Emotional Needs of Adolescents

from Catholic Family Handbook by Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s

A wise teacher once observed that the best aid a parent can have in training a teenager is a good memory.

He meant that if you can recall your own doubts and indecisions, your striving for independence, your rebellion because your parents would not give you the emancipation you sought, and above all, the stresses, strains and temptations of your own teen years, you will be able to deal much more sympathetically with your youngster.

Some parents are guilty of precisely what their children accuse them of–they have forgotten that they too were once young, inexperienced and troubled by secret fears of inadequacy and failure. If you recall your own adolescent problems, you will more readily give your child four basic helps he needs at this critical time.

Religious Practices in Your Home/A Little Update…

Before the post….

We wish to thank you so much to those who have given to Rosie’s Get Well Fund. We have hit our goal and we are overcome with gratitude with your monetary gifts…and especially the gift of your prayers!

Although Rosie is going through a lot, her attitude is quite refreshing! She does not complain about her sickness and accepts it as God’s will. We are so grateful for that!

We are working hard at getting her well and waiting on test results.

We have received so many kind offerings of prayers! And people have written us, sent us sacramentals, etc. Thank you, thank you! Please know how much it is appreciated and that you will be remembered each day in our prayers…especially the daily rosary!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers…

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Religious Practices in the Home

In order to provide an environment where your child will grow to love God and the things of God, make your home a little sanctuary–a place where he will be constantly reminded of the Lord, and where family devotions will instill habits of deep and lasting Christian piety.

When Children Doubt Religious Truths – Catholic Family Handbook

by Rev. Fr. George A. Kelly, The Catholic Family Handbook

While your children are in elementary school, they probably will accept without question what you teach about religion and morality. For example, the nine-year-old will accept your explanation of why he must abstain from meat on Friday, and will not question whether these regulations are entirely proper or within the jurisdiction of the Church to make.

He will accept, without doubting their truth, the Old Testament stories of the Tower of Babel, of Jonah, of Noah’s Ark, and others.

When he reaches adolescence, however, you may be shocked at a change which may come over him. He may now be aware that other people do not believe as we do, that some deny the existence of God, others do not accept the trueness of the Church or the divinity of Our Lord, and still others doubt the truth of many incidents recounted in the Old Testament.

Your child may quote these nonbelievers in questioning you about Catholic doctrines. Sometimes he may even give the impression that he fully accepts their errors.

It is probably unwise to betray suspicion that he is losing his faith simply because he sharply questions Church teaching.

In order to understand completely why the Church holds as she does on matters of faith and morals, every adult must understand the basic principles upon which the doctrines rest. Only by examining various arguments for the Church’s position can a young person truly appreciate that her teachings are based upon historical and logical truths.

Some parents show visible annoyance when their children question various Church doctrines.

This reaction often results from the fact that the parent lacks enough knowledge to refute the adolescent’s arguments.

Obviously, the Church would be in a sad position if she could not stand up against questions raised by teen-agers.

The facts are that Church teaching is supported upon a bedrock of logic and that many of the foremost thinkers throughout history have found her doctrines unassailable. Therefore if you yourself cannot cope with your adolescent’s arguments, you can refer him to Catholic books, literature, and other sources of information.

Do not expect your child to accept a religious teaching simply and solely because the Church says it is so. As an individual with a growing intellectual capacity of his own, he has a legitimate right to know why the Church maintains a certain position.

When helped in a friendly way to understand that position, he will become a stronger Catholic as a result.

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“I am convinced that the best way to grow is to bring the sense of freshness and newness of a new year down to the level of each day. For each day is truly a new beginning. Each day is an entirely fresh start—much more so than a calendar year. Waking to greet a new morning is, in a sense, a resurrection. We rise from the grave of sleep to new life. The failures of yesterday mean nothing. What matters is this day, even this moment, and what we do with it.” -The Catholic Gentleman https://www.catholicgentleman.net/2019/01/dont-make-new-years-resolutions/

❤️🌹Our first line of defense is the bond we must have with our husband. Besides our spiritual life, which gives us the grace to do so, we must put our relationship with our husband first. It is something we work on each day.

 

How do we do this? Many times it is just by a tweaking of the attitude, seeing things from a different perspective. It is by practicing the virtues….self-sacrifice, submission, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.

 

The articles in this maglet will help you with these things. They are written by authors that are solid Catholics, as well as authors with old-fashioned values….

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Don’t Underestimate Your Ability to Inspire

Painting by Jesus Helguera

From The Catholic Marriage Manual by Rev. George A. Kelly, 1950’s

Inspiration:

Father Leo J. Kinsella spent many years as a judge in the matrimonial court of the Chicago Archdiocese. During that time, he had the opportunity to explore intimately the factors that led to difficulties in many hundreds of marriages.

