In the Park – What a Baby Is

A beautiful meditation for you today….

From Mind the Baby by Mary Perkins, 1950’s

AT LAST we are safely in the park, Jonjo and Thomas Edmund and I. Jonjo abandons his tricycle and runs over to watch the big boys playing football. Thomas Edmund bounces up and down in his stroller with wild impatience to be out and doing.

I lay the bag of necessities, apples and cookies and cleansing tissue, down on the bench; lift Thomas Edmund out and set him down on his two unsteady feet. He staggers around for a moment, looks at me questioningly, and then makes for the nearest pile of leaves under a big tree.

The autumn sun shines low and warm on yellow leaves and grass. Mothers and children, tricycles and carriages are dotted here and there in the golden haze.

Jonjo’s cries of joy come reassuringly over the stubble; he has been invited to join a “football game,” conducted by a kindly-looking man with two other four-year-olds. He will be well taken care of: I can sit down on the bench in peace and watch Thomas Edmund.

There he stands, such a small little boy, surrounded by such a lot of bumpy grass and overshadowed by such a very big tree. There are only twenty-five inches of him, from the top of his yellow head to the soles of his business-like brown shoes; but obviously he is the focal point of all this scenery–and not only to a mother’s eye, for that man and woman over there are watching him just as intently as I am.

Why is it that however beautiful a landscape may be, a baby in it is always the center of attention? What is a baby anyhow that people should stop and smile at him–even the most improbable people, such as crotchety old gentlemen and cross young ladies?

“What is man that Thou art mindful of him, or the son of man that Thou visitest him?” If God is thus mindful of a Thomas Edmund, it is no wonder that we pay some attention to him… “Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels and crowned him with honor and glory.”

Perhaps it is because God’s making of a baby is still so evident and still so unspoiled that we all stop to look.

But only “a little lower than the angels”? It must take a great deal of humility in an angel to recognize that he is only a little higher in the scale of creation than a small human being like Thomas Edmund; let alone to acknowledge that God has crowned that funny round yellow head with such honor and glory of baptismal grace that our son is, in super-nature if not in nature, the very equal of the angel.

Look at the little-less-than-angel over there, gazing in wonder at a squirrel running up and down the tree-trunk–Thomas Edmund Ryan, a human creature and a child of God; by nature akin to the ground and the grass and the tree and the squirrel, and to his guardian angel, and by

Baptism made a partaker of the divine nature. What a span of reality in one small being!

He is sitting down now, his fat legs wide apart, his small back straight and sturdy (if only we grownups could sit like that!) turning a twig over and over in his square little hands, examining it from all angles, chewing it now and then, and occasionally uttering a loud “Aii!” of admiration.

“Man is a creature composed of body and soul, made to the image and likeness of God.” …I can see Thomas’ square little body, I can feel its weight in all my aching muscles.

But what about his soul; how do I know that he has one? By faith, yes; but surely even common sense could perceive that small boys are moved by a different kind of vital force than are stones and bushes and squirrels. No squirrel ever showed such scientific, sustained and impersonal curiosity about a nut as Thomas Edmund is devoting to that twig.

He looks up, throws the twig away with a royal gesture of satiation, staggers to his feet and with immense difficulty leans over and picks up something else.

“Oh Tom, what have you got now? Let Mummy see.” He trots over to me obediently (for once) and holds out a large yellow leaf. My goodness, what a beautiful big leaf! He pushes it at me insistently until I take it and admire it, grabs it back again and sits down, plunk, at my feet to enjoy his treasure with every appropriate and inappropriate sense.

“No, not in your mouth, Tom.” He looks up rather hurt; then slowly and thoughtfully tears the leaf to shreds and picks up each piece in turn to examine it again more thoroughly.

Well, anybody with any perception could see Thomas Edmund’s soul shining out of his eyes. But, sentiment aside, surely one can find proofs in all his actions of the existence of a human soul.

People who think that babies are merely little animals must never have observed either animals or babies. A puppy will bring you a stick to throw for him; he may even bring you a treasure he thinks you want him to retrieve for you; but he would never bring you a leaf to admire with him, and insist on your admiring it. He would never offer you part of his dog biscuit, as Thomas so often offers me pieces of his cookies.

You can keep a dog happy quite easily, with the right kind of food and exercise and play and companionship, but nobody on earth can keep an eighteen-month-old baby happy all the time.

For the baby wants everything in sight, and that is because he is made to want everything beyond sight, and that is because he has a human soul (I must try to remember this chain of reasoning the next time Thomas Edmund is being quite unbearable with all his wants).

Tom’s human soul is now moving him to some new enterprise. He is on his feet again, making for his brother’s abandoned tricycle. He pushes it over, bracing all his small muscles and grunting with the effort.

When it finally falls, he looks at his achievement with awe and says “Oh!” Then he pushes one of the pedals to make the front wheel turn around, with all the earnestness of a scientist in his laboratory. Yes, it really turns; and, what is still better, it keeps on turning. “Ai!” says Thomas Edmund, looking up at me to be sure that I am sharing his excitement, “Ai!”

But how does all this show that a little boy is made to God’s image and likeness in a special way in which grass and trees and squirrels are not? Because God knows and loves and is happy in Himself, Infinite

Truth, Infinite Goodness and Infinite Happiness, and He has made Thomas

Edmund able to know truth and love goodness: the truth and goodness of wheels and cookies, the truth and goodness of ideas and actions.

He has given him powers of knowledge and love which He has also raised and strengthened by grace so that Thomas Edmund will be able to know and love God Himself and to be happy in His own happiness.

Then again, God is a Person–a “Who,” not merely a “What”; and He has made Thomas Edmund also a “Who,” in His image. We were told in college that a “person is an independent substance of a rational nature”–and anyone who has ever watched a baby busy with his own affairs realizes just what that definition means.

Nobody could have any doubt that Thomas over there is a great deal more than a “What”; that he is a “Who” all of his own, in his fine independence and self-hood a small created reflection of the infinite independence and of-Himself-ness of God.

But there is a more appealing way than this in which our Thomas shows that he is in God’s image. Little as he is, he already wants to share with people he loves his small happinesses in cookies and leaves and turning tricycle wheels.

“God is love,” Holy Scripture tells us. He made everything because of love, out of His overflowing generosity, so that He might communicate His perfections to things according to the designs of His wisdom, so that some of His creatures might even come to share His own life and happiness.

And so, little Thomas Edmund, made to His image, made to love and to give himself to God and men in love, already wants to share what is most his own, his joy (even though he clings desperately to more material possessions, especially those he shouldn’t have, like matchboxes!).

What about Thomas Edmund’s body in all this? The catechism doesn’t say, “This likeness is entirely in the soul.” It says “chiefly in the soul.” But what likeness to the infinite God can one possibly find in that funny square little body?

I remember a glorious prayer said at a Bishop’s consecration, when his special episcopal gloves are blessed: “Almighty God, who gave man, made to Your image, hands remarkable for their separation into fingers, as an organ of intelligence for correct workmanship; which You commanded to be kept clean so that the soul might be worthily carried in them…” Here the liturgy fills out the catechism’s bare statement: the organs of our bodies are made to be the expressions and instruments of the powers of our souls, which are made to God’s image.

Tom’s small fat hands, which are now so carefully investigating the inner workings of the tricycle-wheel, such dirty little hands, covered with oil and earth, are made to be the instruments of his intelligence, so that he may make things rightly, according to his likeness to God the Maker. (Should I try to keep them cleaner than I do? Since our souls are carried in our hands, it is no wonder we look at people’s hands to see what kind of people they are, or that a handshake is such a communication of personality, or that there is a whole science of deducing character from handwriting!)

Thomas Edmund has now managed to wrench the seat off the tricycle, has somehow got to his feet with it, and is staggering off proudly with his prize. Need I take it away from him? No, he can’t do much harm to it, or it to him; and a tricycle seat is such a fine red and silver object to carry around.

Surely the uprightness of that small figure shows something of God’s image too, or at least that he is made to “seek the things that are above.”

Now he is sitting down again and digging hard in the dirt with the shaft of the seat, as if to point out that he is made to the image of God, the Ruler of the universe, who commanded man to “subdue the earth” as well as to cultivate it. Thomas Edmund certainly looks as if he were trying to subdue this particular section of ground–such fierce determination is on his face as he digs!

