The decision of supreme importance in your life is the choice of a helpmate for life. The consequences of that choice reach even into eternity. It follows that your choice should be made with the greatest care, prudence and wisdom.
Company-keeping and courtship have no other reason for existence except to assist you in becoming better acquainted and in making a wise choice. Acquaintance and friendship between the sexes should be fairly extensive. Dances, dramatics, and social affairs are designed to promote such acquaintance.
Meet many young people of good reputation and character. Mingle and talk with them in a friendly way. Learn their interests, disposition and character.
Out of many friendships you are likely to form one based upon disposition, character, training, outlook and convictions—one which will ripen into conjugal love. In courtship you must first of all be true to yourself. Because a choice is made while the emotions tend to disturb the even functioning of the mind, you stand at that time in particular need of guidance.
One living in this modern age may think this list is antiquated. I ask you, has human nature changed? Are the Ten Commandments still applicable? Are people still born with Original Sin?
No, sin and virtue are not antiquated, they are just as real as they were 100, 500, 2000 years ago.
Father Lovasik puts before us some specific guidelines on how to have a chaste courtship. How important this is! It lays the foundation to a healthy and wholesome marriage. And if the courtship ends because one or the other sees too many obstacles, there will be no regrets…
Though the following suggestions are directed mainly to girls, they are equally applicable to boys, inasmuch as boys will know what is expected of a decent girl and will cooperate with her in preserving her virtue. Continue reading →
If young ladies and men are willing to read this information, they will be enlightened and will have no excuses if they make dumb and dangerous mistakes along the path of courtship.
Enemy number one to the chastity of young people is the parked car. With the cloak of darkness and seclusion thrown around them, young couples parked along country roads are deliberately subjecting their virtue to a great and violent strain.
Parked automobiles, scenes of passionate kissing, petting and necking, are truly graveyards in which are buried the innocence and purity of thousands upon thousands of young men and young women. Here so-called love turns out to be lust, the most selfish sin, which seeks impure self-satisfaction at the expense of another’s virtue.
If you are a decent girl, do not drag down a young man into the mire of impurity by consenting to have him park his car, thus giving him a favorable occasion for sin. Even under favorable conditions every young man has to struggle to keep pure.
God said, “He who loves the danger will perish in it.” Therefore avoid the parked automobile as you would a pest house, reeking with germs of fatal maladies.
At the end of the evening’s entertainment, do not let your friend accompany you into your home, but bid good night when you arrive there. This will be a protection for you both. To do otherwise at that time of night, when the other members of the family have retired, is to subject each other to substantially the same danger as that presented by the parked car. Many a pure courtship has been ruined through the failure to heed this caution.
Drinking
It is not a sin to drink, but it is always a sin to drink too much. If through excessive drinking you lose the use of reason, you commit a mortal sin and thereby descend to a level lower than that of the brute beast.
Even if drinking does not end in drunkenness, its effects on company-keeping are disastrous. Drink adds fuel to concupiscence and increases the force of temptation to impurity; it weakens the powers of the mind and lowers the resistance of the will, thereby leaving one open to sin.
Drink has always been one of the shortest roads to moral corruption and is the greatest contributing factor to the alarming increase of crime. Facts show that liquor figures in seven out of every ten crimes.
Drinking outside the home is usually the beginning of the drinking habit and other bad habits, especially impurity.
Many a young man and young woman who normally would not think of lust have ruined their courtship and destroyed their love through drinking. Do not fall a prey to this habit just to be sociable.
To say that a party without drink lacks good fellow-ship and sociability is stupid and betrays a low mental status. Among young and intelligent people drink should be in no sense necessary for a good time.
If you really prize your virtue and demand self-respect, do not drink at all. The achievement of true and clean happiness is worth the little act of self-denial involved in abstinence from alcoholic drink.
The fact that about three-fourths of broken homes are the consequence of drinking should be an argument strong enough to make you give up associating with anyone who, having a special liking for alcoholic drink, does not know how to control himself.
Indecent Entertainment
Another danger in company-keeping arises from frequenting burlesque theaters, night clubs, road houses, and taverns where salacious floor shows, off color jokes, and expensive drinks are the chief menu.
In these places semi-nude females perform lascivious dances and fill young minds with obscene jokes, plying them with drinks and turning them into sex-crazed maniacs. These are the agencies which poison innocent minds and prevent their normal development into wholesome manhood and womanhood, sending them out as criminals to prey upon society.
In our day perhaps the deadliest misinformant about the ways of true living is the motion picture show. Sometimes the scenes are so vivid that for all practical purposes young people might just as well be acting in the presence of men and women who are disregarding God’s holy laws.
Such indecent attractions offered by the screen lower ideals and distort the standards of young Catholic men and women. It has become all too common for those born and reared in the faith to forget the lessons they have learned: that their thoughts, desires, and acts must be chaste; that all near occasions to sin must be avoided; that the most priceless thing in the soul of a girl is her purity, and the noblest virtue in the young man is preservation of his moral integrity.
Many a boy and girl can testify that he or she was guilty of the first grave lapse from chastity after having witnessed scenes of love-making and lustful seduction created by much publicized movie stars.
Start a fire, inhale the flames of lust, and your soul will die. Let the Legion of Decency be your guide in regard to the choice of pictures. Refrain from seeking pictures that are even partly objectionable.
“A young woman who prevails on her fiancé to approach the Sacraments with her at regular intervals builds up a strong bulwark against improper advances and obtains the best guarantee for a happy future.True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance.” – Fr. Lovasik, Clean Love in Courtship https://amzn.to/2x6KEkx (afflink)
“There is a dream of St John Bosco that is not well known but is about the virtue of purity. How can we protect ourselves from sins against purity?” This is an excellent sermon…worth the 15 minutes it takes to listen to it!