In his excellent inspirational book, The Wife Desired, he declared: “I have no recollection of a single broken marriage wherein the wife was primarily to blame and at the same time an inspiration to her husband. Failure and inspiration do not mix well. The ability to inspire her husband is the wife’s best guarantee of success in marriage.

Only if she fails to inspire need she be fearful for their love and the future of their marriage. . . “Take it from me, ladies, inspiration is your love potion. Men wander through the cold world seeking the warm eyes of inspiration like a thirsty deer standing at a fountain of water. Not having it, they are lost souls. On finding it, they leap for joy, and the very mountain breaks forth into singing.

So, be kind, ladies, lest men die of hunger and thirst. Give hope and encouragement to carry on. It is so easy for you; just be as God made you, his loveliest creatures.”

A national magazine has adopted the slogan, “Never under-estimate the power of a woman.” This reminder actually is more necessary for women than for men. It is especially necessary for wives.

Most of them vastly underestimate their ability to inspire their husbands. Some do not even know that they possess this power. Others are but dimly aware of it.

Yet the fact remains that in most marriages, the wife who inspires can lead her husband to undreamed-of heights, or by neglecting her ability to inspire, can drag him down to dreary depths.

Every husband desires his wife to be a step above him, leading him upward. His wife must never descend from the level that her Creator, her sex, and even her husband expect of her.

It is she who must keep the spiritual standards of a family high. Despite all obstacles, it is she who must, by example and prayer, inspire him to do better.

Occasionally wives not only underestimate their ability but also their obligation to inspire their husbands spiritually.

The wife who keeps herself modest, pure and above suspicion, by that very fact contributes to her husband’s inspiration and to his spiritual enrichment. Nor should a wife underestimate her ability to inspire her husband emotionally.

By nature, men become discouraged easily. Those in the business world literally go to battle every day. They constantly struggle with others for promotion, for competitive advantages, for financial advancement. They often suffer disappointments and frustrations.

And when they return to lick their wounds after a depressing day in the “business jungle,” it is their wives—and they alone—who can heal the wounds and restore the spirit.

A wife must strive to let her husband know that she has faith in him, that she is cheering for him in his battles, and that his wounds, defeats and triumphs are her wounds, defeats and triumphs.

Inspiring your husband to carry on in adversity may often be difficult. Sometimes he will welcome words of encouragement and will accept advice. Sometimes he will confide in you fully.

At other times, he will be visibly disturbed but unwilling to discuss his defeats. He may reject your efforts to cheer him. Suggest how he might handle his problem more successfully, and he may accuse you of trying to run his affairs.

The wife who takes her duty to inspire seriously will accept these rebuffs patiently. She will not forget that the basic purpose of inspiration is to make her husband realize that he is a better person with greater capabilities than he himself realizes.

Praise—a continuing stream of it, in both direct and subtle forms—is the main tool of the wife who inspires.

“But my husband is conceited enough,” many wives reply at this point. “All he talks about is how good he is. His virtues are his favorite subject, and I doubt that I could get a word in even to agree with him.”

Wives who make a comment of this type are revealing why their husbands are so conceited—the men get so little inspiration at home that they find it necessary to bolster their egos by constantly reminding themselves and others of their superior qualities.

The man who is frequently complimented for his capabilities does not have to remind others of them. Only when his wife or others fail to provide praise does he resort to “do-it-yourself” compliments.

Except in rare pathological cases when no amount of inspiration will suffice, the average man will reduce his own boasting almost in direct proportion to the quantity of praise heaped upon him by his mate.

Of course, inspiration is not a one-way street. Wives need it too. In fact, most need more of it than their husbands.

Someone once suggested that an ideal way to make man and wife appreciate each other would be for him to take care of the children and the housework for a week, while she went to business and struggled through his daily problems.

This suggestion has merits.

The typical male has only the vaguest conception of his wife’s duties and problems at home with the children all day long—and of the admirable way in which she handles them.

Almost without exception, young mothers feel a need for adult companionship. Throughout the day, they talk to their children in simple language and discuss simple subjects.

The man who goes to business and talks to grownups does not know of his wife’s lonely days. Rarely does he realize the added loneliness she feels when after conversing with infants or children in one-syllable words from dawn to dusk, she then faces a mate who does not care to talk to her at night.

A mother becomes discouraged, too. At times, her discouragement can exceed that of her husband. She needs to be told that her children are making progress and that she is doing a superb job of raising them.

The husband should remember his wife’s needs along with his own. Know how to compliment!

To be an inspiring husband or wife, you should learn the art of paying a compliment. As simple a comment as, “You sure have a way with pies” will bring a pleased smile to her face—and pie to your plate more often.

