I Give Up!

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A pep talk….

I talk to a lot of women and we all have something in common when it comes to our marriages…there are times when we struggle.

Marriage is difficult. The daily irritations that rub, like sandpaper, can cause wounds that make it hard to love and respect the one whom you are called to do just that…..love and respect.

Oh sure, we’ve picked up the books. We’ve made a few changes here and there. Things seemed to get better, then something hits the fan, and we are right back where we started. Round and round it goes. We’re tired of it! We want to just throw up our hands and say, “I give up! I am going to just shut down, live my life and he can live his!”

This is a temptation. Do you remember what St. Paul says? “I have run the race, I have fought the good fight.” I don’t think he meant to say “I have fought the good fight until I just couldn’t take it anymore” or “I have run the race…. until I got tired…nobody was paying attention and it didn’t seem to make a difference!”

Nope, we must never give up. I know that the struggles women have are very real. How do I know? Because I am a wife. I was raised in the city, my hubby is a country guy, I am a melancholic/sanguine, hubby is a choleric. On yes, and I forgot, he is a man, I am a woman. HUGE DIFFERENCES! It is not easy….. Our Lord never said it would be. 😛

You say you do your part, he doesn’t do his. You make the changes, he just stays grumpy and ill-tempered. You are the only one working on this relationship and he doesn’t care…..he’s not making any changes himself! You say, “I give up!”

I listened to a podcast recently. It was from the “Respect and Love” site.
Mr. Eggerich said in it that “you must be married to one pretty bad dude if he does not respond to you being more respectful and loving to him”.

It is true, there are a small percentage of men who are narcissistic and on the other hand, there are women who are divas. This situation can be very difficult because they just don’t see outside themselves.
BUT, if you are married to a regular guy, with regular faults, it is hard for me to believe that he will not respond to your efforts, if you are truly trying to change. And when I say respond to your efforts, I mean that he usually ends up doing some changing himself!

Remember, we can’t change him, we must accept and respect him. We must recall the things we loved about him when we first knew him. Sit down and write those things out. Make the effort, even if it doesn’t seem like it will help. God is not outdone in generosity! He will meet you more than halfway!

We should never give up seeking for ways to make our relationship better. It is what we are called to do.

So do not give up the good fight….run the race until the finish line! Be humble, search for answers.
Read the right books, talk to the right people. Do not talk to those who are giving you bad advice (and there are lots of those out there). They do much damage as they fan the fires of self-pity within ourselves. That is straight from the devil.

Yes, I know the struggles are real. The solutions are, too, if we keep looking and striving. It may not be overnight, but, in time, you will see that your perseverance has paid off!

In your living room and bedrooms, you should have at least one symbol of your faith–a statue of the Savior and the Blessed Mother, a crucifix, pictures which bring to mind events in the life of Our Lord. -Rev. George Kelly, 1950’s https://amzn.to/2BjwE9x (afflink)

Excellent sermon on the Eucharist!

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Respecting Him

We are in regular need of these reminders….especially since the world (and sometimes our pride and human nature) want to tell us the opposite.

Remember that respect is not all about the words that we use. It is our actions, our tone of voice, our looks. And all of these spring from what is going on in the heart.

Pray for the grace to be a humble and good wife.

Painting by Frederick Sands Brunner

by Lisa Jacobson, Marriage Wisdom for Her

A wise woman makes healthy deposits of respect into her husband’s soul account. I’m sure St. Paul thought he made it simple enough in Ephesians 5:33: “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Except that this respect thing isn’t quite as clear as I’d like it to be. Not like love. I know what it looks like to love. That’s an easy one.

Love is when he spends time with me. Listens to me. Cares about me. Looks after me. Takes a keen interest in my thoughts and ideas. No, love is any easy one to figure out.

But respect? That’s an entirely different matter. Apparently, it’s an important matter, though. So important that you’ll find respect toward the top of his list.

Yes, respect is highly-rated among the men. I’ve even heard it said they would rather be unloved than disrespected – is that wild or what?

Now the fact is that I do respect my husband. I honestly do. I guess it’s the showing of it that gets to be something of a challenge. Because you’ve heard how we each have our own unique “love language”? Well, I suspect there must be some kind of “respect language” too. You know, “what says respect to him” or something along those lines.

So one day I just up and asked him. Straight out. “What makes you feel respected? By me?”

And I waited for his answer. And waited. After a while, he mentioned a thing or two. Things like how I’ll talk positively about him in public. Or how I’ll ask him to do something, rather than order him around about what needs to be done to the house. Then he added that he likes how I’ll stop what I’m doing to greet him when he comes in the door.

These were meaningful things to him. But for the most part? I was on my own. I made it a point to study what made him smile, as well as what made him flinch. It was up to me to figure out what made him feel respected.

So why not ask your own husband what makes him feel respected? Take to heart whatever he shares with you and then add to that list from what you’re able to learn by watching him.

Pray about it and ask God to show you the ways you can lovingly respect your husband. You might be surprised to see what a difference it makes in your marriage.