The little lord of the earth looks up from his digging, scrambles to his feet and rushes over to me, with an appealing look in his dark brown eyes.

What’s the matter? He snatches the bag off the bench beside me and starts to investigate it. Oh, a cookie. You’d better let me get it out. He grabs the cookie, gives it a big crunch, and goes back slowly to his digging.

What an odd thing is a human being, dependent on crackers and milk and meat and vegetables for his soul to have a chance of developing; yet so independent of such sustenance that his soul will go on existing for all eternity without it (and his body too, for that matter, after its resurrection, by the grace of God): so much a part of all this scenery and yet so separate and so different.

When you begin to think about everything that a human being is, you realize what wise men mean when they tell us to know ourselves as the first step to knowing God. How justly will Thomas Edmund be able to say, when he knows enough to say it, “I praise Thee because I am made so wonderfully.”

For if he were simply a human being, that would be amazing enough to praise God for, but his humanness is, after all, only the foundation, the prerequisite for what he really is, for (if one may dare so to call it) his divineness.

“O God, who so wonderfully built up the dignity of human substance and still more wonderfully refashioned it…” What new actuality was added to Thomas Edmund when he was born again of water and the Holy Spirit?

A baptized baby does not look different from an unbaptized one (though his mother certainly feels some difference when he comes back fresh from the Holy Font).

You can’t tell which of all these children playing here in the park are baptized and which are not. Yet the ones who are live by a different kind of life and are infinitely more alive than the ones who have not received baptism.

Thomas Edmund over there thoughtfully grinding the grubby remains of his cookie on the tricycle seat, is not only a human child, He is God’s child. And God did not simply adopt him at baptism, did not merely say that from then on He would consider Thomas Edmund as His child. He actually gave him a share in His own life; He made him His child in-deed.

Nor is Thomas Edmund simply one more child of the Eternal Father; he is somehow a new version or expression or realization of God’s only-begotten Son, of Christ our Lord.

He became God’s child by being incorporated in Christ. He received the life of a son of God in and through God’s Only Son.

When God the Father sees that little boy playing there on the grass, He sees him in His Son and He sees His Son in him. Christ our Lord is continually pouring His life into the members of His Mystical Body–so much so that whatever I do to or for Thomas Edmund, I do to and for Christ Himself.

(Dear Lord, forgive me for all the times when I get so angry with him, when his yelling annoys me beyond endurance, when I am just too tired to attend to him cheerfully. Help me to remember that it is You I am taking care of in him, and to do it better.)

And God the Holy Spirit is always dwelling in Thomas Edmund as His temple–a very funny little temple for the Spirit of Love and Joy–so that I am not just washing or feeding or clothing my own child; I am taking care of the temple of God.

The little dwelling-place of the Blessed Trinity is now trying to climb up on the tricycle. Oh woe, of course he didn’t get the seat back where it belongs. He lets out a wild yell of terror and frustration; the tricycle falls over with him, and he lies howling on the grass.

Poor Thomas Edmund! The world is still a valley of tears, even for the children of God; and it is only by many tribulations, many falls and frustrations of all kinds, that we enter into our inheritance of God’s kingdom.

When Christ our Lord was a baby, He must have fallen off things too, and cried as babies cry, so why should we expect to have our children walk any smoother road than the one He walked Himself…

But here is Jonjo at last, demanding his apple and cookie. “Look, dear, be a nice boy, give Tom a ride on your bicycle and cheer him up.”

Jonjo mounts his steed; I put Thomas Edmund on the back (the yells have stopped as soon as he sees a ride in prospect); and they set out, bumping over the stubble, Thomas Edmund hugging his brother hard and singing a little tune of joy.

Two little human creatures, two children of God, two other Christs, two temples of the Holy Spirit riding off together on a red and silver tricycle. Come on, boys, let’s go home.

“The parent who loves his children and takes pleasure in training them in right conduct gives the best possible testimonial to marriage. On the other hand, the parent who constantly complains about his physical, financial or emotional burdens breaks down his youngster’s vision of marriage as a worthy state in life.” – Rev. George A. Kelly http://amzn.to/2yxKIes (afflink)

 

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Make Your Child Feel Secure – Poor Grades, New Sibling, Finding Courage in God

Painting by Richard Sohn (1834 – 1912, German)

Encourage poor students to try hard in school

The Curé d’Ars is a wonderful saint for children who have to struggle with their schoolwork. He had a terrible time in school; by all the standards, he seemed to be quite dumb. But the kind of wisdom that springs from a soul in love with God the Curé never lacked, and there’s no one today who would dare call him a blockhead.

God counts most how you try, not whether you succeed, and for children who try but still bring home poor report cards, there’s strength to be found in praise for honest effort.

A teacher we know was about to give up with a boy who would not study. She had coaxed and appealed and challenged and scolded, and nothing did any good. Then one day she pretended he had tried. “You know, you’re doing much better. I knew you could, if you’d try.”

From that day on, he began to change. Weeks later, she met his parents, and then she said, “Now I know what was wrong. That child had never been praised for anything. He never even wanted to try.”

Herman the Cripple is the friend of all children who are crippled or badly disfigured. “He could not stand, let alone walk; could hardly sit, even in the special chair they made for him; even his fingers were all but too weak and knotted for him to write; even his mouth and palate were deformed, and he could hardly be understood when he spoke.”

During all his life, Herman was never comfortable, but he was a cheerful soul who spoke of himself as “the least of Christ’s poor ones and yes . . . slower than any donkey.”

Out of all this pain and disfigurement came great glory to God, not only from his industry and determination, for he made astrolabes and clocks and even musical instruments, but from his love — for it’s pretty much agreed that Blessed Herman wrote the Hail Holy Queen.

Children do not need to be protected in their afflictions; they need to know how to use them. When they are used to draw people closer to God, they cease to be afflictions, and they become blessings.

Help your child to accept a new sibling

Jealousy is another insecurity, but only when we lose sight of how we are loved by God. Love is not divided with the coming of a new child in the family, only multiplied. One more baby means another brother or sister to be loved by, as well as another to love.

Helping to care for the baby, doing little chores at bath time and feeding time, thinking of him as “my baby,” gradually wear away at the quite normal jealousy of a child who has suddenly lost the spotlight to a new member of the family.

But the best cure is to see that the baby is a gift of God’s love. “This is really wonderful, when you think what it means. God knew all the time what a fine boy you are, and how you’d make a fine brother. So He sent you a baby to be a brother to. Brothers are grand things to have. They teach things to babies and take care of them. Our baby is so lucky to have a brother like you.”

Most of all, a new baby is like Mary’s Baby, and children who still resent his intrusion will often forget immediately if they are helped to see how like the little Jesus he is. “Little hands, and little feet, and a tiny nose, and such a weak little cry. Just think, this is how Baby Jesus was.”

Reminding them that God the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit live happily in the soul of the newly baptized baby, just as They do in our own when we are free of serious sin, helps them learn reverence for him, and saying the night prayers beside the new baby helps to sweeten what little resentments are left.

For older children, praise, special and privileged chores, and especially warm and loving appreciation help to quiet jealousy. “We’re so glad God gave us you. Whatever would we do without you? He knew we’d need someone special to help us, someone with your talents, just your kind of person, and the special one He picked for us was you.”

Encourage your child to find courage in God

Danger — real or imagined — can destroy a child’s security and make some children physically ill, and it never helps a child to make him do something he’s afraid to do. Even the things that cannot be avoided, like entering the hospital or going off to school alone for the first time, can be prepared for with prayer, and grace will come to help.

Our own children suffered a terrible fear of dogs at one time, and the twice-daily walk to the bus and back was running the gamut of fear for them. The dogs they passed never bit them, but they barked so ferociously that certain death was suggested at every turn, and it was only through prayer for faith and trust that they conquered this fear.

God knew about the dogs, and He knew about the children. There was nothing to do but pray for the grace to be unafraid. And when you ask God to protect you, you have to try to act unafraid, even if you still are, a little.

So they made tremendous acts of faith and started out. And they made tremendous acts of will (and didn’t run in front of the dogs). And, of course, because they didn’t run, the dogs didn’t chase, and in a week they were no longer afraid of dogs.