This is a must-read for Catholic youth. The do’s and don’t s of dating, how to keep pure, what is a sin and what is just a temptation, the qualities to look for in a good spouse, etc. It is small, but power-packed, straightforward and balanced! http://amzn.to/2niVm2T (afflink)
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My thoughts: Vincent and I met while we were both working at a Catholic shrine. We had the sacraments readily available and we went to daily Mass, daily Benediction and to Confession weekly! What an incredible blessing that was! It provided the grace and protection needed for two young people in love, who lived in very close proximity of each other!
This kind of access to the Sacraments is not always possible but it is so important to incorporate the helps of our holy faith during this rather precarious time of our lives!
We need help from above, but we have to ask for it!
Improper Liberties
There is no love between persons of the opposite sex which does not aim at nature’s design implanted by God, namely, the bringing of children into the world.
Since parenthood is unlawful outside of marriage, indulgence in free love for its own sake outside marriage and apart from all intention of marriage, is unlawful and mortally sinful. The only love-making which is morally justified is that of lawful courtship, with possible marriage in view and with all the restraints of respect and modesty proper courtship and marriage imply.
Worldlings try to prove to you that sinful ways are natural and that there is no wrong in obeying certain natural impulses when they call you to indulge in thoughts, desires or acts which are against the sixth and ninth commandments.
Do not deceive yourself nor permit yourself to be deceived!
Impurity is not sweet, though temptation and the tempter would urge that such sin is desirable. Lust lures, but in the lure lies death.
If you think of man as a high-grade animal or a cultured brute, you are not going to be very backward about taking and permitting liberties on dates and in courtship.
But if you regard your friend and yourself as Temples of the Holy Ghost — which you are—then you will be very careful not to desecrate those temples, though the tendencies of the lower man forever urge you to do so.
If you defile His temples, God gave you His word that He will destroy you, for St. Paul says: “If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy, for the temple of God is holy, which you are.” (1 Cor. 3, 17.)
That destruction need not be death: most often, following sinful dating and courtship, punishment takes the shape of destruction of peace and joy in marriage. The best way to forestall so horrid a disaster is to steer clear of every carelessness in the observance of Christian modesty in company-keeping.
Nature has endowed woman with a stronger instinct for modesty than man. That is the saddest moment in a girl’s life when for the first time she kneels before the crucifix or image of Our Lady and feels ashamed to look into the eyes of Jesus and Mary.
The stain of a sin of impurity wiped out by one fatal sweep all the previous beauty and charm of her virtue. She has not the heart to meet her mother’s loving glance by looking her fondly in the eye, but casts her eyes down self-accusingly.
Woman’s welfare is more directly bound up with the preservation of chastity than that of man. It ought to be her special concern to safeguard this beautiful virtue. She can exert a special power over man in this regard, and it is her sacred duty to use this power.
She can sharpen man’s conscience in these matters and inspire him with a sense of reverence with respect to everything that pertains to sex.
It depends largely on her whether the sex relation will be ennobled or degraded. Man is inclined to look up to her as an ideal; it is her fault if she steps down from the pedestal and cheapens herself.
The fact is that woman suffers more severely from laxity in sex matters than man and that, consequently, in self-defense she must demand an absolute respect for the virtue of chastity and allow no compromise.
A young woman who prevails on her fiancé to approach the sacraments with her at regular intervals builds up a strong bulwark against improper advances and obtains the best guarantee for a happy future.
Nature also gave man the instinct for the maintenance of manly honor and chivalry, which prompts him to earn the respect, attachment, and love of a pure woman. Nature inclines him to be a chivalrous protector of her virtue and honor, making him willing to suffer any hardship in order to keep her innocence from every harm, as he would in the case of his own sister.
When, instead of protecting a woman’s virtue against others, man himself turns traitor and, to satisfy his low carnal desires, does what he can to wreck it, he disgraces his manhood, plays false to his title of Christian, and renders himself an object of scorn and disgust to the woman he seduces.
A man who takes undue personal liberties with a girl is her deadliest enemy—a robber who has deprived her, not of all her money and jewels, but of her greatest possession, her spotless innocence.
The meanest criminal, even if he murdered her in cold blood, would not be able to harm her as she has been harmed by her so-called” friend.” A girl’s worst enemy is this sort of “friend,” who, demon like, desecrated and devastated the beautiful temple of her soul. The preservation of chastity depends on the presence of honest and genuine love. He who sincerely loves will keep the proper distance and will not allow the bloom to be worn off the flower of love by cheapening, immoral intimacies?
True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification. To preserve bodily integrity before marriage, a young man must also possess some knowledge of women. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance.
A self-respecting young man will have nothing to do with girls of loose morals who hold themselves cheap and sell their favors like wares. But it is the height of chivalry to deal with an intermediary group: thoughtless, superficial girls, who play with fire.
They test to the utmost the character of a good young man. He must protect these silly creatures against their folly and against his own passions which they foolishly arouse.
In order that a young man may keep the virtue of chastity intact in himself and in his prospective life mate, he must firmly believe in the possibility of a chaste life before marriage and be convinced that God demands sexual abstinence outside the married state. God imposes no duty that is beyond our power, and He knows well what man can accomplish aided by His grace.
