3 Hail Mary’s. You can offer them for purity, or for whatever. I have a special intention(s) for each of the three. Or you can just say the 3 Hail Marys. They are powerful…don’t forget them!

Morning Prayer:

O God we thank thee that Thou has protected us during the past night and has protected us from a sudden and unexpected death. Please give us Thy grace that we may not offend Thee this day but that we may faithfully do Thy holy Will in all things. Amen.

Prayer for those who will die this day:

O Most Merciful Jesus, lover of souls, I pray Thee by the agony of Thy most Sacred Heart and by the sorrows of Thy Immaculate Mother, cleanse in Thine own Blood, the sinners of the whole world who are in their agony and will die this day. Amen. Agonizing Heart of Jesus, have mercy on the dying.

St. Raphael, Pray for us.

(St. Raphael is the patron of happy meetings, he guides us in our vocations, he is the help of the sick and the protector of travelers.)

NIGHT PRAYERS

Act of Faith

O My God, I firmly believe that Thou art one God in Three Divine Persons, the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. I believe that Thy Divine Son became Man, and died for our sins, that He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe these and all the truths which the Holy Catholic Church teaches, because Thou hast revealed them, Who canst neither deceive nor be deceived.

Act of Hope

O my God, relying on Thy almighty power and infinite mercy and promises, I
hope to obtain the pardon of my sins, the help of Thy grace, and Life Everlasting, through the merits of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Redeemer.

Act of Charity

O my God, , I love Thee above all things, with my whole heart and soul, because Thou art all-good and worthy of all love. I love my neighbor as myself for the love of Thee. I forgive all who have injured me, and ask pardon of all whom I have injured.

Examination of Conscience

Spend just a few moments recalling the sins you committed during the day….and also your omissions (the things you should’ve done but didn’t).

Act of Contrition

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell; but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.

Other Prayers:

O God we thank Thee for all the benefits and blessings which Thou hast given us this day. We offer Thee the good that we have done with Thy grace and the hardships that we have sustained.

O Angel of God, to whose holy care I am committed, enlighten, defend and protect me this night from all sin and danger. Amen.

PRAYER FOR THE HOME

(I have married children and siblings I care about so when I say this prayer, I put “these habitations” in place of “this habitation”.)

Visit, We beseech Thee, O Lord, this habitation, and drive far from it all the snares of the enemy; let Thy holy angels dwell herein to preserve us in peace; and may Thy blessing be upon us forever. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Prayer to Jesus, Mary and Joseph:

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, I give you my heart and my soul. Jesus, Mary, Joseph, assist me in my last agony. Jesus, Mary, Joseph, let my soul depart in peace with you.

Prayer for Peace:

O God from whom are holy desires, just works and right counsels, give to Thy servants that peace which the world cannot give, that our hearts may be disposed to obey Thy commandments and the fear of our enemies being removed, our times, by Thy protection, may be peaceful. Through Our Lord Jesus Christ Who liveth and reigneth world without end. Amen.

Every morning, we may be tempted to put off our prayers until “later” or skip them altogether because we have much to do and action is where it is at. If we allow the devil to win in this very first struggle of the day, he will win many more of the battles throughout the day. Our Morning Prayers, whether they be said while nursing a baby or changing a diaper, need to be a priority and the very foundation of our daily life. -Finer Femininity

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Revised under Pope Pius XII, this official collection (raccolta) of the Church’s prayers and devotions was published in English in 1957. It includes a timely supplement of additional prayers for many urgent needs all of which were composed under the same pontiff. Many of the more commonly used prayers and devotions are followed by the Latin text, thus providing the perfect aid for teachers and parents anxious to keep the Church’s language both alive and spiritually efficacious. These eight hundred prayers touch practically every spiritual and physical need, and every personal and societal hope. They are the confidently suppliant voice of the Catholic Church in her maternal zeal, joy and agony, nobility and militancy.