There’s a great difference between walking past dogs alone, and walking past dogs with God, and once children have tasted success with such a simple thing as this, they know how to go about battling the fears that will follow.

Life will never be painless for our children, try as we might to spare them. We are foolish to think that we can. And it’s wise not to waste time trying.

We can bend every energy to giving a child the full measure of God, and in the end, with His help, they can learn to accept and bear, and one day find joy, in whatever assaults their sense of security will have to endure.

“The facts are that Church teaching is supported upon a bedrock of logic and that many of the foremost thinkers throughout history have found her doctrines unassailable. Therefore if you yourself cannot cope with your adolescent’s arguments, you can refer him to Catholic books, literature, and other sources of information.
Do not expect your child to accept a religious teaching simply and solely because the Church says it is so. As an individual with a growing intellectual capacity of his own, he has a legitimate right to know why the Church maintains a certain position.
When helped in a friendly way to understand that position, he will become a stronger Catholic as a result.” – Rev. George A. Kelly, The Catholic Family Handbook, 1950’s

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The saints assure us that simplicity is the virtue most likely to draw us closer to God and make us more like Him.

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The Hunter and His Son – Plain Talks on Marriage

From Plain Talks on Marriage by Rev. Fulgence Meyer, O.F.M., 1927

A man who had long given up the practice of his holy faith had a son of about fourteen years of age who had just received his first solemn Communion with sincere piety.

The father was very fond of him.

Shortly after the boy’s first solemn Communion the father accosted him one Sunday morning, saying he should get ready, for they were to go out together to hunt all day.

The boy replied; “Papa, I must go to Mass first.”

At this the father seemed to be peeved, and he rejoined: “Oh, you need not go to Mass now anymore; you are getting old enough to have more liberty.”

Now the boy appeared hurt, and asked: “Papa, does not the Third Commandment say: ‘Remember that thou keep holy the Sabbath Day?'”

“Third Commandment, nothing,” answered the irate father; “that does not mean anything.” The boy gravely looked up at his father and said solemnly: “Papa, if the Third Commandment does not mean anything, then the Fourth Commandment which says: ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ does not count either. If I do not have to honor God, I need not honor you.”

At this utterance the father grew pensive. He feared if he would not relent, he would lose his hold on his son. He therefore said cautiously: “Well, maybe it is better that you go to Mass; and I will go with you.”

He continued to accompany his son to Mass ever after to his own and the family’s welfare and happiness. The reason many Catholic parents lose out with their children and have no sway over them is often because they themselves disobey God and ignore his authority.

“If God’s authority means so little to them,” the children argue, “why should my parents’ authority mean anything to me?”

A Catholic couple shows the fear of the Lord by receiving the sacraments worthily and often.

They would dread to take the chance of doing without the heavenly food of our Lord’s Body and Blood for too long. They go frequently, of possible; even every day. They not only approach the holy rail themselves, but they see to it, that all the members of the family communicate often. Their example alone will usually be a sufficient factor to bring this about.

 

“One of the first essential elements in a wife is faithfulness, in the largest sense. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her. Perfect confidence is the basis of all true affection. A shadow of doubt destroys the peace of married life. A true wife, by her character and by her conduct, proves herself worthy of her husband’s trust. He has confidence in her affection; he knows that her heart is unalterably true to him.” -.J.R.Miller

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Author Mary Reed Newland here draws on her own experiences as the mother of seven to show how the classic Christian principles of sanctity can be translated into terms easily applied to children even to the very young.

Because it’s rooted in experience, not in theory, nothing that Mrs. Newland suggests is impossible or extraordinary. In fact, as you reflect on your experiences with your own children, you’ll quickly agree that hers is an excellent commonsense approach to raising good Catholic children.

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Family Tidbits – Fr. Fulgence Meyer, 1927

From Plain Talks on Marriage by Rev. Fulgence Meyer, 1927

Nature’s Sexual Mysteries

At the age of puberty, when the girls are about thirteen and the boys about fourteen years old, certain physical developments take place in the human organism, with the nature and purposes of which it is wholesome for the children to become acquainted gradually and circumspectly.

It is the part of the father to instruct his sons, and the duty of the mother to instruct her daughters regarding the origin, the meaning and the reproduction of life. It is far better that the children obtain, this valuable and necessary information from wise parents in a decent and sacred manner, than that they get it in a vicious and objectionable way from tainted and corrupt companions.

This instruction properly given will serve the children as a safeguard and protection in the dangerous years of adolescence.

When the angel informed our Blessed Mother that she was to be the Mother of God, she replied: “How shall this be done, because I know not man?” (Luke, 1, 34). Evidently, though she was but about sixteen years old at the time, she had a knowledge of the sacred process of human generation; and yet she was the purest of the pure, and more innocent than any angel of God.

Little Crosses: Big Crosses

Little children are said to be little crosses, while big children are said to be big crosses. Formerly it used to be said, that little children step on the mother’s dress, while big children step on their mother’s heart. Woman’s dress today renders this proverb out of date, but the nature of children is the same as ever.

Whatever those sayings may mean and be backed up by, parents make a big mistake in believing that their growing or adolescent children need their attention and correction less than before. They often need them more, although perhaps in a different way.

To achieve the best results in educating their children in the fear of the Lord, it is above all necessary that father and mother work harmoniously and mutually supplementarily.

In other words they work together hand in hand, upholding and endorsing one another, and the one supplies what the other lacks.

The mother will usually abound in grace, tenderness, sympathy, gentleness and kindness: the father will represent dignity, power, firmness, authority and discipline.

As marriage in general, the burden of education will be carried like a yoke. If both go into the same direction, aim at the same goal, and keep about the same tempo, the burden becomes easy, light and agreeable: whereas if one insists on going one way, and the other is stubborn about going into the opposite direction, there will be nothing but confusion, failure, disappointment and ruin.

For the sake of harmony, then, in this very important department of family life, wise concessions from both parties are much in order, and worth all they cost.

The Deadly Lake Ride

A story is told about the evil consequences of division or disharmony of parents in the upbringing of their children.

A girl had asked permission of her father to take a ride in a launch on the lake. It was Sunday afternoon. The father refused permission. He would not accede to the request, no matter how much his daughter pleaded.

When he left the house for a walk, the girl entreated her mother to allow her to take the ride. The mother yielded, but cautioned the child not to let her father suspect that she granted her the permission.

Several hours later a storm suddenly swept over the lake and surrounding territory. The father, who had returned home, was just telling his wife how much he was congratulating himself for not allowing his daughter to go on the lake, when a messenger knocked at the door to bring the sad news that the launch containing the girl and her companions was upset in the storm, and that all its passengers were drowned.

He added, that the corpse of the girl had been recovered, and was ready to be brought in by the men who were waiting outside. Imagine the consternation of the father, and the guilty and crushed feeling of the mother.

Such a catastrophe may not happen often in the physical order, but morally it is, alas, but too frequent.

The Shipwreck of the Soul

Many Catholic children suffer moral and religious shipwreck due to a lack of union and cooperation of father and mother in their education. And what has been said regarding the parents in their relation to one another in this matter, ought to comprise the teachers and pastors of their children also, in the sense that parents should cooperate all they can with them, too, in promoting the welfare of their children.

They will consequently defend and support the authority of pastors and teachers in all things, and never permit the children to make faultfinding or otherwise derogatory remarks about them; much less will they ever openly take a child’s part against the teacher or pastor.

No one is faultless. Teachers and pastors make mistakes as do other human agents.  But it damages rather than benefits the children, if their parents tolerate, or even endorse a critical, carping, disparaging and rebellious attitude on their part towards teachers and priests.

The Power of Love

The best, the most agreeable and effective way for parents to achieve fine results in rearing their children is by harboring for them, and plainly exhibiting towards them genuine, consistent, impartial, generous, sympathetic and unselfish love.

Love begets and elicits counter-love. It is easy for you to guide and train a child that sincerely and fondly loves you.

Enter into their interests, take part in their games and pastimes, as much as possible, and help them with their studies and other laudable efforts towards success. You will thus win their trust and confidence.

They will tell you their secrets, acquaint you with their ambitions, and inform you of their friendships and their loves. They will appreciate your counsels, and welcome your guidance.

