Young Women and Courtship (Part Two)

Norman Rockwell Painting

by Fr. Martin J. Scott, S.J., 1950’s

Before a girl permits courtship to begin, she should ascertain whether the man is a Catholic and a good Catholic. The single state in life is a thousand times preferable, in most cases, to a mixed marriage. When husband and wife are of the same faith, there is a bond uniting their very souls. In joy they will rejoice more abundantly, and in sorrow they will have an unfailing support.

To sum up, therefore, let me say again that choosing a husband is, humanly speaking, the most consequential thing in a girl’s life. In regard to it, there should be exercised more deliberation than on anything else.

In courtship, maidenly reserve should never be compromised. Modesty should be sacred. It is the guardian of purity. It is a maiden’s most beautiful adornment. Even the men who will do their utmost to rob a maiden of that adornment will despise her when they have succeeded.

A Catholic girl should not be guided by the loose moral code of those who have no religion. Courtship has degenerated among certain classes into downright sin.

Some young folks think that courtship entitles them to free love. The law of God holds for young people during courtship just as strictly as it does for everyone else.

The young lady who joins maidenly reserve to her other actions inspires love far more than does a girl who makes concessions to her lover. And when I speak of concessions, I mean anything and everything which a girl would hesitate to do in the presence of her sister or mother.

Courtship is preparation for marriage. If she expects God’s blessing on married life, she must respect His law during courtship. I say it is only right and proper that a girl should be at her best during courtship-but let me remind her that it should be her genuine best.

Moreover, as marriage is so important an event, everything should be done to have it as God wishes it to be. Without every possible safeguard, marriage with a non-Catholic is a losing venture, and even with every precaution, it risks true welfare.

A girl should prepare for marriage by being true to her religion. Marriage deserves every effort to draw God’s special blessings on it by prayer and frequent Holy Communion.

If my advice and counsels have helped one young woman to recognize and accept the right man, a man of her own religion, who will find in her a God-given wife, I shall be recompensed for my efforts. My words may perhaps, in some respects, seem to restrict inclinations, but I can affirm from experience that they point the way to permanent peace and welfare.

In conclusion, I say: Seek first the kingdom of God and His justice. God’s way is always the best way, here and hereafter. The longest life comes to an end. May the marriage of the Catholic girl be the means of making that end the beginning of everlasting life and blessedness for herself and the man to whom she gave her heart in wedlock.

MATRIMONY

The Dispositions for receiving the Sacraments-duties and obligations of married people. Abridged from Perry’s Full Course of Instruction.

What is Matrimony? -Matrimony is a Sacrament which gives grace to those who contract Marriage with due dispositions to enable them to bear the difficulties of their state, to love and be faithful to one another, and to bring up their children in the fear of God.

DISPOSITIONS AND PREPARATION NECESSARY FOR RECEIVING THIS SACRAMENT WORTHILY

1. You should endeavor to procure the favor and direction of Heaven, by fervent prayer, by being attentive to all the duties of a good Catholic, and by avoiding sin.”A good wife is a good portion: she shall be given to a man for his good deeds (Eccl. xxvi, 3).” Nothing is of greater importance in entering into the married state than to obtain the divine blessing; and yet nothing is sometimes less attended to!
2. They who are about to get married should consult their parents and not allow themselves to be hurried away by passion. “My son, do nothing without counsel, and thou shalt not repent when thou hast done (Eccli. xxxii, 24)”
3. They should have a right intention such as God had in the institution of Marriage: namely, to be a mutual help to each other; to have children who may serve God; and to prevent incontinence. Their intention, then, should not be to gratify ambition, or avarice, or carnal desires.
4. They should be careful to choose a proper person. This is of very great importance; yet, to be of a high family, rich and beautiful, seem oftentimes to be made the chief considerations by many of those who marry. These may be very well as secondary, but should not be the chief determining motives.

The choice should fall on one of the true Faith and a good Christian: your own peace and happiness, your salvation and that of your children depend greatly upon it. Family, riches and beauty, are but poor helpers to happiness, if the temper be bad, the humor extravagant, or the passion violent.”Happy is the husband of a good wife, for the number of his years shall be doubled.’ (Eccli. xxvi, 1).”

What is the more immediate Preparation?

1. To be instructed in the nature of this Sacrament, and in the conditions necessary for receiving it; also in the duties and obligations of married life-and to resolve to comply with them.
2. To be in the state of grace: otherwise the marriage would be sacrilegious; and would tend to draw down the curse of God, instead of His blessing.
3. To receive the Sacrament of Penance, if in the state of sin.

DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS OP THE MARRIED STATE

The duties of married people are most serious and important, because their own and their children’s happiness, both here and hereafter, depend very much upon them. For the fulfilling of these duties special graces are necessary; and Faith teaches the graces this Sacrament gives them.

What, then, are the Duties and Obligations of the Married State?

1. The husband and wife must have a mutual love for each other. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the Church . . . So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself’ (Ephes. V, 25, 28).” Without this there will be no happiness. The only limitation in this mutual love is – husband and wife must love God more than they love each other.

 

2. They must give each other good example and pray for one another, and preserve inviolably the sanctity of marriage (cf. Heb. xiii, 4). Infidelity is a most grievous crime, being: 1st, the violation of a sacramental contract; 2nd, the breach of a vow made before God and the Church; 3rd, a great injustice to the innocent party. If it should be discovered (or suspected, which is often the case), it then sows the seeds of perpetual discord.

 

3. The husband should exercise his authority with prudence, meekness and charity.”The husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the Church’ (Ephes. v, 23). Therefore, as Christ is solicitous for the good of His Church, so the husband should be solicitous for his wife.”

 

4. The wife should behave towards her husband with due respect, obedience and submission.”Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord . . . As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands in all things (Ephes. v, 22, 34).”

If both parties would observe these duties, how happily they would live together!

5. There is another very important duty of married people, namely, to bring up their children religiously. They must instruct their children; instill into them religious habits; see to their prayers, confessions and Holy Communions; watch over them; keep them from bad companions and from the occasions of sin; set them good example; and pray for them. These duties towards children lay parents under a heavy responsibility, and yet how often they are neglected!

These are the duties and obligations of the married state. They are important and difficult, and cannot be fulfilled religiously, without particular graces. These graces the Sacrament of Matrimony gives to such as receive it with proper dispositions. How important, then, it is to make a good preparation for it, how great the advantages of receiving it with proper dispositions, and how careful husband and wife should be afterwards not to lose, by sin, those special graces which it gives to those who receive it worthily!

Nihil Obstat:

CAROLUS DOYLE, S.J., Censor Theol;. Deput.

Imprimi Potest:

@ EDUARDUS, Archiep. Dublinen

“All of us know so deeply, from our everyday experience, the sweetness and the strength, the beauty, tenderness, and power of our holy religion, and the cheer and guidance that it gives us on our way toward Heaven, that we should be dull clods indeed not to desire to share these amazing and neglected treasures with our fellowmen.” -The Everyday Apostle, Fr. Edward Garesche, 1950’s https://amzn.to/2E8BQ23 (afflink)

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Young Women and Courtship (Part One)

by Fr. Martin J. Scott, S.J., 1950’s

Marriage means a good deal to a man, but more to a woman. When a marriage turns out badly, the man has any number of diversions and business interests to occupy his time and thought.

The woman, whose duty is mainly in the domestic circle, has little opportunity of distraction, as our ethical code permits her almost no social life independent of her husband.

It is safe to say that for determining her natural happiness, and comfort, marriage is the most important step in a woman’s life. The most important person in her world is the man she marries: he is part of her life – and a very considerable part.

Suppose you could choose your own father or mother! How careful you would be to select the best possible. A husband is more in a girl’s life than father or mother have been. Yet some girls accept a man’s attentions without knowing anything more about him than he shows when on exhibition.

Every man courting a girl is on exhibition: He is at his best. If she accepts him at face value, basing her estimate on appearances only, she will believe that he is one of the finest men that ever lived. It is easy for a man to be nice to a girl when he is attracted by her. He can hardly help it.

Some men are angels in love and brutes in marriage. After the spell of love-making is over, the man returns to normal. It is his normal self that will eventually be in the home.

Commonsense therefore tells the girl to try to know what kind of normal man he is who courts her. For the sake of a little vanity or brief enjoyment, she should not give herself to a man whom she does not know thoroughly.

Why are there so many unsatisfactory marriages nowadays? The man does not know the girl and the girl does not know the man. They think they do. But it is harder to know a man or a woman than to know anything else. Yet young people often fancy that they know each other after a very short association.

They forget that there is more camouflage in courtship than in anything else, except war. Indeed, we may leave out war, and put marriage first. A man presents his best, and only his best, to the girl he courts. Of course, that is right – for him. But the girl should realize that he will not always be at his best, and that she must discount a good deal if she wants to know what he is normally.