* Prayers and Devotions 1958 Edition Reprint

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This unique book of powerful prayers and devotions, compiled by Joan Carroll Cruz, includes wonderful promises made by Our Lord or Our Lady, most of which were revealed to famous Saints, including: St. Faustina, St. Gertrude, and St. Catherine Laboure. Author Joan Carroll Cruz has carefully selected and compiled devotions to Our Lady, the Infant Jesus, Precious Blood, Sacred Heart, Divine Mercy, St. Michael, and more in one place so that your daily prayer can be more powerful and more fruitful than ever before.

The School Bell is Ringing….Are You Ready?

Tags

organizing, overwhelmed

My “Getting Ready for School” post….

You’re kidding me, right?? But I’m still waiting for the relaxing days of summer vacation?? And it’s over?

That’s my feelings this year. It has been a busy summer and I keep waiting for that one week…just one week where we can just drift through…doing nothing!

Anyway, it is time and that is why I am reposting this article. I really don’t mean to get your feathers ruffled!

Actually I love school days, too. The schedule can be a beautiful thing….it’s all in the attitude. So….Let’s Get Ready!

The School Bell is Ringing….Are You Ready?

Painting by Jim Daly

With school just around the corner and so many responsibilities and things to accomplish, we may get a little nervous on how we are going to pull it all off.

I know, for me, summer time is so full, my days are bursting, that I truly wonder how I am going to “fit” school back in with all its demands.

I find my life goes in spurts. I am organized for a time, then it slips through my fingers for awhile. I have learned not to get discouraged, trusting that, with grace, I will get it together again. So I know what works for me and I know what doesn’t. Floundering does not work. 🙂 It is always good to have a plan.

The following are a few things that help me along the way not to get too stressed. Maybe a point or two might work for you, too.

1. Make your list. If you are feeling overwhelmed you may think that writing it all down will make you feel more burdened. That’s not how it works. When you can get it down on paper, you can sort and prioritize. Those lowest on the “essential” list can be put on the next day so you can slowly work at getting them all done. If you don’t get it done the next day, continue to add it to the next one. Checking each thing off gives you a sense of accomplishment and energizes you!

2. Keep the house picked up. My corners aren’t always great but if you were to walk into my house at a given time, it would be generally clean….unless we decided to go play volleyball instead of doing the dishes right away (priorities, you know. 🙂 )

3. Go to Bed. 🙂 If I can go to bed and get up at consistent hours, it helps a lot. It’s important for the kids to do the same. Summertime is a season of later bedtimes. We loosen up the night time schedule and relax for a spell. It is quite refreshing….for a time.  I notice how much it affects the next day, these inconsistent and later schedules. That’s okay for a while during the summer but you wouldn’t want to do that during school days. So regularity on getting to bed is important.

4. Wake up at a consistent time, earlier than the family, if you can. With the demands of young children, and the lack of sleep that goes with that, this isn’t always possible. At times like those, we need to just offer it up. That being said, nothing helps me more than getting up before everyone else, getting my prayers said, and doing other duties before the family gets up. It gets me started on the right foot.

5. Plan Your Meals! Okay this one I am not very good at but, Wow! does it take the stress-load off!! I have periods in my life when my girls are taking over the meals so it is hard for me to get back in the swing of things when they are occupied with other life things. But it makes such a huge difference! So if you can get it together once a week to plan those meals, DO SO! It will make a positive impact on your week!

6. Get yourself fully dressed first thing, right down to your shoes. This will help you to get motivated to accomplish things right off in the morning.  I also wash my face with cold water first thing in the morning. I started that 2 years ago when we had the drought. It was a waste of water to leave the tap running until it got warm, so the cold water did the job and now I like the “pick me up” it gives me. Try it! 🙂

So…what kind of things make me feel more organized and on top of things:

!. Number one for me is sticking to my “Spiritual List”, starting with morning prayers and then the other simple spiritual things on that list throughout the day.   If I can check each of those off then I feel like I have accomplished the most important duty and can have the focus and grace to accomplish the other ones that fill up my day.