It will be easy for you then to know the company they keep, the amusements they frequent, and the acquaintances they make. In other words, parental watchfulness, instead of being an irksome task, will be for you an agreeable duty.

Fortunate the child whose mother stands by its cradle like a Guardian Angel to inspire and lead it in the path of goodness! – Pope Pius XII

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To the modern mind, the concept of poverty is often confused with destitution. But destitution emphatically is not the Gospel ideal. A love-filled sharing frugality is the message, and Happy Are You Poor explains the meaning of this beatitude lived and taught by Jesus himself. But isn’t simplicity in lifestyle meant only for nuns and priests? Are not all of us to enjoy the goodness and beauties of our magnificent creation? Are parents to be frugal with the children they love so much?

For over half a century, Catholic families have treasured the practical piety and homespun wisdom of Mary Reed Newland’s classic of domestic spirituality, The Year and Our Children. With this new edition, no longer will you have to search for worn, dusty copies to enjoy Newland’s faithful insights, gentle lessons, and delightful stories. They’re all here, and ready to be shared with your family or homeschooling group. Here, too, you’ll find all the prayers, crafts, family activities, litanies, and recipes that will help make your children ever-mindful of the beautiful rhythm of the Church calendar.

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Training in Obedience – Christ in the Home

Painting by Andrew Loomis

Article by Father Raoul Plus, S.J., Christ in the Home

The father is the father; the mother is the mother. Each one’s role is different; together they must harmonize.

This is particularly essential when there is question of the exercise of authority over the children.

The principal authority is centered in the father; the mother who is associated with him, shares this authority.

Both have therefore according to their respective roles the mission to command; the father in a way that is not more harsh but more virile; the mother in a way that is not more easy-going–she ought to demand the same things the father requires and with the same firmness–but more gently expressed.

Parental action must be common, harmonious, coordinated, directed to the same end.

Extremely unpleasant conditions are created if the mother for example tolerates an infraction of an order given by the father.

The father on his part should avoid too great sternness, an uncalled-for severity of tone or what is worse, cruelty.

The mother should guard against weakness and insufficient resistance to the tears of the child or the cute little ways it has discovered for avoiding punishment or side-tracking a command.

She ought to be particularly cautious not to undermine paternal authority either by permitting the children to disobey his injunctions or, under pretext of tempering the father’s severity, by countermanding his orders.

It is from the father himself that she should secure the necessary relaxation of requirements if she feels he is being too rigid; never should she on her own change a decision that the father has given.

Otherwise the children will soon play the father and mother against each other; they will know that they can have recourse to mamma when papa commands something and they will be able to disregard the order.

Father and mother both lose their authority in this way to their own great detriment. The wife discredits her husband in the eyes of the children and herself as well.

Never should the children sense the least discord between their parents either in regard to their principles or their methods of training. Quick to exploit the rift, they will also be quick to get the upper hand. It is the ruination of obedience. The mother can blame herself for working forcefully for its destruction.

She is perfectly justified in trying to make the execution of the father’s orders more agreeable; that is quite another thing. But in this case she must justify the conduct of the father and not seem to blame him by softening the verdict.

Husband and wife are but one; he, the strength; she, the gentleness. The result is not an opposition of forces but a conjoining of forces; the formation of a single collective being, the couple.

Another point in this matter of obedience:

Never let the children command the parents. How many parents, mothers especially, betray their mission!

Parents are not supposed to give orders indiscriminately but wisely; when they have done this, they should not go back on a command.

To command little is the mark of firm authority; but to demand the execution of what one has commanded is the mark of a strong authority.

There should be no fussiness, no irritation, only calm firmness.

The child, who becomes unnerved, and certainly not without cause, before a multiplicity of disconnected orders that fall upon him from all sides, submits before a gentle and unbending authority.

Calmness steadies him and unyielding firmness unfailingly leads him to obey.

“Regularity in meals is another thing the wise housekeeper will insist upon in her abode. Regularity and punctuality, how delightful they are, and how they ease the roll of the domestic wheels! A punctual and tidy woman makes a punctual and tidy home.” -Annie S. Swan, Courtship and Marriage And the Gentle Art of Home-Making, 1894

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SaveThe pages in this maglet (magazine/booklet) is for the Catholic wife…to inspire her in the daily walk as a Godly, feminine, loving wife. As wives, we have a unique calling, a calling that causes us to reach into our innermost being in order to give ourselves to our husbands the way Christ would desire.We, as women, have the awesome responsibility AND power to make or break our marriages and our relationships. Let’s not wait to fix it AFTER it is broken.It is all about self-sacrifice, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.The articles in this maglet reflect these virtues and will serve to inspire and encourage. It is a Catholic maglet, based on solid Catholic principles.The pages in this maglet (magazine/booklet) is for the Catholic wife…to inspire her in the daily walk as a Godly, feminine, loving wife. As wives, we have a unique calling, a calling that causes us to reach into our innermost being in order to give ourselves to our husbands the way Christ would desire.We, as women, have the awesome responsibility AND power to make or break our marriages and our relationships. Let’s not wait to fix it AFTER it is broken.It is all about self-sacrifice, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.The articles in this maglet reflect these virtues and will serve to inspire and encourage. It is a Catholic maglet, based on solid Catholic principles.The pages in this maglet (magazine/booklet) is for the Catholic wife…to inspire her in the daily walk as a Godly, feminine, loving wife. As wives, we have a unique calling, a calling that causes us to reach into our innermost being in order to give ourselves to our husbands the way Christ would desire.We, as women, have the awesome responsibility AND power to make or break our marriages and our relationships. Let’s not wait to fix it AFTER it is broken.It is all about self-sacrifice, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.The articles in this maglet reflect these virtues and will serve to inspire and encourage. It is a Catholic maglet, based on solid Catholic principlesThe pages in this maglet (magazine/booklet) is for the Catholic wife…to inspire her in the daily walk as a Godly, feminine, loving wife. As wives, we have a unique calling, a calling that causes us to reach into our innermost being in order to give ourselves to our husbands the way Christ would desire.We, as women, have the awesome responsibility AND power to make or break our marriages and our relationships. Let’s not wait to fix it AFTER it is broken.It is all about self-sacrifice, thankfulness, kindness, graciousness, etc.The articles in this maglet reflect these virtues and will serve to inspire and encourage. It is a Catholic maglet, based on solid Catholic principles.

This Maglet (magazine/booklet) is for you…dear young (and not-so-young), Catholic, Feminine Soul. It is a compilation of traditional, valuable Catholic articles on the subjects that touch the hearts of serious-minded Catholic young ladies. There are articles on courtship, purity, singleness, vocation, prayer, confession, friends, tea parties, obedience, etc. This information is solid, written by orthodox Catholic writers (most of them gone to their eternal home) that cared about the proper formation of a young Catholic adult in a confused world. Take this information to heart and your journey through adulthood will be filled with many blessings! It is 40 pages, packed with information. My Disclaimer: This book is, in general, appropriate for ages 14 and up. There are some articles on purity in courtship, etc. These do not go into graphic detail but you are the only ones to decide if it is good timing. I would let my own 14 year old read it. If she came up with questions, good. I would answer them. Ignorance is not innocence.

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Love Versus Maternal Instinct – Christ in the Home

With so much talk of snowflakes and seeing those who don’t get their way resort to rioting and looting, let’s make sure we are raising children who can say “no” to themselves. If your home is filled with love, your discipline will have the desired effect.

From Christ in the Home by Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J.

A mother of a family, herself a noble and spiritual educator wrote:

“We never succeed in making of our children all that we should like to make of them; and sometimes we do not accomplish anything of what we thought we could accomplish.

The role of educator in theory offers many charms but in its fulfillment how many thorns! Not to become discouraged is in itself quite an achievement.”

The most important virtue to engender in the souls of children is confidence.

Children always have faults; they develop with age; when one fault is destroyed, another appears.

What ought to be developed first is confidence; a confidence which will make them docile solely because of the conviction that there can be nothing better for them than the arrangements of the persons who are training them; but when they seem to torment them or cross them, they truly have their good at heart.

The most agreeable training is not always the most salutary. Far from it! Adversity and contradiction are useful for all ages but particularly for the young, to correct their violent tendencies and strengthen their undeveloped wills.