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This is a guide designed for girls who would like to please Our Lord more and make reparation for those who do not honor Him. Written and complied by two Catholic mothers and the aid of Catholic priests, it includes many beautiful pictures, teachings of Holy Mother Church, and quotes from saints and popes as well as examples from their lives. All these are lovingly included in this book so that it will hopefully help aid you on your journey towards greater sanctity.

Patience, Nagging, Sincerity – Catholic Family Handbook

Painting by Al Buell 1910-1996

by Father Lovasik, Catholic Family Handbook

Ask God to help you be patient

Even people who constantly strive to please God have a goodly share of hard things to bear. This is the reason patience is so necessary for happiness in marriage.

Be constantly prepared to bear disagreeable things.

When there is an abundance of the good things, there is danger of becoming too occupied with passing and material considerations. Be grateful to God for them.

When disagreeable things, reverses, sorrows, and disappointments come your way, put your confidence in God, who will strengthen you.

Ask for patience. In the mercy of God, reverses are sometimes sent to awaken your wayward conscience or to test your love of God. When God so tests you, you must never be wanting in love and confidence and patience.

Be honest and sincere

You owe your spouse truth and sincerity. Our Lord is the greatest example of these virtues. He wished everyone well and was never anything but kindness itself in word and deed. He never made use of men for selfish ends, but spoke and acted openly, sincerely, and uprightly.

Honesty and sincerity bring about confidence and a spirit of loyalty. Few things contribute more to the success of a marriage.. Such confidence bolsters a husband’s flagging courage and inspires him with the will to win and to measure up to the high opinion that his wife and children have of him and his abilities.

The enemies of honesty and sincerity are nagging, miserliness, jealousy, and in-law trouble.

Avoid nagging

Nagging is not always the fault of women, yet it seems that they often fall victims to this disagreeable habit that spoils family happiness. Do not be a nagging wife.

Do not try to remake your husband. Prize your own individuality and be willing to put up with his.

Do not expect your husband to render daily reports on where he was, why, when, and with whom. Be an eager listener, but a reluctant inquisitor.

You must assure yourself of your husband’s unwavering devotion. The result of your placing implicit confidence and trust in him will not incline him to take advantage of your refusal to snoop or pry, or to step out of line.

He will be won by decency, gratitude, loyalty, and trust, but never with fear.

A sincere and trusting wife will have a great influence in shaping her husband’s life. Stand by your husband and share with head and heart his successes and failures.

Give him due encouragement, but have the courage to drive home a sometimes unpleasant truth.

Never be afraid of responsibility, but be prepared to embark on a new course of life with your husband, should the need arise.

You will bring to your husband the love and inspiration he needs in the many problems of life, and that love and inspiration will weave threads of gold in his life’s pattern.

Wealth, fame, and power are no satisfactory substitutes for the hard-earned joys of the married life, for not one of them can satisfy the hunger of the heart for love.

When your husband knows he is married to his most trusted confidant, your influence soars. -Matthew L. Jacobson https://amzn.to/2MtbcTT (afflink)

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Finer Femininity is a small publication compiled to inspire Catholic women in their vocations. It consists of uplifting articles from authors with traditional values, with many of them from priests, written over 50 years ago. These anecdotes are timeless but, with the fast-paced “progress “of today’s world, the pearls within the articles are rarely meditated upon. This little magazine offers Catholic womankind support and inspiration as they travel that oftentimes lonely trail….the narrow road to heaven. The thoughts within the pages will enlighten us to regard the frequently monotonous path of our “daily duties” as the beautiful road to sanctity. Feminine souls need this kind of information to continue to “fight the good fight” in a world that has opposing values and seldom offers any kind of support to these courageous women. Inside the pages you will find inspiration for your roles as single women, as wives and as mothers. In between the thought-provoking articles, the pages are sprinkled with pictures, quotes and maybe even a recipe or two.

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11 Ways to Keep that Love Alive

Some tips to take to heart to show your love to that important person in your life!

100 Ways To Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson (Used with permission)

1. Know that marriage is like a long, slow walk together.

More a marathon than a sprint. So just keep walking. Together.

2. Communicate confidence in who he is and what he’s about.

So powerful in a man’s life. Your man needs to hear your cheers more than you might realize. And he probably needs to hear it louder and more often than might be evident. So speak words of belief and assurance that he has much to offer the world.

3. Throw a little surprise in there.

Every-once-in-a-while. Just for fun. Spice it up with something unexpected. I love the look on his face when I do something out-of-the-ordinary that he didn’t see coming. Surprise!

4. Timing can make all the difference in the world.

Discuss difficult things when you’re both rested – and fed. Often these simple things can determine whether the discussion will become a heated argument – or a profitable conversation.

5. Work together.

In the garage, the kitchen, the garden, or the barn. It’s always more fun with two. Find ways that you can join efforts to get things done. Help him out with his work, his chores, or Honey-do list. And then let him do the same for you.