2. If I haven’t already got an ongoing chore list for the kids (better if it is made the night before) so they know what they should be doing, I make a quick one in the morning for each child. Then everyone knows what they should be doing and you don’t have to have your mind going in all different directions trying to figure out what needs to be done and who needs to do it! The kids are able to tackle their jobs and have the satisfaction of checking it off each time it is accomplished! (Mom….don’t forget to inspect those chores!)

3. Keep the house picked up. (I know, I talked about this already.) Don’t get obsessive about it, especially if you have young children, but periodically through the day get everyone to help with a “pick-me-up”. When you can look at a clean table and a generally clean house, it invigorates and at the same time relaxes you. It’s easier to focus on the next thing to be done.

4. Delegate. Remember, you are the supervisor. Of course, supervisors get their hands dirty, too, but if there is something that you can delegate, do. It helps the children to grow into responsible adults.

5. Don’t listen to negative self-talk. Don’t analyze it, just don’t listen to it. Period. It will bring you down and make you sluggish in accomplishing what you need to get done. Instead, look at your list and do the next thing, say a prayer, grab a book and read it, spend some time with the kids. It’s not worth listening to the rubbish that goes on inside your head.

6. DON’T feel sorry for yourself!! If you have lots to do, thank God for it. He will help you accomplish it….one step at a time. There are many lonely people in this world, many trapped in their addictions, many sad and discouraged because of broken relationships. Learn to thank God for what you DO HAVE and all the wonderful things you GET TO DO each day. Sometimes it just takes an attitude change. He never gives us more than we can bear. Believe it!

7. One last tip….a little self-care goes a long way. When you need a break, grab some coffee and a piece of your Trim Healthy Mama Lemon cake….sit down at the table and  since you don’t want to share it with anyone because of all the expensive ingredients….and they just eat whatever anyway…..put a towel over your head! Surely, they won’t notice?

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“Hospitality is so much more than entertaining-so much more than menus and decorating and putting on a show. To me, it means organizing my life in such a way that there’s always room for one more, always an extra place at the table or an extra pillow and blanket, always a welcome for those who need a listening ear. It means setting aside time for planned camaraderie and setting aside lesser priorities for impromptu gatherings.” -Emilie Barnes. Simple Secrets to a Beautiful Home

Finer Femininity is a small publication compiled to inspire Catholic women in their vocations. It consists of uplifting articles from authors with traditional values, with many of them from priests, written over 50 years ago. These anecdotes are timeless but, with the fast-paced “progress “of today’s world, the pearls within the articles are rarely meditated upon. This little magazine offers Catholic womankind support and inspiration as they travel that oftentimes lonely trail….the narrow road to heaven. The thoughts within the pages will enlighten us to regard the frequently monotonous path of our “daily duties” as the beautiful road to sanctity. Feminine souls need this kind of information to continue to “fight the good fight” in a world that has opposing values and seldom offers any kind of support to these courageous women. Inside the pages you will find inspiration for your roles as single women, as wives and as mothers. In between the thought-provoking articles, the pages are sprinkled with pictures, quotes and maybe even a recipe or two.

The Wife’s Maglet, Young Lady’s, Sunshiny Disposition, True Womanhood and The Heart of the Home During Advent and Christmas…..Available here.

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• Establish simple systems that save time and money and gain peace of mind
• Organize the home’s problem areas–kitchen cupboards, crowded closets, home offices, and more
• Reclaim precious time for family and friends

Filled with inspiration, encouragement, and tried-and-true tips, this book is a must-have for every woman!