For those who consider everything from God’s viewpoint, adversity gives the final touch; it adorns as with gold one in whom virtue is deeply rooted.

But how can one call upon this harsh instructor to teach one’s very own children?

Mothers are too tender to be perfect educators or rather their tenderness has about it too much sensitivity which, we might say, aggravates the eternal conflict between the spiritual man and the carnal man.

Maternal love is often too much hampered by maternal instinct which protests and prevents the forceful action that ought to be taken.

This distinction between real maternal love in the full sense of the word and maternal instinct should be maintained; the author of the preceding lines is alert to the difference and concerned about not confusing them; one of her daughters had a particularly difficult temperament; the mother encouraged herself to exercise the necessary firmness with her just as with her other children:

I shall set myself the duty of not being weak, too easy, of not giving in to all their desires.

I shall try to give them the reason for my decisions, but I shall believe that I do them a service by putting some obstacles to their desires.

Kindness will dictate my conduct; I hope that kindness will render it bearable for them.

“Who shall blame a child whose soul turns eagerly to the noise and distraction of worldliness, if his parents have failed to show him that love and peace and beauty are found only in God?” – Mary Reed Newland

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We live in an age characterized by agitation and lack of peace. This tendency manifests itself in our spiritual as well as our secular life. In our search for God and holiness, in our service to our neighbor, a kind of restlessness and anxiety take the place of the confidence and peace which ought to be ours. What must we do to overcome the moments of fear and distress which assail us? How can we learn to place all our confidence in God and abandon ourselves into his loving care? This is what is taught in this simple, yet profound little treatise on peace of heart. Taking concrete examples from our everyday life, the author invites us to respond in a Gospel fashion to the upsetting situations we must all confront. Since peace of heart is a pure gift of God, it is something we should seek, pursue and ask him for without cease. This book is here to help us in that pursuit.

Reverend Irala here addresses ways to promote mental and emotional well-being to help increase one’s health, efficiency and happiness. He speaks on topics such as how to rest, think, use the will, control feelings, train the sexual instinct, be happy, and choose an ideal. Included are also many practical instructions on dealing with mental struggles of all kinds. This book is most useful in our present times of worldly confusion.

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Self-Reliance & Reverence – The Catholic Teacher’s Companion

This book was written at the turn of the 20th century for Catholic teaching nuns. It is called The Catholic Teacher’s Companion  – A book of Inspiration and Self-Help by Rev. Felix M. Kirsch, O.M.C. (1924). The lessons between the covers are valuable for parents, educators and all who work with children.

SELF-RELIANCE

The children of today must be trained to stand on their own feet. The temptations of the present age are so numerous, and the moral support that the young people receive from their environment is all too often practically nil so that the pupils must upon leaving school he fortified to stand four-square to all the winds that blow.

Here again the teacher’s personality is an important factor. If her life and conduct are governed by the teachings of Christ, if she acts on principle and is not subject to the whims of the moment, she may hope to make true Catholic men and women of her boys and girls.

Our age needs boys and girls who have back-bone enough to lead Catholic lives amid frightful temptations, who are trained to practice virtue and shun vice even if the watchful eye of the teacher, priest, or parent is not observing them. But they cannot be trained to such independence of conscience if the teachers will not give their pupils more liberty as they grow up to the beginning of manhood and womanhood.

Put your pupils therefore on their honor; give them motives other than working for good marks and gold medals; let them obey and be industrious at their books because they will thus serve their own best interests.

Teach them the principles of manhood, and give them opportunities to translate these principles into their daily lives. In the higher grades of the elementary school and throughout the high school the teacher has many opportunities for allowing her pupils scope for the exercise of self-reliance. But even in the primary grades she should be on the alert to train the pupils to be self-active.

When assigning tasks, she should afford opportunities for the pupils’ initiative; for instance, when giving themes for compositions, or when controlling the reading of authors. She may also train the pupils to self-reliance by encouraging them to make collections of stamps, plants, insects, bugs, butterflies, etc.

Another means for training them to be self-reliant is to encourage them to tutor some of the weaker pupils of the class. By placing mite boxes for the missions or by starting a school savings bank, she will encourage her pupils to make sacrifices of their own accord, and to deny themselves the enjoyment of sweets or the use of tobacco.

It goes without saying that the campus and the playground offer untold possibilities for the development of self-reliance, and the teacher should make her influence felt in this direction also.

The charge is sometimes made that boys brought up in orphan asylums fail as soon as they are given the liberties of the world. The boys will undoubtedly fail if they have not been trained to use the liberties aright.

Though guarded scrupulously against all that might prove a temptation, they are not prepared for the battle that is unavoidable in the world at large, and hence in their later lives are at the mercy of the snares that beset their path on every side.

The boys and girls attending our schools are exposed to dangers enough, but what must be insisted upon is that they be trained in self-help for the greater struggle that is certain to be theirs.

Let them be taught the practice of living in the presence of God. Let their minds be impressed with the idea that we all are soldiers, that life is a warfare, where each must face for himself the eternal enemy of our souls and his accomplices among wicked men and in our own lower nature.

Men keep sacred the memory of those teachers of their boyhood days who appealed to them to be little men, little soldiers against the devil and his wily temptations. Act in this way with your pupils, and in their adult lives they may be bruised and scarred in many a battle, but they will bless the memory of their teachers for training them to stand to their guns.

It might be mentioned in this connection that the teacher should not neglect to train her pupils’ sense of honor. She will do this most effectively by giving praise and blame in just proportion. She must use praise and blame more frequently with very young pupils, as they are not capable of judging themselves, and have no standard other than the teacher’s word for evaluating their work or conduct. But the more mature pupil must be habituated to perform his tasks out of a sense of duty.

While a judicious admixture of praise and blame will probably produce the best results, we feel safe in saying that praise is, on the whole, more effective than blame.

REVERENCE

Educators are complaining quite generally about the decay of reverence among young people. There is therefore need for training our pupils to practice reverence. They should learn to reverence their fellow-men, who are made after the image of God, and are prospective citizens of heaven.

They should be taught to reverence themselves as being temples of the Holy Ghost. They owe special reverence to their father and mother; to their teachers, who are their foster-parents; and to their priests, who are their fathers in God.

The reverence that our pupils owe to their superiors is grounded on the principle that human authority takes the place of God among men.

Special laws were passed in ancient Sparta to enforce the reverence due to the aged. When an aged man entered the room, a youth who might happen to be present had to give up his seat to him, and was not permitted to speak except when asked.

At Athens an old man came into the theater after all places had been taken, yet none of his fellow-citizens offered him a seat. But when he approached the Spartan ambassadors, they all arose to offer him a seat in the most honored place.

The Athenians applauded the respect of the Spartans, but one in the audience remarked truly enough: “Though the Athenians know what is right, they fail to practice it.”

Reverence, like all other virtues, must be taught by doctrine, practice, and example. Teachers should inculcate reverence by practicing it toward their pupils.

A Latin proverb tells us, Maxima debetur puero reverentia, “We owe very great reverence to the child.”

Every teacher must therefore in her own conduct be a model of politeness and refinement. She must, indeed, demand respect for herself, but if the precept is reinforced by her own refined demeanor and due reverence for all, she will undoubtedly receive universal respect.

She must, therefore, be courteous when asking pupils for service, and must not neglect to acknowledge their kindness. Thus she will prepare the way for insisting that the pupils, too, should be courteous to one another.

This will require special efforts in the case of boys as it is not ignorance or that is generally responsible for their bad manners, but merely the dread of being considered a “sissy” by the “other fellows.”

Punctuality exacts self-discipline and detachment; it often asks us to interrupt some interesting, pleasant work in order to give ourselves to another kind, perhaps less attractive or less important.
However, it would be a great mistake to esteem our duties and to dedicate ourselves to them according to the attraction we have for them or according to their more or less apparent importance.
All is important and beautiful when it is the expression of the will of God, and the soul who wishes to live in this hole he will every minute of the day, will never omit the slightest act prescribed by its rule of life. -Divine Intimacy

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Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet:
This Maglet (magazine/booklet) is for you…dear young (and not-so-young), Catholic, Feminine Soul. It is a compilation of traditional, valuable Catholic articles on the subjects that touch the hearts of serious-minded Catholic young ladies. There are articles on courtship, purity, singleness, vocation, prayer, confession, friends, tea parties, obedience, etc. This information is solid, written by orthodox Catholic writers (most of them gone to their eternal home) that cared about the proper formation of a young Catholic adult in a confused world. Take this information to heart and your journey through adulthood will be filled with many blessings! It is 40 pages, packed with information. See photo for Table of Contents.
My Disclaimer: This book is, in general, appropriate for ages 14 and up.