This realization will influence the young man’s attitude towards his fiancée and make him feel ashamed of any improper intimacies. Very wisely a decent girl will conclude that if her lover insists on indulging in mutual indecent liberties in courtship, and if he cannot master himself in the period immediately preparatory to marriage, when this mastery is comparatively easy, she cannot expect him to control himself after marriage, when control is likely to be more difficult.
What chance would she have for salvation and happiness in a marriage in which her partner would be a constant occasion of sin to her? The loss of chastity will be a terrible memory in afterlife and a source of painful reproach.
Chastity untarnished will be a source of moral strength and the best guarantee of fidelity in the marital union.
A frequent reason for cursed marriages is the folly of couples who under the screen of courtship usurp the privileges of married life without assuming the burdens of it. Had they abstained from illicit love making in their courtship, God would have blessed them with the sacred and lasting love the Sacrament of Matrimony and its subsequent blessings bestow.
Since they loved in an unholy way before they married, God consigns them to a loveless life after their marriage. Not infrequently they must bemoan in vain their punishment or trial of not having children.
Nature has its fixed purposes and limits. Once these are willfully perverted, ignored or ruthlessly exhausted by immoral practices, no regret or promise of betterment will ever restore nature’s forces to their productive power.
Against such sins St. Paul warns, “Be hot deceived: God is not mocked. For what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap. For he that sows in his flesh, of the flesh also shall reap corruption. But he that sows in the spirit, of the spirit shall reap life everlasting.’? (Gal. vi. 7, 8.)
When you prepare for a date, you may make yourself as attractive as possible; that is the sensible thing to do if you do it with a good intention, that is, to show that you respect both your escort and yourself by making yourself as innocently inviting as you can, but by all means be reserved and hold your treasures from rough hands and evil desires. Rather die than permit yourself to be embraced and kissed by the men who seek your company and extend their social courtesies only to demand that you pay by surrender to their desires.
The man takes you to the movie, to dinner, to a dance, to a party, or for an automobile drive, but you owe him no liberties for this. If you are an earnest Catholic girl, you will retain the grace of God and your self-respect, while enjoying the esteem of all good men. You will even make evil minds pause, dazzled by the purity in your eyes, the modesty of your actions, and the reserve in your words.
🌸Take joy in your femininity, for it is a gift. The way we dress and how we conduct ourselves is a testimony to the world of the dignity of a woman. How much the world needs this light to shine to counteract the darkness that is all around! Be a light! -Finer Femininity
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Remember that a kiss is a sacred symbol, a sign of love that must not be carelessly or casually granted to chance companions and casual acquaintances. A kiss may be the occasion of physical excitement. It usually arouses passions and excites appetites that are connected with sex; when it does this and the pleasure is deliberately sought and consented to, the kiss becomes not merely a vulgar thing, but a positive sin.
MORTAL SIN:
To indulge in passionate and prolonged kissing with the intention of arousing sexual pleasure is a mortal sin by reason of the sixth and ninth commandments. Mortal sin is involved when the kiss is a near danger of committing serious sin; for instance, when the persons concerned know from experience that even modest acts generally lead to a loss of control on the part of one or both. “Soul-kissing” might better be named “soul-killing.”
VENIAL SIN:
If sensual pleasure has arisen and there was no intention of arousing it and no danger of consenting to it when aroused.
No SIN:
To experience the so-called “thrill,” a feeling of joy. However, such kisses can easily prove a source of danger because they prepare the way for arousing the passions.
If you are truly in love and eligible for marriage, you do not sin by manifesting your love in a modest and moderate fashion by kissing and embracing, as long as there is reasonable assurance that you and your companion will control yourselves should passion be unintentionally aroused.
And yet even then you must be moderate. A brief kiss of pure affection when meeting and in parting is proper. But when your caresses, embraces, kisses are repeated and ardent even after physical passion has been considerably aroused, there is good reason to suspect that the affection you are manifesting is conjugal, that is, that it includes the physical sphere.
This would be seriously wrong. Perhaps more than ninety per cent of the vilest sins of impurity have had their beginning in such kisses. Therefore, since your caresses and kisses, though well intentioned, may quickly arouse passion and flame into lust, the wiser and safer course is to abstain from all physical contact which might lead to immoderation. Ardent kisses should be held at a high premium. They should be so priceless that only a husband given at the foot of the Altar has the price with which to buy them. This price is not gold. It is integrity. There your natural expression of love will be part of the holy Sacrament of Matrimony. You may then enjoy the human element of the passion of love in innocence and with the blessing of God.
If you are not engaged, it is unwise for you to indulge in kissing or in similar demonstrations of intimate love. Protect yourself and the young man you love by refraining from undue familiarities; they may soon become so, if not sinful now. If you are ready to grant unmaidenly privileges to a young man you lose just that much of his respect.
He will naturally conclude that you are ready to lend your lips and affection to anybody who comes along. Sensible men want the lips that have seldom been kissed. The path that leads to the ruin of women is paved with the kisses of men.
The thing that no money could have hired them to do, that no arguments could have persuaded them to do, they have been kissed into doing.
No girl is safe who easily permits men to kiss her. The “good night” kiss is especially fraught with danger. Too easily it becomes prolonged and passionate and leads to improper familiarities. Thus a pleasant evening two people have had together can be quickly spoiled.
Instead of feeling the joy of a good conscience, with precious memories of happy hours spent together, you will both know the pain of an accusing conscience and the loss of peace of mind.
If you value your honor and virtue, you will either forego the good night kiss altogether or else you will engage in it with the reverence and respect with which you would want your own sister to be treated in this regard. Remember that God is the third party in all your company and that His eye is on you as you part.