The good news is that a beautiful home doesn’t require too much money, too much energy, or too much time. Bestselling author and home-management expert Emilie Barnes shows readers how they can easily weave beauty and happiness into the fabric of their daily lives. With just a touch of inspiration, readers can

• turn their homes into havens of welcome and blessing
• build a lifestyle that beautifully reflects their unique personalities
• enrich their spirits with growing things (even if their thumbs are several shades shy of green)
• make mealtimes feasts of thanksgiving and kitchen duty fun
• establish traditions of celebration that allow joy to filter through to everyday life

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Self-Conscious Sue and the Ice Cream Social

A little story to remind us that the more we forget self, the happier we become….

by Leane VanderPutten

It was a lovely afternoon with the branches of the trees swaying in the breeze. Suzi was looking out the window as she was wiping the last of the dishes.

Tonight was the Ice Cream Social. All the young people in their parish, the neighboring parish and maybe even some out-of-towners would be there. There would be ice cream, games, a live band. It should be fun. The weather was mild and lovely.

But Sue’s brow was furrowed. She wasn’t thinking of the ice cream, the games or the weather. She was annoyed with herself…Why did she have to be so self-conscious around people? Why couldn’t she be more relaxed and comfortable? She knew others could tell she was self-conscious, and that made it worse.

While the outgoing, smiling girls made the boys and their comrades feel comfortable, Sue’s gestures were stiff…awkward…which made others feel awkward, too. So she was subtly avoided.

And tonight would be the same. Yes, Sue wanted to go, but she knew what would happen…again. She would struggle the whole evening pretending she wasn’t self-conscious. You can only fool yourself and others for so long.

She knew Charles would be there, too. She respected and liked Charles. He had an easy-going way about him. He was head of the Altar Servers, was religious, yet not with an air of fake piety.

Charles was genuine and liked by many. Tonight, once again, she would look on, wistful as the crowd gathered around him, chatting, laughing and having a good time.

It was hard on her.

And that’s why her brows were furrowed.

Her mom noticed. “Something wrong, dear?“

Sue winced. She didn’t really want to talk about it. It wasn’t something that could be solved by talking. She had learned that in the past.

Her mom sensed the reticence to talk and, not wanting to pry, said a little prayer for her daughter as she went to fold the rest of the clothes. She knew her daughter struggled with these things…

Sue finished the dishes and went to get dressed for the Social.

As she was passing the coffee table, she noticed a book perched on the corner. It was called “Quotes of Wisdom”. She went over and fingered the pages.

“Mom must have just got this book,” she thought.

She didn’t have much time but she opened it up and her eyes fell upon a quote by C.S. Lewis.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less.” She heard this quote before but this time was different. It struck a chord with her.

It’s true, she thought. She went to these parties, thinking of herself…how awkward she was, how shy she felt, how she wished she was like so-and-so or how she yearned Charles would pay attention to her.

Something clicked in Sue this time. “I’m going to do this party different,” she thought. “I’m going there and I’m going to think of others. I’m going to offer a hand to the hostess if she needs help. I’m going to notice if anyone is in need, or feeling awkward like I do, and be extra friendly to them. If I end up in a conversation I’m going to ask questions about them and let them talk.”

Sue’s heart was feeling lighter. As she was getting ready for the party, though, she began to slip back into her worry-mode. “What about this…. “What if I….”, etc.

Whoa! She stopped her thoughts. She mentally gathered those worries and fears in her arms, imagined herself looking into the tender and loving eyes of her Blessed Mother and laid those burdens at her feet.

“Please take care of them, my Mother!“

She threw on her wrap, said goodbye to her parents and walked the short way to the Social.

All through the evening she could feel herself wanting to hide or found herself slipping into self-condemning, intimidating thoughts. She would stop herself each time and leave them at Our Lady’s feet. It helped. It wasn’t easy or perfect, but she knew things were different this time.

And as the evening was coming to a close she actually had a small number of smiling friends form a bit of a circle around her.

Sue looked at her watch. It was late, she knew she had to get home. She finished helping the hostess cleanup.

She went to the closet to get her light wrap she had brought. All of a sudden, a hand reached up and took the wrap from her.

