The Little Things – Alice Von Hildebrand

– by Dr. Alice Von Hildebrand

By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride

Dear Julie,

I’m grateful for your frankness. It makes my duties as your godmother easier to fulfill.

You say that although the analogy of the stained-glass windows is very moving, nonetheless true lovers are concerned with “great things, beautiful things” and should not let themselves be troubled by small things.

Roy wouldn’t agree.

He and my friend Evelyn have been married thirty-five years. She’s sloppy and he’s meticulous. During their honeymoon, Roy noticed that she always left the toothpaste tube open. He asked Evelyn to put the cap on, but she laughed at him, claiming he had the habits of an old maid.

Time and again, Roy has asked her to change. Nothing doing! After thirty-five years, the cap still remains off and Roy has resigned himself to it.

Compare this to my own husband’s attitude. Early in our marriage, I noticed he would always leave the soap swimming in a small pool of water. It would slowly disintegrate into an unattractive, slimy goo – something I found unappealing. I drew it to his attention.

From that day on, he made a point of drying the soap after each use – to such an extent that I couldn’t tell from the “soap testimony” whether he had washed himself or not. (Moreover – and this is typical of him – he too developed a strong dislike for sticky soap.)

I was so moved by this, that to this day I feel a wave of loving gratitude for this small but significant gesture of love.

My husband was a great lover. And because he was one, he managed to relate the smallest things to love and was willing to change to please his beloved in all legitimate things. This characteristic is typical of great love.

I’m sure that as your love grows deeper, you, too, will come to see how the greater the love, the more it permeates even the smallest aspects of life.

With love,

Lily

“Every effort we make to forget self, to leave self behind us, and to devote ourselves to the labor of making every person with whom we are bound to live, happy, is rewarded by interior satisfaction and joy. The supreme effort of goodness is,—not alone to do good to others; that is its first and lower effect,—but to make others good.” Rev. Bernard O’Reilly The Mirror of True Womanhood, 1893 (afflink)

Our attitude changes our life…it’s that simple. Our good attitude greatly affects those that we love, making our homes a more cheerier and peaceful dwelling! To have this control…to be able to turn around our attitude is a tremendous thing to think about!
This Gratitude Journal is here to help you focus on the good, the beautiful, the praiseworthy. “For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8 – Douay Rheims).
Yes, we need to be thinking of these things throughout the day!
You will be disciplined, the next 30 days, to write positive, thankful thoughts down in this journal. You will be thinking about good memories, special moments, things and people you are grateful for, lovely and thought-provoking Catholic quotes, thoughts before bedtime, etc. Saying it, reading it, writing it, all helps to ingrain thankfulness into our hearts…and Our Lord so loves gratefulness! It makes us happier, too!

Available here.

 

 

 

There’s nothing complicated or magical about learning to be kinder; it just takes greater attention to the things that you do and how you do them. The Hidden Power of Kindness shows you how to become more aware of even your most offhand daily actions. You’ll find simple, step-by-step, and spiritually crucial directions for how to overcome the habitual unkindnesses that creep undetected into the behavior of even the most careful souls.

From the thousands of personal letters by St. Francis de Sales comes this short, practical guide that will develop in you the soul-nourishing habits that lead to sanctity.
This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

How Not to be an Eeyore – Charlotte Siems

I enjoy Winnie-the-Pooh! And I find Eeyore a lovable pessimist. He really is very funny how he can be so negative…all the time, even when he is trying to be an optimist!

Most of us have Eeyore moments. Some of us more than others, depending on our temperament and our environment. That’s why Eeyore can be endearing. We relate!

In this article from Charlotte Siems, she helps us to see those Eeyore moments for what they are and choose the higher road!

How Not to be an Eeyore
Charlotte Siems

•

As a young mom I remember wondering “How do I change my attitude?”

•There had to be a better way than getting mired in discouragement every day.

• Thoughts took me wherever they wanted to go and I went along for the ride. 