How often have I heard married women say: “Oh, if I had only known him, I never would have married him!” Perhaps he says the same of her. At all events, it brings home the point I wish to make. A young woman should study the man who offers her attentions, more carefully than any other matter in life.

And yet, see how many fine girls rush to the first plausible man who holds out a hand to them! It happens, too, that a girl, after she has found that the man is undesirable, will sometimes continue to accept his attentions. She fears talk. What will people say? Her vanity or pride or weakness make her give her hand, if not her heart, in marriage. And then she wonders that her married life is a nightmare.

The beginning of courtship should be so slow and reserved that the girl may withdraw at any time without attracting comment. Before accepting constant attention from a man she should observe him seriously, and thus be in a position to prevent the full development of a courtship which cannot ripen into a happy marriage. A girl should not accept the marked admiration and favors of a man until she knows him well enough and favorably enough to accept his proposal.

In Catholic countries, where a marriage is always a careful procedure, unhappy unions are the exception. Here (America) nobody knows anybody any too well, and there is so much mingling of the sexes, and so little of home life and neighborly acquaintance, that the whole problem is different and difficult. A girl frequently permits a chance meeting to develop into courtship. What is the result? Too often a broken life.

A man should not be taken at his face value. Let him visit the girl in her home, and let her see him at his home, before she allows him to go out with her regularly. And when she finds him repeating his attentions, let her ask the opinion of her parents about him, and, better still, find out, if she can, the real opinion of his own parents about him.

I know that some girls consider themselves the sole and capable judges in such matters. Very well. They will not be the first to find out, too late, that two heads are better than one.

If the young fellow is suitable, a girl’s father and mother will be more glad to say so than she will be to hear it. That is certain. And if he is not suitable, it will be as hard for them to say it, as for her to hear it.

It can be taken for granted that a girl’s parents love her and want her to be happy. But they love her sensibly. A girl in love loves foolishly, too often. She closes her eyes to the future to indulge a pleasant prospect for the moment. There are few regrettable marriages where girls are guided by their parents.

The first direction I give, therefore, to a girl contemplating marriage is to go slowly and carefully. If a man really loves her, he will love her all the more for her reserve.

This leads me to the second point. It may sound contradictory, but it is nevertheless a fact that men, or at least many men, will take all the liberties a girl will allow, and yet the more she allows the less they will think of her. Is that not strange? A man never loves a girl so much as when she keeps him at a proper distance and makes him respect and reverence her.

Moreover, the willingness to take liberties with a girl, and true love for her rarely go together. The man may think he loves her, but it is his animal nature that asserts itself. A man who, out of regard for the woman who is to be his wife, does not master his passions and respect her modesty, will not respect her as his wife and the mother of his children. It is common to hear men say that they would never marry a girl who would allow familiarities.

A man can recognize a girl’s love for him without her relinquishing anything of maidenly propriety On his very first attempt at being unmindful of her womanly dignity, she should put her foot down hard. If she does not, he may take it as an indication that she wants him to go further. Then the barrier of decency and reserve is down, calamity follows, and eventually sin, which is worst of all.

A man loves a woman in proportion as she shows maidenly reserve. If he does not respect her modesty, she may know that he will not make her a true husband.

Now I come to the third point, which will make many scowl, I fear. And yet more depends on it, almost, than on other one thing. In courtship, of course, the girl will be at her best. But she should not pretend to be what she is not. Deception during courtship is accountable for more unhappy marriages than anyone could believe.

Some girls do not care for consequences. They are satisfied to make an impression, regardless of whether or not it is genuine. What is the result? A dreadful disillusionment comes at a time when it is too late to offset it. Love turns into indifference or disgust, and the married life becomes a prolonged misfortune. It is very well for a girl to be at her best, but let it be her true best – with a resolution to maintain it all her life. I have heard girls say that they would use any means to win a man. Such girls usually come to grief – and they deserve it.

Another point I wish to insist on is that a girl should regard not so much a man’s looks as his character. If his disposition does not fit in with hers, if there is not a sympathy of feeling between them, if their natures are not congenial, it is a sign that they are not intended for each other. Better no marriage than an uncongenial marriage. The trials of married life are many under the best circumstances, but under bad conditions they are innumerable and unbearable.

I now come to my last observation. Even with the blessing of religion on married life, we find a great deal to make us realize that our heaven is not here below. But without religion, we are deprived of the very best means given by God, for marriage welfare.

True, some mixed marriages turn out well. But even these would be doubly blessed if both persons were Catholics. Many mixed marriages are tragedies. Nothing is so near to the heart of a true Catholic girl as her religion.

Some men will respect the Faith and practice of a Catholic wife, but many more, notwithstanding their pre-marriage promises, will not. Every priest has a sad record of broken families due to a difference of religion between man and wife.

When a man is in love he is under a spell. It is easy for him to rise to wonderful heights of magnanimity. But that spell does not last. The points of difference about religion which seemed little or nothing previously may rise up and form a wall of ice between husband and wife. What is deepest in her life, she finds, has no meaning for him.

But that is not all. When the children see the father practice one religion or none at all, and the mother another, they conclude in many cases that religion does not matter much. The number of children of mixed marriages who have lost the Faith is legion.

A Catholic young woman should hesitate to assume the responsibility of such an outcome.

“A young woman who prevails on her fiancé to approach the Sacraments with her at regular intervals builds up a strong bulwark against improper advances and obtains the best guarantee for a happy future.True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance.” – Fr. Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship http://amzn.to/2tcBqSC (afflink)

The Catholic Young Lady’s Maglet (Magazine/Booklet)!! Enjoy articles about friendship, courting, purity, confession, the single life, vocations, etc. Solid, Catholic advice…. A truly lovely book for that young and not-so-young single lady in your life! Available here.

This booklet contains practical advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a spouse from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one’s moral obligations are in this area, providing an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Additionally, he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different from secular marriage and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith…

This is every young Catholic girl’s best guidance, next to her own parents. Father Lasance provides instructions and devotions for young ladies on acquiring Catholic virtues. In this book Fr. Lasance counsels young ladies on choosing one’s state in life, provides prayers, novenas, a discussion on sodalities, and a devotion for everyday in the month of May…

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Of Diligence

This book was written in 1893 for Catholic young women, especially those who must work to earn their living. Although the circumstances may be different for us, the lessons taught are timeless…

Artist: Adolf Eberle, German | 1843 – 1914

GUIDE for CATHOLIC YOUNG WOMEN: Especially for Those who Earn Their Own Living by Father George Deshon, 1893

The great Apostle, St. Paul, when he stood before King Agrippa, gave an account of his conversion and labors. He says that at midday a great light from heaven shone around him exceeding the brightness of the sun, which struck himself and his companions to the ground, and that a voice spoke to him, telling him that he was chosen to open the eyes of the people who were in darkness, and to bring them to enjoy the lot of the saints in heaven.

Now he adds: “I was obedient to the heavenly vision, preaching everywhere to the Jews and the gentiles** (Acts xxvi. 19, 20).

We all know how he labored with his heart and soul, suffering pains, afflictions, fatigues, persecutions, almost passing belief, until he closed his eyes in death.

What was the reason he gave himself so little rest? It was because he was directed by the Lord to work, and because it was the Lord’s work he was doing.

Now, you have the same reason for diligence and painstaking in your work that St. Paul had in his. He was told to work by a voice from heaven. “He was not unmindful of the heavenly vision.”

You too have been told by a voice from heaven—the voice of the Holy Ghost—“Whatsoever ye do, do it from the heart, as to the Lord, and not to men. Knowing that ye shall receive from the Lord the reward of inheritance. Serve ye the Lord Christ*’ (Col. iii. 24).

This is the thought of all thoughts to be kept ever before the mind; which will give you strength and courage to do all that we should do, and to do it in the very best way.

Take, for example, a girl who has work to do from morning till night. Early in the morning of a washing-day she wakes up. There is a heap of clothes to wash; there is breakfast to get, and, it may be, the chief part of the work of a family to do. It will require all her time and strength to do it.

When she wakes up it seems a dismal prospect to her. “0h, dear! How I shall have to slave today!”

But now the thought comes, “For Jesus Christ, oh! do it cheerfully for His sake.” In an instant she is out of bed. “Oh, yes!” she says, “I could not be better employed.”

She draws water, makes the fire, and fills her kettles; there is not a bit of sulkiness or grumbling about it. One thing goes off after another. It is astonishing how this thought makes her do everything so easily and so well. Her appetite is good; and at night she goes to bed full of good health, and with the best conscience in the world.