A compliment to your husband when he’s well turned-out—”My, isn’t Daddy handsome!”—will do far more to keep him out of those disreputable slacks than caustic comments ever will.

You will find that the course of your married life will run more smoothly if you learn to say the pleasant word.

Husbands and wives who have been married for a long time sometimes take each other so for granted that the paying of compliments falls into disuse.

Some partners even reach the point at which they confess that they cannot find qualities to praise in the other.

Of course, everyone has virtues. It should be easiest for you to recognize these virtues in your mate, because these characteristics attracted you in the first place. Learn to spend time each day dwelling on your mate’s good qualities.

As you consider them, you may realize that you have more to be thankful for in your partner than you have realized. Moreover, looking at the positive side is a certain antidote to one of the great blemishes on modern marriage: the urge to indulge in self-pity.

Self-pity is the major device of people who feel that the world has given them a bad deal. It is particularly prevalent among men and women who are prone to dwell upon their mates’ defects—and not upon their virtues.

A final caution to wives: While you should accept fully your obligation to inspire your husband, carefully draw a distinction between inspiring him so that he will grow in a spiritual and emotional way; and inspiring him solely for the sake of material success.

We live in an age when success is measured by the better home, the bigger car, the more fashionable fur coat. But money can never substitute for the true love of a husband and father, and the wife who encourages her husband to get ahead in business at the sacrifice of spiritual values often later regrets it, because her constant spurring may cause him to put material goals above all others.

Of course, some husbands become obsessed with material goals on their own; then their wives should strive to make them realize that growth of the spirit is of far greater importance than growth of a bank balance.

“It is wrong to deny one’s self all diversion. The mind becomes fatigued and depressed by remaining always concentrated in itself and thus more easily falls a prey to sadness. Saint Thomas says explicitly that one may incur sin by refusing all innocent amusement. Every excess, no matter what its nature, is contrary to order and consequently to virtue.” – Light and Peace, Quadrupani, 1793 http://amzn.to/2qIMO9B (afflink)

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“Disgrace” in the Family

From The Catholic Family Handbook, Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s

Often, despite the most sincere efforts of parents, a child for some inexplicable reason fails to develop into a normal adolescent or adult who lives up to his responsibilities respectably and honorably.

A son or daughter may be attracted to evil companions and may lead a life which causes public scandal. An offspring may drink, gamble, or develop other habits that become occasions of sin, if they are not sinful themselves.

Or, after acquiring a limited education, he may become sophisticated and turn away from the teachings of the Church because they are not modern enough for him.

Whenever such conditions occur, good Catholic parents are sorely tried.

If they could they would correct their child’s conduct and place him once again on the path to Christian virtue. Unfortunately, however, their influence over a child begins to wane after his early years.

A tendency toward evil that you can correct easily in your child of six will be difficult to eradicate when he is fourteen and may become impossible to remove when he is twenty-two. The plight of parents with offspring who cause shame should remind all mothers and fathers that the time to implant habits of virtue is when children are young–not when they are adults.

With our present knowledge of the causes of delinquency, promiscuity, and other shameful deviations from normal behavior, we can advise parents that scoldings, recriminations and threats are almost always foredoomed to failure.

Our Lord clearly taught in his gentleness toward Mary Magdalene that sinners can be won over by love, affection and sympathetic understanding–and that one may legitimately hope for reformation regardless of the depth to which the sinner has declined.

Parents must never cease to strive, by prayer, example and teaching, to help their wayward child to save his soul. They should create a framework of love and affection in which to discuss his problems with him and, by reasoning with him, try to get him to mend his ways.

Of course, you cannot condone sin. If your child uses your home for sinful purposes, you are morally obligated to prevent him from doing so.

If he refuses to be married in the Church, you cannot attend a civil ceremony and thus implicitly bless his action. You must always avoid giving others the impression that you support your child in actions which violate moral teaching.

On the other hand, you should make it plain that while you deplore and detest the sin, you love the sinner. By your unquestioned concern, kindness and sacrifice, and despite obstacles which seem insurmountable and disappointments which bring you to the border of despair, you may yet see a reawakening of his conscience and his ultimate return to you and the Church.

The need for sympathy and love is especially important in the case of a daughter who becomes pregnant outside marriage and faces the awful prospect of bearing a child without a father.

In older generations, such a sin was often considered justification for her parents to turn her away from their door and to thrust her, hopeless and friendless, upon a scoffing world. Such cold-blooded lack of charity was often a greater sin than the act which prompted it. Fortunately very few modern parents so lack compassion that they would reject a daughter at the moment when she needs them most.

Girls in such a predicament often have not received the parental love to which they are entitled. Some grow up in an atmosphere where they are deprived of natural objects for their affection, and they respond unthinkingly to the first individual who offers them kindness.