•It felt like that was just the way things were, since I wasn’t blessed with a cheerful personality and an easy life.

•I felt like Eeyore in the Winnie the Pooh stories:

•“Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily. “If it is a good morning,” he said. “Which I doubt,” said he.

•“Why, what’s the matter?”

•“Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can’t all, and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.”

•“Can’t all what?” said Pooh, rubbing his nose.

•“Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush.”

•It took years to realize that the power to change my attitude was in my own choices.

•Of course we can’t control which thoughts pop into our heads. But we can control which thoughts to dwell on.

WHICH WILL IT BE?

•Watching the clock and letting self-pity and resentment overtake me when the baby wakes up crying every two hours?

•OR

•Extending grace to a tiny person who hasn’t lived on the earth for very long and realizing the truth that this season of babyhood is very short and less sleep isn’t going to kill me, especially when I don’t think that it will?

WHICH WILL IT BE?

•Sighing with martyrdom and self-righteousness when I have to pick up my husband’s dirty clothes, slinging them in anger for good measure?

•OR

•Thinking affectionately of this man who works hard and being grateful I have a husband to pick up after?

WHICH WILL IT BE?

•Feeling annoyed and snappish when children don’t follow my nicely planned homeschool schedule?

•OR

•Realizing that the interruptions and imperfections are exactly the life that God is sending to me today, and staying aware that even the homeschool years are a fleeting season.

•Note that the circumstances in each scenario didn’t change. Only my choice of thoughts.

•Our first thought could very well be the aggravation-resentment-self-pity one.

•But at that point we get to choose which thoughts to focus on and strengthen.

• It’s our choice which thoughts to bring to the front of our minds and water and fertilize and carefully tend.

•The truth is, sometimes we don’t WANT to choose gracious, loving thoughts. It seems unfair.

•We’d rather focus on ourselves and our rights, with a bit of foot-stomping and crossed arms. Waahh.

•But of course we can’t escape the inevitable reaping of what we sow.

When we scatter seeds of self-pity and resentment, we harvest bitterness and grouchiness and all manner of ugliness.

•If you don’t want to think positive, that’s okay.

•Just get rid of all the negative thoughts in your mind and whatever is left will be fine.

•Choose your thoughts wisely, for as a woman thinks in her heart, so is she.

•We don’t want our family to remember us as a stressed-out, grouchy, sad-faced, aggravated Mom.

•You CAN change your attitude. Nobody wants to be an Eeyore, so don’t think like one.

“Welcome home! That’s what I want my life to say to everyone whose path crosses mine. I want to create an atmosphere of serenity and joy, of blessing and belonging, that embraces people (myself included) and draws them in – an atmosphere that makes them feel loved and special and cared for.” – Emilie Barnes, The Spirit of Loveliness http://amzn.to/2oiwM07 (afflink)

Are your thoughts building a castle or a manure pile? It is vital to control the thoughts we have in our most important relationship…the one with our husband!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgWMzYpnvlU

Beautiful, Exceptionally Colorful, Glossy Pages…Your Children Will Love This Book!

Review: Catholic Mother Goose, Volume Two, is a ‘one of a kind’ treasure for young and old alike! Little minds will be captivated by the beautifully colored and illustrated pages. Throughout the nursery rhymes, children will learn the lessons of kindness, unselfishness, the efficacy of suffering and the value of prayer! They will become more familiar with the lives of the Saints, St. Therese, St. Francis, etc. and their great love for Jesus and Mary. These beautifully written poems will plant the seed for good literature and a love for reading for years to come. This is how we make our Catholic faith and culture come alive for our children! This book is a must!

Available here.

Package Deal on Volumes One and Two here.

 

Communicate With Kindness

Painting by Frederick Sands Brunner (1886 – 1954)

Marriage Wisdom for Her by Matthew Jacobson

Regularly speaking kind and loving words brings the spirit of peace into your home. How do you talk to your husband in normal, everyday communication? Is your speech marked by soft, loving words?