Do not cheapen yourself by silly, light kisses. There is one answer you can make to a man s request for cheap kissing or “necking.” Ask him if he would like his own sister to kiss any man who happened to call on her. Ask him what he would advise his sister to do if she were in your place. Ask him if he would like to think that the girl he is going to marry some day had kissed a hundred men who were mere casual acquaintances. Modest womanly reserve commands respect and admiration!
“Petting” or “Necking”
If petting or necking is done in a way that arouses sensual pleasure in one or the other, and if these pleasures are consented to, it is a mortal sin.
Close contact of young bodies is intended by nature to arouse passions and passionate desires. Should these desires lead to intimate liberties and impure touches, they are serious sins.
Those who are engaged to be married are allowed no exemption from the law of God. They may make use of the non- passionate kiss and embrace, unless this leads to grave sin or temptation.
Even if petting and necking are mild enough not to be actually an occasion of sin, they are still vulgar, common, and dangerous. Never stoop to petting and necking, for it is unworthy of a decent girl.
Such actions as holding one another’s hands, sitting on one another’s lap, kissing freely, caressing, fondling, ,embracing, and other familiarities are very dangerous.
These things arouse emotions and passions that are improper and awaken thoughts, desires, and even actions that are positively indecent.
Permitting yourself to be led into serious temptations frequently ends in a fall. You cannot be too strict in these things. Break off associating with anyone who is inclined to this cheap form of lovemaking, for lust is usually behind it.
If sin is the price of a boy’s company, you are a lucky girl if you never see him again. He does not love you.
The reason why a young man will touch a girl impurely is simply and solely because he derives a sexual pleasure from it, a pleasure that he knows is sinful. Would he permit another to do the same with his own sister?
You will hear it said, “But everyone does it.” No matter how many people do it, it still is wrong because God forbids all impure thoughts, desires, words, and actions. There are many souls in hell today who said, “But everybody does it.”
Therefore, considering the passions of men, it is wrong and sinful to indulge in petting and necking. A girl who is free and easy in her manners, who drinks and smokes with men, and listens to and tells off-color stories; a girl who permits a man to indulge in familiarities and take liberties with her is the type of girl who commands little respect. She may be the kind of girl that men like to play with, but she is not the sort of woman they want for a wife and for the mother of their children. Experience shows that this type of girl seldom marries; and when she does, she almost invariably marries a good-for-nothing.
“Kindness is like divine grace. It bestows on men something that neither self nor nature can give them. Kindness adds sweetness to everything. It makes life’s capabilities blossom and fills them with fragrance.” – Fr. Lovasik, The Hidden Power of Kindness
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Immodest conversation with the intention of exciting the hearers to lust. Course language which would scandalize and excite the young and innocent.
VENIAL SIN:
Immodest conversation which is merely suggestive or slightly objectionable.
No SIN:
Serious conversation about sexual topics is permissible when there is a sufficient reason for it and proper precautions are taken.
Listening
MORTAL SIN:
To listen to obscene conversation for the sake of the sensual pleasure that it excites.
VENIAL SIN:
To listen out of curiosity or to laugh at obscene jokes from human respect. Many people who tell stories with sexy content are not bothered by them, but they have to assume some responsibility for their listeners.
Things like this can easily give scandal, especially in a mature mixed group, and above all when adolescents are present. The mere fun of telling a story is never a sufficient reason for the uncertain danger of temptation which is practically always present.
A smutty story displays your lack of a sense of decency and the state of your soul. It proclaims the meagerness of your sources of entertainment, the coarseness of your ideas of humor, the inadequacy of your means of expression.
It soils the imagination of your hearers, hanging vulgar pictures in the inner chambers of their minds. A dirty story disgusts people of finer sensibilities who care for the clean, wholesome things of life, but hate dirt.
It dishonors your parents, your friends, your God and yourself! Off-color and suggestive stories and jokes may be serious occasions of sin in company-keeping.
They easily arouse passions and lead the way to sin. Make it a point of honor that you will never soil your date with a single dirty story. Say nothing that you would not want your mother to hear.
God sees and hears you. Never take willful pleasure listening to a dirty story. If you are not in a position to silence the Story-teller or change the trend of conversation, or leave, at least refrain from encouraging him by your interest or expression of pleasure and approval.
Let him see from your attitude that you are not interested. Avoid the company of those who tell filthy jokes or stories. If your friend belongs to this class, you have made a very poor choice.
Dangerous Reading
MORTAL SIN:
The reading of a very obscene book without sufficient reason. The reading of slightly objectionable books with an evil intention.
VENIAL SIN:
The reading of slightly objectionable books out of mere curiosity and without evil intentions, e.g., a novel with too passionate love.
No SIN:
Those who have a serious reason for reading (doctors, nurses, spiritual directors, teachers, young people about to be married who need instruction) do not sin, even though they should be strongly excited, provided that they control their wills. The greater the danger to the virtue of chastity, the greater must be the justifying reason for reading dangerous books.
Even mere entertainment justifies one in ignoring occasional slight motions of passion caused by a few suggestive pictures or passages in books or magazines that are otherwise decent.
But mere entertainment is not usually a complete justification for reading things that one finds strongly stimulating, even in an otherwise decent book or magazine.
One of the great enemies to the moral cleanliness of youth is the avalanche of filth being poured upon them today by smutty magazines, lewd pictures and newspapers which relate the details of sexual crimes and divorce scandals.
Such literature poisons the minds, befouls the imaginations and sullies the hearts of youth. The publishers of these filthy, sex inciting magazines are the arch criminals of our day, the criminals who turn out others by the hundreds.