“Let me help you.“

She turned. It was Charles.

“Thank you.“. She said, her eyes sparkling.

As she dashed off into the night, the breeze playing through her hair, she looked up into the starry night and whispered another heartfelt “Thank you!”

Thought for the day…..

Father Irala from Achieving Peace of Heart:

No one who lives for himself alone lives as fully or produces as much as he who lives for others and does good for others.

When you are dominated by your unconscious mental activities, you lead a negative life which is colored by a sickly egoism.

You are always thinking of your own troubles and finding ways to lessen them. You can find no time to busy yourself with others or do any positive and progressive work. You see the enemy everywhere and are wholly taken up with fleeing from him.

Such a person lives, as Fosdick puts it, as if in a room lined with mirrors. Wherever he looks he sees himself.

But when he busies himself with others, several of these mirrors are changed into windows through which he can see other faces, other lives and other more pleasant landscapes.

This Maglet (magazine/booklet) is for you…dear young (and not-so-young), Catholic, Feminine Soul.

It is a compilation of traditional, valuable Catholic articles on the subjects that touch the hearts of serious-minded Catholic young ladies.

There are articles on courtship, purity, singleness, vocation, prayer, confession, friends, tea parties, obedience, etc.

This information is solid, written by orthodox Catholic writers (most of them gone to their eternal home) that cared about the proper formation of a young Catholic adult in a confused world.

Take this information to heart and your journey through adulthood will be filled with many blessings!

It is 40 pages, packed with information. See photo for Table of Contents. Available here.

 

The book is filled with wonderful advice on how to live a happy life…

Here is a complete guide to mature, responsible, even noble behavior in our complex modern society. Written in the 1930s by a wise Jesuit priest and steeped in the wisdom of the ages, these pages teach the timeless principles that have led countless souls to true success and lasting happiness….

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If You Want to Find the Right Person…..You Must BE the Right Person

by Leane VanderPutten

Have you found Mr. Right yet?

If you haven’t then look at it as a blessing! You still have time to become the person God has meant you to be…right where you are at. Let’s face it, if you want to find Mr. Right, you need to become MISS Right first.

If you expect him to be upright, chaste, kind, loving, putting his religion first, then you need to be those things.

Our inner happiness NOW should be a requisite for settling down into a life-long relationship that will require the utmost of virtue. What are you doing to work on that each day?

I remember when I was a young lady of around 20. I had a dear friend, Kay, who was like another mother to me at the time. She asked me what my goal was in life. I told her I wanted to be a wife and a mother of a large family. She looked at me and matter-of-factly said, “Well, get to it!”

I knew what she meant. I needed to roll up my sleeves, learn to become a better cook, learn the womanly arts, learn to give, to love and, most important, grow in my spiritual life! Don’t let any day go by without moving forward. Do not become stagnant!

You also need to rid your life of stumbling blocks that may be slowing you down in your growth of virtue.

What kind of movies are you watching? Are they the kind that you would want your potential spouse to be watching? What about your future kids? Would you want them watching those shows? Those are things we need to think about. We need to make those sacrifices NOW. God blesses these efforts a hundredfold.

Music? Ah…MUSIC! I love music just like the rest of them (ask my kids). I grew up listening to what was on the radio. Back in my day we didn’t have the many choices we have nowadays. We just listened to the latest pop. In my estimation, it wasn’t great…..it wasn’t horrible.

There are lots of good choices out there. Clean up your act. Think about it next time….is this stuff bringing me down? Would I want my kids to be listening to it?

I’m not a stick-in-the-mud mom. I love music, I love dancing. But you had better know what NOT to listen to. There are a lot of grey areas. Pray, listen and be ready to sacrifice. We can still have fun, listen to fun music without it being displeasing to God.