What would your husband say if he were asked, “Does your wife communicate with you in a kind manner?”

Choosing to communicate with kindness and love in marriage is a spiritual discipline. We’re so wired to respond “in the same manner” that whenever a perceived provocation of any degree is felt, we react on autopilot. When challenging moments happen, you need to be ready, having prepared yourself with the truth that you are not the victim of your fleshly impulses.

You have the power to respond, in any situation, with a soft answer.

But what about all those other moments that fill the normal days of marriage? Are you speaking lovingly then? Consider these examples: “Hey, take out the trash,” versus, “Hey, babe, I’d love it if you could take out the trash . . . I sure appreciate you!”

“The doctor’s bill came. You need to pay it,” versus, “Is this a good time to talk about some bills that have come in?”

“On your way home, pick up some milk and eggs,” versus, “Hey, love, would you mind picking up some milk and eggs on the way home?”

When mundane things are referenced with kindness and love you are actually adding a layer of respect to your conversation.

You may have different discussions in your home, but the principle is the same. When you speak – even in the small, seemingly insignificant matters that make up the day – do so in a thoughtful manner.

Peace follows a soft approach. After all, it’s difficult to have strife with a person who is speaking to you in a gentle tone.

Purpose to be a woman who speaks kindly toward your husband. “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

******************************************************************

Dear Blessed Mother,

You were the epitome of kindness, graciousness and gentleness when you sojourned on this earth.  Please pray for me that I may become more like you each day…especially in my home with my husband. May I show him kindness in the words I speak and in the manner I speak them. And when I fall may I have the humility to admit it and get right back up again. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

“The Holy Family lived in a plain cottage among other working people, in a village perched on a hillside. Although they did not enjoy modern conveniences, the three persons who lived there made it the happiest home that ever was. You cannot imagine any of them at any time thinking first of himself. This is the kind of home a husband likes to return to and to remain in. Mary saw to it that such was their home. She took it as her career to be a successful homemaker and mother.”
-Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik. The Catholic Family Handbook https://amzn.to/2XHhW5N (afflink)

Our Lady of Guadalupe “Patroness of the Americas” Apron! Feminine and Beautiful! Fully lined, quality material, made with care. Available here.

Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.

You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.

This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

Respecting Him

We are in regular need of these reminders….especially since the world (and sometimes our pride and human nature) want to tell us the opposite.

Remember that respect is not all about the words that we use. It is our actions, our tone of voice, our looks. And all of these spring from what is going on in the heart.

Pray for the grace to be a humble and good wife.

Painting by Frederick Sands Brunner

by Lisa Jacobson, Marriage Wisdom for Her

A wise woman makes healthy deposits of respect into her husband’s soul account. I’m sure St. Paul thought he made it simple enough in Ephesians 5:33: “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Except that this respect thing isn’t quite as clear as I’d like it to be. Not like love. I know what it looks like to love. That’s an easy one.

Love is when he spends time with me. Listens to me. Cares about me. Looks after me. Takes a keen interest in my thoughts and ideas. No, love is any easy one to figure out.

But respect? That’s an entirely different matter. Apparently, it’s an important matter, though. So important that you’ll find respect toward the top of his list.

Yes, respect is highly-rated among the men. I’ve even heard it said they would rather be unloved than disrespected – is that wild or what?

Now the fact is that I do respect my husband. I honestly do. I guess it’s the showing of it that gets to be something of a challenge. Because you’ve heard how we each have our own unique “love language”? Well, I suspect there must be some kind of “respect language” too. You know, “what says respect to him” or something along those lines.

So one day I just up and asked him. Straight out. “What makes you feel respected? By me?”

And I waited for his answer. And waited. After a while, he mentioned a thing or two. Things like how I’ll talk positively about him in public. Or how I’ll ask him to do something, rather than order him around about what needs to be done to the house. Then he added that he likes how I’ll stop what I’m doing to greet him when he comes in the door.