6. Let him know what you need from him.

It might not be as obvious as you think it is. It’s easy to assume that he is aware of what you need – and that he’s choosing to ignore you – but it could be that he is simply oblivious. So give him the chance to meet your needs by spelling it out, slowly and lovingly, what you’d like from him.

7. Differentiate what you need… from what you want.

These two can be easily confused. But there is a difference – a big difference actually. Not that “wants” aren’t important, but they should come second to needs and are best kept in the “optional” category.

8. Welcome him into your world.

Don’t keep him at a distance. Encourage him to be a part of what you’re doing and how you think. Make your world a warm, welcoming place for him to be.

9. Give up your need to be right.

It’s not as bad as it sounds. Give it up and you’ll be glad you did. Being “right” is a highly overrated position.

10. Pray through problems.

Don’t work it out on your own. We can forget that if we are believers in Christ, then we are not left to figure out our problems by ourselves, in our own strength. No, we have an all-powerful, all-knowing God in Whom we can turn.

11. Convince him that he’s the man of your dreams.

And he’ll become that man.

“God has thus put into the hand of the parents at their own hearthstone, a power greater than that which kings and queens wield, and which must issue in either the weal or the woe of their children. It would surely seem to be worth while to make any sacrifice of personal comfort or pleasure—to transmit a legacy of holy memories which shall be through all the years, like a host of pure angels hovering over those we love, to guard and guide them.” J.R. Miller

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Duties of the Wife as the Dispenser of the Home Treasures

We are not perfect in our dispensing of the home treasures. And we need to allow ourselves the grace to admit that and ask Our Lady to supply for our insufficiency. At the same time, we are to strive, every day, to overcome our difficulties and to never give up.

From The Mirror of True Womanhood by Fr. Bernard O’Reilly, 1894

Who shall find a valiant (brave-hearted) woman? The heart of her husband trusteth in her. . . She hath sought wool and flax, and hath wrought by the counsel of her hands. . . She hath tasted and seen that her traffic is good: her lamp shall not be put out in the night. . . She hath opened her hand to the needy, and stretched out her hands to the poor. She shall not fear for her house in the cold of snow. — Proverbs xxxi.

Nothing so animates the head of a family to honorable exertion as the certainty, that his wife bestows her utmost care in providing for the comfort of his home, in dispensing wisely the store which he places at her disposal; making it her rule to be just to him by never exceeding his means when she cannot increase them by her industry, in being just to her children by supplying them with becoming raiment, food, and instruction, just to her servants, whom she treats with a motherly tenderness which never condescends to familiarity; — and just to God’s poor, whose claims she holds to be most sacred.

But let us proceed understandingly. The first care of the wife is to establish discipline and order; — discipline, without which there may be much noise and agitation, but no work done; — and order, because where there is confusion everything is out of place, or done out of its proper time.

To have discipline, — where there are children and servants, — the mistress must have authority, and she must assert and establish her authority by being both firm and calm, and giving everyone to understand that she means what she says, and that what she says must be done.

Order means that every work must be done in its proper time, and everything in the house be put in its proper place.

Order means economy both of time and of labor. For where every occupation has its own appointed time, the household duties are sure to be attended to and to be fulfilled with singular ease and pleasure.

If this order and economy of time are necessary in large households, it is still more so in the home of the poor man, where everything has to be done single-handed by the wife. There are poor households,—those of the daily laborer, the poor tradesman,—where the wife, with a large family of children to care for, will quietly get through an amount of work of different kinds that would seem to require the joint energy of several persons.

Go into these bright and orderly homes, where the housewife rests not from early dawn till long after sunset of the longest day, and see the cleanliness, the tidiness, the calm and the contentment that fill the place like an atmosphere!

Of course there will be comfort for all where there is such order. For there can be comfort with poverty, or at least with little, though never with want.

There will be comfort for the husband when he returns to that bright, warm, pleasant hearth, where the deep love of his companion fills the house with a spiritual fragrance more pleasant than all the flowers of spring; there will be comfort at the simple meal set on the board shining with cleanliness; and there will be comfort in the sweet conversation in which the outside world is forgotten, in the joy of being all in all to each other; and there will be bliss in the night’s rest won by hard and hearty toil, and undisturbed by peevish ambition or by the dreams of a spirit at war with God or the neighbor.

There will be loveliness, too, in the home where true love causes order and comfort to reign. For the poorest room can be made lovely by a woman’s cunning hand.

She can have flowers at her window, and flowers on her mantel and her table. And the curtains of windows and beds may be beautified by some simple ornament devised by a woman’s taste and executed in spare moments by the hand of even the busiest.

There is not one among the readers of this book but has seen such homes—albeit lowly, narrow, and poor in the literal sense—in which this order, comfort, and loveliness gave the beholder the evidence of a womanly spirit that might have graced a palace.

