I Give Up!

Disclaimer   🙂

A pep talk….

I talk to a lot of women and we all have something in common when it comes to our marriages…there are times when we struggle.

Marriage is difficult. The daily irritations that rub, like sandpaper, can cause wounds that make it hard to love and respect the one whom you are called to do just that…..love and respect.

Oh sure, we’ve picked up the books. We’ve made a few changes here and there. Things seemed to get better, then something hits the fan, and we are right back where we started. Round and round it goes. We’re tired of it! We want to just throw up our hands and say, “I give up! I am going to just shut down, live my life and he can live his!”

This is a temptation. Do you remember what St. Paul says? “I have run the race, I have fought the good fight.” I don’t think he meant to say “I have fought the good fight until I just couldn’t take it anymore” or “I have run the race…. until I got tired…nobody was paying attention and it didn’t seem to make a difference!”

Nope, we must never give up. I know that the struggles women have are very real. How do I know? Because I am a wife. I was raised in the city, my hubby is a country guy, I am a melancholic/sanguine, hubby is a choleric. On yes, and I forgot, he is a man, I am a woman. HUGE DIFFERENCES! It is not easy….. Our Lord never said it would be. 😛

You say you do your part, he doesn’t do his. You make the changes, he just stays grumpy and ill-tempered. You are the only one working on this relationship and he doesn’t care…..he’s not making any changes himself! You say, “I give up!”

I listened to a podcast recently. It was from the “Respect and Love” site.
Mr. Eggerich said in it that “you must be married to one pretty bad dude if he does not respond to you being more respectful and loving to him”.

It is true, there are a small percentage of men who are narcissistic and on the other hand, there are women who are divas. This situation can be very difficult because they just don’t see outside themselves.
BUT, if you are married to a regular guy, with regular faults, it is hard for me to believe that he will not respond to your efforts, if you are truly trying to change. And when I say respond to your efforts, I mean that he usually ends up doing some changing himself!

Remember, we can’t change him, we must accept and respect him. We must recall the things we loved about him when we first knew him. Sit down and write those things out. Make the effort, even if it doesn’t seem like it will help. God is not outdone in generosity! He will meet you more than halfway!

We should never give up seeking for ways to make our relationship better. It is what we are called to do.

So do not give up the good fight….run the race until the finish line! Be humble, search for answers.
Read the right books, talk to the right people. Do not talk to those who are giving you bad advice (and there are lots of those out there). They do much damage as they fan the fires of self-pity within ourselves. That is straight from the devil.

Yes, I know the struggles are real. The solutions are, too, if we keep looking and striving. It may not be overnight, but, in time, you will see that your perseverance has paid off!

In your living room and bedrooms, you should have at least one symbol of your faith–a statue of the Savior and the Blessed Mother, a crucifix, pictures which bring to mind events in the life of Our Lord. -Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s https://amzn.to/2BjwE9x (afflink)

Excellent sermon on the Eucharist!

This is a unique book I have written of Catholic devotions for young children. There is nothing routine and formal about these stories. They are interesting, full of warmth and dipped right out of life. These anecdotes will help children know about God, as each one unfolds a truth about the saints, the Church, the virtues, etc. Available here.

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In With God in Russia, Ciszek reflects on his daily life as a prisoner, the labor he endured while working in the mines and on construction gangs, his unwavering faith in God, and his firm devotion to his vows and vocation. Enduring brutal conditions, Ciszek risked his life to offer spiritual guidance to fellow prisoners who could easily have exposed him for their own gains. He chronicles these experiences with grace, humility, and candor, from his secret work leading mass and hearing confessions within the prison grounds, to his participation in a major gulag uprising, to his own “resurrection”—his eventual release in a prisoner exchange in October 1963 which astonished all who had feared he was dead.

Powerful and inspirational, With God in Russia captures the heroic patience, endurance, and religious conviction of a man whose life embodied the Christian ideals that sustained him…..

Captured by a Russian army during World War II and convicted of being a “Vatican spy,” Jesuit Father Walter J. Ciszek spent 23 agonizing years in Soviet prisons and the labor camps of Siberia. Only through an utter reliance on God’s will did he manage to endure the extreme hardship. He tells of the courage he found in prayer–a courage that eased the loneliness, the pain, the frustration, the anguish, the fears, the despair. For, as Ciszek relates, the solace of spiritual contemplation gave him an inner serenity upon which he was able to draw amidst the “arrogance of evil” that surrounded him. Ciszek learns to accept the inhuman work in the infamous Siberian salt mines as a labor pleasing to God. And through that experience, he was able to turn the adverse forces of circumstance into a source of positive value and a means of drawing closer to the compassionate and never-forsaking Divine Spirit.

He Leadeth Me is a book to inspire all Christians to greater faith and trust in God–even in their darkest hour. As the author asks, “What can ultimately trouble the soul that accepts every moment of every day as a gift from the hands of God and strives always to do his will?”

A Little Talk on Obedience For Your Children

I gave this talk to a group of girls. It would be a good thing to gather your children around and read it to them. 🙂

OR I can read it to them myself….

Today I am going to talk about the very vital virtue of obedience.

Stop to think about this for a moment.

Do you want to please God or do you want to please the devil?

I think that’s a pretty easy question for good Catholic children to answer and this is why I have chosen the virtue of obedience today. This virtue pleases Our Lord very much.

I am a wife and a mother. My first duty is to God. My second and very important duty is to be a good wife and a good mother. It is what God wants for me and I need to pray to become a better wife and mother, I need to read books that help me to become better and I need to avoid the things that may harm my path in being a good wife and mother.

You are children. You are different ages, it is true, and all of you have a first duty, like me, and that duty is to God.

Your second and very important duty is to love and honor your parents. You do this by being obedient. You need to listen to and obey your parents. You need to pray for this and avoid things and people that are obstacles in your path of being an obedient young lady.

Your parents love you very much. They are good parents. They are worthy of your obedience. Even if they were not you would have to obey them in everything but sin. You don’t have to worry about this part because your parents are good parents and will not ask you to sin.

Obedience is a virtue that Jesus loves very much! St. Augustine says it is the mother and root of all the virtues and St. Bonaventure says it is a ship in which one sails to heaven. When you die don’t you want to be on the ship that sails to heaven?

You are a young lady and obedience is very important to learn now. When you become a young woman and choose a vocation, whether it be the religious life or a wife and mother obedience is a very important virtue for both of these vocations.

The more you learn to be obedient now, the easier it will be later in life and the sweeter your life will be.

St. Francis de Sales says that he who is obedient will live sweetly and will be like a child in the arms of his mother, free from worry and from care. That’s a pretty awesome promise!

Even if you see faults in your parents (and you will see them because they are only human) you need to always show respect.

The fourth commandment does not say to honor a good or a perfect mother and father, it says to honor your mother and father. Period.

St. Thomas Moore was the Chancellor to the King. He had the second highest position in the country! He had his aging father living with him and when St. Thomas was called out on business of state, before leaving the house, he would get on his knees, kiss his father’s hand and ask him to bless him.

He was a grown man, he was Chancellor to the King and he still showed such love and respect for his father! How much more, as children, you need to show love and respect to your parents!

Think about Our Lady for a minute. When she was young she was happy, cheerful and she was obedient.

When Little Mary was out getting the water at the well or playing or doing an errand, her mother, St. Anne, would miss her because Mary made their home happy.

If you are gone does your mother miss you? Do you make your home happy? If your mother is glad and relieved when you are gone you have some work to do!

When the child Mary was called by St. Anne she came right away. She dropped whatever she was doing, no matter what it was and went to her mother.

This makes me think of the convent. Let’s imagine this.

The sisters are quiet. They work and they pray. Once a day recreation time comes. They get their sewing out and sit with the other sisters. They chat, they tell stories and they laugh. One of the sisters is telling a very interesting tale about her life when she was small. The sisters are all smiling and enjoying it. Suddenly the bell goes off to call the nuns back to work! The nun who was telling the story stops mid-sentence and does not continue. Oh, she so wanted to tell the rest of the story but she knew what obedience was. She lays down her sewing and goes back to work! What an example of wonderful obedience!!

When the child Mary was called in the morning, she jumped out of bed the very first time! It’s not a very good way to start the day if you lay in bed and make your mother call you more than once. I don’t think disobedience is a good way to start the day, do you?

Mary was not fussy about her food. She ate what was put in front of her.