What about your friends? Do they inspire you? Are they a good example? In general, are they on the same path as you? You may think that your presence in their life, even though they are not on the same path as you are, is going to make them a better person. Pray about that one. Oftentimes, the opposite happens and they bring us down. We need to end friendships that take us away from our goal in life….living to please God. We become like the people we associate with.

There are so many things young ladies can be doing to make their lives full in the interim when they are waiting for Mr. Right.

Read good books. There is nothing like an inspiring book to help us make some changes that will make us a better person. Always have a book in progress that is teaching you something worthwhile.

Show more charity in your home…obedience to your parents and kindness towards your siblings. One day you will be making a home of your own. Start practicing the virtues now within your own family circle.

Learn the womanly arts. Sew, cook, crochet. So much fun…and so satisfying!! Take lessons if need be. God gave us a creative nature…..let’s build on that! And you have time right now, when you are single!

Frequent the sacraments more often. Pray, listen to sermons, do your spiritual readings. This needs to be the foundation of your life. We can busily do everything else but if we do not have the grace behind it, we are building our house on a foundation of sand.

There is so much good to be done, so much to learn and so many people to love. Your inner happiness does not have to depend on finding the right man. That happiness needs to be nurtured NOW…..and a good side benefit from that is you will be more appealing to that one good man out there that is keeping his eyes open for an excellent wife and mother of his children!

“Home should not be just a place. Rather, it must be THE place. All else should be ‘outside.’ Home should be the center of activities and interests. It was built for births, courtship, marriage, and death. It is maintained so that children might grow, trained by precept and example – so that they will develop spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, just as they do physically.”
– Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook

🌸💝The Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet (Magazine/Booklet)!! Enjoy articles about friendship, courting, purity, confession, the single life, vocations, etc. Solid, Catholic advice…. A truly lovely book for that young and not-so-young single lady in your life! Available here.

Intricate and Classy Hand-Crafted Kanzashi Accessory Flowers.. Hair, Scarf, Shirt etc…. These fetching ribbon flowers are a perfect accent to any special outfit and provides a sweet final touch! I like to wear these flowers in my hair, but they can be worn many ways! Each petal takes undivided attention! First, it is cut and shaped, then burnt to ensure there will be no fraying. The petals are then folded and glued into a flower design and the finishing touches are then added.

The back of the flower has a clip that easily opens and holds firmly. Ribbon flowers are an excellent alternative to real flowers and will look fresh and beautiful forever! Available here.

A masterpiece that combines the visions of four great Catholic mystics into one coherent story on the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Based primarily on the famous revelations of Ven. Anne Catherine Emmerich and Ven. Mary of Agreda, it also includes many episodes described in the writings of St. Bridget of Sweden and St. Elizabeth of Schenau. To read this book, therefore, is to share in the magnificent visions granted to four of the most priviledged souls in the history of the Church.

In complete harmony with the Gospel story, this book reads like a masterfully written novel. It includes such fascinating details as the birth and infancy of Mary, her espousal to St. Joseph and her Assumption into Heaven where she was crowned Queen of Heaven and Earth.

For young and old alike, The Life of Mary As Seen by the Mystics will forever impress the reader with an inspiring and truly unforgettable understanding of the otherwise unknown facts concerning Mary and the Holy Family. Imprimatur.

He was called the man of his age, the voice of his century. His influence towered above that of his contemporaries, and his sanctity moved God himself. Men flocked to him–some in wonder, others in curiosity, but all drawn by the magnetism of his spiritual gianthood. Bernard of Clairvaux–who or what fashioned him to be suitable for his role of counseling Popes, healing schisms, battling errors and filling the world with holy religious and profound spiritual doctrine? Undoubtedly, Bernard is the product of God’s grace. But it is hard to say whether this grace is more evident in Bernard himself or in the extraordinary family in which God choose to situate this dynamic personality. This book is the fascinating account of a family that took seriously the challenge to follow Christ… and to overtake Him. With warmth and realism, Venerable Tescelin, Blesseds Alice, Guy, Gerard, Humbeline, Andrew, Bartholomew, Nivard and St. Bernard step off these pages with the engaging naturalness that atttacks imitation. Here is a book that makes centuries disappear, as each member of this unique family becomes an inspiration in our own quest of overtaking Christ.