 

“Modern mothers have been relying on psychology books to interpret child behavior for so long now that if all the psychology books were burned to a crisp, few mothers could relax with the conviction that God’s love, the maternal instinct, and divine grace could take their place. What we all — little or big — want is God; if we do not realize it, however, we choose many ignoble things in His place. And if we want to teach children to be good with a goodness that’s lasting, we must teach them to be good for the love of God.”
Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children, 1954 http://amzn.to/2qCq6Md (afflink)

 

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A very valuable book for the guys plucked out of the past and reprinted. It was written in 1894 by Fr. Bernard O’Reilly and the words on the pages will stir the hearts of the men to rise to virtue and chivalry…. Beautifully and eloquently written!

A very beautiful book, worthy of our attention. In it, you will find many pearls of wisdom for a woman striving to be the heart of the home, an inspiration to all who cross her path. You will be inspired to reconsider the importance of your role of wife and mother! Written by Rev. Bernard O’Reilly in 1894, the treasures found within its pages ring true and remain timeless…

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The Wife Desired Senses What is Needed

From The Wife Desired by Father Leo J. Kinsella, 1950’s

A real man likes to picture his wife as one with spirit and bounce. Because she is intelligent with a mind of her own she knows when to maintain a principle, when to be roguish and sportive. Gifted with imagination she can give herself to the game of intriguing her husband. Always she is exciting and vivacious.

The wife loves a little compliment here and there herself, so she knows the value of this form of encouragement. Incidentally, in most marriages heading for the rocks the couples exchange no compliments. Just the opposite is true between people who seem still to have some sort of possessive love for each other.

I do not suppose there exists a married couple who could not concentrate upon and draw up a list of each other’s shortcomings. The wise wife knows that there is no future in this mean indoor sport. She counts her blessings. She makes her husband’s good points the foundation upon which she strives to help him build improvements.

The ideal wife does not mother her husband. Yet she knows that he stands alone only with difficulty. Physical or mental pain may drive him to her. She knows how to accept him then with feeling.

Toward the end of his days a man can look back upon his life and find no greater accomplishment than his full success as a husband and father. All his varied activities possessed significance, really meant something only in relation to his role as husband and head of the house.

If he had great success in the cheap sense of the word and became very rich, but was a failure as a husband, what contentment is there in the last recollections of his life? What success, real or fictitious, can compensate for his failure as a husband?

No woman can escape sharing her husband’s misery or his contentment and peace. If she has contributed to his making, to her comes the reward of real happiness. No wife hurts her husband more than she hurts herself. No wife makes her husband happier than she makes herself.

“No one can put up with the gloomy and disagreeable man all day long. Thus a person is bound, by a certain natural debt in decency, to get along amicably with others.” -St. Thomas Aquinas

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Sins of the Tongue or Jealousy in Woman’s Life

by Monseigneur Landriot, Archbishop of Rheims,
Translated from the French by Helena Lyons

“This book consists of fifteen discourses (four on Sins of the Tongue, three on Envy and Jealousy, two on Rash Judgments, two on Christian Patience, and four on Grace) that were originally talks given to laywomen of his diocese in the late 19th century. At the beginning the good Archbishop says “I propose, my children, to give you some instructions on the tongue, and the faults which it causes us to commit. I shall commence today by speaking of the power and beauty of that organ, of the noble use which ought to be made of it, and of the many advantages we may derive from it.” There is precious little teaching on the topics covered in these instructions which is accessible to the average man and woman of today.”  Loreto Publications

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LENTEN JOURNAL…
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A must-read for the married and those considering marriage! This guidebook to finding a happy marriage, keeping a happy marriage, and raising happy children has been out of print for over 50 years…until now! From the master of the spiritual life, Raoul Plus, S.J., it contains loads of practical and spiritual advice on family life. Have you been looking for a handbook on marriage and raising children that is based on truth? You’ve found it!

The saints assure us that simplicity is the virtue most likely to draw us closer to God and make us more like Him.

No wonder Jesus praised the little children and the pure of heart! In them, He recognized the goodness that arises from an untroubled simplicity of life, a simplicity which in the saints is completely focused on its true center, God.

That’s easy to know, simple to say, but hard to achieve.

For our lives are complicated and our personalities too. (We even make our prayers and devotions more complicated than they need be!)

In these pages, Fr. Raoul Plus provides a remedy for the even the most tangled lives.

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Great Power is Placed in a Wife

by J. R. Miller

It is a high honor for a woman to be chosen from among all womankind, to be the wife of a godly and true man. She is lifted up to be a crowned queen. Her husband’s manly love laid at her feet, exalts her to the throne of his life.

Great power is placed in her hands. Sacred destinies are reposed in her keeping. Will she wear her crown beneficently? Will she fill her realm with beauty and with blessing? Or will she fail in her holy trust? Only her married life can be the answer.

A woman may well pause before she gives her hand in marriage, and inquire whether he is worthy, to whom she is asked to surrender so much; whether he can bring true happiness to her life; whether he can meet the cravings of her nature for love and for companionship; whether he is worthy to be lifted to the highest place in her heart and honored as a husband should be honored.

She must ask these questions for her own sake, else the dream may fade with the bridal wreath—and she may learn, when too late, that he for whom she has left all, and to whom she has given all—is not worthy of the sacred trust, and has no power to fill her life with happiness, to awaken her heart’s chords, to touch her soul’s depths.