Make it a point of honor never to read any literature which you know to be in any way objectionable. Refrain from reading cheap books and magazines that will scarcely be an inspiration to you.
Read and promote Catholic books, magazines and pamphlets in order to become a better Catholic and help the cause of truth and virtue. You cannot appreciate anything you know little about.
“Let us ask God every day and in every prayer we ever say to make us love Him. Let us offer every good act we do that He may give us this, the greatest of all graces, His blessed love. In our morning prayers and evening prayers, in our Rosary, at Mass, in our Communions, let it be our first, our most earnest petition, that we may love God. Let us never say any prayer in which this is not our outstanding wish and intention.” – Rev. Fr. Paul O’Sullivan. An Easy Way To Become A Saint, 1943
This is a must-read for Catholic youth. The do’s and don’t s of dating, how to keep pure, what is a sin and what is just a temptation, the qualities to look for in a good spouse, etc. It is small, but power-packed, straightforward and balanced! http://amzn.to/2niVm2T (afflink)
Sermon for today. “What are the dangers of dating? What is the purpose of marriage? What does the Church teach is OK to & not OK to do with members of the opposite gender?”
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Marriage is a serious life-long career, ordained by God for the highest possible natural functions. God considers this contract of marriage to be so important that He made it a sacrament. Through this sacrament grace is conferred upon the contracting parties for the proper exercise of their duties towards each other and towards their children, and for the furtherance of their happiness in the family.
The primary purpose of marriage is the bringing of children into the world. Its secondary purposes are mutual help of husband and wife in the care of the family and the allaying of concupiscence or the desires of nature.
Marriage makes it possible for one to cooperate with God in the creation of life. It is the privilege of a father and a mother to be instruments that God uses to bring into the world children made in His own image and likeness, children with immortal souls, children whose destiny it is to be God’s children in this world and in the next.
Though marriage has its difficulties and responsibilities, it also has its tremendous God-given rewards: love and all that love means to human life; the beauty and joy of marital relationship; children, who bless and cement the union of the parents’ hearts.
Since marriage is beautifully sacred, so should be the courtship that precedes it. Your courtship must be pure if it is to be happy; and pure and happy, it will provide the test of character that is necessary for a blessed and a happy marriage.
Only too frequently an improper courtship results in an unhappy marriage. You will trace your broken heart and wretched life to your failure to realize the difference between love and lust in courtship.
The Danger in Personal Sex Attraction
Sex attraction in God’s plan begins normally with adolescence. During the formative years immediately afterward it serves the purpose of uniting boys and girls together in wholesome social activities. It enables them to get a proper appreciation of one another, showing their mutual dependence on, and mutual power over each other.
This is general sex attraction. Once sufficient maturity is reached, personal sex attraction follows. It differs from ordinary friendship and has a God-given purpose, namely, to attract and lock the hearts of two persons together so that each craves a complete oneness with the other.
This desire to blend and share their entire lives is a perfect inducement to marriage. But this type of sex attraction can easily prove a serious danger to your chastity because of the natural urge you have of expressing your love by kissing and embracing.
In the beginning there might appear to be no danger at all because you would not think of any immodest show of affection. Nevertheless, you are emotionally thrilled just to be with this particular person who attracts you in a very special way.
This emotional state is heightened by caresses, and physical passion is very easily aroused. Physical passion cannot be the aim of unmarried people in expressing their love. Never forget the weakness of human nature!
Ever since Adam fell, the appetites of the senses are no longer under the perfect command of reason. In order to subject these appetites, you must exert relentless effort and call upon the grace of God.
Young women should remember that they are generally not so strongly tempted through concupiscence as are men. The young man reacts quickly to stimulation, and such reactions bring with them an urge to just a little more intimacy, which very quickly means an urge to immodesty. If these urges are not controlled, the result is sin.
A young woman, however, will very likely react less quickly in a physical way, though there is always a danger that emotion will cross the line into physical passion even in her case.
But an even graver danger for her is that when her love is strongly stirred by marks of affection, she will yield to her friend’s urges rather than offend him or lose him. When the fires of passion are once enkindled, a natural craving for self-surrender often overpowers her.
This is the danger to chastity that is inherent in personal sex attraction. Therefore, the impulses of personal and physical attraction, namely, the attraction of body to body, should be held in check.
After marriage physical attraction has its place and is the full blossoming of the human sexual instinct. Sex is only then an aid to human perfection and a means of sanctifying and saving your soul if it conforms with the holy law of God.
St. Francis de Sales on the company we keep: “Be very careful, therefore, dear reader, not to have any evil love, because you will in turn quickly become evil yourself. Friendship is the most dangerous of all love. Why? Because other loves can exist without communication, exchange, closeness. But friendship is completely founded upon communication and exchange and cannot exist in practice without sharing in the qualities and defects of the friend loved.”
What is the dangers of dating? What is the purpose of marriage? What does the Church teach is OK to & not OK to do with members of the opposite gender?
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One living in this modern age may think this list is antiquated. I ask you, has human nature changed? Are the Ten Commandments still applicable? Are people still born with Original Sin?
No, sin and virtue are not antiquated, they are just as real as they were 100, 500, 2000 years ago.
Father Lovasik puts before us some specific guidelines on how to have a chaste courtship. How important this is! It lays the foundation to a healthy and wholesome marriage. And if the courtship ends because one or the other sees too many obstacles, there will be no regrets…
“Don’ts” on Dates
Though the following suggestions are directed mainly to girls, they are equally applicable to boys, inasmuch as boys will know what is expected of a decent girl and will cooperate with her in preserving her virtue.