Of course, every person must fully accept the consequences for his or her own sins. But parents should also humbly consider whether their actions have not contributed to the tragedy. Even where they are not at fault, they should have charity.

When pregnancies occur outside of marriage, the question usually arises of whether the girl should marry the man responsible for her condition.

Experience teaches that marriages based solely upon a physical relationship which has produced unforeseen consequences stand little chance of providing happiness for either man, woman or child. If a strong bond of affection exists between the boy and girl, however, marriage may be considered a wise solution.

If marriage is impossible or undesirable, plans should be made for the girl to live away from her home community in the later stages of her pregnancy. Many institutions exist to provide kind care and sympathetic attention to unmarried mothers.

Often, they also arrange for the infant to be adopted, because the unmarried mother almost invariably lacks resources to provide the proper home environment for her child during his long years of dependency. The parish priest will know where institutions of this kind are located within convenient distance of the community where the girl lives.

When this procedure is followed, the unwed mother can return to her home without becoming the subject of a public scandal. Now, as during her pregnancy, her parents should display the Christian virtue of forgiveness. They should do all within their power to encourage her to turn from past habits and associations and to build a new life with courage and trust in God.

 

“Patience is a powerful help in married life. It controls and restrains strains angry feelings and outbursts of anger. It is a mature virtue that shows superiority of intellect, practical wisdom in daily life, strength of will, and a good, humble, and benevolent heart.

The more spiritual progress you make, the more patient and gentle you will become. Patience procures for you love and influence. It attracts people to you and is of the utmost importance in the family, since you spend so much of your lives together.” – Fr. Lovasik, Catholic Family Handbook https://amzn.to/2Dbcimb (afflink)

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What Will Your Child Do in Life?

by Fr. George Kelly, The Catholic Family Handbook, 1950’s

Not long ago, newspapers told the story of a twenty-seven-year-old man who had shot and killed his father. In prison, the man defiantly explained why he had done it.

Throughout his life, he had been interested in teaching as a career. But whenever he mentioned his aspiration, his father ridiculed it and told him that he must enter the family business. After completing a college course in business administration at his father’s dictation, the young man was placed at work in the family store.

It was evident that he was not equipped to do the kind of sales work necessary for success in the business, but his father drove him on with ridicule. Finally, he could stand it no longer and in frustrated rage performed the deed which shocked the public everywhere.

Like most occurrences which reach print, this was an extreme case. Few men kill their fathers because of differences over their careers, and few fathers callously demand that their children pursue vocations unsuited to them. Yet this story serves the useful purpose of pointing out that parents should give intelligent and sympathetic consideration to their child’s ambitions.

Another moral of the tragedy cited is, of course, that every person should decide his own course in life.

A consistent objective of his training as a child, adolescent, and young adult should be to enable him ultimately to be completely free in the sense that he can make his own decisions and accept complete responsibility for them.

Thus he alone should choose his life work, because its success or failure will depend upon him only. He alone has the intimate knowledge of his talents, motives and aspirations required to make a choice and to succeed in what he chooses.

But while your child must in the final analysis select this vocation by himself, you can help him to determine what his objectives should be.

Indeed, as a conscientious parent, you must do so. You must take a part in formulating standards which will guide him regardless of whether his future station, in the eyes of the world, is high or low.

Your child will often ask you what you want him to be when he grows up.

By your answers, you can implant ideals which will serve as his own guideposts. Moreover, you can help him recognize the importance of high objectives by your own daily conduct.

A father will strongly influence his son’s choice of a life work by his attitude toward his own occupation; by the respect he shows to priests, brothers, doctors, teachers and others who give of themselves to serve mankind; by his own attitudes about the monetary rewards of work and the things that money will–and will not–buy.

Likewise, a mother will influence her son and daughter by the amount of cheer she radiates as she does her daily household tasks; by the way she greets the nuns at school, whether it be with deference or indifference; by her attitudes toward neighbors and acquaintances with greater or fewer material possessions than she has.

Any worthy vocation should fulfill three requirements.

1. It must help your child save his soul. At the very least, it must not, by its nature, constitute a hazard to salvation.
2. It should serve mankind in some constructive way. As an extreme example, the young man who inherited a large sum of money and decided to devote his life exclusively to his own pleasure could hardly be said to have a worthy objective. Nor could the young woman who hoped to marry and practice artificial birth control so that she could lead a social life unhampered by the responsibilities of parenthood.
3. The work should be within his capabilities. The youth who is helped to select a kind of work in which he has a reasonable chance of making progress is also more likely to achieve his first and second objectives as well.