St. Anne didn’t have to ask Mary to set the table. If Mary thought that it needed to be done, she offered to do it before she was asked.

Most importantly, and this is what makes obedience sweet, she did all these things with a smile….a cheerful heart. Why? To please God.

How many of these things that Mary did are you doing?

Do you come right away when your mother or father calls you? Do you jump out of bed the first time you are called? Do you eat what’s put in front of you without complaining? Do you offer to do things even before you are asked? And most importantly do you do them with a cheerful heart?

Obedience is not just doing your chores when you are told to, though that is very important. It is also the attitude of the heart.

When your mom or dad calls, you should answer respectfully. Be careful of the tone of voice you use. Make sure it is not impatient and rude. You should never show signs of an ill-mannered girl by sighing and rolling your eyes when your mom and dad are talking to you.

There is one quote in the Bible, and remember that the Bible is the Divinely-inspired Word of God, that has a very beautiful promise attached to it. The Bible says, “Honor your father and mother that you may live a long, full life in the land that God gives you.”  Who doesn’t want a long, full life??

And just remember your angel is always with you. He’s always helping you to be good and obedient. Do you pray to your angel? Are you listening to him?
You may have friends who are not obedient. They may tell lies and call names. They may make fun of people. You need to be a good example to help them. The very first way you can be a good example is to be obedient!

Is being obedient hard at times? You bet it is! Does it always makes sense? Is it always fair? No, sometimes it seems like it isn’t.
There is a special story about St. Francis of Assisi and the brothers at the friary. Even now, every year the brethren plant a cabbage in the garden and let it flower to remind them of this story. St. Francis told two young brothers to plant some cabbage plants upside down. One did, but the other knew better and planted his right side up. St. Francis asked the second brother to leave the monastery, for, he said, it had been a test of obedience, not of planting cabbages.
Then there is the story of St Therese of the Child Jesus. She was in the convent and her Mother Superior told her to go and water this branch….a branch that looked completely dry and dead! And she told her to water it every day!

Did that make sense to St. Therese? No, it didn’t. But she did it anyway. Every day you could see St. Therese out in the sister’s garden watering this twig. Maybe even some of the sisters were smiling to themselves because it seemed so silly.

One day St Therese went out to water it and was so surprised to see a beautiful bloom on that old, dead branch! Our Lord, to show His blessing and how pleased He was with her obedience, made that lifeless branch bloom for her!

So, no, obedience is not always easy. You must pray for grace each day. Don’t forget your morning and night prayers and don’t forget your rosary. God is good and gives us all things that are good for our souls. So if we pray for the virtue of obedience He will surely give it to us!

And if we are obedient life will be sweet!

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Here is a little prayer on obedience:

Dear Jesus, You are God’s Beloved Son and You obey Him completely, even if it meant giving Your life for all of us. Help me to live like You, trusting and obeying the will of the Father, through my parents each and every day. Help me increase my faith, that I may obey them quickly, fully and lovingly. Teach me to obey them for the right reason, which is simply because I love You.

You can print out this prayer card sheet, cut them out and give one to each of your children and all the children who visit, your neighbor children, the children you sit behind in church, etc.     😀

Obedience Prayer Card

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“I insist that it is every woman’s duty to know, or to acquire some practical knowledge of housekeeping, so that she may be ready for any emergency. Her fitness for it will be a perpetual source of satisfaction to her, for there is nothing more self-satisfying than to feel that one is capable; it gives confidence, strength, and self-reliance.”- Annie S. Swan, Courtship and Marriage And the Gentle Art of Home-Making, 1893 http://amzn.to/2slSTay (afflink)

 

 

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Drawn from Archbishop Sheen’s bestselling books, these 28 reflections will lead you day by day through the Advent season. Eloquent quotes are paired with beautiful Scriptures on the themes of the season―patience, waiting, gift, hope, humility, joy―and more. Spend a few quiet moments of each day with one of the 20th century’s greatest preachers, preparing your heart to receive the Savior of the world.

Prayers for use by the laity in waging spiritual warfare from the public domain and the Church’s treasury. The book has an imprimatur from the Archdiocese of Denver.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

My Children Are Grown, What Do I Do Now?

by Leane VanderPutten

This is a repost. Since I wrote this, three years have passed! Hard to believe…and so much has happened in our personal lives, and in our world! This life is fleeting…live each moment to the fullest!

My Children Are Grown, What Do I Do Now?

Well, I am not quite there yet but I have definitely gone through a transition in the last ten years! My youngest, Angelo, is 12 years old (He is now 15, has a truck and works and thinks like a man). So, yes, definitely there are different dynamics from changing diapers, toddlers tugging on skirts, teaching school to many, praying (and trembling) about my boys riding dirt bikes, making dinner for hungry (and many) mouths, making lunches in the evening when your legs ache and your eyelids are drooping, etc.

I actually have free time now!! …Well, not a whole lot because I still have many things to do in the home, this website, babysitting grandkids, taking care of my mom and sister, etc.

I’ve never been afraid of this era in my life. I will always feel like a student in the Book of Life….ever growing, ever learning!

One reason I anticipate with joy this phase of my life is that most of my children live close by and I have several grandchildren that do and will be coming over in my golden years. My heart and my home is open to my children and grandchildren. I don’t deny that sometimes it is a sacrifice, but it’s a sacrifice that is well worth it. I love them dearly, I wish to give to them, even when it hurts and although I do not think about this much, I know they will take care of me.

(Note: We do not have to be slaves to our children and grandchildren but it is important to go the extra mile! Remember, “What goes around, comes around.” We don’t look for recompense…but it comes.)

I am needed and I think Grandmas are very much needed, especially in this day and age. Our children and our grandchildren need our support, our wisdom and….our cookies! 🙂

They need to be able to look to us as part of their stability and security, part of their beautiful lineage.

If you don’t have children and grandchildren close, that’s ok. There is still much to accomplish in your parish and community! And you can make sure and stay in contact with your loved ones through modern technology, hand-written letters (and stickers…children love stickers) and little gifts here and there. Oh yes, and, of course, Masses offered for them regularly!

Just lately, I was talking to someone who asked me, “Tell me, does it bother you that you are getting older and opportunities are less?”

I had to laugh. Are you kidding?! There are so many opportunities for fulfillment in our senior years. We have so much experience behind us; we can offer our services in so many areas. And it can be fun!

What about offering to start or lead a Legion of Mary Praesidium in your area? It could be a Junior Legion of Mary…for children. Or the Senior one…for the adults. Look it up…see if it could be a fit.

How about a Reading Circle? You can get your grandchildren together, or the children of the parish, once a week and take time to read to them. Make it simple but fun…offering refreshments, coloring pages, etc. And what a fine opportunity to talk to them about God, the saints, Our Lady…. The parents would so much appreciate your input and a little break for themselves.

How about starting a Finer Femininity meeting? The young ladies look to us as mentors. We don’t have to know everything…we may have stumbled along through life ourselves…but we have learned things, right? Why not pass some of that on? Besides, when we have an FF meeting, we can pass on information, our own experiences don’t have to dominate the meeting.

Titus 2:3-5 tells the older women to use their experience and knowledge to teach the younger women: “The aged women, in like manner, in holy attire, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teaching well: That they may teach the young women to be wise, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, sober, having a care of the house, gentle, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”  -Douay Rheims version.

Age should never be a barrier to making dreams come true! If anything, it should be an asset! And when we are Catholics we have powerful Sacramental grace backing us up, too! +

My aunt became a medical doctor in her late 50’s! She had a dream, her children were grown. So she went for it!

My mother started going to school as a Naturopath Doctor when she was pushing sixty! She is 82 now, still sees clients and has helped so many people. Loneliness? Are you kidding! She is amazing. She is still learning about health and is on top of the latest breakthroughs on the natural medicine world. She researches and gets excited! It is because she is doing something she loves.

And it is so precious to see my own grandchildren (her great-grandchildren) file up the sidewalk to her little apartment that is on the back of our house to get their “treat” from Grandma (a lollipop from the Health Store). Grandma never minds the interruptions, she revels in it. They are a blessed pause in her very busy day! And those children will always remember going up to Grandma’s door to receive their “Grandma goodie”! (As you can see from the picture the farm dogs also file up her sidewalk to get their goodies!)

(Mom has passed away since this post. See post here.)