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Mrs. Maria VanderPutten, R.I.P. – Love, Life and a Legacy

July 29th marked the four-year anniversary of the death of Mrs. VanderPutten, my mother-in-law. Like all good mothers, she laid down her life for her family. Please spare her a prayer, if you will.

Two weeks ago, Mrs. Maria VanderPutten, my mother-in-law, went to her Eternal Reward.

She suffered a fall, was taken to the hospital and the doctor gave her 24 to 48 hours to live due to a blood clot on the brain. The physician’s timing was right and now she is gone…..

Although Mom had been suffering with severe dementia for the last two years, her death was unexpected to us. Physically she was frail but she still seemed reasonably healthy, as far as we knew.

I remember the first time I met my future mother-in-law. Vincent and I, with a friend who was the chaperone, traveled from North Dakota (a Catholic Shrine where we had been working and courting) to the Missouri Homestead where the big and boisterous VanderPutten family lived. There were 13 children – 10 boys, 3 girls – and most of them still lived at home. They worked, prayed, and played on their 80 acres with gusto!

Mrs. VanderPutten impressed me from the moment I met her. She was a small but feisty woman who worked hard to keep her home fires burning. From sunup to sundown, she was cooking, cleaning, gardening, taking care of her flowers, telling stories, teaching the Faith, singing, praying.

At prayer time, she led everyone in the songs….many of them Latin.

She told stories of the saints, the end times, the war, the Olde Country (she was from Holland), the Catholic Traditions that she missed so much….

I remember Vincent telling me that she immigrated to Canada from Holland. I also remember him telling me that she was intent on NOT marrying a Dutch farmer.

John VanderPutten was also in Canada. He didn’t frequent the bars or the night spots. He worked hard and then went home. But he was 29 years old and wanted a family of his own. He asked the priest if he had to go to places like these to find a wife. The priest told him, “John, just keep doing what you are doing and pray. God will provide.”

He went to work on a door at a customer’s home. A babysitter was there….her name was Maria….it was a set-up by a friend. They sat and played cards together. The rest is history…..and he was a Dutch farmer who had also immigrated! Just what the Divine Matchmaker ordered! 😀

Their wedding picture:

Mr. VanderPutten was a supervisor of a very successful construction firm in California. They would go on vacation every year. One year they went to Europe with all their nine children for 3 months! John made very good money.

John and Maria knew the value of raising kids Catholic. And they saw the lifestyle in the city, in California, was not conducive to a wholesome atmosphere for raising children.

So, they left everything they had – job, worldly possessions….packed what they could into one vehicle and decided to move somewhere in the country where they could raise their children peacefully…..raise them Catholic, inside and out.

As they traveled around the U.S. they came to a sign in Ohio that read “Apple Cider, Free Samples”. They stopped to get a drink of the freshly pressed juice and John asked the old man if he would be willing to sell his farm to him. The old man hesitated, but only for a moment, and then said that he would. John wrote him out a check for $30,000 and they all moved into the 2 story, run-down old farmhouse that night and began pressing cider to sell the next day!!

Ah! Such Faith and Such Vision. What a willingness to do whatever it takes for the sake of their children’s souls! Talk about seeing the bigger picture!

Fast forward many years, more children……the final destination was FairPlay, MO, living on a beautiful farm with 80 acres where the family worked hard on the land growing melons and other vegetables and fruit to sell to the public…..

Though the season for Truck Farming was busy, working hard each day in the scorching heat for many hours, I remember the pleasant evenings of ice cream and conversation.

I also remember the winters, when things slowed down. Everyone still had their chores. Firewood had to be cut, goats were milked, meals were made, etc. But in between times there was skating, playing board games, lively discussion….