Ah! this is the girl who has got the grand secret. Yes, my dear girls, if you want to be good and happy, be diligent. Make it a point of conscience not to neglect your work, nor to do it in a lazy or careless way.

It is a matter of conscience, for when you receive wages you are bound to give your labor in return. Look into the factory where hundreds of people are as busy as bees, and even there you will find many idlers. They say to themselves, “I don’t mean to kill myself working; I shall only get a day’s, wages anyhow”; so they dawdle over their work as much as they dare.

Others, who are paid by the actual work they do, slight it all they can, so as to get along faster and make a little more money at the end of the week, is not true diligence, but dishonest haste.

You are to discharge the office taken upon yourself in a perfect manner, or as it is expected that it should be done. And as the Lord will reward you for a faithful and diligent performance of it, so He will call you to account and judge you if you neglect it.

This is why the Scripture says we must not be “eye-servants.” What is an eye-servant? It is one, if I understand it, who does her duty when the employer’s eye is upon her, but who neglects it when her back is turned. One who is very plausible to one’s face; who says, “Oh, yes!” but who cannot be depended upon.

Such girls do not care; they love their own ease and comfort more than they love their plain duty, more than they love to please God.

Go into the kitchen where such a girl works. What do you see? Well, you may seldom see it in order. The floor is dirty; unwashed dishes and dirty clothes are lying around, when everything ought to be put away.

Breakfast, dinner, and supper are always behind-time. Then, you find the potatoes half boiled, or the meat burnt so that you cannot eat it. The table is half set.

The work is always done in a most slovenly manner, or not done at all. Such a girl is the occasion of a great deal of sin. She provokes ill-temper and defrauds her employers of what they had a right to expect from her.

The Scripture describes it well; “As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to him that sent him.” (Prov. x. 25).

The mistress goes into the kitchen; there are her girls sitting down with their hands in their laps, talking with one another, or with an acquaintance that has come in.

There they have been a full half-hour, and everything behind-hand. It is enough to ruffle the temper of a saint.

Another girl is always running out to see the girl in the next house, leaving the dinner to take care of itself. Another has chamber-work to do and it is the same; until late in the morning all is in confusion.

If the children are to be cared for, the poor little things are not half dressed, they get bruised and thumped because they are not watched and attended to as they ought to be.

If several girls are living together, there is an everlasting strife as to whose business it is to do this or to do that, and half the work is not done, and every now and then the only thing to do is to clear out the whole set and get another.

Perhaps some poor innocent girl then has to suffer from the negligence of her companions.

Advantages of Diligence

Don’t be afraid of labor or trouble. The industrious girl will not have near as much work to do as the lazy and shiftless one.

Why? Because she manages so that her work is done with much less trouble. She goes right at it without allowing it ever to get the upper hand of her.

If a good deal is to be done in the morning, she gets things ready over-night. A great many things can be done better then than in the morning.

One girl will get up in the morning: there is the fire all out; no kindling-wood ready; the sticks all wet; the kettle to be filled with water; the coffee to be ground; the meat to be chopped; everything to be done. She says, “Dear me! There is no living in such a place as this. I don’t know where my head is, I’ve so much to do.”

Another girl, of more orderly habits, has had plenty of time over-night to make all these preparations. She has only to light a match, and in a minute has a good blazing fire; her breakfast is all ready to put on to cook; and without a bit of fuss or disturbance of mind it is ready at the moment.

So, from one year’s end to another, where such a girl is, there is peace and satisfaction all around, while with the other there is nothing but trouble and sorrow.

This girl has never too much to do, and does all well. The other is half the time overloaded with work, and does it half, while the rest of her time she is lazy and idle, and commuting sin right and left; for the old saying is true: “The devil finds work enough for idle hands to do.”

A person who performs her task, whatever it may be, with diligence and intelligence grows more and more perfect in it all the time. Look into the stores and factories and dress-making establishments, and these are the girls who are promoted in time to be the heads of departments, with others under their charge.

Who ever heard of an idler gaining promotion in the honest ranks of labor? Where is your true perfection and goodness? It is in your work.

You may think it is in your prayers, or in your hearing Mass, or in Confession, or in Communion. All these things are good, all these things are necessary, but your perfection is in your work.

Do your work well, and do it with the right intention, because it is your duty, and because it is God’s will you should do it, and you will be on the shortest road to perfection. All your prayers, all your confessions, all your communions, will avail little, if your conscience is not in your work.

In a nice little story I have read lately there is a character called Fanny. Now, Fanny was very pious, a monthly communicant. She said her Rosary every day, and must always be at church, particularly when anything extraordinary was going on.

One evening a celebrated man was to preach, and Fanny had set her heart on going. But, as it happened, at that very time company came in, and Fanny’s services were necessary; she could not go. Now there was a time of it. All her mildness, all her piety was gone. “She wouldn’t stand it, it was too bad!” and so on.

The fact is, Fanny’s piety was not very deep. She was, after all, more bent on pleasing herself than on pleasing God. She had an opportunity, by putting up with her disappointment and doing her work cheerfully, to gain more than by hearing a dozen sermons.

St. Zita, in her old age, used frequently to say that ”no servant is truly devout who is not laborious; and that a lazy piety, in persons of their condition, is a false piety.”

She practiced it herself up to the letter. Not a single moment of her time was unoccupied. She was always ready, when her own work was done, to help others; and as long as she was not done about the house, she never considered her task over.

That was the way. Every bit of her work was a prayer to God. It gave her no uneasiness that she could not retire to pray on her knees, or in the church, as long as work was to be done; her readiness, her cheerfulness, her fidelity in work, were all so many sacrifices of sweet odor to God, so many prayers proceeding from such an humble, child-like faith.

It was in this way that she brought down on herself those streams of grace that made her finally a saint, to be held in love and veneration throughout the church for all ages.

We have another beautiful example of diligence and attention in service in the life of a noble lady, Anne of Montmorency, written by Lady Georgiana Fullerton. The family of this lady were making preparations for her marriage, but she felt called by God to a different state of life—a state in which she could imitate the example of the Lord Jesus Christ more perfectly.

When she found all her entreaties of no avail, she left her father’s house at the tender age of fifteen. No one knew what had become of her. She took the name of Jane Margaret, and hired herself out to a lady in a country village.

The lady was so difficult in her temper that no other girl could remain with her. All the work fell on Anne to do; she was chambermaid, cook, and portress at the same time. Just think of that. A delicate young lady, always waited upon, never obliged to do anything in the way of hard work, of a high education and immense wealth, doing all this work! And she did it well, too.

For ten years she served in the utmost patience and fidelity. She overcame evil with good, so that when her mistress was dying, she called her to her bedside and begged her pardon for all she had made her suffer, and insisted on leaving her the sum of four thousand francs, in addition to her wages.

Anne accepted it after some hesitation, and gave it all to the poor. Think over this example, and get from it all the good it teaches so eloquently. If you, born of poor parents and used to hard work, complain and neglect your duties, and pass your time in idleness, let the thought of this delicate and refined lady, working so patiently in the kitchen so many years, shame you into better sentiments.

Let it encourage you to overcome your natural weakness and the snares of the devil, until you acquire habits of industry and of faithful attention to your duties.

Make this attempt in order to please God, and ask His help. He will not fail to give you abundant grace to accomplish it.

“It is wrong to deny one’s self all diversion. The mind becomes fatigued and depressed by remaining always concentrated in itself and thus more easily falls a prey to sadness. Saint Thomas says explicitly that one may incur sin by refusing all innocent amusement. Every excess, no matter what its nature, is contrary to order and consequently to virtue.” – Light and Peace, Quadrupani, 1793 http://amzn.to/2qIMO9B (afflink)

Excellent sermon: Spiritual Fly Swatters…

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Author Mary Reed Newland here draws on her own experiences as the mother of seven to show how the classic Christian principles of sanctity can be translated into terms easily applied to children even to the very young.

Because it’s rooted in experience, not in theory, nothing that Mrs. Newland suggests is impossible or extraordinary. In fact, as you reflect on your experiences with your own children, you’ll quickly agree that hers is an excellent commonsense approach to raising good Catholic children.

Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, the renowned author of The Hidden Power of Kindness, gives faithful Catholics all the essential ingredients of a stable and loving Catholic marriage and family — ingredients that are in danger of being lost in our turbulent age.

Using Scripture and Church teachings in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, Fr. Lovasik helps you understand the proper role of the Catholic father and mother and the blessings of family. He shows you how you can secure happiness in marriage, develop the virtues necessary for a successful marriage, raise children in a truly Catholic way, and much more.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

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I am on MeWe if you would like to follow me there. This platform is a lot like Facebook but respects the privacy and the free speech of the user. Here is the link to my FF MeWe Page. Each day I add tidbits to inspire you on your journey.