Now, we as Catholic Grandmas have certain criteria we must follow before we pursue any life revolutionizing dreams…. We should ask these questions: Will our spiritual life suffer if we follow this dream? What does our spiritual director think? Is our husband on board (always consult your hubby!)? Will our family life suffer, etc.

Now, for me, I didn’t have the answers to all of these questions when I started this website. My husband wasn’t sure, either. But he was behind me. So, I had to test the waters. And it wasn’t easy at first.

Point being…you won’t get a written letter from God. So you must pray, trust, and if doors open, then act!

Don’t ever lose your enthusiasm and excitement for life! Being “too old” should never be an excuse…it shouldn’t even enter into your mind. (Even with health difficulties, we have much we can accomplish…being a prayer warrior is the best of all!)

You are needed! You have talents! Share them!

“As grandparents, we have the opportunity to be an encouragement to those all around us. People want to have us share some of the secrets of contentment. Being grandparents gives us an opportunity to really shape the next generation.” 101 Ways to Love Your Grandkids, Bob and Emilie Barnes http://amzn.to/2oFNjyD (afflink)

Speaking of Prayer Warriors….Here is a book highly recommended by my mother who spends much time each day in prayer.

It is a unique little prayerbook of powerful prayers and devotions, including wonderful promises attached that were made by Our Lord or Our Lady to various famous Saints. Includes devotions to Our Lady, the Infant Jesus, Precious Blood, Sacred Heart, Divine Mercy, St. Michael, etc. Shows that God wants to grant us favors–if we will just pray! Impr. 138 pgs 27 Illustrations

Available here.

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The Golden Nuggets of Suffering

Lent …a good time to meditate on suffering. A Throwback for Thursday:

by Leane VanderPutten

Lent makes us pause, gives us a chance to think of Our Lord’s suffering….a suffering we, as mere mortals, have a hard time wrapping our heads around.

I don’t pretend to understand the problem of human suffering. At times, it seems pointless, endless and utterly self-defeating…at times.

Those are the moments we are tempted to look up and say, “Ummmm….Dear Lord, are you SURE You know what You are doing here???”

But, good Catholics that we try to be, we resist the temptation to ask God what He is about, or why He does what He does….at least we try not to do it in accusing tones.

I believe God understands because, after all:

“Evil is a mystery, a scandal and it will always be so. It is necessary to do what one can to eliminate it, to relieve suffering, but it always remains present in our personal lives, as well as in the world.”

We are reassured that:

“Its place in the economy of redemption reveals the wisdom of God, which is not the wisdom of man; it always retains something incomprehensible. …. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8–9).” – Fr. Jacques Philippe

I have had two very strong examples in my life of suffering that was well borne.

I knew a couple…..a vibrant, lovely, cheerful young couple. They were always ready to lend a helping hand and they were loved by many.

They owned a business where they both worked hard. It was a business that brought people in from near and far….not only for their wares but, also, and maybe even most of all, for their magnetic and caring personalities.

One day, the husband had an accident that was to cause him pain and grief for the rest of his life. He had to sell his business and seek other employment. He had surgery after surgery to relieve the pain. Nothing seemed to work except stronger and stronger medications.

It got to the point where he could work no more and his sweet and lovely wife had to take a job. This particular man bore his pain and his unaccustomed weakness bravely. He hardly complained, he still held his hand out to those in need, and he was a pleasure to be around, joking and laughing, as always. You almost forgot what kind of anguish he bore within himself.

He handled his pain well but there was a problem…….He had. no. faith. He and his wife left the Church many years before the accident.

I would often think of this dear man with sadness. He had such a wealth of  power at his fingertips! The people he could have influenced, the pain he could have relieved, the sufferings of others that he could have borne…..if he had only known to offer up his pain to Our Lord….Pain that is such a valuable treasure! More riches than the whole world did he have!! And yet the years went by and his suffering was lost…..lost….spiraling down into the abyss of nothingness.

Let me tell you about another man.

This gentleman’s name was Jim. Though Jim was a young man, the Legion of Mary first met him in a retirement home. He was a quadriplegic…..he couldn’t move any of his limbs.

When you walked into Jim’s room it was as if you were walking into a tomb. It was quiet….still…..dimly-lit. I remember the first time going to see him, I was taken aback at the somberness of it all.

But once you got on the side of Jim’s bed where he could see you, you got quite another picture! Jim was so much alive despite his paralyzed body. His eyes danced and his lips curved into a smile!

You see, Jim had been a Harley Davidson guy in his mobile years. His life was spent seeking pleasures and empty diversions. It was a life of unhappy dissipation.

One day Jim had an accident. The accident left him paralyzed from the neck down.

Enter the Legion of Mary. Through many visits, Jim learned about the Catholic Faith and converted. He also learned about the value of suffering.

He learned that he had such a store of wealth that he could distribute among others who were hurting. He could offer it for his wife, who had left him after the accident. He could offer it for his two children, knowing that this would be his only influence and legacy he would leave them….a great legacy, indeed, though they may not know it in this life.

Jim became a dynamo of love. He was genuinely concerned for anyone who had hurts, who needed prayers. Many of us came to him with prayer requests, knowing that his prayers must be powerful with God! His wall was dotted with many photos of families that wanted him to pray for them…..and which he steadfastly did each day.

He told my friend, Mary Ann, the woman who was instrumental in converting Jim and who was his Godmother, that he was happier now than he had ever been in his former “walking” life. Imagine that! He was a living testimony of the Miracle of Faith!

Here is a picture of Jim with his Godparents, Mike and MaryAnn and their family. (The top girl on the left became my dear daughter-in-law.) Father Lontiev is posing with them.

Jim died about 4 years ago now. He had such a hard life….and yet he was a man of incredible faith and influenced many lives. One day, we will see the influence of this one man’s suffering on the world around him. It will be great, I have no doubt.

Each day, we too, have sufferings, inconveniences, disappointments and hurts. These are great opportunities and valuable prayers. We have the opportunity to hand these golden nuggets to Our Lord.

As women, wives and mothers we care so very much for our loved ones. We hurt when they hurt. Oftentimes we feel helpless.

We don’t need to feel helpless. Let’s take each nugget of suffering and, instead of kicking against the goad, give them to Our Lady, who, in turn, can polish them up, rid these nuggets of the dirt and grime of our self-love, and lay them at the feet of Our Lord as only His Mother can do.

One day, we will see the influence of our own suffering well-borne in our little worlds: Our son was steered back to the faith, our sister was given insight into her marital troubles, our uncle was now willing to take his meds for his mental illness, Grandma found help for her arthritis, Susie’s obstinacy is being resolved, etc. etc. All because YOU offered your sufferings each day to Our Lord in your Morning Offering and all through the day.

From Father Raoul Plus, S.J.: “Of the three apostolates: prayer, action, and suffering, the most efficacious is suffering.

…..Our duty is evident. The work of redemption is binding upon both the Master and the disciples. The manner of redemption chosen by the Master must be adopted by the disciple. To be a Christian is to be not only one redeemed but also a redeemer, not only one saved but a savior. What nonsense, then to refuse sacrifice!”

And, as Bishop Fulton Sheen once wrote “Pain, agony, disappointments, injustices-all these can be poured into a heavenly treasury from which the anemic, sinful, confused, ignorant souls may draw unto the healing of their wings.”

Remember that in God’s eyes, none of these sufferings are useless….they are nuggets….golden nuggets.

A good Catholic woman learns quickly that pain is part of love….They go hand in hand. Her life is spent spreading love and gathering crosses. And when God allows her sufferings she understands it is not to do her harm but to gather her into His arms. -Finer Femininity

Excellent sermon on what is your predominant fault & how you can find out what it is if you do not know & steps to battle against it. Also, Fr stresses the importance of getting your mind right prior to communion & especially the need to give thanksgiving receiving Our Lord…..

 

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To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

The renowned spiritual writer Dubay gives surprising replies to these questions. He explains how material things are like extensions of our persons and thus of our love. If everyone lived this love there would be no destitution.

After presenting the richness of the Gospel message, more beautiful than any other world view, he explains how Gospel frugality is lived in each state of life.