It is worth noting carefully that this listing of basic objectives omits such goals as wealth, glory, power and similar allurements. For implicit in this listing of worthy objectives is the teaching of Jesus:

“For what does it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, but suffer the loss of his own soul?” (St. Matthew 16:26)

The emphasis is on true and lasting values–“treasures in heaven, where neither rust nor moth consumes, nor thieves break in and steal.” (St. Matthew 6:20) The Bible teaches us that “covetousness is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10) and that it is “easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.” (St. Matthew 19:24)

Not only does an ambition to achieve wealth for its own sake violate Our Lord’s repeated teachings; it is not even suitable as a worldly ambition. One can search in vain for the man whose riches have brought even earthly happiness; the rich who achieve the serenity of those less favored financially usually do so only by using their wealth to serve others.

When you encourage your child to keep these three objectives constantly before him, you do not limit his number of choices in any substantial way. He can achieve all of his great goals–attain salvation, perform tasks which benefit mankind, and properly use his God-given talents–in either the religious or secular life.

“Sometimes the wife is tied to her mother’s apron strings and is emotionally immature. She refuses to shoulder the normal responsibility of a wife and mother.

Some married women harm their homes, their husbands, their children, and themselves by too much external activity: organizations, societies, luncheon groups, clubs, and civic committees.

Birth control is a cause for too much social life. A childless or almost childless home can drive women to expend their God-given energies for motherhood on vain external affairs.

Other causes are too much wealth and, therefore, too much leisure, so that even mothers of sizable families can hire people to do most of their work; and the appeal of social prominence.”

-Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook https://amzn.to/2PDpph1 (afflink)

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The Keys to Mutual Love

by Father George Kelly. The Catholic Marriage Manual

To succeed at any vocation, you must have patience, a determination to learn, a willingness to put aside momentary desires for the sake of final success. The vocation of marriage is no exception. It requires hard work. In fact, it is probably the hardest job of all.

For example, consider what a wife and mother must be. She must be an inspiring companion to her husband. She must be a housekeeper who has some skill in cooking, sewing and cleaning. She must be something of an economist, able to handle her household budget and to shop efficiently for food, furnishings and clothing.

She must be proficient in the feeding and physical care of her children. She must be a nurse. She must be a teacher with a working knowledge of child psychology to discipline her youngsters properly.

In addition to the actual skills needed for the successful performance of these jobs, she requires spiritual and emotional qualities —patience, tolerance, understanding, kindness, gentility, fortitude, prudence.

The successful husband and father needs similar qualities. To inspire respect for his leadership he should be reasonably competent as a man: he must be the head of the family; he must be a provider for his wife and children.

He must be a source of inspiration to his wife, encouraging her to fulfill her duties as wife and mother. He, too, must be a teacher, for his example will probably be the most important influence in the development of his son’s personality.

He also requires insights into the spiritual and emotional needs of his wife and children. He requires high resolutions and a strong sense of duty to meet those needs.

Since it is obvious that a man and woman need so many qualities to succeed as husband and wife and as father and mother, why do so many take the marriage vows without really knowing what will be expected of them?

Even couples who have lived together for years sometimes fail to realize how many adjustments they must make and how much self-discipline they must impose if their marriage is to weather future difficulties successfully.

Listen to the dreamy popular songs on the radio, read the romantic novels in many magazines, and view the love stories portrayed on television or in the movies. Seldom will you find even a vague suggestion that the vocation of marriage requires unremitting hard work by both partners.

Problems that arise in marriage as portrayed on television are almost always solved in time for the final commercial. Popular songs convey a constant impression that personality conflicts can be washed away in the sea of sex.

Even articles on marriage in popular magazines and books, seriously intended to help couples achieve better adjustment, often introduce a typical problem and, a few sentences later, report how the couple, by performing a magic act like visiting a marriage counselor, correct all past difficulties and live happily thereafter.

Few publications emphasize that mutual sacrifice is essential to marital success.

In that magnificent little volume The Imitation of Christ, compiled by Thomas Kempis in the fifteenth century, it is written: “Unless thou deny thyself, thou shalt not have perfect liberty.”

Those words might be studied by every married person. Unless you practice severe self-discipline and subjugate your own desires, striving instead to fulfill the needs of your spouse and children, you cannot gain the full happiness of marriage.

Despite what the movies say, no one “finds” happiness. If you obtain it at all, you must earn it. And it will be earned only by what the Catholic marriage ritual calls “the great principle of self-sacrifice.”

On your wedding day you surrendered your individual lives in the interest of a deeper and wider common life. From that day forward you belonged to each other. You were expected to become one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections.

And as the ritual counseled: “Whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this common life, always make them generously.”

Does this mean that we must picture married life in grim, terrifying colors? Not a bit! Sacrifice is difficult and irksome only in the absence of love.

Love makes it easy, and the more perfect the love, the more joy in the sacrifice.