I. Don’t forget that the chastity of your soul and your good name are your most precious possessions; protect them by mutual self-respect. Therefore, always keep your courtship on a high plane and follow a “hands-off” policy and by your manner give men to understand that your loveliness is not to be marred by unruly passion and sin.
II. Don’t permit expressions of love or friendship for another to be prolonged to the point of danger of lust because all sexual pleasure outside marriage, that is directly willed, intentionally procured or accepted is a mortal sin.
A selfish indulgence of your own passions regardless of the welfare of the one you “pretend” to love is not really love, but lust.
III. Don’t ever permit passionate kissing to mar your date, for true love is dominated by mutual respect for each other’s character, not by mere emotion, passion and lust.
IV. Don’t be so soft as to pay for an evening’s entertainment with cheap kisses, “necking” and” petting,” because a man who is not strong in chastity will probably take all you will give.
A decent man, even though he may be weak, does not respect that kind of girl. Don’t give a casual friend the caresses that belong only to the good Catholic man you will some day meet, who will be your husband and the father of your children.
V. Don’t be so imprudent and reckless as to date this one and that one without knowing anything about them beforehand. Avoid being alone with strangers.
VI. Don’t consent to keep company in a parked car, for darkness and seclusion are favorable conditions for sin.
VII. Don’t allow your escort to enter your home late at night after a date; this would subject both to danger and suspicion.
VIII. Don’t fall into the bad habit of permitting long “good nights” and “passionate goodnight kisses.” These have brought about the death of many a friendship and killed many a soul.
IX. Don’t encourage a young man to visit your home too frequently, or to protract his visits far into the night or early morning, to the discomfiture of your family and the detriment of your own and your health, virtue, and reputation.
Turning night into day three or four times a week in courtship is not a good recipe for the preservation of health or the increase of corporal fitness; this is particularly true if the long visits are accompanied with an emotional strain.
X. Don’t seek out or continue companionship with others whom you know to be inclined to evil jests and words. Never let your date be marred by a single filthy story, but show your displeasure at once.
XI. Don’t take part in dances that may be a source of temptation to yourself or others. In dancing, don’t hold your partner too tightly, lest you become an occasion or a cause of sin.
XII. Don’t go to see movies rejected by the Legion of Decency; even those that are partly objectionable should be avoided. (I wonder what the Legion of Decency would say to most movies young Catholics watch nowadays! -My note)
XIII. Don’t frequent taverns or roadhouses of questionable character; this is a disgrace to womanhood.
XIV. Don’t drink intoxicating liquor; it prepares the way for immorality by arousing the passions, blurring the mind, and weakening the will.
XV. Don’t dress unwisely so as to invite lustful interest, but becomingly, so as to accentuate your best gifts.
XVI. Don’t smoke, not because it is morally wrong, but because it cheapens your personality and detracts from your womanly charm.
XVII. Don’t hold to the opinion that the only enjoyable date is an expensive date. Real fun is found not on dates where a lot of things are done for you, but on dates where you are doing things together. Get interested in foursome or six some dates; they cut the need for adolescent lovemaking to a minimum.
XVIII. Don’t fail to avoid dangerous occupations in courtship, or permit yourselves to be too much alone. Rather, take part in healthy worth-while hobbies and pastimes which you find mutually delightful and in which you can indulge without loss of mutual esteem or virtue.
Enjoy good music; read and discuss worth-while literature; attend respectable dances and social pastimes, preferably such as are given under Catholic auspices and with proper supervision; frequent unobjectionable shows on the stage or on the screen; go on hikes with other young people and take an active interest in various wholesome sports.
XIX. Don’t be so snobbish as to think that the social activities of your parish church are not good enough for you. You should feel privileged and honored to contribute to others’ success by your presence and cooperation.
XX. Don’t get involved in a friendship that may result in a mixed marriage, for married life is difficult enough without having a difference of religion and moral outlook as a cause for further trouble, such as the question of divorce, birth control, Catholic education.
XXI. Don’t disregard the voice of your conscience upon returning from a date. If that voice is joyous and peaceful, your company-keeping is good and clean.
If it is sad, remorseful, accusing, something is wrong in your company-keeping, something that must be corrected at once or else the company-keeping must cease. The state of your conscience is a decisive test.
XXII. Don’t get serious about a boy who is not willing to prove himself by avoiding sin, especially impurity and drunkenness, frequenting the sacraments at least each month, and spending a reasonable amount of time in prayer daily.
Never think of marrying someone who will not be able to make you better for living with him, for the foundation of a happy marriage is a holy love which will enable you to aid each other to practice virtue and fulfill your duties.
XXIII. Don’t neglect to use the means of grace God has given you to keep pure. The best protection against falling a prey to one’s passions is regular Confession and frequent Holy Communion (preferably each week, or even daily), because these sacraments give you special actual graces to help you practice virtue and avoid sin.
Other aids are daily Holy Mass, the cultivation of will power through little acts of self-denial, the avoidance of dangerous occasions of sin, the counsel of one’s regular confessor, the reading of good books, the companionship of virtuous friends, the daily Rosary and frequent recourse to God and Our Lady in prayer.
Teen-age Dating
Dear Teenager:
Company-keeping prepares you for marriage. Every date has an influence upon your future. You sometimes need forcible reminders lest wild desire for fun bring tragedy. Right or wrong companions can make or break your life.
You should know exactly what is morally right and wrong on dates; this you will learn from the contents of this booklet. Though girls or boys don’t rush madly out to sins of impurity, all too often they are tricked into what they were not properly warned against.