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Women historically have been denigrated as lower than men or viewed as privileged. Dr. Alice von Hildebrand characterizes the difference between such views as based on whether man’s vision is secularistic or steeped in the supernatural. She shows that feminism’s attempts to gain equality with men by imitation of men is unnatural, foolish, destructive, and self-defeating. The Blessed Mother’s role in the Incarnation points to the true privilege of being a woman. Both virginity and maternity meet in Mary who exhibits the feminine gifts of purity, receptivity to God’s word, and life-giving nurturance at their highest.

You’ll learn how to grow in wisdom and in love as you encounter the unglamorous, everyday problems that threaten all marriages. As the author says: If someone were to give me many short bits of wool, most likely I would throw them away. A carpet weaver thinks differently. He knows the marvels we can achieve by using small things artfully and lovingly. Like the carpet weaver, the good wife must be an artist of love. She must remember her mission and never waste the little deeds that fill her day the precious bits of wool she s been given to weave the majestic tapestry of married love.

This remarkable book will show you how to start weaving love into the tapestry of your marriage today, as it leads you more deeply into the joys of love.

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God & Prayer – Talks to Catholic Children

The lessons in this talk is just as good for any adult as it is for your children. Take some time to read it to them.

From Christopher’s Talks to Catholic Children by David L. Green stock, 1944

I have mentioned to you in some of the former chapters that, because Jesus was God, He knew all about us while He was on this earth and long before we ever came into this world. He knew who our parents were going to be, where we were going to be born, where we should be going to school, how we were going to live and how we were going to die. In fact, He knew everything about us.

This thought is expressed in the Catechism in these words, “God knows and sees all things, even our most secret thoughts.” I want to talk to you about that for a moment before we go on to anything else.

First of all, there are two ways in which we can think of this complete knowledge God has of all our actions however small. We can picture God, for example, as a big policeman, always watching us to see when we do something wrong and always ready to catch us when the chance arises. To look at it in that way would not only be very wrong but also a great pity. God is not like that at all, and if we go on thinking of Him that way, it will mean that we shall stand a very poor chance of making Him our friend, and that is what we should aim to do.

God is love. He loves us much more than our parents can ever hope to do, and He is always ready and willing to help us in every way possible. I want you to think of this Presence of God and this knowledge of all that we think and do, in that way.

Here are two pictures of very ordinary things in the life of any child. One shows a little child going to school in the morning with his school books in his hand. You will notice that God is there with him, and is always watching over him to see that he is perfectly safe. In the other picture you can see some children swimming. God is there too.

In other words, think of yourself and God as two friends who are always together. You are never alone. Your faithful companion through life is God Himself. In all your actions He is there, not to catch you out in something which is wrong but to be a help and guide through all the actions of your daily life.

Of course, He also sees your sins, too, if you have the misfortune to commit any, but He does not condemn you for them unless there is nothing else to be done. On the contrary, He tries very hard to lead you away from those sins and back to His Love and Friendship. That is the only thing which interests Him.

Think of what a wonderful thing that companionship with God can really mean to us all. If He is with us all day, and if we are never really all alone to face the dangers and the difficulties of this life, how much more pleasant that makes things! That thought naturally leads us on to think about the subject of prayer.

Prayers are really nothing more than little conversations with God, our Friend. If we could only see them in that light, perhaps it would be much easier for us to remember our prayers and to say them well.

Here is a little child saying his morning prayers. Now let us see what that really means. He knows that God is really and truly present in that room with him although he cannot see God. God has not been far away from him all through the night, but has been there watching over him and waiting for him to wake in the morning to begin another day.

Accordingly, when he gets up, he kneels down for just a moment or two and says what we call his morning prayers. That is another way of saying that he says “Good morning,” to God.

Perhaps he says the Morning Offering, which is just simply the offering of all the actions of the coming day to God. Perhaps he says the “Our Father” and the “Hail Mary” to sanctify his day by calling on God and Our Lady to help him to live it well. Whatever it is that he says, it is really nothing more or less than, “Good morning,” to God.

Exactly the same is true of our night prayers. We are just going to sleep and we know that God will be there all the time to watch over us while we are asleep, so we just offer ourselves to Him again and say the Act of Contrition for all the little wrong things which we may have done during the day. He will love us very much for that offering and for that sorrow, and He will forgive us as He always does, because He loves us so much.

You see how much easier prayer becomes if you think of it in this way. It is not just a very unpleasant duty which has to be done first thing in the morning and last thing at night. It is a conversation between us and our best Friend, to offer ourselves to Him, and to say “Good morning,” and “Good night,” to Him as we should.

There are many prayers which you will learn while you are at school and also from your mother. They are all very good, and you should try to learn them well and to say them when you are in church, and say them as well as you can. But that should not be all you do in the way of prayer.

God loves us to take an interest in Him and to talk to Him in the same way in which we would talk to one of our friends. That is to say, with our own words and in our own way. It is a good thing to use a prayer book, and you should always take one to church with you, but you will find that there are many thoughts in your head at times about which you may want to talk to God and which are not contained in any book.

Then the thing for you to do is to talk to God about them in your own words and in your own way. Remember that He is your greatest friend, and that He understands you so very well. He will not mind if the things you are trying to say are not very clearly expressed or in the best possible form of words. It means a great deal to Him you are trying to talk to Him, and we should all try to get away from prayer book language occasionally and rely on our own words.

Here is a boy walking along a road. He has had a quarrel with one of his friends, and he is rather unhappy about it.

God is there with him and they are talking it over between them. How happy God is to be able to listen and to help in some way.

Even the very smallest things in our life are of great importance to God. Our holidays, our friends, our interests—they are His too, and He wants us to tell Him all about them and to talk to Him of them when we feel like it.

There is no need for us to go to church every time we want to talk to God. We can do that wherever we are, because God is always there. Of course He will love it very much if we do go into church occasionally during our walks, because that is His home and He likes to see us there. It shows Him that we do know that He is there, and that we remember Him, not only on Sundays when we have to go to church, but also some other times in the week too.

Here is a little child going to see his great Friend in His own home.

They have very many things to talk about, and you may be sure that God is going to be very interested, and that He will help in every possible way.

Remember that you are never alone, that God is always with you, not to catch you out, but to help and to guide you in all that you do. Talk to Him, that is what is meant by prayer, and don’t be afraid to use your own words or to talk to Him in your heart while you are walking about or while you are playing quietly by yourself or with others.

He is there, and He loves to see that you are enjoying yourself. He probably gave you that find day today just because He knew that it would please you and that you would enjoy it so very much. When you come to say your evening prayers just remember to say a big “Thank you” for everything that He has done for you during the day.

He loves you so very much, and you must try to love Him a little in return. He will always be your friend, and will never turn against you whatever you do. The only way you can drive Him away is to commit some big sin against Him. Then He has to leave you because you have forced Him to, but even then He is always trying to get you to call Him back so that He can be with you again.

God is your best friend, remember that, and try to treat Him as a friend and love Him all you can.

Forgive. “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” ~ Ruth Bell Graham. This is one of the truest statements ever made. Decide you’re not only going to be his lover – you’re going to be his forgiver. Be quick to forgive and get good at it. You’ll probably have lots of opportunity to practice it. -Lisa Jacobson, 100 Ways to Love Your Husband https://amzn.to/2EkBO3F (afflink)

What are some errors in parenting with raising our children in modern times? Fr. Ripperger has some thoughts….

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Martinez shows how you can make better sense of your life once you realize that God has actually been closest to you when He seemed farthest away; and once you learn why He often speaks to you only in silence. Best of all, Martinez teaches you the secret of true happiness, which you can achieve even amid the troubles that are inescapable elements of every human life. With sober realism and simple faith, this book will show you how to discover — and then to take refuge in — the comfort our Lord offers you, even when He seems to sleep.