When two people learn to bear patiently with marriage and with each other, marital harmony is the result. And this meeting of minds is the greatest source of happiness humans can obtain on earth.

No earthly pleasure can match that which the loving husband gives his wife, the wife gives her husband, or children give their parents. Very few people indeed appreciate that it is the warm and living union of two persons which alone gives life its full meaning.

Don’t listen to negative self-talk. Don’t analyze it, just don’t listen to it. Period. It will bring you down and make you sluggish in accomplishing what you need to get done. Instead, look at your list and do the next thing, say a prayer, grab a book and read it, spend some time with the kids. It’s not worth listening to the rubbish that goes on inside your head. -Finer Femininity

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Don’t Stress Sin Too Much – Rev. George A. Kelly

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Rev. Fr. George A. Kelly, The Catholic Family Handbook

Don’t stress sin too much. In giving your child the moral training he needs, avoid the extreme of referring to all of his transgressions in terms of how they will affect his relations with God.

It is true that parents must never encourage children to be lax about moral matters, for a sin is always hateful in the eyes of God.

Nevertheless, some parents–fortunately a very tiny minority–use their child’s religious sense as a weapon to force him to do things which should not normally be expected of him.

A mother discovered that she could get her daughter to comply instantly with her commands if she accused her of “sinful disobedience” for failing to do so. Soon the mother had a means at her disposal to force the child to do excessive amounts of housework. As a result, the girl grew up lacking respect for authority and with a scornful attitude toward all the commandments.

When parents constantly thunder about sin, their children may develop an abnormal fear of God, viewing Him as a judge who will thrash them for the slightest offense. Such children may come to lose their trust in God’s mercy–a trust they will need in later life to meet the crosses which will inevitably be theirs to bear.

In his book “Your Child’s World,” Dr. Odenwald describes a nine-year-old patient who had become so terrified of the dark that he had extreme difficulty in sleeping.

“This boy feared that because of his sins–really not sins at all but rather the normal actions of a boy his age–he would be severely punished by the Almighty,” Dr. Odenwald writes.

“Another boy reached the point where he confessed his sins to the priest on Saturday, but felt unworthy to receive Communion on Sunday because he might have offended God unwittingly by committing some mild offense.

A five-year-old girl, who was attending a Sunday School, was so impressed by a sermon on hell and damnation that she could not get it out of her mind. Because of her one-sided introduction to the idea of punishment for sins, she displayed psychotic tendencies even at this early stage.”

 

“At a certain moment when going to confession to a Capuchin father, St. Therese came to understand that it was just the opposite: her “defects did not displease God” and her littleness attracted God’s love, just as a father is moved by the weakness of his children and loves them still more as soon as he sees their good will and sincere love.” -Fr. Jacques Philippe,The Way of Trust and Love, http://amzn.to/2fpXVzl Painting by Millie Childers

In this sermon I teach the two ways of meditation, Lectio Divina and Mental Prayer, according to St. Bruno and St. Teresa of Avila, respectively. For more please visit http://padreperegrino.org/category/po… & remember to say 3 Hail Marys for the priest

 

Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet (Magazine/Booklet)!! Enjoy articles about friendship, courting, purity, confession, the single life, vocations, etc. Solid, Catholic advice…. A truly lovely book for that young and not-so-young single lady in your life! Available here.

 

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Your Job As a Parent – Rev. George Kelly

As usual, in his down-to-earth, pull-no-punches way, Father Kelly keeps us focused on what is truly important in raising a Catholic family!

From The Catholic Family Handbook, Fr. George Kelly, 1950’s

If you could carefully study families that are genuinely happy–those in which father and mother truly love each other and their children, and where children obey, respect and love their parents–you would find that they have many traits in common.

These characteristics are distinct and recognizable, and sharply differentiate these families from those in which there is unending tension, bickering and bitterness.

No institution has had the opportunity to observe the characteristics of happy families as has the Church. Through the centuries, she has recognized the family as the ideal means of helping parents and children to lead holy and happy lives, and she has carefully noted which factors best encourage holiness and happiness.

What she has long known has been borne out in recent years by the studies of social scientists. These researchers have questioned thousands of persons who, by their own testimony, are members of happy families; and they have questioned other thousands who admit that their family life is not happy.

From such beginnings they have uncovered the characteristics of happy families which are lacking in the other kind. The findings of the Church, tested over the centuries, and of sociologists, using modern scientific methods, agree that there are five main characteristics of a happy family.

First, it places full, unquestioned trust in God. Father, mother and children accept the Almighty as their Creator without reservation. They show love and respect for Him and His laws in the everyday conduct of their lives.

They pray together; they attend Mass and receive Communion together; they practice other devotions together; they make their home a little sanctuary, with pictures and statues to remind them of Our Lord or the Blessed Mother.