But the question should be turned and asked from the other side. Can she be a true wife to him who asks for her hand? Is she worthy of the love that is laid at her feet? Can she be a blessing to the life of him who would lift her to the throne of his heart?

Will he find in her all the beauty, all the tender loveliness, all the rich qualities of nature, all the deep sympathy and companionship, all the strength, uplifting love, all the sources of joy and help, which he seems now to see in her? Is there any possible future for him, which she could not share? Are there needs in his soul, or hungers, which she cannot answer? Are there chords in his life which her fingers cannot awaken?

Surely it is proper for her to question her own soul for him—while she bids him question his soul for her. A wife has a part in the song of wedded love—if it is to be a harmony. She holds in her hands on her wedding day—precious interests, sacred destinies, and holy responsibilities, which, if disclosed to her sight at once, might well appall the bravest heart.

Her opportunity is one which the loftiest angel might covet. Not the happiness only of a manly life—but its whole future of character, of influence, of growth, rests with her.

What is the true ideal of a godly wife? It is not something lifted above the common experiences of life, not an ethereal angel feeding on ambrosia and moving in the realms of imagination.

In some European cities they sell to the tourist models of their cathedrals made of alabaster, whiter than snow. But so delicate are these alabaster shrines that they must be kept under glass covers or they will be soiled by the dust; and so frail that they must be sheltered from every crude touch, lest their lovely columns may be shattered.

They are very graceful and beautiful—but they serve no lofty purpose. No worshipers can enter their doors. No melody rises to heaven from their aisles.

So there are ideals of womanhood which are very lovely, full of graceful charms, pleasing, attractive—but which are too delicate and frail for this wearisome, storm-swept world of ours. Such ideals the poets and the novelists sometimes give us.

They appear well to the eye—as they are portrayed for us on the brilliant page. But of what use would they be in the life which the real woman of our day has to live? A breath of earthly air would stain them!

One day of actual experience in the hard toils and sore struggles of life would shatter their frail loveliness to fragments!

We had better seek for ideals which will not be soiled by a crude touch, nor blown away by a stiff breeze, and which will grow lovelier as they move through life’s paths of sacrifice and toil.

The true wife needs to be no mere poet’s dream, no artist’s picture, no ethereal lady too fine for use—but a woman healthful, strong, practical, industrious, with a hand for life’s common duties, yet crowned with that beauty which a high and noble purpose gives to a soul.

One of the first essential elements in a wife is faithfulness, in the largest sense. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her. Perfect confidence is the basis of all true affection.

A shadow of doubt destroys the peace of married life. A true wife, by her character and by her conduct, proves herself worthy of her husband’s trust. He has confidence in her affection; he knows that her heart is unalterably true to him.

He has confidence in her management; he confides to her the care of his household. He knows that she is true to all his interests, that she is prudent and wise, not wasteful nor extravagant.

It is one of the essential things in a true wife—that her husband shall be able to leave in her hands the management of all domestic affairs, and know that they are safe.

Wifely wastefulness and extravagance have destroyed the happiness of many a household, and wrecked many a home. On the other hand, many a man owes his prosperity to his wife’s prudence and her wise administration of household affairs.

Every true wife makes her husband’s interests her own. While he lives for her, carrying her image in his heart and toiling for her all the days—she thinks only of what will do him good.

When burdens press upon him—she tries to lighten them by sympathy, by cheer, by the inspiration of love. She enters with zest and enthusiasm into all his plans. She is never a weight to drag him down; she is strength in his heart to help him ever to do nobler and better things.

“Living to please others is a very real form of bondage. It enslaves and destroys. The only way to be liberated is to carry our crosses and submit to the shame of pleasing God over men. We must learn to love our Savior more than praise and approval, for only then will we be truly free.” – The Catholic Gentleman http://www.catholicgentleman.net

Coloring pages for your children….

Your solution to chapel veils that slip off! Little Girl’s Lovely and Lacey Crocheted Veils made for the season… Available here.

Here is a marriage blueprint that every woman can follow. Happy marriages do not just happen, they are made. It takes three parties to make a good marriage; the husband, the wife, and the Lord. This book is concerned with helping the woman to become the wife desired and therefore loved that every man worth having wishes to find and keep.<P> This book sold over a quarter of a million copies shortly after its publication in 1951, and it was read by Catholics and non-Catholics alike. It is a practical manual. It should be read by every woman considering entering the matrimonial state and also by those women who are already married. It can also be read by men who may wish to see what a real challenge it is for a woman to live up to their expectations and how grateful they should be if they are blessed to find the woman of their desires…

Armed with Barbeau s wisdom, you’ll grow closer to your wife and to your children, while deepening your love for God. You’ll be able to lead your family to holiness amidst the troubles and temptations that threaten even the best of families today: infidelity, divorce, materialism, loneliness, and despair.

The Father of the Family makes good fathers and good fathers are the secret to happy homes….

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Finer Femininity is taking a break from Facebook.