“Reading this book was one of the
greatest graces of my life!”
St. Thérèse of Lisieux

In the late nineteenth century, Father Charles Arminjon, a priest from the mountains of southeastern France, assembled his flock in the town cathedral to preach a series of conferences to help them turn their thoughts away from this life’s mean material affairs—and toward the next life’s glorious spiritual reward. His wise and uncompromising words deepened in them the spirit of recollection that all Christians must have: the abiding conviction that heavenly aims, not temporal enthusiasms, must guide everything we think, say, and do.This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

Is Your Marriage All It’s Cracked Up to Be?

Tags

catholic marriage

A repost and good reminder for Throwback Thursday….

The last few months have been stressful around here. You probably have your own stresses you’re dealing with. And, with stress, comes the lack of ability to focus on what is important. We tend to let it all get to us and start taking it out on the people who mean the most to us.

It is important to step back and realize that our goal is to make the most out of each day….and one of the top things on our list is working on our relationship with our husband.

So….let’s get down to the basics and put our marriage back on the front burner!

Is Your Marriage All It’s Cracked Up to Be by Leane VanderPutten

Let’s face it, we do have a choice on how our life plays out. Sometimes we feel we are just spinning our wheels and making no progress. We become victims of circumstances and, instead of taking control of our emotions and the way we react, we flounder…and then lash out at those who seem to make our life more difficult. Believe me, this is not the way to live.

You see, we don’t marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. We are humans and we have faults….many faults….Both of us, husband and wife. It takes consistent effort to make a good marriage. Every day, every hour, every minute, we need to be thinking the right thoughts, praying the right prayers, listening to the right people and doing the right things….

Although I am not a marriage guru, I have had many victories (among the failures), and, in my humble opinion, the right things that we need to be doing every day are:

1. Prayer….I struggle with prayer. I think we all do.  I do know that it has to be the foundation of everything else in our lives. As St. Francis de Sales says, “If you haven’t got prayer, you haven’t got anything.” Consistency is important. We don’t necessarily have to add more prayers, but we need to work on making our prayers more heartfelt, with less self-inflicted distractions. We DO need to be saying the Family Rosary. The Consecration to Our Lady, St. Louis de Montfort style, is very, very valuable, too.

2. Nipping those negative and critical thoughts in the bud before they become monsters. Okay, you have probably tried the other way…you know, letting those destructive thoughts soak up all your brain cells? So….how does that feel? Does it make you feel good? Does it build your relationship with your husband? Do you find that your kids act better while you are steaming about their father’s inadequacies?? Of course not! Hey, you had better put a brake on those thoughts! You have no idea what a downward spiral that can be and where it can lead to. NOT worth it!! Say a prayer, an ejaculation. Thank God for little things. Get interested in something. Don’t let the crazy, lousy thoughts take hold…..Make the effort. God will bless you for it. This is no small thing….those little thoughts can become huge problems!

2. Reading good books on changing your own attitude….not books on how he should be treating you. This is important. You might pick up a relationship book. It may have great points on having a wonderful relationship. In this book it deals with men and women’s responsibilities to each other for making their marriage better….All good stuff. The only thing is, when you are already fighting some stinkin’ thinkin’ about your husband, you DO NOT need to be reading what he needs to be doing.

Choose books that deal with YOU, the woman….with your attitude. There are some very good books out there….albeit mostly Protestant but some Catholic, too (look on My Book List). There are many good books on attitude changers, too. Find them. Dig them up.

I’ve said it before, you can only change yourself.  And you need changing….we all do! Roll up your sleeves and get to it! Too much is at stake here.

3. Talking to the right people…By the right people, I mean those who will help you to shift your attitude…..not those who enable you to wallow in your self-pity more than you already are.

When I was frustrated and feeling sorry for myself, I went to my mother. Not because she was my mother (that was a nice perk, though) but for a couple of reasons…I didn’t want to air out my problems to just anyone. I knew in my heart that this was something that I had to get through, that his faults were exactly that, just faults, and I had plenty of my own. I didn’t need just anyone knowing all I was feeling at the time….because all those feelings were just passing.

The other reason I chose my mom is that she always, gently, helped me to see just what I had for a husband. She helped me to realize I had a lot to be thankful for. And this is what I wanted in a mentor….Someone that would help me to turn my thinking around when it was slipping down a dark alley way. I came out of those talks (and I only resorted to this type of outlet when I just felt I couldn’t overcome the lousy thoughts myself) refreshed. I had vented. I realized how small these things really were and I was ready to give of myself once again.

Find a mentor like that. Pray for one. They are worth their weight in gold.

Don’t abuse it though. Most of the work is going to be done by you. But every once in a while you may need someone to talk to. MAKE SURE it’s someone who is all for you, your spouse and your marriage!

4. Kick that No-Good-For-Nothing Self-Pity right out the door and into the lagoon!

Self-pity is a killer! It is a pond of scum that swallows any good thoughts that try to poke their way out of the filth. Don’t give in to it!!

Look at your life….I know you can find so many things to be grateful for. Keep bringing those persistent negative thoughts back to a spirit of thankfulness! It doesn’t matter that you don’t feel it. God will bless your efforts.

The beginning quote of this article says that a good marriage, like anything worthwhile, takes EFFORT, WORK, PRAYER!! It is a top priority. It means everything to the success of your family life.

Self-pity will strangle you and your loved ones quicker and with more efficacy than anything I know of. It is a woman’s worst enemy and woe to those who wallow in it. Thankfulness overcomes self-pity. Pray to Our Lady for a Spirit of Gratefulness.

Life is a great adventure! Every suffering, every failure, every knock-down, if taken with the right attitude, will help us to grow. We will teach our children how to overcome their own difficulties….and they will have plenty…just as we do.

It is what life is about….the Royal Road of the Cross. And if we choose to get better, not bitter, so many blessings and joys will be sprinkled throughout. We need to have our eyes open to them. They are God’s gift to us as we struggle along our own, unique path of a Beautiful, Joyful, Catholic Woman!!

Are your thoughts building a castle or a manure pile? It is vital to control the thoughts we have in our most important relationship…the one with our husband!

“These diapers that are changed daily, these meals that are cooked again and again, these floors that are scrubbed today only to get dirty tomorrow — these are as truly prayer in a mother’s vocation as the watches and prayers of the religious are in theirs.” -Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children

Gin’s aprons are amazing….as many of you know. They are well made with great-quality material. She puts love and care into each one and the detail is fabulous! She got wiped out during Christmas but is working on her inventory. You can take a peek here.

Make a statement with these lovely and graceful aprons. Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity! 🌺 💗

Finer Femininity is taking a break from Facebook.

I am on MeWe if you would like to follow me there. This platform is a lot like Facebook but respects the privacy and the free speech of the user. Here is the link to my FF MeWe Page. Each day I add tidbits to inspire you on your journey.

Also, if you do not want to miss a post on this site please sign up for the Email Notifications here!

Also on GAB here.

To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you’ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

Showing Up for Life

A repost for Throwback Thursday. Reading this again makes me want to try harder to live in the now….to make time for the priorities. When we are on our deathbed, it won’t be how much we have accomplished, how clean our house is or how many Christmas cookies we baked….  It will be: Do I go to the door to greet my husband when he comes home? Do I take the time to listen to him? Did I take time out to look and listen when the kids were talking to me? Did I read them a bedtime story? Did I make sure they said their prayers? These are the priorities.

A lot of the women I know are very busy. They have a God-given gaggle of children, many of them young. They are up night and day, doing the things that mothers lovingly….and sometimes not so lovingly (but always trying)… do.

Many of us can’t change the fact that we are busy….and really, we wouldn’t want to. But we must take time to smell the roses along the way….we must take the time to BE.

One of my favorite books is Achieving Peace of Heart which was written by a Jesuit priest and Catholic psychologist in a day when these could be trusted. He helped so many people and his main theme and way of recovery for small anxieties right through to mental disorders….his way of teaching the secret to happiness…was living in the present moment.

“In conscious life there is a lack of clear consciousness, or of adequate response to impressions received. A victim of this escapes from reality and from society into egocentrism. He neither lives in nor enjoys the present; he does not pay full attention to what he sees or hears. He lives in the past or the future, far away from his physical location, wrapped up in sadness, scruples, or worries…..” Fr. Narciso Irala, Achieving Peace of Heart

And an excerpt from the book Hands Free Life – Rachel Macy Stafford: “Although we’ve been led to believe that our fondest memories are made in the grand occasions of life, in reality, they happen when we pause in the ordinary, mundane moments of a busy day. The most meaningful life experiences don’t happen in the ‘when,’ they happen in the ‘now.’ This concept is not earth shattering, nor is it something you don’t already know. Yet we still continually put off the best aspects of living until the conditions are right.”