Drawing on the wealth of the Church’s living tradition, Fr. Donald Calloway, MIC, calls on all of us to turn to St. Joseph, entrust ourselves, our Church, and our world to our spiritual father’s loving care, and then watch for wonders when the Universal Patron of the Church opens the floodgates of Heaven to pour out graces into our lives today. Definitely a book for our time, Consecration to St. Joseph is dedicated to meeting the challenges of the present moment and restoring order to our Church and our world, all through the potent paternal intercession and care of St. Joseph. This book has everything you need to take your love and devotion to St. Joseph to a whole different level: a thorough program of consecration to St. Joseph; information on the 10 wonders of St. Joseph; and prayers and devotions to St. Joseph. Accessible, motivating, this book will kick off a great movement of consecration to our spiritual father and change the world.

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When One Parent Must Be Father and Mother

Marriage and Parenthood, Rev. Thomas J. Gerrard

Experts estimate that either the father or mother is missing in one out of four American families with a child under twelve years of age. In 80 per cent of those families, it is the father who is missing; in the remaining families, the mother is absent. (Statistics now: Number of U.S. children living in a single parent family 1970-2019. In 2019, there were about 15.76 million children living with a single mother in the United States, and about 3.23 million children living with a single father.)

Several factors are responsible for the tragically high number of one-parent families in modern society. One cause is the death of a parent. In the United States, each year, about 200,000 fathers or mothers under fifty-five die, leaving their survivors with minor children.

It has been estimated that 300,000 children under twelve do not have a living mother or father. Another factor is divorce. More than 3,000,000 families in the United States have been broken by it. (Catholics cannot sue for divorce, but some persons who profess the Catholic faith do so nevertheless. They leave their partners, who may practice their religion faithfully, with the task of rearing the children.)

A third cause is desertion. The best available estimates are that more than 50,000 homes are broken in the United States each year by this factor. Usually the husband is the deserter–often one who cannot stand the responsibility of fatherhood.

Many more or less involuntary separations also place upon one parent almost the entire burden of parenthood. They may last only a few months or as long as the children require parental care. More than a million families are affected by this type of separation at any given time. Some causes of it are hospitalization (more than 200,000 parents are inmates of mental institutions), imprisonment, service in the armed forces, and employment conditions which require the father to be away from home all or most of the time.

In addition to involuntary separation there is what is known as psychological desertion: one parent technically lives at home but is absent in fact or in spirit too often to be an important force in the children’s training. A typical psychological deserter is the alcoholic, of whom there are an estimated 4,000,000 in the United States. An alcoholic parent may live with his family, but is so continually befogged that the sober partner must assume the entire task of rearing the children. Whatever the reasons for the separation, absence of a husband or wife throws extra burdens on the remaining partner.

A child who has lost one parent invariably needs much more security than does the ordinary youngster. A young child accustomed to love from both parents often becomes nervous, irritable and subject to crying spells when part of this love is suddenly withdrawn. Even when children are old enough to understand that one parent has had to go away, their need for that parent’s affection remains.

How a child may react to death.

Young people often cannot grasp the full significance of death; it is fairly common for a child to feel that he was deliberately deserted because he was unworthy of the parent’s love. This feeling that he has been rejected intensifies his sense of insecurity. Loss of a mother is particularly disturbing to a young child, because it usually involves a new environment being created for him. Perhaps a housekeeper must be hired to care for him while his father is at work; however kind she may be, she follows a different routine than the mother did. It may be necessary to place him in a foster home temporarily; this also completely changes his mode of living.

The remaining parent must show great patience, understanding and affection to help a child regain his emotional stability. You can do this by finding opportunities to praise him for his character and his accomplishments; by doing things with him to demonstrate your interest in him as a person; and, where possible, by overlooking mannerisms–his refusal to eat certain foods, his tendency to cry easily, his reversion to undisciplined bowel habits–which reflect his feeling of loss. You will be able to correct these conditions after he has regained what is more important–his sense of security and personal worth.

Your child also needs to retain his faith in his missing parent and you should never belittle your spouse in his presence. Normally it is not difficult for a widow or widower to praise a dead mate. It may not be so easy for a mother to speak well of a father who has deserted her and perhaps abused her physically and mentally. However, she should try to remember that he doubtless had qualities which appealed to her originally; in charity–and considerable charity may be required–she should dwell on these features and leave unsavory aspects of his character unmentioned.

The need to be kind to the memory of the absent one is very important because youngsters often idealize their parents. If a boy believes that his father was worth-while, he will think that he himself is worth-while. If he learns that his father was shiftless, a drunkard and a bully, he may suspect that he himself is unworthy

This need exists not only when a parent has left permanently but also during long absences. The father in one family was a traveling salesman whose job kept him on the road most of the year. In winter, he called on customers in the sunny South; in summer, he visited businessmen in vacation areas of the North.

Through all seasons his wife remained at home, caring for the children and building in her mind an image of her husband enjoying continuous pleasure. She lost few opportunities to complain to her daughter that he relished his job because it freed him from responsibility at home. She would have vehemently denied that she was disloyal to her husband. But the effect was obvious… Her daughter married and made it plain that she intended to avoid being “stuck” with children.

Need for a “Father Image.”

A child also needs someone to substitute for his departed parent. No matter how conscientious you may be, you cannot give what the combination of father and mother, as ordained by God, can provide for his total development. A child without a mother misses the sweet warmth of maternal love which no man can provide. Another woman– aunt, grandmother, older sister, perhaps even a devoted housekeeper– may serve as a substitute.

By example, she can show a girl how women are expected to act and thus provide the image the child needs to guide her to adulthood. A woman has an unquestioned softening influence upon a boy–so much so, in fact, that some authorities assert that the lad reared without benefit of a strong feminine influence almost invariably develops a harsh streak in his character.

Boys and girls need a “substitute father” too. As we noted in discussing the father’s role in the family, a son needs a male figure to show him how he should act when he reaches manhood. Without a father or a suitable substitute, he may fumble his way through the problems of adolescence and young manhood, losing confidence with each step because he lacks an experienced adult of his own sex whose example he can study and in whom he can confide.

When a father is lacking, a wise mother will create opportunities to bring her son into contact with men he can admire. This may be a godfather, an uncle, a family friend, a Scout leader. She will encourage him to become an altar boy and to join other parish societies, where he will come under the influence of priests. If possible, she will choose a high school where the teachers are men– preferably priests or lay brothers.

Finally, your child needs to develop as a normal young person. Even though it may be economically difficult for the family to maintain itself in the absence of one parent, do not impose unfair burdens. An older girl should not be turned into a “second mother,” responsible for the younger children and denied the opportunity to pursue her own life. Nor should schoolchildren be required to devote all or most of their free time to earning income, thus forgoing recreation which others normally enjoy.

Youngsters can thrive without many material things we have come to regard as necessities. Often a boy is not nearly so disturbed about his shabby trousers as is his mother; he would rather play with other youngsters than earn the income needed to maintain a more presentable appearance.

The main sufferer in a one-parent home is often the oldest daughter. She frequently gets the role of substitute mother. She may have to quit school to remain at home with the younger ones. Her opportunities to meet boys may be severely restricted. She is literally on call day and night.

Daughters often resent these forced sacrifices; many grasp the first opportunity to marry simply because it affords an escape from their routine of drudgery. A good principle to observe is that older children should make sacrifices, but should not become martyrs; they should have opportunities to associate with other young people and to enjoy some recreation with them.

Dangers for parents to avoid.

The loss of a husband or wife often gives the surviving parent a sense of shock and emotional emptiness. This feeling of loss is especially acute if the husband or wife has died suddenly. The survivor feels a need to shower love for the departed spouse upon someone else and the objects of this increased devotion usually are the children. Therein lies danger, for the early days of grief may set up patterns of overpossessiveness which endure for a lifetime.

Widows must especially avoid the impulse to indulge in “smother-love.” A mother must realize that her children are entitled to pursue lives of their own with their own friends, and in directions in which their own talents lead them.

Instead of concentrating all of her time and energy upon her children, she might seek to make new friends of her own age, to develop outside interests such as charitable work, and to try to achieve her own sense of independence. By developing her own resources as an individual, she will be better able to provide her children freedom to develop in their own way.