I am on MeWe if you would like to follow me there. This platform is a lot like Facebook but respects the privacy and the free speech of the user. Here is the link to my FF MeWe Page. Each day I add tidbits to inspire you on your journey.

Also, if you do not want to miss a post on this site please sign up for the Email Notifications here!

Also on GAB here.

Is Your Marriage All It’s Cracked Up to Be?

Tags

catholic marriage

A repost and good reminder for Throwback Thursday….

The last few months have been stressful around here. You probably have your own stresses you’re dealing with. And, with stress, comes the lack of ability to focus on what is important. We tend to let it all get to us and start taking it out on the people who mean the most to us.

It is important to step back and realize that our goal is to make the most out of each day….and one of the top things on our list is working on our relationship with our husband.

So….let’s get down to the basics and put our marriage back on the front burner!

Is Your Marriage All It’s Cracked Up to Be by Leane VanderPutten

Let’s face it, we do have a choice on how our life plays out. Sometimes we feel we are just spinning our wheels and making no progress. We become victims of circumstances and, instead of taking control of our emotions and the way we react, we flounder…and then lash out at those who seem to make our life more difficult. Believe me, this is not the way to live.

You see, we don’t marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. We are humans and we have faults….many faults….Both of us, husband and wife. It takes consistent effort to make a good marriage. Every day, every hour, every minute, we need to be thinking the right thoughts, praying the right prayers, listening to the right people and doing the right things….

Although I am not a marriage guru, I have had many victories (among the failures), and, in my humble opinion, the right things that we need to be doing every day are:

1. Prayer….I struggle with prayer. I think we all do.  I do know that it has to be the foundation of everything else in our lives. As St. Francis de Sales says, “If you haven’t got prayer, you haven’t got anything.” Consistency is important. We don’t necessarily have to add more prayers, but we need to work on making our prayers more heartfelt, with less self-inflicted distractions. We DO need to be saying the Family Rosary. The Consecration to Our Lady, St. Louis de Montfort style, is very, very valuable, too.

2. Nipping those negative and critical thoughts in the bud before they become monsters. Okay, you have probably tried the other way…you know, letting those destructive thoughts soak up all your brain cells? So….how does that feel? Does it make you feel good? Does it build your relationship with your husband? Do you find that your kids act better while you are steaming about their father’s inadequacies?? Of course not! Hey, you had better put a brake on those thoughts! You have no idea what a downward spiral that can be and where it can lead to. NOT worth it!! Say a prayer, an ejaculation. Thank God for little things. Get interested in something. Don’t let the crazy, lousy thoughts take hold…..Make the effort. God will bless you for it. This is no small thing….those little thoughts can become huge problems!

2. Reading good books on changing your own attitude….not books on how he should be treating you. This is important. You might pick up a relationship book. It may have great points on having a wonderful relationship. In this book it deals with men and women’s responsibilities to each other for making their marriage better….All good stuff. The only thing is, when you are already fighting some stinkin’ thinkin’ about your husband, you DO NOT need to be reading what he needs to be doing.

Choose books that deal with YOU, the woman….with your attitude. There are some very good books out there….albeit mostly Protestant but some Catholic, too (look on My Book List). There are many good books on attitude changers, too. Find them. Dig them up.

I’ve said it before, you can only change yourself.  And you need changing….we all do! Roll up your sleeves and get to it! Too much is at stake here.

3. Talking to the right people…By the right people, I mean those who will help you to shift your attitude…..not those who enable you to wallow in your self-pity more than you already are.

When I was frustrated and feeling sorry for myself, I went to my mother. Not because she was my mother (that was a nice perk, though) but for a couple of reasons…I didn’t want to air out my problems to just anyone. I knew in my heart that this was something that I had to get through, that his faults were exactly that, just faults, and I had plenty of my own. I didn’t need just anyone knowing all I was feeling at the time….because all those feelings were just passing.

The other reason I chose my mom is that she always, gently, helped me to see just what I had for a husband. She helped me to realize I had a lot to be thankful for. And this is what I wanted in a mentor….Someone that would help me to turn my thinking around when it was slipping down a dark alley way. I came out of those talks (and I only resorted to this type of outlet when I just felt I couldn’t overcome the lousy thoughts myself) refreshed. I had vented. I realized how small these things really were and I was ready to give of myself once again.

Find a mentor like that. Pray for one. They are worth their weight in gold.

Don’t abuse it though. Most of the work is going to be done by you. But every once in a while you may need someone to talk to. MAKE SURE it’s someone who is all for you, your spouse and your marriage!

4. Kick that No-Good-For-Nothing Self-Pity right out the door and into the lagoon!

Self-pity is a killer! It is a pond of scum that swallows any good thoughts that try to poke their way out of the filth. Don’t give in to it!!

Look at your life….I know you can find so many things to be grateful for. Keep bringing those persistent negative thoughts back to a spirit of thankfulness! It doesn’t matter that you don’t feel it. God will bless your efforts.

The beginning quote of this article says that a good marriage, like anything worthwhile, takes EFFORT, WORK, PRAYER!! It is a top priority. It means everything to the success of your family life.