So….we need to consciously practice pulling ourselves back to the NOW until we become experts at it! We need to quit thinking so much of what we have to do….running, running, running. Let’s do the job we are doing, let’s do it well, let’s think about living each moment IN the moment. This takes some effort, it takes a mindfulness that may try to elude us…. but we mustn’t let it. We need to begin to show up for life.

This mindfulness will help us with our family life.

 

When those little…or big…. feet come running up to us and their eyes peer into ours, let’s take the time to really listen and look at them. Let’s BE…..for them.

So what if we are mopping the floor and want to get it done NOW! Let’s put the mop aside and spend that 5 minutes listening to the latest escapade of what happened when Johnny tried to climb the tree or Susie tripped over her skip rope. Those 5 minute snatches can mean so much to them…..and to us.

When hubby comes home from work, let’s take the time to stop what we are doing and greet him with a smile and a kiss. Isn’t he worth it? Yes, he is worth it. If he wants to talk about his day, let’s try to stay focused and listen. It won’t take much of our time and it sure is a lot more important than getting those clothes off the line….we can do it later.

When 14 yr. old Jenny wants to tell us about how her book ended, or about the movie she watched (Ugh! Don’t you dislike listening to someone retell a movie??), let’s listen….not just listen….let’s hear.

Whether we are married or single, no matter what our life occupation is, we must take time for our loved ones. This doesn’t change no matter what walk of life we are in.

We want to be able to go to bed at night knowing that we have spent some time putting first things first….our husbands, our children, our siblings, our parents, our friends.

The people in our lives are so important….much more important than any chore or deadline we may think we have. We can get back to that. Let’s just be there for them. Let’s live in the present…..the NOW….for us, for our families.

So, for today, we will work on doing what we are doing….doing it well….and embracing those “distractions” and “interruptions” with patience and love. Let’s walk with a peace, the peace of doing God’s will in the moment and not letting our mind wander too far away from the NOW. Let us BE…it’s up to ME!

The Important Things- Leane VanderPutten

(based on “Keeping Track of Life Manifesto” – Rachel Macy Stafford)

Not the skin-deep beauty of face and figure

Not the fullness of our bank account

Not the speed at which I get my housework done

Not how nice my vehicle is

Not the cleanliness and beauty of my house

Not the number of chores I do each day

Not the events on my calendar

Not the number of church functions I am involved in

Not the text messages or emails I feel I need to respond to

Instead….I’m paying attention to the important things in life

I am going to live in the present, I am going to BE

for the hugs

for the conversations

for the exchange of laughter to heal my anxious soul.

I am finding happiness in living for the NOW

In the sit-down moments after meals

In the raucous joy of children and grandchildren

In the exchange of knowing looks that come between my husband and I

I’m living for the NOW

By taking the Hand of my Lord

Looking at Him when I feel frenzied

When I feel worried and disillusioned

So I may be present for those I love

my children

my husband

my grandchildren

my friends

By basking in each moment as I pause along the way

I’m living for the NOW

Because I know that there are more important things than accomplishing each task on my list.

Because I don’t want to miss a childhood, a wedding, a friendship

Because I want to be able to lay my head down at night knowing I have connected with those things that matter most…..

Because when my life is at its close it can be said, “You have run the race, you have fought the good fight.” and I will be remembered, not for what I have accomplished,  but for HAVING LOVED WELL…..

 

Share interests together. As many as possible. See how you can join him in his hobbies and invite him to share in yours. Even if you don’t both enjoy the same things, at the very least you can be interested and enthusiastic about what interests him. And then look for activities that you can both learn to enjoy together as well. Start something new if you have to.

-Lisa Jacobson

 

 

 

 

Check out my book, Cheerful Chats for Catholic Children here! 🙂

Review (Thank you, Natalie!):

“I’ve long been wanting a book on various virtues to help my children become better Catholics. But most books focused on the virtues make being bad seem funny or attractive in order to teach the child a lesson. I’ve always found them to be detrimental to the younger ones who’s logic hasn’t formed. This book does an awesome job in showing a GOOD example in each of the children with all the various struggles children commonly struggle with (lying, hiding things, being grumpy, you name it.) But this book isn’t JUST virtue training… it’s also just sweet little chats about our love for God, God’s greatness, etc…

And the best thing of all? They are SHORT! I have lots of books that are wonderful, but to be honest I rarely pick them up because I just don’t have the time to read a huge, long story. These are super short, just one page, and very to the point. The second page has a poem, picture, a short prayer and a few questions for the kids to get them thinking. It works really, really well right before our bedtime prayers and only takes a few minutes at most.

If you like “Leading the Little ones to Mary” then you will like these… they are a little more focused on ALL age groups, not just little ones… so are perfect for a family activity even through the teenage years, down to your toddler.”

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Why do we call Christmas songs carols? And is the Christmas tree a pagan symbol? Were there really three kings? These questions and so many others are explored in a way that is scholarly and yet delightful to read. Enjoy learning about the history of the many Christmas traditions we celebrate in this country!

Why do we wear our best clothes on Sunday? What was the Holy Ghost Hole in medieval churches? How did a Belgian nun originate the Feast of the Blessed Sacrament? Where did the Halloween mask and the jack-o’-lantern come from?

Learn the answer to these questions, as well as the history behind our traditional celebration of Thanksgiving, in this gem of a book by Father Weiser.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

 

 

Living Advent and Christmas With Intention

Here we are, with Christmas around the corner. Busy times are ahead!

This is our reminder to stop and smell …. the evergreens and the cinnamon along the way!

Our traditions and customs are important. My daughter, Theresa and I made a video last year about all the Advent Customs we do in our homes. They keep us busy! And, in the last couple of weeks things will ramp up with baking, wrapping gifts, decorating our home and tree, etc. These things ARE important…after all, Jesus, Our Lord, is coming! Oh yes!

In this hubbub, I want to remind you (and me) of something my mom drove home to me over the years….that “people are more important than things”…and schedules…and work, etc.

One time my mom was in the attic with her mom, my Grandma. Grandma was going through an old trunk that had some special “treasures” kept through the years. Grandma’s family was poor; they had nine children and lived in an old farmhouse. Grandma’s eyes began to fill with tears as she stroked a piece of pretty material found in the timeworn chest.

She said, “I wish I had given this material to your sister when she asked for it years ago. I thought I would use it some day…it was too pretty to hand over to her. She wanted so bad to practice her sewing. And now she is married and moved out…and I missed that opportunity.”

It was just a little thing…but a great lesson to remember….

Don’t lose sight of the people you love. Don’t put them on the back burner.

In the past year I have been very much reminded of this. Last year, close to this time, my brother, Steve, was found in his trailer, passed away. That was very hard….and my other brothers and I regretted the words unsaid and the phone calls that should have been made in spite of Steve’s past mistakes.

A year later my mom, as you know, left us. Another blow. One that has left a great hole in our lives.

I know you all have felt different tragedies in your own lives.

We never know the time nor the hour when one of our family or friends will be called. Not that we are to live in fear…but this is a reminder…let’s live with intention….and don’t take your loved ones for granted among the busy-ness of the season!

Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realize they were the big things.

You will never have this day again. You will never cross this moment of time again. Use it wisely.

What are some little ways you can make this a reality?

Stop what you are doing and greet your husband when he comes home, listen to him even if you’re busy with holiday preparations.

Have dinner ready, if you can. Let him know he is special.

Look and listen, really listen, when your child is talking to you.

Read them a Christmas bedtime story…make this a habit.

Let them bake cookies with you…in spite of the mess and the fact that it would be easier to do it on your own. What child doesn’t like to sit on the counter, legs dangling, while holding the mixer or cracking the eggs!? (Be ready to fish out the eggshells!)

Train yourself to see the positive in those you rub shoulders with each day. It will have its effiects, I guarantee!

Do you have an elderly parent you need to spend time with? Do it! Do you have a difficult sibling that you find it hard to be kind to? Be kind!

Yes, we will do our baking, our wrapping, our tree….but let’s not get too wound up! Let’s not take on so much that we are totally stressed out. Not worth it.

Fr. Jacque Philippe:

“I often say jokingly that the ladder of perfection has only one step: the step we take today.