These were meaningful things to him. But for the most part? I was on my own. I made it a point to study what made him smile, as well as what made him flinch. It was up to me to figure out what made him feel respected.

So why not ask your own husband what makes him feel respected? Take to heart whatever he shares with you and then add to that list from what you’re able to learn by watching him.

Pray about it and ask God to show you the ways you can lovingly respect your husband. You might be surprised to see what a difference it makes in your marriage.

Many lovely handmade items at Meadows of Grace!

This is a guide designed for girls who would like to please Our Lord more and make reparation for those who do not honor Him. Written and complied by two Catholic mothers and the aid of Catholic priests, it includes many beautiful pictures, teachings of Holy Mother Church, and quotes from saints and popes as well as examples from their lives. All these are lovingly included in this book so that it will hopefully help aid you on your journey towards greater sanctity.

 

Breathing Life into Your Home

by Lisa Jacobson, Marriage Wisdom for Her

A wise woman breathes life into her home by choosing cheerful words over complaining ones.

It all started with a sigh. A sigh so natural to me that I never noticed it escaping my lips. A long heavy sigh. I was washing vegetables for the dinner salad. Celery, peppers, and carrots. The typical evening prep. Feeling behind and burdened by my day.

That’s when my husband walked into the room and asked, “Hey babe, how was today?” And then, “Why the big sigh?” He asked and so I answered.

And it went something like this: “The bickering kids, the avalanche of housework, the unanswered emails, the half-broken appliances, the errands that took longer than they should have, and the three medical bills that arrived in the mail. . . .” A long list of complaints, but nothing special. All the usual.

Intelligent Conversation – The Wife Desired

 It is an art to know when to listen and when to speak. And when we do speak, that it is worth listening to….

The Wife Desired by Father Leo J. Kinsella, 1950’s

As most of us grow older and become less active physically, one of our greatest sources of entertainment is intelligent conversation. We derive satisfaction from the discussion of current events, of problems affecting our daily lives, and of sundry subjects of mutual interest.

Too little stress is given today in educational circles to the art of conversation. I believe that there are a number of reasons for this lack of interest on the part of educators. A group of high school girls at recess time usually presents the same picture. All are talking; none are listening. Promote talking? Teachers naturally lift an eyebrow if one suggests more conversation at their school. Yet ninety-nine per cent of all this talk is just chitchat….

Real conversation is an art. Like any other art it must be cultivated and practiced. The voice is an important phase of personality. Often the voice alone gives the cue to personality and character of a girl.

How is YOUR Superiority Complex?

A great reminder for your week! Pride goeth before a fall…

Do you ever have this feeling that you are better than your husband? Do you find you look down on him because he doesn’t quite measure up to your expectations of whatever……orderliness, manners, managing finances, education, etc. It’s easy to fall into this trap and to replay it over and over again in our minds.

Give Up Complaining for Lent?

Cheri wrote this article about having a complaint-free month. Well, let’s stretch that into all the 40 days of Lent! (Don’t take off Sundays….it needs to be a Day of Rest from complaining, too!)

Then, by the time Lent is over, we will be more aware of our complaining habit…not just with our husbands, but with everyone we come in contact with.

with permission by Cheri Gregory on Happy Wives Daily Blog

Every January for the last seven years, I’ve taken the Complaint-Free Challenge: one whole month without complaining.

Of course, this has not meant ignoring legitimate problems. Will Bowen, author of A Complaint-Free World, makes a clear distinction between complaining and problem-solving. Complaining is making energetic statements focused on the problem at hand rather than the resolution, while problem–solving is speaking directly and only to the person who can resolve the issue.

Just Pray and Get Out of the Way

I think it would be very difficult for a woman to just “watch and pray” when it comes to a differing Religion in their home. It is what matters most to us who want to do what is right by our family. How hard it would be not to needle and nag the one we live closest to, so he will see things “our way” …for the sake of the family! You can relate? Me, too! It would be an awful struggle and I’m glad that’s one I haven’t had to tackle!