Self-pity will strangle you and your loved ones quicker and with more efficacy than anything I know of. It is a woman’s worst enemy and woe to those who wallow in it. Thankfulness overcomes self-pity. Pray to Our Lady for a Spirit of Gratefulness.

Life is a great adventure! Every suffering, every failure, every knock-down, if taken with the right attitude, will help us to grow. We will teach our children how to overcome their own difficulties….and they will have plenty…just as we do.

It is what life is about….the Royal Road of the Cross. And if we choose to get better, not bitter, so many blessings and joys will be sprinkled throughout. We need to have our eyes open to them. They are God’s gift to us as we struggle along our own, unique path of a Beautiful, Joyful, Catholic Woman!!

Are your thoughts building a castle or a manure pile? It is vital to control the thoughts we have in our most important relationship…the one with our husband!

“These diapers that are changed daily, these meals that are cooked again and again, these floors that are scrubbed today only to get dirty tomorrow — these are as truly prayer in a mother’s vocation as the watches and prayers of the religious are in theirs.” -Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children

Gin’s aprons are amazing….as many of you know. They are well made with great-quality material. She puts love and care into each one and the detail is fabulous! She got wiped out during Christmas but is working on her inventory. You can take a peek here.

Make a statement with these lovely and graceful aprons. Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity! 🌺 💗

Finer Femininity is taking a break from Facebook.

I am on MeWe if you would like to follow me there. This platform is a lot like Facebook but respects the privacy and the free speech of the user. Here is the link to my FF MeWe Page. Each day I add tidbits to inspire you on your journey.

Also, if you do not want to miss a post on this site please sign up for the Email Notifications here!

Also on GAB here.

To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you’ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.

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The Discreet Wife

 

Painting by Norman Rockwell

by Matthew L. Jacobson

The discreet wife soon discovers her influence with her husband soars, because his heart can trust her.

He may be a quiet accountant, a bold firefighter, an expert plumber, a smart lawyer, a good doctor, a successful salesman, or any number of other professions, but there is one need that transcends all of his character traits and career choices: He needs to be able to trust you with all of his heart.

He won’t use those words, but that’s his root concern.

Does he know, beyond any doubt, that you are completely trustworthy? Is he confident that, regardless of who you may be talking to, you will never betray his trust, divulge information he feels is sensitive, or reveal anything he would want to be kept between you and him? (Of course, this is not to be understood as ever suggesting that sin should be covered up.)

Are you a woman of discretion?

You have close female friends, and there are extended family relationships that are also close. You want to be open and transparent with them, don’t you?

You can be, but the woman of discretion never crosses the line when it comes to her husband’s privacy and other matters he doesn’t want to be discussed outside of his “inner circle,” which is you and him.

Be ready for challenge. There will be people in your life who will try to break down the wall of loyalty you have for your husband, feeling that because of the long-standing relationship you’ve had with them, it’s their right to be let in on every detail. Don’t let others dictate where that line of separation is.

Let loyalty and faithfulness to your marriage and to your husband’s wishes establish the line.

Regarding the trustworthy wife, the Bible puts it like this, “His heart safely trusts in her.” (Proverbs 31:11)

Are you a safe place for him? There’s no safety without trust, and without trust, there can be no true loyalty.

Life is a field of battle for a man. Regardless of his profession, he can only move forward with confidence if he never has to question that you “have his back.”

When your husband knows he is married to his most trusted confidant, your influence soars.

If you’ve not been discreet in the past, then you’ve damaged that trust. But take heart, it can be restored.

Go to your husband and ask him to forgive you, telling him he will never have to worry – ever – again.

If you’ve walked as a woman of discretion, your husband already trusts you but will still enjoy hearing you tell him that you are loyal and behind him 100%.

Every husband wants to be able to trust his wife implicitly. It’s in your power to ensure that his heart can safely trust in you.

Prayer:

Dear Lord, I pray that I increasingly become a mature, discreet woman. I pray that my husband feels a sense of security and complete trust in me. Help me to guard those things that he wants to be kept private and between only us. Help me always to be his trusted confidant, and prompt me by Your Holy Spirit if I ever begin to speak in a manner that would compromise his trust in me. In Jesus’ name, amen.

“Friendship needs to be invested in. It needs to be worked on and nurtured. Do that for your most important relationship, your marriage. Find things you both enjoy and do those things. Talk, laugh, work and play together. Know that marriage is like a long, slow walk together. More a marathon than a sprint. So just keep walking. Together.” -Lisa Jacobson https://amzn.to/2WbWlS1 (afflink)

Coloring pages for your children….

New!

Briar Rose Apron! Feminine and Beautiful! Fully lined, lace overlay, made with care and detail.

Available here.

A definitive life of one of the greatest Saints of the church and one of the most appealing women of all time by a master writer. Immensely sane, witty, intelligent, charming and courageous, she is the reformer of the Order of Mt. Carmel, founder of many convents and monasteries, and is universally considered the greatest mystical writer of the Church, for which she was declared “Doctor of the Church.” A life filled with delight, surprises and love of God!