A second danger is that of overprotectiveness. A mother in a fatherless home often is determined that she alone will make up to her children for their loss. One such mother, left with three boys, decided that they would not suffer because of their father’s death. Day and night she supervised their affairs. When they played on school teams, she was at the ball field to be on hand if they were hurt. They could not cross a main boulevard alone to reach church and school; she had to drive them.

The family doctor could always count on her phone call whenever a boy developed a slight sign of a cold. Her two oldest sons are now in the army, and the youngest is in high school. All are inadequate. They are unable to accept responsibility for their own affairs because they have never been required to do so. What is more, all show intense hostility toward her. She is completely confused. She spent her life caring for them, she reasons, and in return has received only ingratitude.

Another danger to avoid is that of being overly strict with your children. Fathers are especially susceptible to this tendency, because by nature they exert the stern influence in the home while mothers incline toward leniency. With the mother absent, no force remains to lessen the stern masculine impact.

One father reasoned that since he could not be at home during the day to correct his children’s misconduct, he would punish them so severely for their mistakes that they would toe the mark, even in his absence, for fear of being found out. Although he lived to an old age and his children appreciated the sacrifices he had made to rear them, his over-severity in their childhood made it impossible for them to feel the true sense of warmth and affection that should have existed between them.

If you must be father and mother, you must also fight the temptation toward self-pity. Some parents appear to enjoy the martyrdom they can assume when they picture themselves as prisoners of their responsibilities.

For your own mental and physical health, get outside yourself. Visit relatives and friends with whom you can discuss subjects other than your children. Take up hobbies. Keep your mind active by reading good books.

Above all, get the food and rest you need. Avoid the common tendency to skip meals when there is no one at home to eat them. This course soon leads to excessive fatigue, nervous tension, and other ailments–and may make you more easily prone to despair over your condition of life.

Above all, do not lose your idealism and optimism. If problems arise with which you cannot cope, seek advice from your pastor, doctor or community services. Fortify your strength through prayer, spiritual meditation and frequent reception of the sacraments.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. If your partner is dead, you can legitimately demand his intercession for you in heaven. But in any event, you can recall God’s promise when you were married that His grace would help you fulfill your station in life regardless of crosses and hardships which might be placed upon you. If you seek His help in your work of bringing His children to an eternity with Him, burdens which otherwise might be unbearable will be lighter on your shoulders.

“A desire to be beautiful is not unwomanly. A woman who is not beautiful cannot properly fill her place. But, mark you, true beauty is not of the face, but of the soul. There is a beauty so deep and lasting that it will shine out of the homeliest face and make it comely. This is the beauty to be first sought and admired. It is a quality of the mind and heart and is manifested in word and deed.” – Beautiful Girlhood, Mabel Hale http://amzn.to/2pOKmtj (afflink) Illustration by http://www.genevievegodboutillustration.com/

 

These fascinating dreams involve prophecy and reading of hearts, with a powerful spiritual message. Includes: To Hell and Back, Two Boys Attacked by a Monster, The Snake and the Rosary, and many more. These dreams led to many conversions and will instruct, admonish and inspire today!

With more than one million copies sold, My Daily Bread is a true Christian classic. It’s simple, yet carefully crafted daily reflections have led thousands to a drastically improved interior life and a deeper love for Christ.

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Examination of Conscience – How To Raise Good Catholic Children

Teach Your Child to Pray: Examination of Conscience

How to Raise Good Catholic Children, by Mary Reed Newland

The first thing, after “Dear Blessed Jesus,” or whatever children like to call Him best, is their examination of conscience, because it’s easier to settle down to a really good talk with God after we get our sins out of the way.

This is why the Mass starts with the penitential rite. The important thing about a child’s examination of conscience is that he be assured that his parents will not scold him if he reveals some carefully concealed guilt of the day.

His sins are sins against God, not his parents, and he will not hesitate to drag out the most jealously guarded secrets if he’s certain his parents understand that he’s confessing to God, not to them, and that they will resist the temptation to lecture.

For instance, in the summertime we have a problem called “dirt in the hair.” Every night the children turn up at bedtime with their heads gritty with topsoil. The culprit is conspicuous, if at all, only by his silence — until he examines his conscience.

“I poured dirt on everybody’s head because I felt like it.” The immediate reaction of any normally weary mother facing a lineup of shampoos is at least mild rage, but in the face of such a confession freely made, the only permissible comment is, “Are you really sorry?” to lead the self-accused to a sincere act of contrition.

“I am sorry, and please help me not to do it again.”

Here they learn to guard against presumption. The inclination is to vow solemnly that they will never do it again (O happy day!), but sanctity does not come that easily. Unless they beg for the grace to reform, they are apt to do it again and again.

Some days are quite good, and they will charge into night prayers loudly with, “I was very good today, God!”

With presumption again in mind, it is better to say something like, “I tried to be good today, but if I did anything to offend You, I am sorry. Please help me never to offend You again.”

Not all children are shouters at prayers, but we have had some who were, and their attempts to make themselves heard way off in Heaven certainly robbed their prayers, while not of sincerity, at least of privacy.

Learning that God is near, is here, is everywhere, and can hear even the whispered prayers and secret thoughts, is a wonderful discovery for shouters and non-shouters alike and, incidentally, covers one whole lesson in the catechism: Where is God? If God is everywhere, why don’t we see Him? Does God see us? Does God know all things? Can God do all things? Is God just, holy, and merciful?

The answers to all these questions can be learned in the course of the many interruptions to night prayers. “How can He hear me if I don’t even see Him? When did He come in? Did He come in the door? Can He come through the wall? Could He see a mouse in the wall? A mosquito on the ceiling? If I just think my prayers, can He hear them?”

If the question about God’s being just, holy, and merciful seems a bit difficult, it fits in when we explain that confessing the sins of the day is something entirely between them and God, and is the reason — when correction and punishment are a mother’s and father’s concern elsewhere — they do not belong at night prayers. One sins against God, who can already see the sin, and see the sorrow for it, and will reward a sincere confession with forgiveness and the grace to do better next time.

 

“Religious have no need of particular friendships, but those living in the world need them as a mutual strength and aid in the many difficult passages that have to be crossed.
For those who live in the midst of the world and yet strive for true virtue, it is necessary to ally themselves to one another by a holy and sacred friendship through which they stimulate, assist and encourage each other toward good.Those who walk on level ground do not need to hold hands, but those who climb steep and slippery roads need to hold on to each other in order to progress more securely.” -St. Francis de Sales

Come and visit Meadows of Grace for some good book suggestions…..

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A masterpiece that combines the visions of four great Catholic mystics into one coherent story on the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Based primarily on the famous revelations of Ven. Anne Catherine Emmerich and Ven. Mary of Agreda, it also includes many episodes described in the writings of St. Bridget of Sweden and St. Elizabeth of Schenau. To read this book, therefore, is to share in the magnificent visions granted to four of the most priviledged souls in the history of the Church.

In complete harmony with the Gospel story, this book reads like a masterfully written novel. It includes such fascinating details as the birth and infancy of Mary, her espousal to St. Joseph and her Assumption into Heaven where she was crowned Queen of Heaven and Earth.

For young and old alike, The Life of Mary As Seen by the Mystics will forever impress the reader with an inspiring and truly unforgettable understanding of the otherwise unknown facts concerning Mary and the Holy Family. Imprimatur.

He was called the man of his age, the voice of his century. His influence towered above that of his contemporaries, and his sanctity moved God himself. Men flocked to him–some in wonder, others in curiosity, but all drawn by the magnetism of his spiritual gianthood. Bernard of Clairvaux–who or what fashioned him to be suitable for his role of counseling Popes, healing schisms, battling errors and filling the world with holy religious and profound spiritual doctrine? Undoubtedly, Bernard is the product of God’s grace. But it is hard to say whether this grace is more evident in Bernard himself or in the extraordinary family in which God choose to situate this dynamic personality. This book is the fascinating account of a family that took seriously the challenge to follow Christ… and to overtake Him. With warmth and realism, Venerable Tescelin, Blesseds Alice, Guy, Gerard, Humbeline, Andrew, Bartholomew, Nivard and St. Bernard step off these pages with the engaging naturalness that atttacks imitation. Here is a book that makes centuries disappear, as each member of this unique family becomes an inspiration in our own quest of overtaking Christ.

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