God bless my friend, Anne, who has lived and learned this lesson. Read and listen as she tells of her own walk in this area in the following testimony:

Just Pray and Get Out of the Way

(or the Power of the Rosary)

Anne Ross Kootz

How often I am my own worst enemy!

A cradle Catholic, I never left the Church. I always thought myself among the most devout and dedicated. Oddly enough, I did not insist on this quality when I met and married my husband, Buddy. Brought up as a Methodist, now he was essentially agnostic….and my temperamental opposite, though I didn’t see that yet. A very good man in every respect except this area of religion.

Most of my extended family married Protestants of one stripe or another. All converted to the True Faith within a couple of years. Buddy already courteously attended Mass with me; surely he will convert in short order. I believed, when I thought about it at all, this problem would be easy to fix.

Those of you in ‘mature’ marriages are chuckling. Little details, insignificant in the glow of romance, glare in day to day married life. High expectations soon submit to dull reality. I advised Buddy of his need for religious growth. But what began as warm, loving suggestions gradually became shrill.  Five years later I was at my wit’s end. This had become the greatest handicap to my domestic bliss. Completely out of patience, I shook my fist at Our Lord (forgive me!) and shouted – OK. I’ve done ALL I can. This is NOT my problem anymore. It is YOURS!

Notice it was my issue, not Buddy’s. As I struggled at this time, I did read a helpful book on temperaments. It was an eye-opener. So Buddy really wasn’t trying to make me crazy? God made him that way! Our personality conflicts – choleric wife and phlegmatic husband – became more acceptable. However, the disconnect in our spiritual lives did not mend. Not that this was the only trouble.

Months and then years passed. No children. Nine failed attempts to adopt. At the nine year point, with both the spiritual and fertility issues unresolved, I needed a diversion – a challenging occupational interest. I began the process to enroll in Optometry school.

Of course! Hearing me resolved to accept His Will in this as in all things, suddenly Our Lord stepped in. On our return from a Christmas holiday a phone message greeted us.  Our 10^th attempt had succeeded in the adoption of our first son. Our 2^nd son was underway within two days. Go ahead – no one laughed louder than Buddy!

Our family life became intense. There was no time to pine about our spiritual disagreements – babies to feed, toddlers to corral, and children to prepare for First Communion. Nonetheless, our common adversary was not idle. At 16 years a new, very painful threat to our marriage emerged.

In agony, I pleaded with Our Lord. In response, a still, small voice whispered, ‘You say you are such a good Catholic. Have you been praying for your husband?’ Oh — my! Immediately I started a daily rosary, for ‘whatever Buddy needs.’

At precisely the 90 day point in my desperation-novena, Buddy returned from a long, work-related trip. He invited me out for a drink. Understand, we never went ‘out for a drink.’ I could hear it coming… “I want a divorce.” With nothing left to lose, I got a sitter and joined him at a nearby bar for a cocktail.

You guessed it. “I’ve decided to join the Catholic Church.” A pause to pick my jaw up off the floor! Our Lady had interceded so completely – beyond my wildest imagination! As he related the process, during that long trip he had decided to quietly “try on the decision, like a shoe you wanted to buy. Then if I didn’t like it…” So like him to be ultra cautious! But Our Lady had the last laugh. Once he had ‘tried it on,’ it stuck!

Buddy was received into the church about a year later. He remains steady, if not overtly, devout. On occasion he relates a funny exchange with co-workers in which he defends the Church. He quietly endures his extended family’s preferred misinterpretation … “well, Anne is so outspoken, he finally gave in.” Sadly, never has his parents or siblings or in-laws offered him an opportunity to explain himself. It is our little secret.

Meanwhile, our 4^th, and evidently final son, Peter was born, named in honor of our family’s safety in the Barque of Peter. But even here I am still wary of my own worst enemy.