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Also on GAB here.

 

 

Purity in Company-Keeping

From Clean Love in Courtship by Father Lovasik

Marriage is Sacred

Marriage is a serious life-long career, ordained by God for the highest possible natural functions. God considers this contract of marriage to be so important that He made it a sacrament. Through this sacrament grace is conferred upon the contracting parties for the proper exercise of their duties towards each other and towards their children, and for the furtherance of their happiness in the family.

The primary purpose of marriage is the bringing of children into the world. Its secondary purposes are mutual help of husband and wife in the care of the family and the allaying of concupiscence or the desires of nature.

Marriage makes it possible for one to cooperate with God in the creation of life. It is the privilege of a father and a mother to be instruments that God uses to bring into the world children made in His own image and likeness, children with immortal souls, children whose destiny it is to be God’s children in this world and in the next.

Though marriage has its difficulties and responsibilities, it also has its tremendous God-given rewards: love and all that love means to human life; the beauty and joy of marital relationship; children, who bless and cement the union of the parents’ hearts.

Since marriage is beautifully sacred, so should be the courtship that precedes it. Your courtship must be pure if it is to be happy; and pure and happy, it will provide the test of character that is necessary for a blessed and a happy marriage.

Only too frequently an improper courtship results in an unhappy marriage. You will trace your broken heart and wretched life to your failure to realize the difference between love and lust in courtship.

The Danger in Personal Sex Attraction

Sex attraction in God’s plan begins normally with adolescence. During the formative years immediately afterward it serves the purpose of uniting boys and girls together in wholesome social activities. It enables them to get a proper appreciation of one another, showing their mutual dependence on, and mutual power over each other.

This is general sex attraction. Once sufficient maturity is reached, personal sex attraction follows. It differs from ordinary friendship and has a God-given purpose, namely, to attract and lock the hearts of two persons together so that each craves a complete oneness with the other.

This desire to blend and share their entire lives is a perfect inducement to marriage. But this type of sex attraction can easily prove a serious danger to your chastity because of the natural urge you have of expressing your love by kissing and embracing.

In the beginning there might appear to be no danger at all because you would not think of any immodest show of affection. Nevertheless, you are emotionally thrilled just to be with this particular person who attracts you in a very special way.

This emotional state is heightened by caresses, and physical passion is very easily aroused. Physical passion cannot be the aim of unmarried people in expressing their love. Never forget the weakness of human nature!

Ever since Adam fell, the appetites of the senses are no longer under the perfect command of reason. In order to subject these appetites, you must exert relentless effort and call upon the grace of God.

Young women should remember that they are generally not so strongly tempted through concupiscence as are men. The young man reacts quickly to stimulation, and such reactions bring with them an urge to just a little more intimacy, which very quickly means an urge to immodesty. If these urges are not controlled, the result is sin.

A young woman, however, will very likely react less quickly in a physical way, though there is always a danger that emotion will cross the line into physical passion even in her case.

But an even graver danger for her is that when her love is strongly stirred by marks of affection, she will yield to her friend’s urges rather than offend him or lose him. When the fires of passion are once enkindled, a natural craving for self-surrender often overpowers her.

This is the danger to chastity that is inherent in personal sex attraction. Therefore, the impulses of personal and physical attraction, namely, the attraction of body to body, should be held in check.

After marriage physical attraction has its place and is the full blossoming of the human sexual instinct. Sex is only then an aid to human perfection and a means of sanctifying and saving your soul if it conforms with the holy law of God.

St. Francis de Sales on the company we keep: “Be very careful, therefore, dear reader, not to have any evil love, because you will in turn quickly become evil yourself.
Friendship is the most dangerous of all love. Why? Because other loves can exist without communication, exchange, closeness. But friendship is completely founded upon communication and exchange and cannot exist in practice without sharing in the qualities and defects of the friend loved.”

Finer Femininity is taking a break from Facebook.

I am on MeWe if you would like to follow me there. This platform is a lot like Facebook but respects the privacy and the free speech of the user. Here is the link to my FF MeWe Page. Each day I add tidbits to inspire you on your journey.

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What is the dangers of dating? What is the purpose of marriage? What does the Church teach is OK to & not OK to do with members of the opposite gender?

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Envy and Jealousy – Monseigneur Landriot

Definitely a sin we need to be aware of and nip in the bud….

From The Sins of the Tongue by Monseigneur Landriot

ENVY AND JEALOUSY

“But if you have bitter zeal, and, there be contentions in your hearts, glory not, and be not liars against the truth. For this is not wisdom, descending from above, but earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and contention is, there is inconstancy and every evil work.” — St. James iii. 14-16.

The cause of envy and jealousy is found in the root of all bad passions of the heart; it is there they have their starting-point, and there they develop themselves until they poison our lives, words, and actions. And what fearful ravages they occasion in individuals, in families, and in social life!

The soul is devoured by an internal cancer, which causes acute suffering, and vitiates all the lawful enjoyment which the goods of nature and grace can bestow on it. It becomes suspicious, distrustful, and unjust; it sees evil in everything, until even the body also is attacked by the disease; the countenance grows pale and livid, and the whole constitution is often materially injured.

The character changes, and the best dispositions grow melancholy, morose, and unapproachable. Domestic peace is disturbed, and affection, which ought to be the life of the heart and the greatest blessing that those who are united by the ties of blood can enjoy, becomes only an occasion of jealousy, misunderstanding, and rancor.

Empires even have been shaken, or, at least, greatly disturbed by the violent shocks these passions imprint on everything with which they come in contact. That is the abridgment of our last discourse.

Today I will speak on these three points:

(I) the grievousness of this sin;

(2) the means of correcting it; and

(3) what we must do when exposed to envy and jealousy.

The sin of envy, when consented to in a serious matter, is one of the greatest faults that can be committed. And here, my children, I must be allowed to deplore the illusions which are so common even amongst religious persons.

You will scruple at not being a member of some confraternity, at not having said your beads, at not having gone to Communion on a certain day, and yet you never scruple having been gravely wanting in charity through envy, jealousy, and wounded pride.

The Holy Ghost says, “With a jealous woman is a scourge of the tongue which communicateth with all.”

Yes, truly; for just look at that saint-like person who, as St. Francis of Sales would say, seems like an Angel in church; consider her when she returns to her own house, and see how she contrives to dart forth venom on everyone who excites her jealousy.

Woe to anyone who is an object of mistrust to her, who is even an involuntary obstacle to her love of power! How she strikes and wounds them with the scourge of her tongue ! How she secretly lets fly little poisoned darts, which seem to leave no trace in their flight, but which would seriously endanger the moral life of a neighbor, if that life were not independent of those petty intrigues.

Then, like the woman mentioned in Scripture, she wipes her lips and says, “I have done no evil.”

This is a more usual case than you think, and has given rise to the saying of there being so much gall in the minds of religious people. It is a lamentable fact, against which I am forced to protest in the name of the Church, in order that Christian teaching may remain intact amidst the aberrations of man’s intellect, and that the world find in them no reasonable grounds for attacking religion.

“Many people,” says St. Cyprian, “regard the vice of envy as a trifling fault; but that is a grave mistake, for it is a diabolical sin.” St. Augustine gives to the sin of envy an epithet which it is not easy to translate into French, but it signifies cruel, horrible, hideous, enormous; he calls it ” a monstrous vice.”

And he teaches elsewhere, that nothing can be more contrary to charity ; that it is a Satanic vice, because the spirit of evil is composed of these two first principles of envy and pride; and that as the elect form the body of Christ, so the envious form the body of which the devil is the head; and that it is the vice which God most condemns.

The holy Doctor concludes thus — “May the Lord preserve the hearts of men, and still more the hearts of Christian men, from this plague, this scourge, this diabolical vice.”

St. Bonaventure exclaims, with many other holy Doctors whose words he cites — “Envy, thou inextinguishable fire, thou Satanic imposture, which art ever pursuing good, seeking to destroy it with thy pestilential flames, thy guilt is of a deeper dye than fornication or adultery.”

“Other failings, though grave, may be easily cured,” says Cassian; “but envy is like the basilisk spoken of by the Prophet, whose venom destroys the life of faith and the spirit of Christianity.”

“Now the works of the flesh are manifest,” says the Apostle; and amongst these sinful works he enumerates envy, jealousies, and the vices they beget. “Of the which,” he continues, “I have foretold to you that they who do such things shall not possess the Kingdom of Heaven — contentions, emulations, dissensions, and envy.”

Why such stern words and denunciations, my children? A little reflection will soon make you comprehend the reason. Charity being the first of Christian virtues, it necessarily follows that the worst vices are those which are most repugnant to it.