Without concerning ourselves about the past or the future, we can decide to believe today, place all our trust in God today, love God and neighbor today.

Whether our good resolutions produce success or failure, next day we can begin again, not relying on our strength but only on God’s faithfulness.”

Life happens in the moments. If we take on way too much we get frustrated. Then the daily things…reading a story, wiping a nose, listening to others, is done begrudgingly.

Remember these little things are the ones that make memories, create atmosphere and build relationships.

One last thing from St. Francis de Sales (who doesn’t love this quote?!)

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself…do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage.”

Advent is a new season of the Church. Every time we pick ourselves up, it is a new season. Don’t ever get discouraged.

So…this Advent and Christmas live with intention. And remember, Ladies, that your life as a homemaker is very important. And your joyful presence in the home is more important than any of the presents under the tree!

Follow the link to sign up for the GIVEAWAY!

Each day is a chance to grow in virtue and it begins with the little things. Show your husband you care…listen to him, smile at him, give him a hug when he doesn’t expect it. Your children are watching and courtesy and love are contagious! This Advent can be special…. it starts with you! -Finer Femininity

Our attitude changes our life…it’s that simple. Our good attitude greatly affects those that we love, making our homes a more cheerier and peaceful dwelling! To have this control…to be able to turn around our attitude is a tremendous thing to think about!
This Gratitude Journal is here to help you focus on the good, the beautiful, the praiseworthy. “For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8 – Douay Rheims).
Yes, we need to be thinking of these things throughout the day!
You will be disciplined, the next 30 days, to write positive, thankful thoughts down in this journal. You will be thinking about good memories, special moments, things and people you are grateful for, lovely and thought-provoking Catholic quotes, thoughts before bedtime, etc. Saying it, reading it, writing it, all helps to ingrain thankfulness into our hearts…and Our Lord so loves gratefulness! It makes us happier, too!
Available here.

Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.

You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.

This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

Raising Girls…My Story

A Thursday Throwback….

How did you raise such wonderful girls?

I’ve been asked that a few times. I can tell you that I sometimes am as surprised as the people who ask me. 🙂 It’s like I just woke up one day and said, “Wow we’ve done okay! How did we do that?”

It’s not that our training wasn’t purposeful…it was. But with human weakness so apparent in our parenting, with imperfect circumstances, etc., it was hard to know the outcome.

And, things are not picture-perfect (it looks so good online, doesn’t it?) My girls are human and have many faults, like all those born under Eve’s lineage.

Also, life is not done yet and I have children at home. Dynamics are different than they used to be so I don’t know the outcome. At this point, though, I am very grateful for how things have transpired.

I’ve tried here to pinpoint along the way some of the things that we did… to actually be able to put them into words….and I do feel I have a few things I can share with you.

It is not to discourage you, though, because some of us have taken up the torch midstream. I was fortunate that I became serious about my faith BEFORE I got married. This is, in many circumstances, not the case. God takes us where we are at and can create a beautiful tapestry of a grace-filled life wherever we begin! He meets us where we are at on our own personal journey and is not outdone in generosity! It is imperative we remember that.

That being said, the following are a few things I think were very important on our own journey. (This is my own list. Hubby would have his own list, too. His contribution in many of these points are unspoken but always there.)

#1. We were blessed to have started off on the right foot. We both worked at a Catholic Shrine so our courtship was truly amazing! We said the Rosary every day, we went to Mass every day, we went to Benediction every day and a lot of our courtship was during Lent so we were reading the Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ together.

This is obviously not possible for most people but the effort put into our courtship and even before we meet that special someone, the effort meaning: Gaining as much graces as possible through daily Mass, etc. will help to get started on the right foot. So many marriages begin on the wrong foot, stained with serious sin, and I do believe this has a negative impact on the relationship in general.

Once again, if that has been your own experience (not getting started on the right foot), with God’s grace the pieces can be picked up…yes, they can! ❤

#2. My discipline was not as consistent as it could have been. Like you, I was tired, etc. If I was nursing a baby or whatever and the child’s behavior needed tending to, it was a temptation to overlook things….and I did at times. For the most part, though, I did not let my children outright disobey me or say no to me. They never struck me. If they ever tried such things they were swiftly punished.

#3. I taught them to respect their dad. I tried to only talk highly of him to them. Even though I did not always agree with my husband’s ways, my disagreements were kept in check, as much as possible, around the children. I knew it was important to hold a united front  together. The only reason I knew to do that was through the books I had been reading. I didn’t have any experience with this sort of thing in my own young, rather rocky and independent life. If you don’t teach your children to respect their dad, believe me, it will come back to bite you! They will also disrespect you as the years go by. This is not easy, and I failed many times, but I dusted myself off, knew where my mistake was, and began again.

#4. We homeschooled. This was always a challenge and I felt inadequate. But I kept trying and the bond that I formed with my children was irreplaceable. We struggled together each day.  Once again, I do not think it is for everyone. I am just telling you the things that I feel contributed to the girls I have today.

#5. We had joy in our family. We played lots of games. The TV was not the center of our recreation (we didn’t have a TV for the first 15 years of our marriage). My husband and I played volleyball with our kids right up until a couple years ago. Here and there we still get out there with them.  We make movie time (now that we have a TV) a family fun event!

Disclaimer here…Yes, we had joy. But I had my off days, even my off years! One year I got very sick and it was a slow climb out. Was I joyful? No! Days when you are so weary, days when you feel blah, etc. Joy?? You kidding??!

This is the amazing thing….even though I struggled with many things (my melancholic nature is not nice to me at times), the kids don’t remember those off times if you try to keep the tone positive in between times (and hopefully there are many in-between times)!

I knew it was important, that our kids would not want what we have if we didn’t have joy, so joy was fought for. I thought I was failing, I woke up one day to find out I hadn’t failed. Like I said, God meets us more than halfway!

#6. (I had my girls read my list and they wanted me to mention these “Don’ts” that we “Do”).  Our kids didn’t go out of the home for their social time. It was brought to us. When we did go somewhere for a good time, for the most part, it was as a family. They also didn’t spend much time in their rooms…those were for sleeping not for spending time with their friends or hanging out by themselves.

Which brings me to another rule we had…No Sleepovers. It’s easier to make a rule with no exceptions (cousins traveling and spending the night is different…though it was closely monitored, too), than to pick and choose which sleepover events they can take part in. Sleepovers are dangerous times and ones that parents are oblivious to as they are in their beds sawing logs while the girls are chatting away….

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we see sin at every corner. We don’t. But we also avoid particular situations that make it easy on the kids to break rules….whether talking about subjects they shouldn’t divulge in with their friends…..Or maybe even worse.

#7. Some Do’s! I worked very hard at trying to make the Faith come alive in our home. We did Saint Nicholas stockings, Lenten practices, Advent practices, we sang hymns at the end of the rosary, we did novenas together, we did little processions, we did special things on Feast Days. We supplied the magic and the charm to our Catholic heritage.

Once again I learned this from the books that I share with you each day. I did not have any experience with this beforehand. And I was not perfect at it. Often it was one week into Advent before I got the wreath out, etc. Or life was so hectic, things were put on the back burner. As the kids got older, though, this consistency became more “on” than “off”.

It paid off. I see my married kids doing the same with their children. They are even more solicitous than I was. It warms the cockles of my heart.

#8. We were open to the friends of my children. We were picky, but we were open. They came over often and took part in our home life. We fed them, they often stopped by the store and picked things up for us for dinner. It was a give-give situation.

I never went to bed until I knew everyone was either gone, or my oldest son at home was left in charge. No one went off to form little groups, everything was done together. We played games with the kids, sang songs, had bonfires.

If any of our girls were of courting age, this is how we got to know the potential suitor and how they got to know us. And believe me, true personalities came out during games!!

#9. We have a strict dress code in our family but we have fun with it. Some of the girls sew, we love pretty colors and flowy, feminine things. The girls make the ribbon flowers to embellish their clothes and hair. We wear colors for the seasons and just enjoy dressing well.

Their clothing is not thought of as a negative thing…what they can’t wear. It’s about the amazing choices and colors and materials we CAN use! And my daughters know they are respected, as women, for the way they dress. In general, they don’t give it too much thought (that we are so different in that aspect from the world), it is just a way of life and always has been.