The father who believes and trusts in God is best equipped to perform his functions as head of the family. Aware of his responsibilities to the Lord for his children, he strives to instill moral virtues by his own example.

The mother who holds the Blessed Virgin as her model develops the love and patience which nurture the spiritual and emotional growth of her children.

When father and mother give living evidence of their faith in God, they no longer need spend so much time trying to decide which course to pursue in bringing up their children. They usually know what to do, because they have a standard to guide them. They only ask: What does  God want of us as parents? When they seek to understand His way and to follow it, they free themselves of the confusion which besets parents without standards upon which to rest.

Children in a home where God is worshiped also know where they stand.

They are taught to respect the Creator and, in respecting Him, to respect all lawful authority. They learn in a precise way what conduct is acceptable and what is forbidden. In their study of religion and religious truths, they learn at an early age that punishment will inevitably follow wrongdoing; thus they learn the major principle which will guide their conduct throughout their lives.

Many authorities have observed that a major sign of danger in marriage arises when one or both of the partners stops attending religious services regularly.

Records of the nation’s courts clearly prove that the home which worships God does not produce the child who appears before a judge on charges of juvenile delinquency.

Studies of unwed mothers prove that the girl who has learned the virtue of purity in a religious setting at home is not the one who gets into trouble in her adolescence.

Second, the happy family puts interest in its home in first place.

Father and mother fully recognize that the most important work they can do is to train their children to be a credit in the eyes of God.

One sometimes encounters a father who spends long hours at business during the week and then spends his week ends with business associates.

In pursuing success or wealth–and perhaps believing that he is a good father in doing so–he refuses his children’s fundamental need to know him as a human being.

On the other hand, one often sees men who hold positions which, by the worlds standards, are low in social prestige.

Perhaps they sacrifice material progress by devoting their leisure time to their children–playing and talking with them, sympathizing with their problems and encouraging them in their aspirations. Regardless of what the world thinks, the first type of father is a failure and the second type is a success.

In a happy home, parents often hold firm against other allurements which tempt them to put the needs of their children in an inferior place. Such allurements include the desire for an overly active social life, the constant pursuit of pleasure in the form of commercial entertainment and the exclusive choice of hobbies (golf, cards, dancing clubs, etc.) from which children are excluded.

Obviously, men must work to provide for their families. It is also obvious that parents are entitled to entertainment away from their children–in fact, an evening alone can have a pronounced therapeutic effect. Nor is the desire to succeed in business or to enjoy one’s self blameworthy.

But when a father becomes overly ambitious and sacrifices his children for his career advancement, or when a mother engages in an unending round of social activities, the great bond of unity in the family is weakened.

Mutual love and respect, which are born and held only in intimacy, are the ingredients that make for true family life, and they cannot thrive when the father or mother places other objectives ahead of them.

Third, in happy families, father and mother occupy a position of equality, but there is no misunderstanding that he is the head. The importance of the mother is an accepted fact. She is the heart of the family–the custodian of love and warmth, the first comforter and educator of the children. In according her a just status, however, we must not weaken the father’s traditional position.

By nature and temperament, he should exercise headship. When he fails to do so, his children lack an appropriate male model to guide them in their conduct, and they are likely to reach maturity without properly understanding the roles they must play as men or women. But while he must be the leader, he should not be like a common type of fathers of the past–the tyrant whose word was law, and whose wife and children constantly trembled before him.

Such a father does more harm than good; his children either become submissive before everyone, or become so rebellious against authority that they cannot lead normal lives as law-abiding citizens. In happy homes, the father is the just dispenser of punishment, but he also wins the respect of his children by the reasonable rules he imposes and the merciful way he enforces them.

Fourth, the happy family is based upon mutual sacrifice. In such a home, Dad will forgo desserts at lunch to save for a family vacation which all members of the family may enjoy. Mother will wear a dress that is several seasons old so that her daughter may take piano lessons; and the children will save for weeks to buy her a special gift for Mother’s Day.

When Dad must do extra work at home for his employer and Mother can help him, she gladly does so. When guests are coming and the house needs a thorough cleaning, Dad rolls up his sleeves and does his share of the manly work.

Johnny washes the windows as his regular chore, Billy sets the table for dinner, Mary washes the dishes while Mother rests, and after school Tommy sometimes watches the baby in her playpen while Mother shops. In this family, everyone makes sacrifices for the common good.

Fifth, the happy family runs on rules. The children know exactly what they can do without offending others, and what they cannot do. They know what their punishment will be if they break the rules. And they know that it will not vary from time to time or from parent to parent.

Establishing clear-cut family rules requires complete agreement between father and mother. Few things disturb a child more than when his father establishes one standard of conduct and his mother makes continuous exceptions to it. Once a father and mother agree, neither should change the rules without consulting the other, or the child will not know what is expected of him. And both father and mother must share in enforcing them.