Now envy, and in a certain degree, jealousy, are the passions most directly opposed to charity; opposed to it in their own nature and in their consequences.

Envy is annoyed at the good of others; it is this good envy is in pursuit of; and it would willingly see others deprived of it, even though it should not get the good coveted for itself.

It may be said that it is God Whom it attacks in its brethren, for it is the Divinity which shines forth in them, since all our qualities, both natural and supernatural, come from God.

It is, in one sense, the sin most contrary to charity; it is the sin of Satan. Envy has yet another characteristic, which constitutes it in a special manner a diabolical sin — it rejoices at the misfortunes of others, and rejoices at them even when itself derives no advantage from them.

Evil brings happiness to the envious mind; yea, even the evil of a brother; and is not that the special character of the demon’s malice? Someone comes to tell the heart of envy that complete failure has been the only result of the enterprises and labors of such or such a one; so much the better, is the answer that rises to the lips! If it does not speak the words aloud, you may still be sure they are uttered fervently in the heart.

The envious woman hears that the reputation of one she dislikes is attacked in society, and if not seriously wounded, is at least blemished. This news to her is like a fresh, balmy breeze passing over the soul, which seems to bring it new life.

But all this delight which springs from the misfortunes of others, and this sadness whose origin is the prosperity of our brethren, are they not the two sentiments which bring us nearest in resemblance to the nature of the demons?

Envy has the melancholy talent of so altering the appearance of everything, that what is good is made to seem bad. In this manner the Pharisees asserted that our Savior wrought miracles through the power of the devil.

“Envy,” says Peter of Blois, “can embitter honey; wearied of the virtue of others, she maliciously tries to corrupt what is good in them, because she can find no trace of it in herself.”

What profound insight into human nature! Moralists call envy a serpent, because envy can turn even honey to poison, and the special quality of serpents is to shed into healthy veins the venom they possess themselves. This, too, is a quality of envy.

Your neighbor performs some actions inspired by the purest and most generous motives, and his conscience bears him witness in the sight of God that he has acted under the influence of the most sincere disinterestedness.

But he had not counted on a little serpent which was secretly playing the spy, hidden in the shade; the wicked reptile shoots his dart, and deposits his malignant venom. With him devotion means self-interest; charity, selfishness; disinterestedness, cupidity; in one word, honey is turned into poison. And what is still worse, he maliciously tries to corrupt what is good, because he finds no vestige of it in himself.

All this is quite natural: how can you expect that the proud man will believe in love of retirement; or how can you expect that he who knows of nothing beyond the ties of flesh and blood, can understand holy and sublime affection?

How can the egotist comprehend the self-devotion inspired by pure charity? Plato says that there must be something luminous in the eye in order to see light; there must be an innate sense of poetry in order to appreciate fine verses; and in the same way, there must be goodness in the heart in order to have faith in it.

These are the effects of envy; can there be anything more Satanical? “Envy has still other tactics,” says St. Basil;” for every virtue, having a vice bordering on its limits, into which it may fall through excess, the envious man makes a malicious use of this principle, abusing it to serve his own ends.

A firm and courageous person he calls rash and audacious, and the man of reserved character he reproaches with insensibility. He who conforms to the rules of justice is styled cruel, and the prudent man, a rogue.

Envy fastens in a special manner on all merit; the most virtuous men, and the holiest things all serve as a special aggravation to it. “Spanish flies,” says Plutarch, “prefer to attack the finest ears of wheat, and the best blown roses; and, in like manner, envy attacks good men, and those most distinguished by fame and virtue.”

“We may say that every species of merit is an offense to envy, as every kind of light hurts weak eyes.”

Look over the lives of great men and of saints, and you will find, my children, that not one amongst them escaped the shafts of envy; and amidst the causes of all the persecutions, more or less great, which they underwent, one of the chief was still envy.

“A shadow always accompanies the man walking in the sunshine,” says a philosopher; “so he who distinguishes himself above his fellow-men must expect to have envy as his companion on his journey.”

Do you begin to perceive, my children, all the heinousness of this vice? And, to complete the picture, listen to the fearful consequences of this deplorable passion.

“Envy,” says Bossuet, “conceals itself under every possible pretext, and takes pleasure in secret and treacherous schemes. Hinted slanders, calumnies, betrayal, every kind of fraud and deceit, are its work and portion.”

I do not, of course, mean to assert that the consequences of envy, carried to so great an excess, are very common. But in little spheres, as in great ones, they are less rare than you think, and envy is one of the chief causes of misunderstandings, hatred, calumnies, and perverse attacks on private life.

And besides this, is it necessary that a thing, in order to be gravely reprehensible, should reach its utmost limits? There may be much guilt, yet not the depths of iniquity of the prince of darkness.

Before envy and jealousy become grave faults, it is, moreover, necessary that we should give consent to them; and I particularly wish to add this explanation, in order to calm unfounded scruples.

Some characters are disposed to envy, others are inclined to jealousy. An idea takes possession of the mind, like an access of fever; the blood boils in the veins, but you blush at the feeling, and feel humiliated by it; you resist the temptation, and therefore there is no sin, even although the attack should be prolonged.

I will return to this subject, and speak of the means of correcting one’s self of that fatal passion.

“Let us ask God every day and in every prayer we ever say to make us love Him. Let us offer every good act we do that He may give us this, the greatest of all graces, His blessed love. In our morning prayers and evening prayers, in our Rosary, at Mass, in our Communions, let it be our first, our most earnest petition, that we may love God. Let us never say any prayer in which this is not our outstanding wish and intention.” – Rev. Fr. Paul O’Sullivan. An Easy Way To Become A Saint, 1943

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Author Mary Reed Newland here draws on her own experiences as the mother of seven to show how the classic Christian principles of sanctity can be translated into terms easily applied to children even to the very young.

Because it’s rooted in experience, not in theory, nothing that Mrs. Newland suggests is impossible or extraordinary. In fact, as you reflect on your experiences with your own children, you’ll quickly agree that hers is an excellent commonsense approach to raising good Catholic children.

Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, the renowned author of The Hidden Power of Kindness, gives faithful Catholics all the essential ingredients of a stable and loving Catholic marriage and family — ingredients that are in danger of being lost in our turbulent age.

Using Scripture and Church teachings in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, Fr. Lovasik helps you understand the proper role of the Catholic father and mother and the blessings of family. He shows you how you can secure happiness in marriage, develop the virtues necessary for a successful marriage, raise children in a truly Catholic way, and much more.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for your support.

So Very Thankful by Theresa Byrne

So very thankful,
Incredibly grateful,
Unbelievably blessed!

Without the cloves, cinnamon and ginger, the pie is mundane and tasteless. So it goes with life….a little Joy, Thanksgiving and Gratefulness adds flavor!

The past year or so it has become very apparent to me how important it is to be grateful. As the thought-provoking question goes, “If you were able to keep everything you were grateful for today, what would you have?”

When I seriously look at my life I see how I have been so blessed, but it’s so easy to get caught up in the “what I don’t have” or the comparing game.

Thrift shopping, I overheard a conversation between a grandmother and a small grandchild, that she had on an outing. The child loudly, obnoxiously hollered in the middle of the store, “I want to go to Chick-fil-A, not stupid McDonald’s!”

Ugh, is this what we have become? I remember the first time I went to McDonald’s it was on my honeymoon. Growing up, going out to eat was a very rare, joyous occasion!

For me, having children is the best way to see where my attitude is at. They reflect me. As a stay-at-home, homeschooling Mom, there is no one that they rub shoulders with more than me. The more I have become aware of their attitudes, the more I know me.

When my seven-year-old daughter started yelling more at her siblings, I stopped and saw me. When my nine year old son kept getting frustrated in school and repeating, “I’m not comprehending,” I saw me. And so on and on we go.

The positive I have learned through this, is that I can change my attitude, and just like the bad, the good also rubs off. In the past year I have tried to be more consciously grateful. …For the beautiful day, for a warm home, good food, the people I love. While this has been a huge positive, I realize that in order for my kids to pick it up I must verbalize gratefulness.

So I try. During the day I will say things like, “Thank you for this beautiful day, Jesus,” or “We are so blessed to have this good food!” The more I have verbalized gratefulness, the easier it has become. Just like the yelling rubs off, so does the gratitude.

It warms my heart when my very hungry four-year-old gushes, “Thank you, Jesus, for this beautiful food!”

As we have begun to practice gratitude more and more, we have found more to be grateful for. The negatives can turn into a positive. For instance, “Daddy has to work late again tonight, but we are very grateful he has lots of work and we might be able to do something as a family, with the extra money.”

In general, I feel that gratitude has made us more happy and joyous. Sometimes I can feel the joy bubble over, and I believe that has become the side effect of gratitude….