#10. Our technology is very closely monitored. Only my husband and I know the password to our computer and my phone is always locked. The older girls can look at recipes or something they want to buy on Amazon but it is not in a private place and it is not for long periods of time (which they don’t desire anyway…it is a means to an end for them).

They can ask to look at my phone, my Facebook account, if they wish, it is an open book and I don’t mind. But for the most part, they don’t use the internet much. They are all pretty good typists, though, and they know the basics.

The older girls have flip-phones and texting is not opened up until they are courting. They don’t have smart phones.

Don’t ever think your kids are above looking at stuff they shouldn’t. No, they are curious…especially boys, but girls, too. Be solicitous! We’ve slipped up here and there and I was given a reality check….that the devil is waiting to pounce on my own kids, too!!

#11. The Rosary has been our mainstay throughout the years. When it was forgotten, it wasn’t intentional. See the post My Little Story About the Rosary.

We also went to daily Mass as much as we could. There were many days, months, years, when hubby was working lots of hours, I was nursing or pregnant and homeschooling and it was too much to go to Mass every day. I would go in spurts or try to make it at least one more time a week besides Sunday. We are now back at it but it is easier because I don’t have lots of little people at home.

A couple of years back I was scratching my head wondering how the last half of our kids were going to turn out. Truly, the dynamics have changed around here (not in a bad way…just changed) and I was nervous how this was going to affect the next batch of kids.

As I was digging around for a solution, I came up with one…..Get back to daily Mass! So I have given that quandary (my kids and how they will turn out) right back to Our Lord and I am going to let Him figure it out. He’s doing pretty good! 😀

#12. Our girls have realized right from the get-go what an incredible and awesome “career choice” is Wifehood and Motherhood! They don’t see it as a “dumbing-down”, they see it as a privilege. They are open to life and they look forward to the day their vocation, as a religious sister or a mother, is shown to them so they can dig in! They know their purpose in life.

Therefore, and this is a big THEREFORE,… they are not antsy for college or a career. Their lives are so full, either helping us with our busy lifestyle, at our parish, or, recently, helping with nieces and nephews, etc., that the farthest thing from their mind is to seek a career outside the home!

They stay home until they are married. Life is full…no need to look elsewhere!

My husband and I have tried to show them, and I think we have succeeded, what an awesome thing Catholic Family Life is! It takes work, you need to be counter-cultural, but it all comes with so many blessings!

And my girls see it. They look around at what other girls their age and of the world are doing and they don’t want it. They feel very blessed!

An aside here….This next batch of girls coming up have seen a lot of the struggles of married life and motherhood from their older siblings. They look at it with a little more trepidation….hehe…than my first children. But they will be ready when the time comes, I am confident of that.

Well, there you have the list. Remember….in between each of those numbers should be another part….the part that says we were inadequate and didn’t do it all perfectly or with always the right attitude.

Once again, that should encourage all of us that it can be done….even with our weak humanness!

And, of course, I am not saying our way is THE way. You can pick and choose those things that may help you in your own family.

AND if you have lots of pieces to pick up….look up! God is not wanting in miracles! Miracles that change lives!

We are called to be great Apostles of Love in our ordinary, daily life. We are Christ’s Hands and Feet as we wipe noses, feed hungry little ones and change diapers with an attitude of service and love. When we are cheerful to those we rub shoulders with each day, when we kindly open our door to those who enter into our home, we are taking part in Christ’s Apostolic Work. “Jesus was an Apostle in the stable of Bethlehem, in the shop of St. Joseph, in His anguish in Gethsemane and on Calvary no less than when He was going through Palestine, teaching the multitudes or disputing with the doctors of the law.” – Divine Intimacy, Painting by Morgan Weistling http://amzn.to/2p0dxg8 (afflink)

A beautiful Easter CD sung by a beautiful Benedictine Order of Nuns…Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles.

Available here.

💖💙This Maglet is for you, lovely wives, who have dedicated your life to your faith and to your husband.

If it is in God’s providence you bring children into the world, your goal is to raise a wholesome, dedicated Catholic family…in an ungodly world. This is a seemingly insurmountable task considering the obstacles before us.

Our first line of defense is the bond we must have with our husband. Besides our spiritual life, which gives us the grace to do so, we must put our relationship with our husband first. It is something we work on each day.

How do we do this? Many times it is just by a tweaking of the attitude, seeing things from a different perspective. It is by practicing the virtues….self-sacrifice, submission, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.

The articles in this maglet will help you with these things. They are written by authors that are solid Catholics, as well as authors with old-fashioned values.

Take this information to heart and your life will be filled with many blessings!

Available here.

Package Deal available here.

Let Mrs. Newland show you how to introduce even your littlest ones to God and develop in your growing children virtues such as:
The habit of regular prayer
Genuine love of the Rosary
A sense of the dignity of work
Devotion to Mary and the saints
A proper love for the things of this world and for the things of Heaven
Attentiveness at Mass
Love for the Eucharist
An understanding and love of purity
The ability to make good confessions
And dozens of other skills, habits, and virtues that every good Catholic child needs

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My Little Story About the Rosary….

A repost for the month of the Holy Rosary:

Here is my little story of the Rosary…..

I’m a slow learner.

Sometimes it just takes me a long time to “get” some things.

At the tender age of twenty, the Rosary and the Consecration to Our Lady (St. Louis de Montfort style) was what set my feet on solid ground in a world that spun around me with all sorts of “answers” to life’s problems. And I wanted answers.

My friends were leaving the Catholic Church that was rocked by liberalism and they were going to greener pastures. It was all beckoning to me. The Catholic Church I attended didn’t seem to hold out any answers. I had attended a Catholic School and went to Mass every Sunday all my growing up years. I was involved in youth groups and church choirs. And yet I didn’t know about the True Presence until I was almost 20 years old! There was an emptiness…. but I didn’t know what the problem was.

Then something happened. I went to a few classes on St. Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion to Mary. I didn’t like them but I stepped out in faith and began by saying a decade of the rosary each day (while my thoughts traveled to those naysayers saying  “repetition of words are useless…dumb”….they also said…”IDOLATRY…you can’t pray to Mary”) but I persevered…..And then I consecrated myself to Our Lady…(once again, the horrible doubts and misgivings…) I did it anyway. It was not very comfortable.

I met hubby. We began our courtship and our marriage with the rosary…daily. It was a commitment. It wasn’t wonderful…or beautiful…. It was a commitment.

We had children. Many children. We said the rosary. So often, it seemed fruitless. Life was so distracted, so wrought with the everyday little crosses and duties…but it was a commitment and we stuck to it.

I knew it was a good thing. I knew Our Lady asked for the Family Rosary at Fatima:“I am the Lady of the Rosary. Continue to always pray the Rosary every day.” I believed. I was committed. Hubby was always committed. 🙂

I see now the fruits. I look around at a very crazy world and thank God through tears for what He has given to us…through no merit of our own.

I know that we could have really messed up. We were two people coming from very different backgrounds….both very strong-willed. We made our mistakes…..but we had the Rosary. And we stuck with it, day in and day out, year after year.

A family that prays together, stays together. I know that is not everything. If we have an open heart, the Rosary gives us the graces to make the necessary changes as we need them.

The Daily Family Rosary. Steady, Constant. Amid the crosses of daily life with many children, the misunderstandings between husband and wife, the financial burdens…we had the rosary.

When the kids got hurt or sick, when I was very ill, when hubby was in the hospital and we had no money to pay, through tragedies, accidents and fires, when I didn’t understand why God was letting things happen to us…. we were saying the Rosary.

Steady and constant, we prayed it every day, amid slouching kids, tired husband, cranky, pregnant wife.

Thank God for that Rosary. I know my life is not done yet. We still have children at home, children who can….and will….make a lot of mistakes. But for the record, they all (married ones, too) put their Faith first, amid their own struggles. They say the daily Rosary and it will be what holds them together through thick and thin.

If you have troubles, say the Rosary. If, amid your noisy and boisterous family, you are suffering loneliness, say the Rosary. Do you have fears and worries? Say the Rosary. Are your rosaries dry and distracted?…Keep saying it.

Truly, who knows better than Our Lady, Our Mother, our humanness, our failings, how small we are, how distracted we are. She will help. Persevere. Don’t give up.

It is just now that I am beginning more to understand the beauty, the mystery, the  deep, interior, spiritual growth that can take place through the Rosary. Like I said, I am a slow learner.

I am glad that God is very, very patient.