Now God gave you a fourth commandment: “Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother.” Your conscience tells you to obey your parents as God’s representatives. They are responsible for you.
They are right in fearing moral dangers from “solo” dates and friendships with doubtful characters. They also have a right and duty to make rules regulating your dates, because they really want to protect your fun and your future.
The best thing to do is sit down with your mother or father and talk things over. They are your best friends. Let them decide what is right or wrong.
Obey the rules they make concerning your life, and dating in particular. Keep in Mind the Following Simple Suggestions:
I. You must have permission for dates. Permission can be given on a general basis (every Friday night you may attend school games and parties); or on a date-by-date basis (you may go to the basketball dance next Saturday).
Your mother and father need not know each detail of dates, but they should have the general picture.
II. Always ask permission if you intend to be away all night; this should be only with families your parents know and trust.
III. Your parents have a right and duty to make some rules about cars and about the beginning and end of dates. The boy should call for the girl at her home, come in and meet the folks, bring her home and say good-bye (not at great length) at the door.
Prolonged farewells in cars easily become dangerous. It is sometimes best to keep your dates on a group basis, that is, house parties, dances, skating parties. Group dates can be frequent in high school; “solo” dates should be spaced out.
Too much dating can very soon breed violent infatuation. And familiarity breeds a lot more than contempt; it leads you into sin.
Silly “going steady” (exclusively with one boy or girl) has ruined many a promising youngster and even many a possible good marriage.
IV. Build up ideals in your mind. Obey rules because you are convinced they are sensible; this is far better than blind or reluctant obedience. Obey and respect your parents because they have your welfare at heart and wish to please God and protect your future.
V. Your best assurance of a pure and happy youth is a close and tender friendship with Jesus and Mary. Such a friendship is fostered by at least monthly Confession, frequent Holy Communion(weekly, or even daily), regular prayer, especially the daily Rosary.
Undoubtedly youth is a most beautiful thing of itself. But, if you have in this tender flower, the shining whiteness of Christian purity, then you have human beauty displayed as something noble and exalted, attracting the admiration and imitation of those who see it. – Pope Pius XII
Don’t forget – 3 days left (Nov. 1 – 8)! Go to a cemetery, say a prayer for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, an Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be for the Pope and you will gain a Plenary Indulgence for one soul each day….which means they will be released from Purgatory and will enter the Gates of Heaven! Those Souls will not forget about you…it comes back full circle! Get your children out there!
“The misery of the world is due to that selfishness which puts our own pleasure ahead of God’s will.” This is an excellent sermon…worth the 15 minutes it takes to listen to it!
Frequent Holy Communion, because of its wonderful effects, is the surest guarantee of keeping your youth and company-keeping pure and happy.
I. Holy Communion unites you more closely with Jesus, the Model of purity and the Author of all spiritual energy and holiness. You live in Him and He lives in you, for He said, “He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood, abides in Me and I in him.”
II. Holy Communion gives you an increase of sanctifying grace, which makes you an adopted child of God, a temple of the Holy Ghost, and gives you a right to heaven. Sanctifying grace is the life of your soul, while mortal sin is its death.
Our Lord said, “Unless you eat the Flesh of the Son of man and drink His Blood, you shall not have life in you.” Sanctifying grace also makes you holy and pleasing to God. It adorns your soul with the only kind of beauty that is really worth striving for.
III. Holy Communion gives you sacramental or actual grace, which entitles you to special help in times of temptation and in the discharge of your duties, for it enlightens your mind and strengthens your will to do good and avoid evil.
For this reason Holy Communion is a medicine for your soul when it becomes sick because of sin.
IV. Holy Communion remits a part, or all, of the temporal punishments due to your sins.
V. Holy Communion is the best assurance that your prayers will be heard, if it is God’s will; for Jesus said, “If you abide in Me, and if My words abide in you, ask whatever you will and it shall be done to you.”
No prayer can be more effective than that said after Holy Communion when Jesus is present in your heart as God and Man, as your best Friend, ready to help you by means of the many graces He wishes to grant you.
At Holy Communion you can ask Him to help you overcome the temptations you meet with in the world. He will give you the strength you need to keep pure and to be faithful to His holy commandments which are the foundation of true happiness.
You should fear nothing, if you are equipped with the strongest spiritual weapon —Holy Communion. It prevents mortal sin—the greatest evil in the world—from taking root in your soul and even washes away the stains of venial sin so long as you have no affection for it nor desire to commit it in the future. The coming of Jesus in Holy Communion awakens new love in your heart and encourages you to live in purity and sinlessness, which is a necessary condition for happiness.
Our Lord wants you to receive Holy Communion often. It was for this reason that He gave you this Sacrament as a source of grace so that you might live as a good Catholic and save your soul. This was His last will expressed at the Last Supper: “Take and eat; this is My Body, which is being given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.”
As priests say Mass each day and receive Holy Communion to fulfill this last wish of Jesus, the faithful should do likewise by receiving Holy Communion daily if it is at all possible.
For the first four centuries of Christianity the people received Holy Communion each time they assisted at Mass, for Communion is one of the principal parts of Mass. You miss so very much when you neglect to receive Communion during Mass. It is not a complete Mass.
At the consecration you have given the heavenly Father His own beloved Son as the greatest gift you could offer Him in adoration, thanksgiving, atonement and petition; at Communion the heavenly Father wishes to return that Gift to you as the best He can offer you; but you refuse the Gift.