“When gratitude becomes your default setting, Life Changes.” -Nancy Demos

It has also made me more aware of the lack of gratitude. When we were young, mom would go shopping and usually bring us home a little treat from the Health Food Store. We would always work very hard to have the house sparkling clean, and we were always very grateful for our stick of licorice or stevia soda.

So one day, when I got home from a shopping trip, and my son demanded, “What did you get for me?” I thought, “Uh-oh, what am I creating?”

Next time I went to town, I skipped the treat….and that seemed to make the impression… that it is not something to be demanded or expected, but to be grateful for.

I feel like gratitude has helped us make a big deal out of little things for us. We are grateful to make homemade fries, to go on a walk, to have a bonfire. It is beautiful, simple and I feel blessed!

This Thanksgiving, our family is trying to remember the spices of Joy, Thanksgiving and Gratefulness! It just makes the pie so much better!

“A true wife makes a man’s life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love ‘turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward.’ While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence she brings out in him whatever is noblest and richest in his being. She inspires him with her courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path.” J.R.Miller

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In With God in Russia, Ciszek reflects on his daily life as a prisoner, the labor he endured while working in the mines and on construction gangs, his unwavering faith in God, and his firm devotion to his vows and vocation. Enduring brutal conditions, Ciszek risked his life to offer spiritual guidance to fellow prisoners who could easily have exposed him for their own gains. He chronicles these experiences with grace, humility, and candor, from his secret work leading mass and hearing confessions within the prison grounds, to his participation in a major gulag uprising, to his own “resurrection”—his eventual release in a prisoner exchange in October 1963 which astonished all who had feared he was dead.

Powerful and inspirational, With God in Russia captures the heroic patience, endurance, and religious conviction of a man whose life embodied the Christian ideals that sustained him…..

Captured by a Russian army during World War II and convicted of being a “Vatican spy,” Jesuit Father Walter J. Ciszek spent 23 agonizing years in Soviet prisons and the labor camps of Siberia. Only through an utter reliance on God’s will did he manage to endure the extreme hardship. He tells of the courage he found in prayer–a courage that eased the loneliness, the pain, the frustration, the anguish, the fears, the despair. For, as Ciszek relates, the solace of spiritual contemplation gave him an inner serenity upon which he was able to draw amidst the “arrogance of evil” that surrounded him. Ciszek learns to accept the inhuman work in the infamous Siberian salt mines as a labor pleasing to God. And through that experience, he was able to turn the adverse forces of circumstance into a source of positive value and a means of drawing closer to the compassionate and never-forsaking Divine Spirit.

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Necessity of a Deep and Settled Principle to Cling Closely to God

This excerpt was originally written for young women having to make their way in the world. It is beautiful, and reminds all of us to keep our eyes and our hearts set on the goal. This will help us to make good decisions and to embrace our crosses along the way…

From GUIDE for CATHOLIC YOUNG WOMEN by Rev. George Deshon, 1863

All the advantage, all the good of a life of labor depends on your being faithful.

Two girls may be in equally good situations, yet one will be contented and happy and growing better every day, while the other will be always complaining and fretting, making herself and everybody else unhappy and getting more and more wicked.

Let us look into it and see the reason of all this difference.

These two girls are acting on very different principles. One looks first at this world in everything. Her mind is taken up with the idea of enjoying all the pleasure she can now. She is all the time studying the ease and comfort of the present moment.

As soon as any desire rises up in her heart she allows herself to be completely carried away by it, and God and religion have to stand in the background.

The other is in the habit of looking away from this world, and looking first at God. The question with her is: Is it right? Is it good for my soul? And not, how do I like it?

She takes a calm and holy pleasure in denying herself what is wrong or not good for her, because she knows that her soul is united more closely to God, her only real good, by so doing.

This is the reason of all the difference in their lives—why one is so happy and good, the other so unhappy and sinful; and this shows the necessity of having a right principle of conduct, a principle good enough, and broad enough, and strong enough to regulate all the actions of our life.

We cannot do better than lay down some such principle. St. Paul had such a ruling principle. He says: “I do not live any longer, but it is Christ that lives in me.” (Gal. ii. 20). He had Christ so firmly seated in his mind, he had it so much at heart to please Him, that he was able to say that he lived no longer for himself, but for Christ.

Here was his fixed principle: He would no longer live for himself, but for Jesus Christ. No doubt he used to say to himself on all occasions: “Remember, Paul, you are no longer to live for yourself, but for Christ ‘‘; and it was by acting on this principle that he arrived at such a high state of perfection.

In the same way, if you want to live a good life, you must take care to have some such principle, which shall have the upper hand in your soul and control your whole conduct.

It is no matter how it is expressed—whether one says, “It is better to lose the whole world than suffer the loss of the soul”; or “My only real happiness consists in serving God”; or “My meat and drink shall be to do the will of God”; or “I will look at God and His will first in all I do” or “All my desire is to please God and save my soul”… all these things mean really the same thing.

They mean only what our Savior meant when He said, “What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his soul,” or “What shall a man give in exchange for his soul.” (St. Mark viii. 36).

We need some such thought to sink deep in our minds, so deep that it may never be forgotten or lost sight of. Oh! My good girl, do not rest satisfied until you can repeat some such sentiment with your whole soul.
When St. Ignatius wanted to get St. Francis Xavier to devote himself to God he did it in this way. He saw St. Francis, at that time a worldly young man, who thought little of his soul, quite frequently, and managed at every interview to repeat the words: “What shall it profit a man to gain the whole world if he lose his own soul.”

By and by they began to have their effect, and St. Francis said to himself: “Indeed, what will it profit me to gain all worldly distinction if I am lost?” He saw things in their true light, devoted himself to God heart and soul, and became a great saint.

So, my dear good girl, you must strive to possess and fill your soul with the grand principle of living for God, of wishing and striving to please and love God more and more. You must, as it were, keep your eyes fixed on this mark, that the sight of it may always afford you strength and courage.

Suppose a beautiful house, on a hill-top, surrounded by pleasant groves and gardens of flowers, could be placed in your sight, with the promise that it should be yours after a term of faithful service.

If you found that service getting tiresome, you would go to your window, look at that beautiful house, your courage would rise, and your labor would again become lightsome and easy.

So have in your mind’s eye the love of the Savior, that great treasure which will make you rich for all eternity, have it always ready to look at, and I will warrant that all the troubles of life, and all the mischances that may happen to you, cannot hinder your soul from rejoicing at the glorious prospects before you.

Would that we could always bear this in mind! But the trouble is, and I may say the only trouble is, that it is so often forgotten ; either lost sight of altogether over time, or seen only so dimly and indistinctly that it appears like a dream and has little or no effect on the mind.

Yes, it is very true; this glorious prospect can always be kept in view if we will, and yet it is often, very often lost from sight.

Now, I do not want you to lose sight of it, if others do. Your whole spiritual life, goodness, and happiness depend upon your not losing sight of it. Therefore, you must, like a prudent person, consider within yourself what means you will take to keep it always in view.

“If you accept a man at face value, is there any hope he will change? He may not, and you need to accept this fact. But in a miraculous way, when you accept him at face value, he is more likely to change. The only hope that a man will change is for you to not try to change him. Others may try to teach him and offer suggestions, but the woman he loves must accept him for the man he is, and look to his better side.” – Helen Andelin

A Great Gift Idea!

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Sermon on the symbolism of the advent wreath & Christ…

Mortification means ‘to make dead’. It is the struggle against our evil inclinations in order to subject them to the will, and our will to God. By mortification we establish the right order of all our faculties and prepare ourselves for a higher life. Advent is a time when we should practice mortification (a small Lent). During Advent, we also reflect upon the death of the world. The destruction of this world helps strike holy fear into our hearts and reminds all that man can’t construct a heaven upon earth, but must rather die to the gluttony, lust, pride and anger so prevalent in this world. The better we observe Advent, the more joyous our Christmas will be….

Blessed Mother Graceful Religious Pendant …Wire-Wrapped, Handcrafted. Get the necklace blessed and wear it as a sacramental. Available here.

Filled with inspiration, encouragement, and tried-and-true tips, this book is a must-have for every woman!

The good news is that a beautiful home doesn’t require too much money, too much energy, or too much time. Bestselling author and home-management expert Emilie Barnes shows readers how they can easily weave beauty and happiness into the fabric of their daily lives. With just a touch of inspiration, readers can

• turn their homes into havens of welcome and blessing
• build a lifestyle that beautifully reflects their unique personalities
• enrich their spirits with growing things (even if their thumbs are several shades shy of green)
• make mealtimes feasts of thanksgiving and kitchen duty fun
• establish traditions of celebration that allow joy to filter through to everyday life

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The Power of Purpose

Wow! this is a powerful post! We do not realize what the power of a purpose can do to change our world!