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8 Ways to Nurture Your Relationship

Don’t ever underestimate the influence you have in your little world, starting with your husband!

From 100 Ways To Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson

1. Share interests together.

As many as possible. See how you can join him in his hobbies and invite him to share in yours. Even if you don’t both enjoy the same things, at the very least you can be interested and enthusiastic about what interests him. And then look for activities that you can both learn to enjoy together as well. Start something new if you have to.

2. Laugh at his jokes.

Yes, even if you’ve heard them before. Laugh because it’s funny and laugh because it’s healing.

3. Remember the one you fell in love with.

Don’t let him get lost in the dailiness of life. And if it seems that you’ve become distracted and weighed down, take some time off to renew your love for each other. Take a holiday. Slow down. Or simply remind yourself that he is the one you love.

4. Fix his favorite foods.

You know what they say about the way to a man’s heart….

5. Listen sympathetically to his day.

Sometimes being a friend means simply caring about the little things – and the big things – that go in his world. Put aside time and make it a priority to hear about what goes on with him. It’s one of those little connecting points that add up over time.

6. Put your love for God first.

The most loving thing you can do for your husband is to invest in your relationship with your God above all.

7. Reach out and touch.

A tender touch can do so much good – for you both. Even when things aren’t going too well, sometimes this one simple, but loving gesture can soften spirits and ease the tension.

8. Remember you are a powerful influence in his life.

Women of influence. That’s what was featured on the cover of the magazine. The fifty faces of women who’ve been recognized as having significant influence. A truly impressive collection.

So I don’t know why it had this effect on me, but I looked at those 50 women and immediately felt small. Inconsequential. Unknown. A nobody. Because, of course, my picture will never be on the front of that magazine. Not that I’ve ever aspired to such a place. But still… I was somehow struck by my insignificance.

I know it’s not right – or even reasonable – for me to think this way. Yet it managed to stir up so many of my insecurities and self-doubts that I began questioning whether I’d do anything meaningful with my life. Ever.

After all, who am I? No one really.

The dark, defeating doubts swirled around as I brewed a fresh pot of coffee for my husband and continued with me as I trudged up the stairs to his home office. I poured him a cup and then began pouring out my pitiful-me thoughts before him. Poor meaningless me.

I jabbered on and on about how I never amounted to much and probably never would….When suddenly and unexpectedly my pity-party came to a complete stop. I realized that my husband wasn’t paying the least attention to me. He wasn’t really listening at all, but smiling at something in front of him.

What? What was distracting him? Then I saw it. Right smack in the middle of his desk sat a nicely framed photograph of his beloved wife. Yes, that would be me. Nobody else. Not one single photo of the Fifty Women of Influence was placed before him. Just little, simple, wifey me.

And then came the moment of revelation: I am a woman of influence. Tremendous influence. You see, it’s my face that’s featured on the cover of his life. Because amazingly enough, the Lord has chosen this woman to be that man’s wife. Which means it’s me – and only me – who completes him.

Who recognizes his strengths.

Who balances out his weaknesses.

Who builds him up.

Who understands him like no one else.

Who encourages him when he’s down or discouraged.

Who sleeps by his side at night.

Who stands behind him.

Who brings out the best in him.

Who loves him for who he is.

It had never occurred to me before, but I’m becoming a woman of great influence.

But you know what else? So are you. You also are a woman of consequence and have a powerful role to play in your husband’s life.

You are the most influential woman in his world. And to my way of thinking, that is one of the highest honors and privilege a woman can hold.

So it looks like I am significant – even if it’s only in the eyes of one man.

Yet it’s the one man who matters most in my life.

My photograph is placed prominently where all the world can see it. Or better yet – where he can see it.

A powerful woman of influence.

“Cultivate kindness of heart; think well of your fellow-men; look with charity upon the shortcomings in their lives; do a good turn for them, as opportunity offers; and, finally, don’t forget the kind word at the right time. How much such a word of kindness, encouragement, of appreciation means to others sometimes, and how little it costs us to give it!” -J.R. MIller

Do you want an idea for a simple Christmas activity? Join Angelo for a night of fun building a simple Christmas nativity scene with his nieces and nephews…

Lovely review on Gin’s aprons:
“I highly, highly recommend these aprons. Purchase one for yourself as a treat. I have two of these aprons, one for Fall and one for Advent/Christmas. They are soft, lined on the backside in a coordinated fabric, and they are sewn together with much love and attention to all the details. The ties are long enough to wrap around your back and tie in front if you like that style. The Autumn one I’ve used for a couple of months now washes up well for me on delicate cycle with Woolite.”

Her aprons are available here.

Beginning with the first day of Advent and continuing through the Feast of the Baptism of Our Lord, these selections from the immortal pen of Fulton J. Sheen encourage readers to explore the essence and promise of the season. Those looking to grow in their prayer life and become more attuned to the joy of Advent and Christmas will find a wonderful guide in this spiritual companion….

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