He has given us a very special gift. Don’t take it for granted and don’t go a day without saying it!

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The Annunciation “Hail, Full of Grace”

Another day had begun in the little home of Nazareth – a quiet, cool March day. Mary would spend it as she had spent countless others, quietly working about the house.

An ordinary girl, Mary, as the world judges; ordinary like the rest of the villagers, like Joseph…

Suddenly an angel was by her side: “Hail, full of grace!“

An ordinary person would be rather disturbed by such a visitor, and by such a greeting. And Mary was! “She was troubled at his word.“

The angel had implied that Mary loved God with all her heart, soul, mind, strength; that she loved God enough to become His Mother.
Loving God wholeheartedly – like Mary, I was created to do just that – and being “ordinary“ puts no barriers in my way!

“It is difficult for a child to be better than his home environment or for a nation to be superior to the level of its home life. In fulfilling its double purpose – the generation and formation of children – the home becomes a little world in itself, self-sufficient even in its youngest years. It is vital that you, as a mother or father, make of your home a training ground in character-building for your children, who will inherit the world’s problems. Home is a place in which the young grow in harmony with all that is good and noble, where hardship, happiness, and work are shared.” – Father Lawrence G. Lovasik

Need some book suggestions? Visit…

My Book List

Book List for Catholic Men

Book List for the Youth

Advent Package Special! The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal & Celine’s Advent

 Available here.

Available individually here.

Details

The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Advent Journal:
Advent is such a special season! And you are about to make it more meaningful than you ever have!
This Advent journal is for busy moms who need a little help making this season special within the home. It will help you stay on track and be consistent with the customs you have decided to incorporate within your four walls.
I have broken it down into bite-sized tidbits that, when laid out for you, will be easy to accomplish. As you check each item off you will get a sense of fulfillment knowing you are getting done what is truly important in this expectant season! The other things will get done….but first things first!
At midnight, on Christmas Eve, when Baby Jesus arrives, you and your family will look back upon your Advent and sigh with satisfaction, knowing you truly have celebrated with the Church, that you have put your best foot forward in making this a spiritual, enchanting, holy time for all!
The first few pages of this book will have a run-down of the special Advent customs and activities that will be on your checklist each day. They are simple, they are doable.
I hope this Advent is more special than ever as we walk hand-in-hand making the Liturgy come alive in our homes!

Celine’s Advent:
Take a walk through Advent as Celine and her family prepare for the coming of the Baby Jesus at Christmas! You will enjoy celebrating the beauty of the season with Celine as she helps her mom with the special traditions and activities that make the liturgy come alive in their home! Her “peanut gallery” consists of a mouse named Percy and some charming and delightful Christmas Angels! They are sure to capture your heart!

Sav

Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.

You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.

This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.

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My Rule of Life

Before I begin this little excerpt about my own Rule of Life, I would like to say that I have one maxim I go by, reminding myself of it often. It is: “People are more important than things…and schedules, and accomplishments, etc.”

That being said, my thoughts on a Rule of Life:

I never heard of this term before until I picked up the book A Mother’s Rule of Life several years ago. I lived it, to a certain extent, but didn’t know what it was called.
One thing I so appreciated from that book was the part on the Spiritual Life…she talked about tithing your time to God.
She suggested a certain amount of time, 10% of your waking hours, that you dedicate to God …which I thought was pretty neat. It gave me something to go by and some kind of a goal.
It was then that I began to “journal” or write down my list on the spiritual things I wanted to accomplish throughout each day. And I would check them off as I went along. I was hung up on the numbers for awhile (making sure I got my “tithing” in) and then eventually that part fell by the wayside.
This began a habit in me that I have practiced for many years now…the writing down of what I wanted to accomplish spiritually each day. And this list-making reached out into other aspects of my life.
I firmly believe the spiritual duties we do each day are the foundation of any Rule of Life. It is at the top of my page each day in my Journal.

Here’s what mine looks like:
Morning Prayers (private)
Daily Mass, if possible (with children)
Mercy Chaplet (with children)
Family Rosary (with family)
Night Prayers (private)

In order to accomplish our spiritual things and the other things we need to do each day, we need to take care of our body.
How will we say our 15 minutes of Morning Prayer (if that’s what we have committed to) if we don’t get to sleep at a decent hour? It is valuable to put a time for rising on our list and sticking to it as much as we can. This will be difficult if the time for going to bed is ignored.
In the evening, there may be extenuating circumstances in raising a family…but we have to admit, a lot of the time we bring our fatigue on ourselves (talking to myself here). We lollygag at night, putting off going to bed for whatever reason and then, guess what?? We are too tired the next morning to get up and start the day right, with the first thing on our list….Morning Prayers. And then it goes downhill from there….Blah. So, remember, your accomplishments during the day and how well the day turns out begin the evening before!

This is what my “bodily” or “health” section looks like. It’s simple and doable:
Exercise (T-Tapp, a walk, tread milling, etc.)
Take supplements
Water (half a person’s body weight in ounces)

(You can add what time to bed, what time for rising and anything else that is important to you in this category)
Check them off as you do them!

Next is your household duties. The important stuff…and write it down. Mine probably looks different than yours does because I have girls who take over some of the big things. Here’s an example of what yours can begin with:

1.Meals
2. School
3.Laundry
(Add to this section of your list as you see fit but just the important things…the MUST-DO’S.)

Keep things picked up in between time…maybe plan a 20 minute hoopla with the kids as everyone takes a room. This could be done more than once a day…and added to your list.

And then, added to the bottom of your list….one big thing, like clean fridge. ….but only for 15 minutes!

And do it for 15 minutes each day until it is done! Set the timer. Oftentimes we can’t make it through a whole big job…and we tend to avoid it if it is big. So…break it up into doable slots of time. I am always amazed at how much I get done in 15 minutes and how quickly these big jobs get accomplished. A great feeling, indeed!

I think this is valuable…..Zig Ziglar (who is a big guru in the positive motivational field) said to plan into your schedule time with your family. Yes, I know as busy mothers, we are always with our family, working hard for them each day, rubbing shoulders with them, etc. But maybe we could write down…20 minutes with kids…and spend that time building Lego, reading a story, telling a story, crafting or whatever. Those are the kind of things that, built into your rule of life, you will never regret.
Write.it.down.

So a recap of your categories on your list:
Spiritual Duties
Bodily Health
Most Necessary Housework Things we Can’t NOT Do (always excepting extenuating circumstances)
One Big Thing (for 15 minutes)
Time With Family                                                                                                  Other things you’d like to accomplish                                            

Just a mention…try to get in a little breather for yourself each day, whether it is doing a bit of crocheting or looking up a special website online. It’s important we recharge, too!

All the other little things you have to accomplish each day can revolve around this list. This is your go-to, your foundation. It won’t be perfect. That’s ok. And you can write the little things down, too. It’s great when we can check things off! And if you don’t get them done that day, put them on the next day and try again!

An Example List:

This may not be detailed enough for you. Here is the link to Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life. It has been years since I read it, my daughter-in-law is reading it and loving it!

A quote from My Prayer Book, Father Lasance:
“One of the means,” says a spiritual writer, “of acquiring and perfecting in us the interior life, which raises a man above the merely terrestrial and animal life to the height of the divine life in Jesus Christ consists in adopting and following a rule of life, which does not leave the employment of our time to caprice, but assigns to each moment its own proper duty”
“Let all things be done decently and according to order.” says St. Paul. (1Cor. xiv. 40)
“Where there is no rule there is no order,” says Father Hamon. “We live by caprice and fancies. With a rule of life, on the contrary, all is done in an orderly manner; each duty has its proper time set apart for it; nothing is forgotten; nothing is done in haste or in a careless manner.
Thanks to a rule of life, all is done well; and that which is true in regard to order is equally so in regard to practices of piety.
With a rule of life they are done with exactitude; without a rule they have no fixed hour; we defer them, then we again defer them, and we finish by omitting them entirely.”

Creating a home filled with order and cleanliness (as much as is possible in your state of life and in your unique circumstances 😊)communicates a heart that is ordered and pure. Take a moment today to make your home more simply organized and see how the sweet savor blesses those around you. -Emilie Barnes, Keep It Simple for Busy Women http://amzn.to/2y2JoN3

Beautiful Blessed Mother Wire Wrapped Rosary! Lovely, Durable… Available here.

To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you’ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.

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