I hear now and again of the reason that prayer was outlawed in the schools here in the U.S. The story goes that it was because of one woman’s tenacity and sense of purpose…ONE WOMAN….what a shame to use this power for evil!

On the other hand, what great things have been accomplished by a focus and sense of purpose of those whose eyes are on a good goal, a noble ideal! We know of many stories and examples set by the saints and even by lay people in our own time.

As women, wive and mothers, our power of purpose needs to be strong within the home! We need to get up each day, roll up our sleeves and be determined to do what is best for our families! It is exciting and, with that sense of purpose, we can accomplish great things, things we may not see the results of right away, but results that will unfold and carry on as we leave our legacy behind us!

Don’t give in to mediocrity and don’t be lulled into a sense of dullness! We….YOU…can accomplish great things…with a great sense of purpose!

This post is written for girls but is applicable in all walks of life!

Painting by Heide E. Presse

Beautiful Girlhoodby Mabel Hale

The Power of Purpose

Much depends upon the height of the aspirations to which the mind and heart go in girlhood. The dreams of doing or being that which is noble and great, of accomplishing much, are a spur to every girl.

And would you, my dreamers, have your dreams come true? There are three things which in the life of any girl will make her a success. The first two we have already discussed, pure ideals, and noble ambitions, and the third is a strong purpose.

It is almost impossible to estimate the power of purpose in life.

Things thought out of reason have been accomplished  through purpose. Kingdoms have been torn down and built again, heathen customs have been uprooted and the light of Christianity put in their places, men born under the bondage of hard and unfavorable circumstances have risen above their environments and become powers in the world, the mysteries of the earth and sky have been sought out and their power put to work for mankind; yes, every great and noble deed that has ever been done has had for its captain and soldiers men and women of strong purpose.

A purpose in life gives something to live for, something to work for, and something to hope for. If the purpose be for good cause, then the evil that would hinder can be overcome and the good prevail. But without this strong purpose the individual becomes but a creature of circumstance, a chip tossed by the waves of life.

The power of purpose is the power of love. No man can cleave to any purpose with all his heart unless he loves the cause for which he strives. He must so love that cause that to give it up would be like giving up his very life.

I once read of a woman upon a lonely ranch in a foreign land. Her husband had to go away for a week or more, leaving her alone for that time with her little children. He had not been gone long before she was bitten by a poisonous serpent, and she knew that in a few hours, not more than eight, she must die.

She remembered her children, and that if they were to be kept safe she must in the time left her draw enough water and bake enough bread to supply them until their father returned, or he might find his family all dead. So she worked and prayed that day, sick, fainting, almost unconscious; but love set her purpose strong, and she struggled on.

Night came, and her hours were nearly up. She put her babes in bed, and wandered out of sight of the cabin to die, but with a determination to live as long as possible for her children’s sake. And morning found her still alive, still walking, and her system beginning to clear from the poison. She lived to tell the story, a monument to the power of a loving purpose.

Those who have made a success in anything have done so because they set about the task with purpose. All the great machines that lighten the burden of labor in the fields and shops and factories are the result of the steady purpose of their inventors.

No man or woman has become of note in any work or field of research but has worked on with steady purpose when circumstances were discouraging. They loved sincerely the cause for which they labored, and they gave it their attention in spite of all that came to hinder them.

And you, my little friend, can make your life successful if you set to it with the power of purpose. When you know what your chosen field is, where your lifework will be, and what you want your life to accomplish, set to with all your might and fight till the victory comes.

But make your purpose worthy.

It is a shame to waste the power of energy of purpose upon those things that are selfish and of little worth. Undertake great things, things that make one’s life bigger and broader, and that are a blessing to others.

One writer has said that without a strong and noble purpose a person is like a lizard, content to stay in the mud, and strong purpose helps him to rise like the eagle out of the shadows of the valleys up to the sunlight on the mountaintops, and to claim them as his own.

Every life that has been a failure has been so because of the lack of purpose behind it. Success is not always counted by dollars, nor by worldly honors, but in the achievement of noble and unselfish purposes.

It is purpose in life that gives an individual decision and determination. Every one of us must meet hard things. Success does not come down upon us as rain out of heaven. If we are to have success we must draw it ourselves, out of the wells of life. If we are only half in earnest and our purpose is only a desire, then when the sun comes down upon us burning and smothering us, and we feel tired from our efforts, we will give up.

But if our desire becomes a steady purpose to be successful in the thing we have undertaken, then we will not mind the sun and the heat and our weariness, but will work on with our purpose before us. We will keep a strong determination to succeed in what we have undertaken.

Success depends upon your purpose in life. I shall ask you again: What are you living for? What is your purpose in life?

When I last talked with my friend Betty on this subject she folded her hands and laughed as she said, “I just live and have a good time. I really have no thoughts about these things.”

And there are myriads of girls just like her. But sometime she will awaken to her responsibility, for her mother is yet the one whose purpose and decision are the groundwork of success in Betty’s life.

Sometime, all you girls with patient, firm, determined mothers, will waken to see that they were not just trying to hamper your good times by their much overseeing of your affairs, but that they were holding to a wise and loving purpose to see you safely into womanhood.

I think that mothers see the hardest times when the girls set with purpose of heart to have their own way in something foolish and wrong. When two strong purposes come together the battle waxes hot. Do you wonder what sometimes makes mothers sigh? You have the reason right here.

“I will if I can,” is a good-sounding motto and shows a kind spirit; but, “I can if I will, and I will,” is the old fellow who gets things done.

You have heard the little poem about the man who undertook to do a thing that could not be done and did it. You can almost see “the bit of a grin as he waded right in,” and the look of relief and joy when he did it.

Have a purpose and stay with it. Keep on going.

 

Let us make a home that is warm and welcoming, comfortable and freeing – a place where we can express the beauty of our Faith and nurture relationships with people we love. Let us build a home that reflects our personalities and renews our souls. Today, do something special to show your loved ones you care. Put a tablecloth on the table, light a candle, bake a cake, buy some flowers to grace your table….It doesn’t have to be huge…just something to lighten the burdens of the day and to bring a smile to those who cross your threshold.

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The rosary, scapulars, formal prayers and blessings, holy water, incense, altar candles. . . . The sacramentals of the Holy Catholic Church express the supreme beauty and goodness of Almighty God. The words and language of the blessings are beautiful; the form and art of statues and pictures inspire the best in us. The sacramentals of themselves do not save souls, but they are the means for securing heavenly help for those who use them properly. A sacramental is anything set apart or blessed by the Church to excite good thoughts and to help devotion, and thus secure grace and take away venial sin or the temporal punishment due to sin. This beautiful compendium of Catholic sacramentals contains more than 60,000 words and over 50 full color illustrations that make the time-tested sacramental traditions of the Church – many of which have been forgotten since Vatican II – readily available to every believer.

“The more things change, the more they stay the same.” Published 80 years ago, this Catholic classic focuses on the Christian family and uses as its foundation the1929 encyclical “On Christian Education of Youth” coupled with the “sense of Faith.” Addressing family topics and issues that remain as timely now as they were when the guide was first published, “The Christian Home” succinctly offers sound priestly reminders and advice in six major areas..

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The Spirit of Hospitality – Emilie Barnes

The following little story about the Gift of Hospitality struck a chord with me.

Like Emilie Barnes, our life was not an easy one, growing up in the big city of Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. Oftentimes we didn’t know how the food was going to be put on the table.

My mom went through a lot in those years, trying to work as a nurse’s aid, manage a household of an unusually large amount of children for those parts and that time (there were 6 of us kids).

Mom as a Nurse’s Aide.

Yet through it all, my mom had an openness and kindness to other people that was an example to all of us.

She never turned down anyone when it came to raiding the refrigerator or making them feel welcome. If someone walked in at mealtime they were invited to sit with us even though the fare may not have been ample.

It was an inspiration to me!

This little anecdote reiterates the value of an Open Heart, Open Home mentality and what an example we can be in this realm for our children.

From Emilie Barnes:Simple Secrets to a Beautiful Home: Creating a Place You and Your Family Will Love

The “parlor” was tiny, just an extra room behind the store. But the tablecloth was spotless, the candles were glowing, the flowers were bright, the tea was fragrant. Most of all, the smile was genuine and welcoming whenever ever my mother invited people to “come on back for a cup of tea.”

How often I heard her say those words when I was growing up. And how little I realized the mark they would make on me.

Those were hard years after my father died, when Mama and I shared three rooms behind her little dress shop.

Mama waited on the customers, did alterations, and worked on the books until late at night. I kept house – planning and shopping for meals, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry – while going to school and learning the dress business as well.