Like Finer Femininity on Facebook

“A decent young man really respects the young woman who quietly refuses to be ‘pawed over’ and ‘necked’; he wants a wife who has kept pure.
A decent girl breathes a sigh of relief when she finds that a young man respects her as a human being, as a friend, and as a lady.
There is nothing so beautiful and so powerful as virtuous loveliness. Riches, high position, physical beauty—none of these entrances as does sinlessness. Self-control, purity, exalts the soul while preserving it from defilement.” – Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship

Visit Meadows of Grace for lovely, handcrafted items!

 

 

The Wife Desired Senses What is Needed

From The Wife Desired by Father Leo J. Kinsella, 1950’s

A real man likes to picture his wife as one with spirit and bounce. Because she is intelligent with a mind of her own she knows when to maintain a principle, when to be roguish and sportive. Gifted with imagination she can give herself to the game of intriguing her husband. Always she is exciting and vivacious.

The wife loves a little compliment here and there herself, so she knows the value of this form of encouragement. Incidentally, in most marriages heading for the rocks the couples exchange no compliments. Just the opposite is true between people who seem still to have some sort of possessive love for each other.

I do not suppose there exists a married couple who could not concentrate upon and draw up a list of each other’s shortcomings. The wise wife knows that there is no future in this mean indoor sport. She counts her blessings. She makes her husband’s good points the foundation upon which she strives to help him build improvements.

The ideal wife does not mother her husband. Yet she knows that he stands alone only with difficulty. Physical or mental pain may drive him to her. She knows how to accept him then with feeling.

Toward the end of his days a man can look back upon his life and find no greater accomplishment than his full success as a husband and father. All his varied activities possessed significance, really meant something only in relation to his role as husband and head of the house.

If he had great success in the cheap sense of the word and became very rich, but was a failure as a husband, what contentment is there in the last recollections of his life? What success, real or fictitious, can compensate for his failure as a husband?

No woman can escape sharing her husband’s misery or his contentment and peace. If she has contributed to his making, to her comes the reward of real happiness. No wife hurts her husband more than she hurts herself. No wife makes her husband happier than she makes herself.

“No one can put up with the gloomy and disagreeable man all day long. Thus a person is bound, by a certain natural debt in decency, to get along amicably with others.” -St. Thomas Aquinas

Don’t miss a post! Subscribe to Finer Femininity here.

Sins of the Tongue or Jealousy in Woman’s Life

by Monseigneur Landriot, Archbishop of Rheims,
Translated from the French by Helena Lyons

“This book consists of fifteen discourses (four on Sins of the Tongue, three on Envy and Jealousy, two on Rash Judgments, two on Christian Patience, and four on Grace) that were originally talks given to laywomen of his diocese in the late 19th century. At the beginning the good Archbishop says “I propose, my children, to give you some instructions on the tongue, and the faults which it causes us to commit. I shall commence today by speaking of the power and beauty of that organ, of the noble use which ought to be made of it, and of the many advantages we may derive from it.” There is precious little teaching on the topics covered in these instructions which is accessible to the average man and woman of today.”  Loreto Publications

All 5 Maglets! Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet, Catholic Wife’s Maglet, Sunshiny Disposition, True Womanhood and Advent/Christmas Package of 5!

Finer Femininity is a small publication compiled to inspire Catholic women in their vocations. It consists of uplifting articles from authors with traditional values, many of them from priests, written over 50 years ago. These anecdotes are timeless but, with the fast-paced “progress “of today’s world, the pearls within the articles are rarely meditated upon. This little magazine offers Catholic womankind support and inspiration as they travel that oftentimes lonely road….the narrow road to heaven. The thoughts within the pages will enlighten us to regard the frequently monotonous path of our “daily duties” as the beautiful road to sanctity. Feminine souls need this kind of information to continue to “fight the good fight” in a world that has opposing values and seldom offers any kind of support to these courageous women. Inside the pages you will find inspiration for your roles as single women, as wives and as mothers. In between the thought-provoking articles, the pages are sprinkled with pictures, quotes and maybe even a recipe or two.

Available here.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.