And you need Jesus so very much; He does not need you! Live according to this principle:
Always a Communion at my Mass. Holy Mother Church earnestly wishes that you go to Holy Communion often, even daily, if possible. She speaks in the name of our Lord through the voice of Pope Pius X, the Pope of the Eucharist, “All the faithful, married or single, young or old, even children from the time of their first Communion are invited to go to Holy Communion frequently; yes, daily.”
Holy Mother Church requires only two things:
(a) the state of grace. This means you must be free from every mortal sin and must have made up your mind never to commit a mortal sin again. Doubts about whether you are in the state of grace or not do not keep you from receiving.
Make an act of contrition and go without any fear. You must be certain that you have committed a mortal sin before you can say that you may not receive. Venial sins do not keep you away. Be sorry for them and come to the Holy Table.
The fact that you were not at Confession does not keep you away, as long as you are not in the state of mortal sin. Confession at least every two or three weeks is advisable for frequent communicants, but not necessary.
If you cannot receive Holy Communion each morning, go at least on Sundays.
(b) A right and good intention. This means that you should not go out of mere habit, or because others are going, or because you want to be seen by people. You should go to please God, to be united with Him by love, and to receive Holy Communion as a divine medicine for your sins and faults.
The saints, too, urge you by their words and example to receive Communion often. It was especially by receiving this heavenly food that they became saints. Your own soul urges you to frequent Communion. It needs this spiritual food and strength to keep from sin and become holy.
Your most important duty in life is to save your soul by serving God. All that you desire in this life—peace and joy, success and health—depends upon God’s blessing, which you receive above all when you are united with Jesus in Holy Communion.
What matters, as I said, is not to do extraordinary things, but for love to do the little things that form the fabric of our lives, to please God, to make our neighbors, parents, and friends happy. St. Thérèse called that “scattering flowers.” We may prefer other terms, but we must not overlook this very valuable fact. -Fr. Jacques Philippe, The Way of Trust and Love http://amzn.to/2eW225I Painting by Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema, 1877
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Your most powerful ally in your noble struggle for decency is your religion. It takes you by the hand, guiding you over the pitfalls that beset your way, and puts your feet safely upon the paths that lead to the sunlit mountain peaks of nobility of character and purity. Not only does it make clear the moral law and supply sanctions for its observance, but it offers you aids to carry out that law.
While the preservation of purity calls for a constant and determined struggle, you are not struggling single-handedly. God is always ready and willing to help you with His grace. “God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able, but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it.” (Cor. 10:13.)
With God’s all-powerful help, you can win every victory. This grace of God is obtained through the sacraments, prayer, self-denial, and a tender love for Jesus and Mary.
Regular Confession
Regular confession keeps your soul in order. It is God’s means of ridding you of and preserving you from the greatest evil in the world—sin. For this reason it is a source of peace and joy.
In the Sacrament of Penance:
I. You receive sanctifying grace if it has been lost by mortal sin (this grace is increased if it had not been lost)
II. Your sins are forgiven
III. You are freed from eternal punishment due to any mortal sin, and from a part, at least, of the temporal punishment due to your sins
IV. You receive actual grace, which is God’s help to enable you to do good and avoid sin in the future
V. You get back the merits of the good works you have lost by mortal sin. Remember that the most important part of confession is not so much the telling of your sins, as perfect sorrow for them.
Your contrition is perfect when you are sorry because your sins offended God, whom you should love above all things for His own sake. But contrition is also a hatred for the sins you committed, with a firm purpose of sinning no more.
This means that you must really want to make up your mind not to sin any more and to try hard to keep away from whatever leads to sin, such as bad companions, bad places, bad reading.
If you do not really want to keep away from mortal sin and from whatever will surely lead you into it, you make a bad confession.
In confessing sins of impurity, remember the following:
I. If you have real mortal sins to confess, then you must tell what you did and how often you did it. A confessor must know the kind of sin (self- abuse, immodest embracing, fornication) and the number of times; otherwise he may not give absolution. This does not mean’ that you must give a detailed description of your thoughts or acts.
II. If you are confessing sins of impurity and you mean only venial sins (negligence in regard to thoughts, lack of sufficient reason in external acts) or mere temptations (imaginations or feelings that were not willful), then indicate this to the confessor by saying, “I had bad thoughts, but they were not willful” or “I tried to get rid of them.” Otherwise he may think you mean mortal sins.
III. If you wish to confess doubtful sins (you doubt about consent, or whether you confessed the matter before), mention your doubt.
Strictly speaking, doubtful sins do not have to be confessed, though it is better to do so, unless your confessor decides otherwise. Nor do you have to abstain from Holy Communion when you merely doubt whether you have sinned.
You must be absolutely sure of having committed a mortal sin before you can say that you are not able to go to Communion.
However, you should make an act of perfect contrition which will dispose your soul for the reception of the Sacrament.
IV. If you have difficulties in regard to chastity or if you are inclined to be scrupulous, you should have a regular confessor. His advice will be more valuable since he will know the condition of your soul and the problems you must meet.
Trust him, for God commissioned him to be your friend and your soul’s guardian. Go to Confession every week or at least once a month.
This will enable you not only to cleanse your soul from sin, but also to correct your faults and keep yourself pleasing to God. It is one of the best means of keeping courtship clean and happy.
“The Sacrament of our marriage will impart to us the graces necessary to keep our good resolutions. How few understand this Sacrament! How few prepare themselves for it and expect to receive from it the graces it can give to those who seek them worthily.” – Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J., Christ in the Home http://amzn.to/2lPopMH (afflink)
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by Father Lovasik
Frequent Holy Communion, because of its wonderful effects, is the surest guarantee of keeping your youth and company-keeping pure and happy.
From 