Sometimes I felt like Cinderella – work, work, work. And the little girl in me longed for a Prince Charming to carry me away to his castle. There I would preside over a grand and immaculate household, waited on hand and foot by attentive servants. I would wear gorgeous dresses and entertain kings and queens who marveled at my beauty and my wisdom as they lavished me with gifts.

But in the meantime, of course, I had work to do.

And although I didn’t know it, I was already receiving a gift more precious than any dream castle could be. For unlike Cinderella, I lived with a loving mother who understood the true meaning of sharing and of joy – a mother who brightened people’s lives with her gift of hospitality.

Our customers quickly learned that Mama offered a sympathetic ear as well as elegant clothes and impeccable service. Often they ended up sharing their hurts and problems with her. And then, inevitably, would come the invitation: “Let me make you a cup of tea.”

She would usher our guests back to our main room, which served as a living room by day and a bedroom by night.

Quickly a fresh cloth was slipped on the table, a candle lit, fresh flowers set out if possible, and the teapot heated. If we had them, she would pull out cookies or a loaf of banana bread.

There was never anything fancy, but the gift of her caring warmed many a heart on a cold night.

And Mama didn’t limit her hospitality to just our guests. On rainy days I often came home from school to a hot baked potato, fresh from the oven. Even with her heavy workload, Mama would take the time to make this little Cinderella feel like a queen.

My mother’s willingness to open her life to others – to share her home, her food, and her love – was truly a royal gift.

She passed it along to me, and I have the privilege of passing it on to others. What a joy to be part of the warmth and beauty of hospitality!

 

“Hospitality is so much more than entertaining-so much more than menus and decorating and putting on a show. To me, it means organizing my life in such a way that there’s always room for one more, always an extra place at the table or an extra pillow and blanket, always a welcome for those who need a listening ear. It means setting aside time for planned camaraderie and setting aside lesser priorities for impromptu gatherings.” -Emilie Barnes. Simple Secrets to a Beautiful Home

 

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Drawn from Archbishop Sheen’s bestselling books, these 28 reflections will lead you day by day through the Advent season. Eloquent quotes are paired with beautiful Scriptures on the themes of the season―patience, waiting, gift, hope, humility, joy―and more. Spend a few quiet moments of each day with one of the 20th century’s greatest preachers, preparing your heart to receive the Savior of the world…

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Prayers for use by the laity in waging spiritual warfare from the public domain and the Church’s treasury. The book has an imprimatur from the Archdiocese of Denver.

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“Despite My Littleness…” – St. Therese, the Little Flower

Happy Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux!

by Father Jacques Philippe, The Way of Trust and Love – A Retreat Guided by St. Therese of Lisieux

Thérèse wanted to be a saint not out of ambition or vainglory, but in order to love God as much as he can be loved. That is completely in accordance with the Gospel.

She also very much wanted to be useful to the Church, and she felt that the only way she could do that was by aiming for holiness with all her strength.

But … alas, I have always realized, when I compared myself to the saints, that there is between them and me the same difference as exists between a mountain whose summit is lost in the heavens, and the obscure grain of sand trodden underfoot by passers-by.

Thérèse very soon realized that what she wanted was impossible. Despite all her good will and her ardent desires, she was quickly brought face-to-face with her limitations and had the feeling that her desire for holiness was inaccessible, unrealizable. She felt as though there were the same distance between that ideal of holiness and what she could actually do as between a high mountain and a grain of sand.

It should be said that at the time she lived, at the end of the nineteenth century, people still tended to identify the idea of sainthood with the kind of exceptional perfection that involved heroic enterprises, extraordinary graces, etc.

Thérèse felt an insuperable distance between that model and what she was in her everyday life. Her words should be taken very seriously. She was faced with a real difficulty and unquestionably went through a real inner crisis. The temptation in that kind of situation is discouragement: I’ll never get there!

How did Thérèse react? She goes on:

Instead of getting discouraged, I said to myself: “God could not inspire us with desires that were unrealizable, so despite my littleness I can aspire to holiness.”

Here is a very beautiful aspect of Thérèse’s spiritual personality: her great simplicity, her trust in God. If God has put this desire in me—and I’ve had it for years, that’s why I entered Carmel—then it must be realizable. The desire has always been with me. It can’t be an illusion, because God is just in all his ways.

We are looking at one of the paradoxes of Thérèse’s life: on the one hand, great psychological weaknesses and great sufferings; but despite this, on the other hand, always great desires.

Lest we idealize Thérèse, recall what she was like at almost fourteen, before the healing grace that came to her at Christmas 1886.

She was a very intelligent little girl, but she had not followed a normal school life because she could not adapt to the school run by Benedictine sisters to which she had been sent. She was hypersensitive, very dependent on others, and had an enormous need for gratitude.

When she had done some little act of service, such as watering the flowers, and no one thanked her, it was a full-scale drama for her. If by chance she had hurt someone she loved, she cried about it, and then, as she says, “cried for having cried.” “I was so oversensitive that I was unbearable.”

She was “enclosed in a narrow circle that she could not get out of.”

Yet at the same time she had a very deep life of prayer and a true desire for holiness. It took the grace of Christmas 1886 to sort out this tangle, so to speak. I shall say a little about it here, and invite you to read the passage where she describes it.

Briefly, then, after Communion at Midnight Mass, our Lord inspired Thérèse to make an act of courage to overcome her hypersensitivity. The youngest of the Martin girls, she was still treated rather like a child: at Christmas, there were gifts left for her by the fireplace, and so on.

Their father, Mr. Martin, despite his affection for his youngest child, was beginning to be a little tired of all this. The comment escaped him, “This is the last time, luckily!”

Thérèse heard this and it hurt her terribly; she was tempted, as usual, to cry like a child, which would have spoilt the whole family’s Christmas.

She tells how she received a grace at that moment which can be understood as follows. It was as if God made her understand, “That’s it, finished.”

She received a sort of intuition, like a call from the Holy Spirit: “No, Thérèse, that childishness is over, you can’t let yourself go and spoil Christmas for the others!” That is not exactly what the text says, but I think that’s what it means.

So she made an act of courage: she acted as though nothing had happened, looked as joyful and happy as she could, unwrapped her presents with laughter and thanks, and, astonishingly, was cured from that moment on.

She herself says she recovered the strength of mind she had lost at the age of four when her mother died, an event that traumatized her and lay at the root of all her emotional fragility.

After that, she was able to enter Carmel and embark on her wonderful, courageous way of life, undertaking a “giant’s race,” as she puts it.

I am telling you this to help you understand something:

It may happen that God works a deep cure in us through totally insignificant events. Sometimes we are called by God to come out of ourselves, to take several steps forward, to become more adult and free.

We turn round and round inside ourselves, enclosed in our immaturity, complaints, lamentations, and dependencies, until suddenly a day of grace arrives, a gift from God, who nevertheless also calls upon our freedom.

We have a choice to make, for it is at the same time a cure and a conversion: our freedom has to opt for an act of courage.

Making an act of courage even over some very small thing, which is what God is asking of us, can open the gate to in-depth cures, to a new freedom granted us by God.

We all need cures in order to become more adult in the faith, to be courageous in waging the battle that we must wage in the Church today. To be a Christian in this day and age is not easy.

We will receive the courage and strength it requires if we can say yes to what God asks of us.

So let’s put this question to God: “What is the ‘yes’ you are asking me for today? The little act of courage and trust you’re calling me to make today?” What is the little conversion, the door that opens to let in the Holy Spirit? For if we make it, God’s grace will visit us and touch us in the depths of our being.

I am convinced that many of us will receive new strength from God. The door through which this strength enters us is the “yes” we say to our Lord to something he asks of us—something perhaps very small, perhaps rather more important, according as he gives us to understand.

“At a certain moment when going to confession to a Capuchin father, St. Therese came to understand that it was just the opposite: her “defects did not displease God” and her littleness attracted God’s love, just as a father is moved by the weakness of his children and loves them still more as soon as he sees their good will and sincere love.” -Fr. Jacques Philippe,The Way of Trust and Love, http://amzn.to/2fpXVzl Painting by Millie Childers

Happy Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux! Dear Little Flower, pray for us!

Follow this link for instructions on how to make the Sacrifice Beads, invented by St. Therese!

A coloring page for your little people….

A conference by Bishop Fulton Sheen:

Miracles of the Little Flower:

A little reminder of the devotion of Divine Mercy along with the teaching of the little flower on having trust in Our Lord.

Saints Louis & Zelie/ St. Therese Graceful Religious Items at Meadows of Grace.

• Warm up with this delicious assortment of autumn inspired teas
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• Part of Harney and Sons Historic Royal Palace line
• Each tin contains 30 sachets
• A sweet and spicy black tea

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