Probably the happiest homes are those in which each family member imposes rules upon himself. One wife becomes unduly disturbed whenever references are made to the alleged inferiority of women in any area of activity. She becomes angry at jokes about women drivers, women who are late for appointments, women who can’t balance a checkbook.

Out of respect for her feelings, her husband never raises such subjects even in a joking way.

Many husbands have similar quirks in their make-up which may be unjustified from an objective point of view but which their wives respect for the sake of harmony.

Sometimes children also become sensitive about certain points. When family members are motivated by a spirit of Christian tolerance, they willingly impose the rule upon themselves not to raise such touchy subjects.

As this review of the characteristics of happy families suggests, achievement of a genuinely Christian environment in your home will not result from mere chance. Rather you must put into effect the principles that follow from recognition of the fact that the family should be a triangle with God at its apex, or else it is doomed to failure. For the very characteristics that make a home holy, happy, and a source of strength and solace for its members come from nowhere but Almighty God.

The love which the mother displays for her infant, the just and consistent way in which the father exercises his authority–these are but human copies of the loving authority which God exercises over all His children. And the respect for God and each other that family members display in the truly happy and Christian home springs from the two greatest commandments–that we love God with all our minds and all our hearts, and that we love our neighbor as ourselves.

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“Look at the birds of the sky. They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they are? But which of you can add any time to your life by worrying?”

Need a little help staying focused this Lent? The season is around the corner…

The Catholic Mother’s Traditional Lenten Journal!

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This journal will lay out some simple activities in which your children will be doing their sacrifices and will have a tangible means of “counting” them for Jesus. You, Mom, will have a place to put a check mark if that the activity is remembered and completed for the day. This journal also includes a place for you to check off whether you are fulfilling your own personal resolutions…your Spiritual Reading, your Family Rosary, etc. It makes it more palpable if you can check it off at the end of the day….there’s just something about putting pen to paper when an accomplishment has been fulfilled! It is filled with inspiring quotes, too! My hope is that this journal may help you stay focused on making this Lent fruitful for your own soul and the souls of those little people entrusted to your care!

 

9 Considerations to Impress Upon Your Children

The Catholic Family Handbook – Father George Kelly, 1950’s

Father James Keller, M.M., director of the Christophers has made millions of Americans aware of the tremendous amount of good that one dedicated person can do.

The Christophers aim to encourage each individual to show a personal, practical responsibility in restoring the love of Christ to the marketplace and to government, education, literature, entertainment and labor unions.

They emphasize the importance of positive, constructive action and have adopted the slogan, “Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.”

Father Keller has encouraged countless thousands to undertake less glamorous, lower-paying jobs in order better to serve in Christ’s name. “Individuals who pursue this unpopular path receive a recompense which is a foretaste of the everlasting joy of heaven,” he states.

He lists nine considerations which you should strive to impress upon your children and which you yourself might apply. These are:

1. You are important. You, as a distinct human being, have been created in God’s image. All of humanity is nothing more than you over and over again.

2. No substitute for you. God has assigned to you a special mission in life which He has given to no one else. No matter how small it may seem to you or others, it is important in His sight.

3. Don’t cheat others. The Lord sends blessings to some people through you. If you fail to pass them on, you deprive others of what is rightfully theirs.

4. You are needed. If everyone figured “I don’t count,” imagine what disastrous consequences could result.

5. Spiritualize your least efforts. Begin to be a Christopher or Christ-bearer by serving others in small ways. Remember Christ said that if you do no more than give a “cup of cold water” for his sake (Matt. 10:42) you shall gain an everlasting reward.

6. Start in your home. If you develop a sense of personal responsibility in your own home, school, business and every other place, you will soon wish to reach out to wider horizons.

7. Don’t bury your talent. Even if God has given you only one talent, put it to work for the good of others. Don’t be like the man in the Gospel who said: “And being afraid I went and hid the talent in the earth.” (Matt. 25:25)

8. For better or worse. What you do–by prayer, word and deed–to see that God’s will is done “on earth as it is in heaven” affects the well-being of everyone to some degree. Yes, the world itself can be a little better because you have been in it.

9. You count as one. When tempted to play down your own individual importance, recall this old saying: “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. And what I ought to do, by the grace of God, I will do.”

 

“And you, too, must stand by your convictions at the cost of things you love. An ideal is worth little if it is not worth wholehearted, honest effort. Nothing is more pitiful than a woman whose mind admires purity and right, yet whose will is too weak to choose them and whose life is blighted by sin and mire about her. Be true, be noble, aim high, and God will give you strength to keep your ideals.” – Mabel Hale, Beautiful Girlhood

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