Maria was a strong woman. She was not afraid of sacrifice. And she taught her kids not be afraid of it either. Sympathy was not handed out freely.  I remember Father VanderPutten saying that she would make a meal once a week that, on purpose, tasted lousy just to teach the kids how to sacrifice. Now, I think he was saying that tongue-in-cheek but the gist of it was….if it didn’t taste good….all the better, now you could offer it up!!

If the weather was hot (and it got HOT in Missouri) don’t expect to find comfort at Maria’s. Yes, she had a fan, but AC was out of the question.

November would roll around, cold weather had set in for a time and all the neighbors had been using their heaters, furnaces, etc.  Maria used……a sweater, leggings under her skirt, maybe a scarf….. She hadn’t even started a fire yet in the old wood stove!

Haha…….a difficult place to visit! At least at night when you had a dozen or so kids in tow that you are trying to get to sleep!

But during the day….Ah! It was beautiful, those acres in Missouri! Rolling hills, ponds, goats, horses, raspberries, blackberries, cantaloupe, watermelon……

And so many blueberries!! My husband had planted 2 acres of blueberries when he was working, single and still lived at home. When he decided to move and get married he gave the blueberry patch to his parents.

They had a U-Pick Patch for many years and Maria was out there picking with the rest of them, in the heat, dripping sweat. She pruned, watered and looked after the berries with pride. She looked after the Selling Stand. She made jam, pies and many other dishes with the berries.

When we went there for blueberry-picking time, the kids would have a certain quota they had to pick before they could play. And it was not an easy quota. They all started early so as not to have to pick in the heat of the day. It didn’t matter if you were 5 years or 15 years old….you picked. With plastic ice cream bucket hanging on a string around the waist, you picked with a vengeance! And woe to you if you  just jumped around from juicy looking clump to clump, from bush to bush. You would be admonished quickly and told to “Clean each bush!!” Were you feeling sick in the heat, no matter. Were you tired…tough! You got it done because you disliked those dreaded words….“You sure are lazy!”

Good memories….

Our son Giuseppe (Sep) with his grandma about ten years ago:

Mom and I visiting….

As I mentioned, these last couple of years have been hard for Maria. She knew she was getting dementia and it terrified her. And for the last many months she has not been with us mentally. It has often made me think of St. Louis Martin, St. Therese the Little Flower’s father, who suffered the same thing at the end of his life. It was his and the family’s greatest cross.

And now Maria is gone….a blessed relief for her. If she isn’t already, she will hopefully soon be with her beloved husband, who died about 18 years ago now, and with her very best friends, Jesus and Mary.

She was always, to me, a wonderful example of Strong Faith, Quiet Courage, and a great Fidelity to her Family. She leaves quite a legacy behind her – 13 children and over 100 grandchildren and great-grandchildren! We will miss her.

Good-bye Mom, Rest in Peace…..

 

 

Wherever we are we touch others’ lives. From the moment we get up we are on a mission to spread His love to those around us. We have such an important role. Let’s never forget that when the tedium of life tends to overwhelm us.

📚🌺 Review: These books have been such a blessing to our family! The little poems and nursery rhymes are so much fun but yet have so much depth to them. They cover so many aspects of the faith; saints, the Sacraments, the commandments, virtues, and more. My daughter is always asking for me to read them to her. We are actually using them on a daily basis with the hopes to learn many of them by heart. These are a wonderful tool to have in the home to teach the faith to little ones! Highly recommend! Available here.

 

This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.

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A Frank, Yet Reverent Instruction on the Intimate Matters of Personal Life for Young Men. To our dear and noble Catholic youths who have preserved, or want to recover, their purity of heart, and are minded to retain it throughout life. For various reasons many good fathers of themselves are not able to give their sons this enlightenment on the mysteries of life properly and sufficiently. They may find this book helpful in the discharge of their parental responsibilities in so delicate a matter.

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